A/N: Thanks for the reviews!
Oh, Christine, shut up. xD And DS, Glad to see you like it XD. "SCREW IT, THREE!" HEHEHEHE.
Oh, yes, through this chapter, you will be seeing DESERT SECRETS, SKANK NINJA ORIGINAL! –insert suspensey music here-- Credit goes to her for all the awesome ideas she gave me! XD Apologies for abusing you, by the way XDDD
Anyway, without further adieu, the second story!
PWNED… By a Ninja?
It was a normal, perhaps, day on Destiny Islands. Like usual, the sun was shining warmly on the white sand beaches, and the few residents were out doing their daily, relaxing activities. The pure blue ocean rolled continuously, lapping on the beach and tickling Kairi's bare feet. Like usual, the medication-taking girl was wearing her "rare" purple bikini, and failed to notice Tidius, Wakka, Sora and Riku staring at her from over their watermelon slices.
"Hehaehehehe…" Sora chuckled, watching Kairi shift and remain, eyes closed, and facing the ocean. From the looks of it, all the guys could do was laugh.
"Hehehe, I got an idea," Wakka said suddenly, breaking the "let's-google-and-chuckle-at-Kairi's-skimpy-suit" moment. Sora, Riku and Tidius all looked to him expectantly.
"Well, one of us should go up there and…" He smirked evilly, leaning in, the other three following him as well. Soon, all four heads were touching each other, and they were chuckling evilly.
"Well, I want to go!" Tidus volunteered happily, standing up. However, Riku and Sora both pulled him down.
"Nu-uh. If someone's going to do it," Sora started.
"It'll be me!" Riku and Sora said in unison. They both glared at each other.
"Oh, I know, I'll take her top off, and Riku, you tickle!" Sora said with eager anticipation.
"Oh, I get it," Riku said with a far too evil smile. He nodded, and Sora stood up, dusting off his blue swim trunks, and quietly sneaking up behind Kairi. Riku followed closely behind, and they both looked, grinning, at each other before Riku nodded.
Sora bent over and reached out his hand, his index finger and thumb closing on one of the flimsy strings, and at that moment, he pulled. Riku moved in and poked Kairi's sides; so not only was she screaming, she was laughing AND crying AND her top toppled off. Without turning around, she screamed, running into the water and attempted to hold her top on. Wakka, Sora, Riku and Tidus all burst into fits of laughter. Wakka and Tidus walked over to the edge of the water, standing next to Sora and Riku. They all hi-fived each other, watching Kairi in deeper water, glaring at them angrily.
"YOU GUYS ARE SO PERVERTED!" She screeched, eyes narrowing. The guys laughed again. They watched, chortling, as she attempted to put her top back on again. She failed three times, got her hair caught once, and twice she nearly broke the strap, and finally… she had her top on. Disheveled, she started swimming back in, and stood up in waist-high water, only to find--
She had her top on backwards.
"HOLY FOTHER MUCKER!" She squealed, sinking back into the water as the guys, yet again, hi-fived and laughed. Riku snorted, and held his hand out, with a towel on his shoulder.
"Come on, Kairi—"
But before he could finish his sentence, something dressed in a skanky, Japanese School Girl Outfit, flew by and pushed him into the water, creating A GIANORMOUS splash.
Okay, not really, but he still fell in.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" He demanded, watching whatever it was, fly into the air.
"I don't know," Tidus replied, shocked, "but she had a nice rack." Sora and Wakka stared at him for a minute.
"Well… it's true…" Tidus said guiltily. Sora, Wakka and Riku shook their heads. Riku stood up in the water and crossed his arms over his pecks shaking his silvery hair free of the water. His black trunks clung to his waist, and like usual, he would open his eyes, to see someone staring.
"Well, shall we just forget about random, Japanese School Girl Flying Woman-"
"MY NAME IS DESERT, DUMBASS," screamed a girl, well, shadowed figure, from a banana tree from the beach. The lush leaves rustled, but it looked as though there was no one on the tree, behind or in.
"Okay, totally awkward," Wakka said, Tidus nodding in agreement.
"Um, are you stalking us?" Sora asked stupidly.
The tree shook, and a Paopu fruit came flying out, swirling through the air and smacking into Kairi's forehead, causing to fall unconscious. "MUHAHAhAHAHA," came the manic laughter after, as Riku, Wakka, Sora and Tidus merely stared at the girl, floating on her back in the water.
"What do we do with her?" Tidus asked, dodging yet a second Paopu fruit. Sora shrugged.
"Meh, she'll wash up on shore," was his reply. And indeed, with a small wave that, for some reason, only happened to hit Kairi, she floated onto shore, her limbs in awkward ways, and looking like a spider… having a seizure.
"Told yah," Sora said, smirking. He dodged a third Paopu fruit, which flew and hit Wakka in the side of the head. Like Kairi, he fell into a coma, and a second wave came, causing him to float to land.
