Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
To Luciado- a pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children. Disturbing, isn't it? Luckily, Kazuma isn't one.
WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.
It's PARODY TIME!
GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 6: Zetsuei! I Choose You
KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE
KUNIHIO: Check out my new ride, G! It's all p1mpin', and it got M4D HYDR4UL1X!
(His ride BOUNCES AROUND from the M4D HYDR4UL1X.)
KAZUMA: Ooh! P1mpin'! I wanna be ur bitch now, even though you spent all my money on it!
KANAMI: No need to fear, Kanami is here! I save up big time!
KAZUMA: DAYAMN! You saved up, big time! We're rich bitch!
KANAMI: Kazu-kun. You're such a loser.
KUNIHIKO: Kazuma, you're such a loser.
KAZUMA: What're you, a parrot?
KUNIHIKO: AAWK! Kazuma's a loser. AAWK! Kazuma's a loser. AAAAAWK!
DUDE: COLLAPSES!
KANAMI: Damn! I'm outta here! (She LEAVES.)
HOLY HQ
MIMORI: Don't you guys think that the way you're treating them is un-HOLY?
OLD HAG: First of all, that was the worst pun ever; second, you already used it; and third, these are BAD people.
MIMORI: Fine! Bite me, you ass-HOLYs!
OLD HAG: Well, that's a new one.
ZIGMARI: Now, here's more of me being boring.
(He puts the AUDIENCE to sleep.)
HOPSICLE, I MEAN HOSPITAL
CAMMY: Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! Someone made you his bitch, didn't he?
ASUKA: Yeah, he did.
CAMMY: You know what I do if a girl makes me her bitch? I M---------ING KILL HER! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ASUKA: You're a deeply psychotic and extremely disturbed woman, but you have a point. I WILL M---------ING KILL HIM! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
LOST GROUNDS
RYUHO: Sssssshhhhhh. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting Native Alters.
FLASHBACK
DUDE: Pokéballs… everywhere… evil Pokémon.
KAZUMA: That douche wants to make me his bitch again! Don't worry, dude. I'll give you a warrior's eulogy.
DUDE: I'm not dying. I just had my ass handed to me. No need to be melodramatic for Christ's sake.
KAZUMA: Whatever. I'm gonna kick some ass! Kick some ass! Kick-kick-kick-kick-kick some ass!
KUNIHIKO: And I'll assemble the greatest team of Native Alters, EV4R!
ABANDONED TRAIN AT NIGHT
(NATIVE ALTERS were hanging about. One guy belched while a kid lit another kid's fart. One guy was rubbing vigorously… on his Nintendo DS. Ha-ha!)
KAZUMA: Some crack team we got here.
AYASE: We were supposed to have some good fighters, but they were captured in their sleep, so we just have these guys.
KUNIHIKO: Now, on to the plan! First, we order five hundred pizzas and have them delivered to the CONVOY. When those HOLY bastards say "We didn't order this", we swoop in and we BEAT THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF THEM!
KAZUMA: I'm all for that!
Enter BIG UGLY GUY: Hey, remember me? I'm that dude from Episode 1!
KAZUMA: Hey everyone! Let's ignore him! (They DO.)
NEXT DAY
KAZUMA: Hey. Whatever happened to ordering the pizzas and stuff?
KUNIHIKO: Well, it turns out that the place I called closed down five years ago, so we're just fighting them head on.
KAZUMA: I'm all for that.
Enter RYUHO: Lo and behold, little ones, for it is I, Ryuho! PH34R M3!
KAZUMA eats a CARROT: Eh, what's up, doc?
RYUHO: Your ass will be, once I school you back to Kindergarten, stupid wabbit!
KAZUMA: Go to hell! (You make a terrible Elmer Fudd.) (They FIGHT.)
MEANWHILE
Enter SCHERIS: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You puny Native Alters have fallen neatly into my trap!
AYASE: She laughs like a frickin' dominatrix! Her voice is God-awful, too!
SCHERIS: At least I'm not a Playboy Bunny reject!
AYASE: And at least I don't look like a giant dildo!
SCHERIS: SCREW YOU! I'll just let the GOON SQUAD take care of you insolent whelps, while I stand around doing nothing! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
STRAIGHT: Damn! She DOES laugh like a dominatrix.
GOON SQUAD: We are the Sentai of HOLY, fighters of order and justice, in our own minds! (Everyone strikes SILLY POSES.)
NATIVE ALTERS: Oh, yeah! Well, PH34R our Alters, which are a giant toy robot, a UFO, a mushroom person, something from Starship Troopers, a unicorn, and what looks like a game of Tetris gone terribly awry!
GOON SQUAD: W3'R3 G0NN4 PWN J00!
NATIVE ALTERS: WAAAAAAARGH! THEY'RE PWNING US!
(The GOON SQUAD uses POKEBALLS to capture them.)
IN THE MEANTIME
RYUHO: Time for Zetsuei to evolve into… ZETSUEI! HA-HA! Foolish readers thought he was going to have a cool name like ZETSUSAIGA or something!
KAZUMA: Disappointment makes me angry!
RYUHO: I bet being owned makes you even angrier!
KAZUMA: Yeah, it does. (He gets his ass kicked.)
ASUKA: KISS THE BALLS, BITCH! (He uses his MAGIC BALLS to pummel KAZUMA.)
KAZUMA: UWAAAAGH! HE'S STONING ME TO DEATH!
ASUKA: Who's got more testosterone now, Girly-man?
KAZUMA: Go screw yourself!
(The ground collapses beneath them.)
KAZUMA: This is…
ASUKA: …not good.
(They both fall to THE ABYSS.)
RYUHO: BANJO! I MEAN, ASUKA!
SCHERIS: Don't worry. People come and go everyday. Birth and death rates show.
The End, Bee-yotches!
Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 7: Asuka Langley Sohryu (Whoops! Wrong anime.)
KISS THE BALLS, BITCH!