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Chapter 4- Letting it all out

With the first touch of her lips on his, Ginny had turned his world upside down. He couldn't think of anything but her body in his arms and her taste in his mouth.

He couldn't remember what this was supposed to be about, or why it would have to end. He wanted her a dozen different ways.

He wondered how many times he had dreamed of Ginny in the last eight years and not known it. Had he relived the fulfillment of their marriage in the safety of his mind and then suppressed the dreams before morning?

He had barely started when she told him "That's enough" and he knew she didn't want to end their kiss anymore than he did.

Mmm he was right.

He couldn't believe that none of their passion had gone away. If they had been anywhere more private he would have surely slipped that dress off her right then.

"That's enough, Draco…" she said again, after another breathless interval. "No" he told her as he continued to run his hands down her back. Taking in her flowery scent.

"I can feel how much you want this, Gin, so why stop?" he whispered in her ear.

"Cause in a minute someone going to tell us to get a room." She said but she didn't pull away from him. She just closed her eyes tighter and tried to press her lips together, denying him entry.

It didn't faze him. "You have a point,…" he told her. "And I have lots of rooms." He wished they were in one of them now.

Bedroom, living room, study, didn't matter. He'd take a broom closet if he had to.

"Draco, come on" she said pulling away from him

"You know why we're doing this, Draco and it's not as an appetizer before the main course. It stops here." She sighed.

"Why?" he asked folding his arms.

"Why?" she snorted, "Because we are getting a divorce. Because I'm doing this so you can be free of this stupid article. Do I have to remind you of that?"

"Do I have to spell that out for you, no, I'm not the kind of woman who can casually jump into bed with my almost ex husband for old time's sake?"

"Nice farewell performance Draco, thanks for the memories. No I'm not that woman."

Draco frowned "That's not what I was thinking" he cried. Ginny laughed wildly "Were you thinking at all? Everything that split us apart eight years ago is still there. Why make this any harder on us?

"Are you admitting it's hard?" he asked

"Yes it's hard. It's been hard since I saw you this morning, at the bank. And I'm wondering why I ever agreed to stay. I guess my protective feelings weren't working today."

She looked down so all he could see was her dark eyelashes. But he knew her well enough he didn't need to see her eyes to know what was wrong with her.

"Do you have any of those now, Gin?" he asked softly. Brushing his forehead softly against hers he sighed. "You know self- protective feelings, I mean."

She jerked back from the contact. "Of course I do. What are you saying?"

Draco groaned, "You give too much. You always have. You're doing it now. Giving so much, with one kiss."

"And you're just standing there and taking it?" she said, "Even though you're telling me it's not good for me?" "Yeah I guess so." He said.

"I seem to be, don't I?" he went on, still vague. "Taking it and wanting more. Wanting so much more."

"Well, that makes sense! Thanks for your generous insights!" She twisted out of his arms, spun around and walked away, her shoulders hunched and tight with anger.

"Wait Ginny!" he cried.

He caught up to her in seconds and curved his hands over her tense shoulders. But she shook him off and kept walking.

"Take me home" she spat. "Yes, and then we'll talk," he agreed.

Ginny shook her head "There's nothing to say." "There is if you're angry," Draco said.

"I've been angry for eight years, Draco" "So have I" he reached out and touched her hair "Don't you think it's worth working out if one or both of us is right to be angry after so long, and how it is that we can manage to kiss like that when we're about to file for a divorce."

"I don't what to examine any of that. I don't see how it would help." She growled. "I think it would help us a lot. We both could use some help for the future." He said.

"You're not saying, you can't be saying that you want to reconsider the divorce?" she gasped. Yeah it was a crazy question but a necessary one.

Draco thought about it. She looked scared, overwhelmed, and hostile even. "No, I'm not saying that" he said slowly "But doesn't this give us the chance to find some answers?"

"Everything was so unfinished, eight years ago. It all hung there, locked in our stubbornness and our refusal to speak after I left. This time I want no loose ends." He sighed again.

"I don't want anything holding me back. I want to move on"

"So do I. So do I! Shoot Draco sleeping together wouldn't be the way to do it. That wouldn't tie up anything." She yelled.

"No." Every cell in his body told him he didn't care if being together created more loose ends. It would feel like heaven and he wanted it.

No question asked. No second-guessing. No regrets.

"We got married to young, that was all." Ginny's words brought him back to earth with a jerk. "We got ourselves into something that didn't work for us in the long term. We're old enough now to get out of it without hurting each other again surely."

"Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you" he drawled, he couldn't keep the skeptical edge from his voice.

