Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 11: Ctrl Alt Delete: The Obligatory Clip Show Episode or The Best of s-CRYING-ed


PRISON CELL

MIMORI: Dearest Diary, I have been locked away in a cell deep within HQ, forced to do a clip show. Luckily, I'm alone, so I don't have to worry about being someone's prison bitch. So, anyway, once upon a time, a chunk of land mysteriously teleported itself from Japan to a location right next to Japan. This land is The Lost Ground.

(MIMORI continues her babbling, putting the AUDIENCE to sleep.)

MIMORI: HEY! I'M TRYING TO TELL A STORY HERE!

AUDIENCE: Well, you're boring us!

MIMORI: Fine! I'll reminisce on Ryuho if that's what you want!

FANGIRLS: SURRENDER HIM TO US, NOW!

MIMORI: SCREW YOU, BITCHES! Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. (Her voice ECHOES, and a FLASHBACK occurs.)

YOUNG MIMORI: Hi, I'm Mimori Kiryu, girl genius!

YOUNG RYUHO: Hi, I'm Ryuho, and I'm an Alter User!

YOUNG MIMORI: OH, MY GOD! Let's make out!

YOUNG RYUHO: Whatever, but don't come to my house, or I'll hurt you.

YOUNG MIMORI: You have an issue with abusive relationships or something?

YOUNG RYUHO: Umm…Yeah.

YOUNG MIMORI: Okay, but I'm coming over, anyway! Boy, for a girl genius, I just can't take in the concept of abusive relationships!

MIMORI: I used to love you, Ryuho! Why did you have to be a Ryu-WHORE? (ANOTHER FLASHBACK occurs.)

RYUHO: I'm now going to tell you not to be with the medical team because I'm a self-righteous bastard that likes to be Naru Narusegawa and beat around the bush, not admitting that I love you, but everything else I say literally screams it from the top of the Himalayas for everyone to hear.

MIMORI: Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want! (She gives him a RASPBERRY and shows how truly IMMATURE she really is.)

MIMORI: Dearest Diary, I want to do something about the mistreatment of them Native Alters, but those ass-HOLYs won't listen to me. I HATE THEM ALL! HOLY SH4LL F33L MY L337 PUN1SHM3N7! Oh, my diary disintegrated.

ILYON: BOO!

MIMORI: WAAAAAAAH! That was totally random and incoherent.

ILYON: S3z j00! (He DISAPPEARS.)

MIMORI: I think I am going to cry! (She DOES.) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

HOLY HQ

ZIGMARL: Kazuma. I WANT YOU, DAMMIT!

FANGIRLS: EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW! THAT'S GROSS!

ZIGMARL: Just so you know, not all gay couples are bishounen. WAIT! WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT! I AIN'T GAY!

PRISON CELL

WALL: BLAMMO

MIMORI: WAAAAAAARGH!

STRAIGHT: I am your savior! I have come back in glory to judge the living and the dead, or I'm just her to rescue your sorry ass.

MIMORI: I'll just go with the latter. You see, I did some things in my life, fantasizing about Ryuho actually listening to me.

STRAIGHT: Ha! Forget that! We're bustin dis joint!

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream…

CLIP SHOW MONTAGE BEGINS

RYUHO: Your attempts to berate me are amusing, little one! I am Ryuho! I am the one! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!

(AUDIENCE is captivated by his bullet time skillz.)

RYUHO: And I shall make you my bitch!

KAZUMA: I don't like the sound of that.

RYUHO: ZETSUEI, I choose you!

(ZETSUEI magically appears.)

KAZUMA: That thing looks like Ringo Starr in a straight jacket!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!

(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to sissy-slap the living daylights out of KAZUMA.)

KAZUMA: WAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH!

RYUHO: PH34R T3H P30PL3S 3LB0W! (He elbow drives KAZUMA.) CAN YOU SMEEEEEELLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIIIIIING!

RYUHO: Second Degree Criminal NP-I'm-Not-Even-Gonna-Bother.

KAZUMA: The name's Kazuma, dork! (He punches RYUHO in the face.)

RYUHO: Time for Zetsuei to evolve into… ZETSUEI! HA-HA! Foolish readers thought he was going to have a cool name like ZETSUSAIGA or something!

KAZUMA: Disappointment makes me angry!

RYUHO: I bet being owned makes you even angrier!

KAZUMA: Yeah, it does. (He gets his ass kicked.)

RYUHO: I MUST MAKE KAZUMA MY BITCH!

CONVOY

SCHERIS: Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead! So, what have you been dreaming about?

RYUHO: Kazuma…

SCHERIS turns her HEAD AWAY: Eww…

FIELDS

KAZUMA: I smell another clip show montage

KUNIHIKO: No! No! Wait a sec…

STRANGE ALTER: Now that thou hath trespassed upon me, I shalt kick thy ass! (He DOES.)

KAZUMA: Oh yeah? How would you like it when I pull out your backbone? (He DOES.)

STRANGE ALTER: Surprise!

KAZUMA: OMGWTF! (He undergoes a painful transformation, and becomes a hell of a lot cooler.) KICKASS! I'M LIKE A SUPER SAIYAN, BUT BETTER!

STRANGE ALTER: I shalt still kick thy ass.

KAZUMA: Who cares right now? I'M T3H R0X0R!

KUNIHIOK: I hate this episode already.

AIRPORT

STRAIGHT: Good luck being bum, MARUCHAN, and nice rack, by the way.

MIMORI: Sop looking at my boobies, you zany pervert! (She socks him straight into ORBIT.) This trip has been so MEANINGLESS! I didn't accomplish a thing! THIS WAS T3H STUP1D!

FARM

KANAMI: Oh…crap! (She gets BLASTED.)

DESERT

KAZUMA: I'm gonna let that HOLY convoy pass by in a futile attempt to suppress my violent personality.

KUNIHIOK: That's good and all, but our farm has just been blown to smithereens.

KAZUMA: I'LL (BLEEP)ING KILL THOSE (BLEEP)ING DOG (BLEEP)! GODDAMN (BLEEP)ING (BLEEP)!

KUNIHIKO: That didn't last long.

The End, Bee-yotches!

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 12: Kunihiko: Is That a Girl's Name?