Chapter 3

First he is just one of the many voices in the Lifestream, not any different from them. He has had his own voice once, he has been a person once.

Then he remembers. He remembers his name as the first thing that returns to him. He remembers pain, blood, fire… But the memories are as if they belong to someone else, not him. He remembers sparkling, impossibly blue eyes and the feeling of peace mingled with the sadness and sorrow of something lost forever. He remembers tears. Not his own, but the blue eyed man's as he sees the man wail in sorrow inside the memory. He knows this man… He remembers the man's name.

The flood of memories is abruptly interrupted when he feels a touch on his shoulder. Just moments before he was just another spirit in the Lifestream, now he has a body. How is this possible? He lifts his hands, examines them. They look like he remembers them, except for the tattoo on the back of his hand. It is gone. Somehow that makes him happy, he isn't sure why but he decides he can try to figure out that later. He touches his head, runs his fingers through the long strands of hair. This makes him feel happy too. His hair has always been the biggest spot for vanity, he is certain of that knowledge, and he is content to know it is all still there. He looks down his body and realizes he is naked. This doesn't bother him, he is not ashamed of himself, though the matter of clothing should probably be addressed later.

"Finished checking your important bits yet, Seph?"

The voice makes Sephiroth spin around. He has been so caught up in his thoughts and the wonder of having a form, a body again, that he hasn't realized someone is there with him. The ex-General scolds himself in his mind for letting this happen. He looks at the newcomer and another wave of memories greets him. The man in front of him is wearing a blue outfit, a SOLDIER outfit, he recalls. He has unruly dark hair that falls to his back just below his shoulders like a mane, and he has a wide grin on his face. Sephiroth knows this man too…

"Hi Seph, long time no see", Zack grins.

---

Sephiroth feels like everything around him is spinning. Things are happening that he knows should be impossible. Yet here he is, standing in the Lifestream with his former second in command, when he knows somewhere in the back of his mind that the dark-haired man should by all means be dead. He himself should be dead. What is going on?

"This is the Lifestream, right? Am I dead?" the silver-haired man asks, looking at the swirling green haze surrounding them. Somehow they're both standing on something that feels like ground, yet there doesn't seem to be any solid surface anywhere around them.

"You were dead. Right now you're in a sort of a limbo. What happens next depends on you", Zack explains, still grinning, but there is a definite hint of seriousness under the cheerful surface. "If there ever was a time for you to pull that stick out of your ass and start acting like a normal human being, that time is now, Seph."

"What do you mean?" Sephiroth can feel his face draw to the usual, stern and distant expression as he hears Zack scolding him.

"I mean just that. This is a second chance, and I am really hoping you won't blow it. Now, what do you remember?" the dark-haired man asks.

"I don't remember much but I have a feeling I did something bad before I ended up here", Sephiroth frowns, the memories escaping him. He recalls the flames from his memories, the pain… That can't have been good. The silver-haired man is still annoyed at Zack lecturing him, but in his mind he knows that the SOLDIER is right. He has always hidden himself behind a wall of arrogance, and only a chosen few have ever seen the person he really is. The part of him that is the General rebels against Zack's words, screaming insubordination, though the more sensible part of his mind tells him to shut up and listen to the dark-haired man.

"Well, you only tried to blow up the Planet, if that counts as bad", Zack's eyes widen as he slaps his hand over his mouth. "My bad… That wasn't how I meant to break the news to you", he stutters with a muffled voice, the palm of his hand still covering his mouth.

"Blow up the Planet…?" Sephiroth feels his legs buckle and he falls down on his knees. That was something he truly hadn't expected to hear. "Why would I do that? Why can't I remember it? What is this nonsense?" he almost shouts, clenching his fists. He leans his head forward, his long bangs falling to cover his face, and right now the silver-haired man feels thankful for that. He feels like he wants to hide.

"Well, it's kind of a long story", Zack grimaces, "but I'll tell you all."

Sephiroth nods. He has a feeling he won't like what he's about to hear but he knows that for some reason, it is important that he listens. Still on his knees, he lifts his head to look Zack in the eyes.

"Tell me. Tell me everything. What has happened to me?"