"We both had to grow up fast, Ginny, don't forget. You from the time your mum got sick. Me, from…yeah."

From day one. This was a sure fire way to drain the heat from the atmosphere. Draco's childhood.

"What are you saying, Draco?" she watched him pivot around, dragging his hands from his pockets. "That your right, our break up was inevitable, I guess maybe now we can part right this time." He shrugged.

"We really shouldn't blame ourselves…"

"I'm not blaming my…!" she began. "Or each other," he finished quietly, undercutting her protest. "I m saying we made choices and those choices weren't compatible, which means that what happened to our marriage was inevitable. Not something to regret."

"It was something to accept. Celebrate even." He finished.

"Celebrate," she gasped.

"The fact it was good, it was very good Ginny." He told her. "Okay I won't argue that" she agreed.

She'd felt sometimes as if they were the king and queen of the whole magic realm. Once upon a time she was utterly blessed.

Yes, their marriage had been good. So good it hurt to think about how far they moved away from those times in the years since.

Sighing he leaned over the rail staring out into the lake. He didn't say anything and she just watched him intently. God he wished he knew how light conversation turned to this shit.

He didn't want to fight with her. He spent enough time fighting before he left eight years ago. Wasn't she just saying they were adults now?

Then why in the hell weren't they acting like it?

"You know" she finally said "When I look at you here, with your bank and restaurant and everything you have worked so hard for. I see you happy."

She was speaking as if the thought just popped into her head. "I start to wonder why you even stayed as long as you did."

His jaw dropped, his eyes narrowed, he gave her the most disbelieving look, and the whole atmosphere changed in less than a second. For the worst.

"You wonder why I stayed?" he repeated. "Don't you know why I stayed?" he swore. "Because of you, Ginny. What other reason could there have been?"

Ginny was surprised "Because of me?" she asked.

"We were together, remember?" his voice heavy with sarcasm. She looked hurt by his outburst and he had to admit right then he didn't seem to care.

He swore again under his breath as he turned to face her better. "Then we had this little wedding thing," he went on. "Which forgive me if I'm being too obvious here, created this other thing called commitment. JOINED lives."

He barked at her causing Ginny to laugh bitterly. "You left Draco. I'm still there, but you left as soon as it suited you, so how can you claim you stayed for me?" she cried.

He shook his head, frowning at the lake turning so he wasn't facing her at all anymore. "You were waiting to start your job with Hogwarts Gin, your mum just died and you became the focus of you're father and brothers."

"I stayed six years longer than I wanted to. You knew I hated it there Ginny and you knew I wanted to do something good for the world."

Her throat felt tight. He was talking as if they sat down and made plans of leaving. They never had. She was certain; Draco was never the type to openly discuss his feelings.

She reminded him, "You went on what you said was a mission to help after the war. First stop Diagon Alley." It hurt to talk and it really hurt to yell, but she yelled anyway.

"Next thing I know I walk in from dads and you're home again talking a mile a minute about how you wanted to rebuild Gringnotts. It was practically a done deal, already."

You had people working on it, you bought the bank, and I'm the last person to know." She yelled.

"Only cause I had to move fast." He yelled back. "Someone else was going to snatch it up, if I didn't act."

"Then maybe you should have let them." She cried. "Why did it bother you so badly?" he asked loudly.

"Cause you never said you were looking to help that far away!" Ginny cried again.

"I did. I talked about helping once Harry killed that bastard and we were safe to live again" He didn't look at her as he focused once again on the lake.

"You just didn't want to listen"

"Because I didn't want to move so far away from my family! I though you would understand that" she argued.

"I did understand Ginny for six bloody years I understood." He growled.

"Families last forever Draco"

"Forgive me but I never realized I married seven people. I thought I only married you. That we were the important partnership, the two people whose futures we had to consider."

I never realized I married seven people.

The words shocked Ginny, and she attacked back without a second thought.

"You wouldn't have a clue what it's like, would you, to be close to…?" She stopped, horrified at herself.

"No" he agreed, his voice strained. "You're right. I wouldn't know what it's like to be close to a loving family. Thanks for pointing that out. And thanks for attacking me with it Gin, as if it's my fault."

Draco moved and began walking away and somewhere close by a camera clicked. Startled by it Ginny looked around and noticed the man who had taken their picture earlier.

He had one heck of a smile on his face and a set of very different shots of Draco and Ginny Malfoy in his camera now.

"Hey Danny" Draco said, the casual greeting forced. "Draco" he answered. "What's this about" Draco asked.

