A/N: Yes, I'm very busy. I apologize for all lack up updates. This one kinda sprang to me when Desert Secrets suggested a bishounnen tournament. :D Anyway, Enjoy

Bish Tournament

Though it seemed rather lonely, it was hard to believe that even Riku and Sora looked bored. In fact, they were so bored, they were having a lack of intelligence. Seriously, they had no idea where they were. It was just a random field in the middle of… they didn't know exactly where. Which… was exactly why it was weird. No one expected you to wake up from a coma in a middle of a random field. What was more weird, was the fact that they had been under attack several times.

"Listen, I'm getting sick of pulling these funny daggers out of my flesh," said Sora after a fifth "dagger" managed to zoom into his bulky shoe. He pulled it out and threw it onto the ground. "I mean, how are we getting hit, but we can't see by who!"

Riku yawned, dodging several throwing stars that zoomed his way. "Dunno. You tell me, Mr. Hero," he said thoughtfully.

"Alright, I'm SICK of this! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW," Roared the chestnut-haired teen in annoyance. The wind that was once billowing through the field stopped and silence plastered itself in the air.

"Oh, scary. I've got skills," Sora said simply, admiring the silence that had just been broken. Suddenly, he felt a new weight on his shoulders and neck, feeling someone's breath on the back of his neck. He heard Riku scramble to get to his feet.

"Not too skilled now, are you?" asked the unseen figure behind Sora. Sora gasped, trying to figure out what was going on. He looked at the arms of the figure, covered with what looked like arm warmers.

"Nice … sense of style," choked Sora sarcastically. He heard the figure laugh stonily, his grip tightening. Riku came into Sora's sight, arms folded.

"Listen, let go of him, before something bad does happen," he said calmly. Sora frowned, not being able to see his captor. He was suddenly pushed forward, a horrible pain stretching quickly through his backside. He stumbled to get up, face-to-face with a pale-face and pure black eyes. The figure was taller than him, with black hair that flew up in the back. A steel-plated headband shone brightly in the sun. Sora took a quick step back, staring at the newcomer, who was holding one of those odd "daggers" once more.

"Who the HELL are you?" Sora demanded. The boy smirked, eyes flickered slightly.

"I… am Sasuke," said the boy. "And I am a Ninja."

"…You're as much Ninja as I am a melon," Riku said scathingly. Sora snorted but Sasuke made no movement.

"Would you like to test that statement?" Sasuke asked after a moment. Sora shook his head immediately, Riku making no movement whatsoever. Sasuke, finding their silence as a disagreement, put his kunai away and stared at the two with folded arms. "And, by the way, that's a KUNAI, not a freakin' Dagger, like you guys have been saying. Anyway, have you seen a short blonde pig run through here?"

"Uh, no," Riku said plainly, deciding to sit down. Sora did the same.

"I have a question," he said after a moment. Sasuke and Riku looked to him with a plain face.

"Which one of you is the bigger bish?"

"Sorry, I'm not a bitch," Sasuke mumbled. "To some people, anyway. Stupid fangirls and their kinky fantasies...'

"Ooh, they got to you too?" Sora asked. Sasuke didn't reply.

"Well, that's easy. I'm the biggest bishounnen here," Riku said rather proudly, straightening his shoulders and puffing out his chest slightly. Sasuke snorted this time and stared at him.

"Really? You're so cliché, you with your white hair and steroid body. I was brought up like this, and I'm one kick-ass ninja. Besides, there's no way one guy with an alternate skirt outfit beats out my really cool sharingan," Sasuke retorted calmly, smirking as Riku twitched.

"BELIVE IT!"

Silence fell over the three and they looked around. Sasuke nodded once, seeming to know where this had come from.

"ENGLISH DUBBING," screamed another voice, this one all too familiar to Sora and Riku, and apparently Sasuke, because they seen his eye twitch. Another voice followed that, but what it was saying was too quiet for them to hear.

At this, a blonde-haired boy ran through, clutching a box of ramen noodles while being chased by two girls, one shorter than the other. The shorter one carrying around a lifeless-looking boy.

"NARUTO GET BACK HERE!" screamed the short one.

"Oh, hey Dee, hey …Jen?" Sasuke, Sora and Riku said rather boredly in unison. The two girls waved, the taller one jumping up and suddenly pinning a squirming Naruto to the grass. She sat on him, folding her arms and looking at the other three.

"SASUKE!" she screamed, but Dee, who had been pulling the body around (Whom Riku and Sora noted at once as Tidus) put her hand on Jen's head, stopping her from moving any further.

"…What are you squishing Naruto for?" Sasuke found himself asking, barely moving. Jen smirked, Dee pouted.