---

Time doesn't always flow naturally in Lifestream. It may take an eternity, or just a flashing moment for things to happen there. Zack's story takes a while to tell, as he tries to find the gentlest way to tell the man of the pains and horrors of the past years. The dark-haired SOLDIER can see he has rustled the ex-General enough to make him drop his arrogance for a while, and he hopes fervently the man won't adopt it again before he is done talking to him. He is worried that Sephiroth might snap again when he hears about Jenova and why he went insane in the first place, but it is better to present the facts to him here than risk him finding out on his own again. The previous time didn't go that well, after all.

"I did all that?" Sephiroth whispers in disbelief as Zack fills him in on everything that happened, in Nibelheim, everything since Nibelheim, all the way to the incident with the three clones and Jenova the previous summer.

"Jenova did it, not you", Zack reassures, a hint of sadness in his voice. It pains him to see his former General and friend in a state like this. "She made you think she was your true mother, she controlled you, used you… I think some part of you was conscious but it only surfaced when you got close to Spike."

"Spike… Cloud? I remember Cloud." Sudden burst of memories sends the silver haired man reeling. Images of Cloud, memories of Cloud, feelings of Cloud bombard his mind. He remembers the slender young blonde, the gravity defying spikes of his hair, the impossibly blue eyes he has. How the young man had been so wary around him, and how his eyes had shone when he'd looked at Sephiroth. He sees Cloud training, Cloud getting teased by Zack, Cloud smiling… He remembers what it is like to touch Cloud, and he remembers how it feels to kiss Cloud. Yet another barrier holding back his memories breaks, this time they're more personal, more private.

"Cloud… I remember Cloud crying. That's the last thing I remember", Sephiroth says as he fights to regain his composure. Had Cloud been crying because of something he had done? Zack just shrugs his shoulders in his usual nonchalant manner.

"Spike cried, yes. He still does, but you know how emotional the kid can be when the mood hits him. Of course he's not really a kid any longer", Zack grins. The silver-haired man realizes that Cloud must have grown up by now, Zack has told him how many years have passed in the world… Last time the blonde had been 16, old enough but still so young.

"Is he all right? I didn't hurt him, did I? I can't have killed him, right?" Sephiroth asks, twinge of desperation and guilt in his voice. He feels everything but arrogant, Zack's meaning finally hitting its target.

"He is alive, though you ruffled him a bit last summer", the dark-haired SOLDIER says. Sephiroth frowns. Zack has told him what happened, of course, but he can't say that he remembers.

"Don't worry, Seph. It was Jenova, using your shell again", Zack's tries to achieve calming effect with his words. "Guess there was a little bit of you there too because she didn't finish Cloud off, just smacked him around a bit. But Spike really couldn't take more of it, not anymore. It has been too hard on him. And I'm glad he doesn't have to, now that Jenova is gone. Once more would have killed him, if not his body then his spirit."

Sephiroth presses his fingers to his temples. He has a hard time accepting all the things that have been done in his name and appearance. He was the hero, the legendary General. He was supposed to be the protector. And then he had tried to destroy the Planet, consumed by some sort of madness. He would never even have dreamed of doing such things. He had hurt Cloud. His Cloud… The silver-haired man feels his stomach clench as the thought enters his mind.

"Cloud must hate me for all the pain I've caused him…" he whispers almost inaudibly.

"Spike doesn't always show his feelings, but he doesn't hate you", he hears Zack say as the man crouches down next to the former General. "He knows it was Jenova all the time. And he is, after all, the reason we're having this little get-together."

Sephiroth stares blankly at Zack, not quite comprehending what the dark-haired man is saying.

"You know what day it is today, Seph?" Zack asks abruptly.

"No, something important happening today?" the ex-General frowns at the sudden change of subject.

"It's Yule", Zack laughs, as a twig of mistletoe suddenly materializes between his fingers. "And Spike only wants one thing for present. You want to be a part of that?"

Ah, so this is all about Cloud… The silver-haired man realizes the full extent of how much he misses the diminutive blonde. Cloud has meant more to him than he would ever dare to admit to anyone, ever since that Yule when Zack played the mistletoe prank. He still isn't sure why Zack is telling him all this, why he is here, but for the first time in his life, the silver-haired man decides to just go with the flow.