"Oh I was just getting some scenic pictures for the paper." He said. Oh there were defiantly some scenes in those pictures Ginny thought.

Angry scenes, and angry faces. She could just imagine the headline that would top them. Draco must of too cause he yanked the camera in a angry huff.

"I want those pictures," he said. Checking the camera over Draco hit a button and handed the camera back to Danny. "There, all deleted" he smirked.

"Danny paled, "What am I suppose to tell my boss?" he cried.

"Draco shrugged, "Don't know but I'm sure you will come up with something, Ginny, sweetheart, are you ready to go home now? Later than planned I know…"

Home? She was ready to head back to the burrow. Did he really want to go on with this? That "sweetheart" of his had sounded so cutting she wanted to check her body for blood.

Draco stepped forward and before she knew it. She was locked into his arms and he was whispering as they walked away.

"I know. You want to high tell it out of here as fast as you can. But do you really want part without divorce papers again?" he asked.

"How much of a failure would that seem to both of us, the second time around?"

Was it true that he'd never told her his plans clearly enough for her to understand either what they were or how much they mattered? He always thought they had good communication between them.

Apparently she didn't agree, however and they should explore that.

They walked into house both still not speaking to one another. Draco took a slow breath as he followed her up the stairs. "Ginny, Did you mean everything you said, back there?" he asked.

She colored at once. She felt ashamed when he asked her the question. She knew it was wrong to attack him with his family. She regretted with every breath in her body.

"No. No, I didn't!" She said turning around taking his hand. Her guilt overrode her anger. The warm contact of her hand sent shivers down his body.

"I never should have said that thing about loving families, Draco. It was unforgivable, really I" she cried.

"But it was true though" he sighed. "Not even that. You did have a loving relationship with your mother, even though she was…"

"So eccentric, and so wrapped up in my father and what he wanted that she hardly had any time for me" he bluntly stated.

"I wish I could have known her better" Ginny sighed. He seemed to shrug off the idea as quickly as she voiced it. "It was for the best that you didn't, even at our best, the Malfoy's were pretty dysfunctional."

"What I meant was, do you really feel I didn't tell you what my ambitions were?"

Ginny gave him a helpless look and said "We talked about jobs, Draco and traveling all over the world."

"You remember that one?" he laughed.

"Of course and I remember the one about ten kids" She smiled. "Yeah, I liked that one." He smiled back. "I still think about that one sometimes."

"Oh you do?" Ginny asked surprised.

"It would have been great to do something like that here" "But that was going to a bit problematic" he said. "I doubt I could have gotten the bank off the ground if I had ten children."

Ginny nodded "You see, Draco? We when kids back then who thought we could rule the world simply cause we were together."

"Yeah, we did, didn't we?" Smiling he left go of her hand. "We had a million plans, and we laughed about most of them after we came up with them. How was I to know, out of all that, which was the thing you really meant to do?"

"I guess the thing I really meant to do was the one thing I didn't think to talk about," he answered. "In case the Malfoy family's favor the dark lord jinx kicked in. My mum used to tell me over and over again how proud I should be to bear the Malfoy name"

He sighed before he went on "But unfortunately in the end I wasn't proud. I despised what my father held so dear. And I doubted people would believe I was different."

"But you did it and look everyone trusted in you after all. In the end you got a great business and you're helping everyone. You have anything you ever wanted." Ginny said.

Not everything he thought to himself.

"Right, exactly. You know, when a parent makes such terrible mistakes, you bend over backwards not to follow in the same footsteps. I'm just glad people took a chance with me." He said.

"I wish I could have seen what you were going through," She whispered. "No. You had seven other people to be wise and perceptive about; you shouldn't have to worry about me too. But I couldn't see that back then."

"There were few things we couldn't see about each other, I guess," she agreed in a careful voice. "Or about ourselves. You were right in what you said at the lake. You didn't marry seven people. I need to think about that." She softly spoke.

Listening to her, Draco repented of the way he yelled at her a while ago. She was doing this for him, the way she always did things for other people, and he should be grateful for that, not making it harder for her then it needed to be.

He shouldn't be making it harder for himself either. He knew that the chemical heat between them wasn't the true barrier they couldn't get past, and he knew it didn't have the power to make everything right.

There was so much more to their relationship than that. She was fully aware of it, and she could re think her willingness to help him out anytime.

And speaking of helping him out, just how many of their complicated interactions were really about cooling gossip? At heart, he knew there was so much more going on here.

It was time he was honest with himself about it and he needed to work out what he wanted, and what was possible. And he needed to do it soon, he knew.

Or his chance would be gone and he doubted it would ever come again.

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