"He's a moron. Him and his English Dubbing. Stupid imposter Naruto," Dee mumbled, kicking the English Naruto in the leg. He groaned, moving his head to reveal several lumps placed evenly about his scalp.

"I'm not an imposter! Believe it!" he screamed. This caused Jen to flick him behind the ear and Sasuke to speak up.

'You're such a loser, Naruto."

"Stop saying that!" Naruto moaned into the turf. Sasuke merely rolled his eyes.

"What's going on here?"

Every pair of eyes turned to look at the newest voice, belonging to none other but Kakashi, who looked perplexed. His hair wavered a bit in a passing breeze.

"We'll, we're trying to kill Naruto, or at least beat him back into a Japanese Form," Des said after a moment, Jen nodding.

"And we're seeing who's the bigger Bishounnen," said Riku fondly.

"Ah, I see," Kakashi said, walking over to the boys as Jen and Des continued on with their work, slowly beating Naruto up and throwing Japanese dictionaries at him and the like. "Well, while you do that, how 'bout I inspire you first," he said, pulling out a small yellow-covered novel.

"Oh great," Sasuke mumbled, rolling his eyes.

The two team-seven members suddenly groaned, "Porn."

"Indeed!" Kakashi said, looking very happy as he flipped open a page.

"And so, he placed his gentle lips on her-"

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Naruto said, kicking his feet and kicking up dirt. "NOT HERE!"

Kakashi frowned slightly, though it was invisible behind his face, which everyone knows always has to be 95 covered… "Alright then," said the older man, putting the book away. "But lemme make a proposition."

"What?" asked Sasuke, Riku and Sora at once.

"…I am the bigger Bishounnen!"

"No-WAY," Sora grumbled. "I am!"

"Sora, you're too adorkable to be a freakin' Bishounnen," said Des finally, as though this settled the matter. Sora frowned, silently agreeing.

"Right, so, as I was saying, I'm the biggest Bishounnen. I keep my face covered, and my hair is all silky and silver, and I have the perfect attitude and body!" Kakashi said, grinning once more.

"Well, I have silver hair, I'm totally ripped and I have a cool outfit," Riku said finally, "and I have hot fans."

"…I don't need to explain why I am the biggest Bishounnen," said Sasuke with finality.

"Sorry, fools, but I am so the biggest Bishounnen here."

Again, the group whirled around. There stood Sesshomaru.

"OOH, SESSHY!" Des screamed immediately, going ahead forth to pounce on him. Jen, this time, caught her by her short hair and pulled her back. She sobbed with no tears, but Jen ignored her as she stood up and Des grabbed Tidus like a thrown ragdoll once more.

"Well, our job is done," Jen said finally, "we have to go get our lives eaten by Ragnarok again and the like. Toodles!"

"BAIIIII!" Des screamed, looking heartbroken as they disappeared with a half-lifeless Tidus.

Before Sesshomaru could make more of an entrance to the others, Naruto, looking thoroughly beaten, sat up, scratching his well bruised head. As he opened his mouth to speak, full-fledged Japanese sentences and phrases came whirring out like Sesshomaru's very Bishounnen furry scarf-thing flowed in the breeze.

"Holy CRAP, they really did make him Japanese…" Kakashi said, obviously astounded.

"Though he's still a loser and the Number one Hyperactive Knucklehead…" Sasuke mumbled, looking away.

"…Sweet," Sora said, listening, or at least trying to, to Naruto.

"…Shut him up already," Sesshomaru scathingly. Sasuke looked more than pleased as he smacked Naruto in the side of head with the blunt end of his Kunai.

"Good, now, as I was saying, I so beat you guys out in the Bishounnen tournament—"

"Dude, did you realize we couldn't understand a word that kid was saying, even though we're all from some sort of Japanese animation?" Sora asked finally. Riku snorted.

"I don't think we are," he said. "If we are, I can't remember."

"Well, whatever," Sora said, grumbling loudly.

"FOR GODSAKES LISTEN TO ME," Sesshomaru, looking away from a compact mirror and throwing his cheap mascara into a lower dip in the fields. "I TOTALLY beat YOU GUYS out!"

Riku, Sasuke and Kakashi suddenly burst into compulsive laughter. "Yeah, sure you are."

Looking upset, Sesshomaru literally pulled out the puppy-dog eyes, causing the others to shut up. "I am!"

"…You know what boys," Kakashi said after a moment. "I think he's right. He did own us.'

"WHAT? Kakashi-Sensei, don't give up so easily," Sasuke growled. "One of us has to beat him out!"

"No, Sasuke, I think we've lost," Kakashi said, pulling out his porn-novel once more.

"I'm not going to lose to dog-boy over here," Riku said, crossing his arms. "He looks like a cross-dresser."

"HEY," Sesshomaru said finally, looking completely pissed off by this point. "I may cross-dress, but You all know I beat you out in the hair category!"