"So what say you, Seph? Want to make Spike happy?" Zack asks, interrupting Sephiroth's train of thought. He smiles secretively as he twirls the mistletoe between his fingers, and winks. Sephiroth glances up to Zack. He has caused the blonde so much pain against his own will. What could he possibly do to help make the man happy?

"What can I do, Zack? What will make him happy? Is he even the same person anymore after all these years and all that has happened?" the former General asks, gazing down to the swirls of the Lifestream.

"Spike is always Spike. And you can help him just by being yourself", Zack grins that impossibly wide grin of his, a tell tale sign he is up to no good, as he taps his nose secretively. "Wait here a moment. I'll go see if they are ready", he says as he dissolves from sight.

Sephiroth scrambles up from his knees on to his feet and spins around looking for a trace of the dark haired SOLDIER. All he can see is the flowing green of the Lifestream.

"Wait here… As if I have anywhere else to go to…" he snorts.

Suddenly, he hears a rumble, and feels as if he's washed up with a giant wave, unable to fight against it. Everything around him flickers first green and then abruptly goes black.

---

There's a sudden burst of blinding light and the world is restored. He feels a soft touch of a hand retreat from his forehead and he is soaked, his lungs are burning as he coughs up water, fighting for more air. The silver-haired man shivers, and although the air is rather warm here, there's a tinge of frost lingering in it. He feels that someone is trying to dry him with a blanket, and unexpectedly strong arms cradle him. A familiar scent permeates the air around him, it is slightly different than what he remembers but he would still know that scent anywhere. He feels something soft and warm press against his lips and he opens his eyes. World is still a blur but he'd know that blue anywhere.

Cloud…

Cloud looks almost the same as he did in his last real memory of him. He has aged a bit, not much… Zack has filled him in on what Hojo had done to both of them, but he didn't expect to see so little change on the blonde. Cloud looks harder and stronger, and the silver-haired man looks for the youth that he remembers. Then he sees the tears running down the blonde man's face, the expression in his eyes, and there he sees his Cloud, the Cloud he remembers.

"Cloud..." his voice is weak, barely a whisper, and his throat is sore from coughing up the water. "Zack came to see me... and told me you wanted to be happy... Why are you crying, Cloud?" he tries to lift his hand but he feels so tired, the familiar traces of Mako poisoning announcing their presence. Makes sense, it wasn't just an injection, he'd nearly drowned in the Lifestream itself…

Cloud looks down at him, tears streaming down his face. But there's no sorrow or hatred in those shimmering blue eyes, only joy and love. He feels Cloud hug him closer, pull him into an even tighter embrace, burying his face into his still wet matted hair, gently kissing his brow as if he's afraid to break him. "I thought I'd never see you again", the blonde murmurs. "I've missed you so much, I don't ever want to lose you again. I love you, Seph."

He hears Zack's voice in the distance, and another voice, a woman's voice he thinks he should recognize. He feels Cloud cradling him, and tries to open his eyes, but the sudden exhaustion of Mako poisoning has taken him over. He isn't sure how he ended up here, but Cloud is happy and that is all that matters right now. The silver-haired man now fully understands Zack's words about second chances and not blowing them. He can worry about other things later. He leans his body closer against Cloud's and lets himself drift to sleep, just for a while…

Author's notes:

1. All together: AWWWWW! Sorry, I think me and fluff are an all too sugary combination. Have a salt cracker.

2. Yikes. I think my Sephiroth turned into an uke. Oh well, makes for an interesting lemon if I ever decide to take this story that far. Well, AC kinda made them interchangeable so I guess it's all good in the end, I don't really have a decided preference on this pairing anyway.

3. Where as some of you think that Sephi is quite the bastard and all of that, I think of him as quite an honourable man who has the ability to care for others, if he wants to. And my Sephi will damn well take good care of Cloud, because otherwise I'd give him a good kick on that muscular, well formed… ass… Ahem…

4. I don't know how this turned out the way it did. It just sorta… manifested on the paper. Automatic writing, that sorta shitz… So if Sephi is totally ooc, bite me, and write a better one. I thought Zack was hard to control but Sephi just totally turned out like this on his own accord. I did nothing! NOTHING!