"Okay, this is weird…" Riku said, blinking. He watched Wakka twitch a few times, before completely succumbing, and laying limp on the wet sand. Sora, Rikku and Tidus looked at each other for a moment, before looking back to the tree.
"What do you want?" They asked, but no one answered. It was then that they realized that she wasn't even in the tree anymore. They looked around in a confusing state, and finally up to the pale blue sky, now blotted with slight pinks and orange. From the clouds, they seen a girl falling, and Sora scowled.
"Bitch! Stealing my stupid visions and such…" he growled. The three boys watched as Desert plunged into the water, creating a splash that echoed around them for a moment. At that, the three started racing, literally, racing, towards where they seen Desert fall. I mean, how many teenage guys do you know that wouldn't race to see a girl in a wet, white top sticking to her figure? Sheesh. Anyway, they made it there, only to find that Desert wasn't there.
"Aw, shit!" Sora wailed, forgetting about his visiony-thing
Suddenly, Riku yelped, and his hands flew down to… well, you know where. His eyes widened considerably as he looked left in right. "My shorts!" He said nervously, looking around still, yet not seeing anything. Sora snorted, looking down at Riku's lower half.
"Nice crowbar," he complimented. Riku smirked, randomly pulling out a crowbar.
"Oh, this old thing? I'M GOING TO USE IT TO BASH THAT GIRL'S HEAD IN!" he stormed, brandishing it. He continued ranting, when suddenly, Sora also yelped and his hands flew down to that area.
"Why is she taking our pants?" Sora asked uneasily. He saw Tidus protectively clutch his own pants, but at the same time, stare at his lower half.
"Nice hot dog, Sora," he said, chuckling. Sora, then, pulled out a soggy old hot dog, and glared at it.
"Yeah, I was saving it for later, but it's total crap now," he said, sounding putout and chucking the hot dog out behind him.
AUTHOR'S INPUT: Okay, now, let me take a moment to squee now that I have Sora AND Riku completely naked floating in water.
--Ten Minutes later--
Okay! I'm done. Back to the story!
"Well… okay, what do we do now?" Tidus asked uneasily.
Before anyone could answer him, however, Desert burst out of the water, holding Sora's trunks out to her side, and Riku's over her light roan hair, which brushed her shoulders lightly. She had awkward bunny ears poking out atop her cranium, and a similar tail from her hindquarters. Her skirt as the boys could now see, was uber, literally, UBER TINY, and her shirt was white, cropped just below her chest, and well, soaked from being in the water. Her feet had crystal pumps on them, and her green-ish eyes glistened as she stared at the three.
"Hahah! I pwn you guys!" she stated, her bunny ears, which were poking through the legs of Riku's trunks, twitched their agreement. She laughed dryly, looking at her, what she was mumbling, Sex Slaves. "Anyway, I thought I'm here, why not have a little fun before taking care of the dirty business?" She pointed to the beach, where a younger Yuna paced, her hands thrown up in the air as she cursed. The guys squinted, unable to see.
Desert snapped her fingers, and a mighty pillar appeared beside her, Yuna standing upon it, swaying. "You see, we had a score to settle."
But Tidus wasn't listening. "Yuna!" he cried, looking up at her.
"Tidus!" Yuna shouted, looking down at him. Desert growled, and whipped around at a blinding speed, smacking Yuna in the face with Sora's poofy and soaked swimmers.
"NO! BAD GIRL!" She scolded angrily. Yuna toppled over on her bottom, whimpering and holding her face. Tidus looked shock, but remained deathly quiet, as well as his two naked buddies. Desert looked to Yuna as she continued to whimper, holding her soggy face.
"Listen, Tidus, you better say something once I do this!" She proclaimed, clapping her hands, and with that—Yuna spontaneously combusted, and from her ashes, sprouted random flying Green Bunnies, which flew away in an instant.
There was a deathly-empty silence… until Desert broke into manic giggles and looked to Tidus.
"Well?" She asked expectantly.
"…THAT WAS SO HOT!" he exclaimed after another silence. Riku and Sora stared at him for a moment in disbelief.
"Dude, what were you smoking last night?" Sora asked uneasily.
Tidus ignored him, ogling the Ninja-Girl before him. "I have waited, seriously, for someone to do that like, since she started stalking me. I want you to take me to a secluded area and make out with me." At that, he flew out of the water and groped Desert, and she smirked.
"Well, now that I have what I came for…" Desert said resignedly, grabbing Tidus by his hair and beginning to float up higher. "I'll be leaving."
And at a fast speed, she took off, screaming, "SCREW YOU OLDER YUNA AND ALL THE AGES OF YUNA AND ALL THE YUNA WANNABES!"
Riku and Sora looked at each other like they had just been smacked around the face with a thong dipped in chocolate.
"Okay, what just happened?" Sora asked.
"I don't know," was Riku's reply, "but we won't be seeing him for a while."
"Yeah…"
"…Want a grape soda?"
"YES!"
And still the shouts of Tidus screaming out of joy and pain echoed around them.