Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
All I can say is…WOW! This fic already has one 1115 hits and fifty-two reviews! DAYAMN! Thanks to everyone who made this possible. Now let's start the next party, shall we?
WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.
It's PARODY TIME!
GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 7: Asuka Langley Sohryu (Whoops! Wrong anime.)
INTRO
ASUKA: I'm the star, now! Ph34r me! I'm the star, now!
SCHERIS: Hey, wait a m---------ing second, here! Even he gets his own episode! Where's my spotlight?
ASUKA: Wait until the end of the series ho-bag.
SCHERIS: THE HELL I WILL!
ASUKA: Anyway, I'm Asuka Tachibana, and this is my show! KISS THE BALLS, BITCH!
CAVE
KAZUMA: I HATE YOU! (He seriously kick's ASUKA'S ASS.)
ASUKA: OW! HEY! HEY! OW! OW! HOLD ON!
(KAZUMA stops.)
ASUKA: If we join forces and work together, we can conquer all things, and when I mean all conquer things I mean get the hell out of here. Remember that episode of the long forgotten sitcom "That's My Bush"?
KAZUMA: How could I remember it if it was long forgotten?
ASUKA: Damn! Good point. Let's just go. (He puts KAZUMA on a leash and drags him.)
KAZUMA: Let me go, dammit!
HOLY HQ
ZIGMARI: As you know, we just kicked out Asuka Tachibana. That way, we have no more members with sexually suggestive traits, except maybe Ryuho, who just wants to make people his bitch, but he's a special case, so he stays.
SCHERIS: Yay! Go Ryuho! (She CHEERS. She then does a PANTY FLASHING HIGH KICK.)
MIMORI: Heh-heh. Panty flash.
RYUHO: I want a fresh supply of Pokéballs by 1500 hours, or something.
ZIGMARI: Right-O.
(RYUHO leaves. SCHERIS cheers. She then does a PANTY FLASHING HIGH KICK.)
MIMORI: Heh-heh. Panty flash.
CAVE
(ASUKA and KAZUMA sit on the floor. ASUKA takes out a GREEN PROTEIN BAR. He EATS IT!)
KAZUMA: Feed me. Feed me! FEED ME!
ASUKA: All right! Damn! (He hands the GREEN PROTEIN BAR over to him.)
KAZUMA eats it: WHOO-WEE! This tastes like toxic waste! I'd rather eat my own crap than have another bite of this!
ASUKA: Go ahead and eat your own crap. That just means I won't have to scoop it up. (He drags KAZUMA by his LEASH.)
KAZUMA: Lemme go, dammit!
(They both enter an ABANDONED MALL.)
ASUKA: I wish I could go shopping.
KAZUMA: I wish you could let me the (BLEEP) go. OOH! Rotten tuna!
ASUKA: Sit, boy. (He pulls KAZUMA'S LEASH, causing him to fall on his FLAT ASS.) Why don't you join HOLY? The city's great. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us. Join us.
KAZUMA: SHUT THE HELL UP! Tell you're friends that I like living the life of an animal! I walk along the Serengeti Plains, stalking my prey. Then…oh, wait. That was when I was high on liquid paper, watching Animal Planet.
ASUKA: You have issues. HOLY can help! Join us, today!
KAZUMA: What are you, a billboard? Am I gonna be driving through Detroit, looking at your stupid face, motioning your stupid hand at the stupid HOLY logo?
Enter BIG UGLY THING: RAAAAWR!
ASUKA: What now?
KAZUMA: We kick its ass. Kick its ass. Kick, kick, kick, kick, kick its ass.
ASUKA: Sit, boy. (He pulls KAZUMA'S LEASH, causing him to fall on his FLAT ASS.)
KAZUMA: WILL YOU CUT IT OUT, DAMMIT?
HOLY HQ
MIMORI: I'm heading to my new job!
RYUHO: I'm pretending to care. Now get the hell out of the way of me and my NEW GIRLFRIEND. (He walks with SCHERIS, both being all snuggly-snuggly.)
MIMORI: RYU-WHORE!
SCHERIS: You're going to take that?
RYUHO: Basically, I AM a whore, except I screw up my own relationships free of charge! Ha-ha!
ABANDONED MALL
BIG UGLY THING: RAAAAWR!
ASUKA: I say we take care of this with a well-formulated plan.
KAZUMA: Of course you do, but I say we just use muscle.
ASUKA: Plan!
KAZUMA: Muscle!
ASUKA: Plan!
KAZUMA: Muscle!
ASUKA: Plan!
KAZUMA: Muscle!
ASUKA: PLAN!
KAZUMA: MUSCLE!
ASUKA: You know; I'm starting to have a strange attraction towards you.
KAZUMA: Glad you saw things my way. Let's kick its ass! (They DO.)
BIG UGLY THING: RAAAAWR! I'M DEFEATED! (A BROWN FURRY THING appears.)
ASUKA: Hey, it's a BROWN FURRY THING! I'm taking it!
KAZUMA: Wait! This is supposed to be a symbol of man invading nature's space, and you assHOLYs invading our space is supposed to be a microcosm. (Or macrocosm, I don't know, and now I just lost my train of thought and I don't have a (bleep)ing clue what I'm talking about anymore.)
ASUKA: Umm…I found a way out.
KAZUMA: Cool! I'm outta here! (He breaks from his LEASH.)
LATER IN THE LOST GROUND
ASUKA: We still have a score to settle.
KAZUMA: That's right. (He kicks his ASS.)
ASUKA: Now, it's time for an Evangelion-esque monologue!
(AUDIENCE goes on a BATHROOM BREAK.)
ASUKA crashes: Oww! I'm defeated!
KAZUMA: And for the record, the name's Kazuma! I'm t3h m1c-r00l4h! T3h 0ld-sch00l4h! J00 w4nt a tr1p? 1'll br1ng 1t t0 y4!
ASUKA: Your l33t is improving?
KAZUMA: Yep. Soon it'll be so incomprehensible, that I'll finally make Ryuho MY bitch! I am Kazuma, and I will be The One! (He LEAVES.)
ASUKA: Time to delve into another speech!
(The AUDIENCE goes on another BATHROOM BREAK.)
ZIGMARI: Like magic balls around a bishie Alter User with issues, these are the days of our lives.
The End, Bee-yotches!
Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 8: M4d Sk1llz0r!