Kakashi twitched at this.

"You? Beat me? I don't think so!" Kakashi said, shaking his head so his perfect hair wavered around a bit over his headband. "Did you not hear the fangirls freaking out when I was soaking wet when I got into that fight with Zabusa? When I got caught in the water cage? HMMM!" Questioned the Ninja angrily. "They literally flipped out! LITERALLY."

"…Too bad, I still think I got the hair category."

"Wait, wait, first, let's figure out all the attributes we can put into this," Sora said, stepping in. "There's body, outfit, personality, hair and weapon."

Sasuke snorted. "Put me in Personality."

"Done," Sora said, scribbling this down on the notepad he had pulled out from his jeans. "Now, hair, we'll put down Kakashi and Sesshy…"

"Good," said both of the older men.

"Outfit? We'll put down Sesshy…"

"Hey, put me down in there too," said Riku finally. "And weapon."

"Got it," Sora mumbled.

"Alright, so, Sasuke's the biggest Personality Bishounnen, because no one else is in that category," Said Sora decisively. "And… Riku's the biggest Weapon Bishounnen, just because his soul eater apparently owns all of you guys.

"Any objections so far?"

The group shook their heads just a fraction.

"Good, so, let's go to the Hair Category," Sora said, backing off with the others as Kakashi and Sesshomaru stepped into the center of the circle.

"Tell us about your hair, Kakashi," said Sora like a reporter for a news crew.

"Well, firstly, it makes fangirls scream when I get it wet," started Kakashi after a moment of thinking, "and it's so wavy and silky, I mean, watch."

The ninja ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to ripple and slowly slip back up into its original position. He grinned, continuing to talk about his hair for another few minutes.

"And as I said, it totally kicks ass when its wet."

"Alright, take a seat," Said Sora intently, watching Kakashi throw a grin at Sesshomaru and sit down calmly. "Your turn, Sesshy."

'Its Lord Sesshomaru," said Sesshomaru slowly. "Anyway, I don't need to say anything, I can do this."

Sesshomaru flipped his hair, causing it to catch several rays of light and refract brighter silver and cobalt colours. He sat down.

"Well…" Kakashi mumbled, standing up and somehow finding a bucket full of icy water and dumping it over his head, causing his hair to fall soaked around his face. He smirked, sitting down, barely effected by the temperature in the water.

Thousands, and literally, thousands of screams and squees sounded around the area, but no one came.

"…I think Sesshomaru wins," said a judge, suddenly appearing. A hood covered his face from view.

"Ooh, alright, sorry Kakashi, but you were just owned. Seems you're not the Hair Bishounnen."

"Aw," said Kakashi, looking upset and pulling out his novel once more.

"NEXT," said Sora after a moment, "we have outfit."

Riku stood up this time, Sesshomaru looking pleased.

The judge interjected immediately.

"Sesshomaru wins."

"WHAT?" Riku spat. "That's not fair!"

"Too bad, Kid," said the Judge after a minute. Riku grumbled, sitting down, and so did Sesshomaru, obviously looking pleased.

"Well, I guess that concludes it," said Sasuke, beginning to stand up, obviously ready to leave.

"Not quite," said the judge, pulling off his hood, only to reveal a silver-haired man with light eyes.

"K-Kadaj!"

"Indeed," said Kadaj simply. "We're only missing Sephiroth, but we don't really care about him because he'd take all your glory." He turned to Sora, "You forgot Body."

"Oh, indeed," said Sora, looking down at his notepad. "Well-"

"I win that, I believe," said Riku after a moment. Kadaj once more interjected.

"I don't think so, you took steroids, this is all real," said Kadaj, indicating to his rather skinny though ripped-looking frame beneath his black jacket. "Besides, I would like at least one Category to claim."

"Let him have it," said Sesshomaru finally. "At least its not Sephiroth."

"Yeah, well, he's been busy at the Spa lately," Kadaj said, scratching the back of his silver-haired head finally.

"Well, are we done now?" Sora asked, throwing the notepad lazily back into his pocket.

"I think so," said Kadaj, looking at the others. "Any objections?"

"None at all," grumbled Sasuke, pulling Naruto up by the scruff of his collar. "Now, is there a way to get you guys back?"

Riku and Sora shrugged.

"Oh, I have an idea," said Kadaj simply, walking up to them and taking each of them by one side of their heads, knocking them together. Both gasped before they fell in a heap, unconscious.

"Now, who wants to go and wreak some crazy havoc at an Anime Convention some where?"

"Me!"

The group disappeared, and Sora and Riku continued to sleep soundly, before they were slowly dragged off by a small group of girls…

"I hope you know what you're doing," said one slowly.

"Oh… trust me, I know more than you think."