As tears glistened in her eyes Manny took a deep breath and looked down at the tiny little boy that she was holding close to her heart. His eyes were closed and his tiny hand clutched her index finger possessively. She forced a smile and then looked up at her good friend Liberty. She had fallen asleep immediately from exhaustion after her son had been born after holding him for about ten minutes.
She didn't know why she wasn't tired. After all it was going on four in the morning and she had been at the hospital since six the evening without any sleep. However this tiny creature, her friend's newborn son, was definitely was more amusing then her homework for Miss Kwan's class. She probably was just going to skip a couple of hours so that she could spend more time holding the little boy.
My baby would be a year old right now.
Why did she have to think about that? Would that always happen every time she held a newborn baby? She had made a mistake, and that was the best thing she could do to keep from ruining her life. She had so many dreams and having a baby so early would've ruined her. She was only fourteen years old when it happened. She didn't know what to do and her mother had backed her up completely. They were a strong Catholic family and if abortions were that bad than she would've just sent her back with her cousin Mary.
What about Craig?
He said that they were going to be a family and that they were going to be together, but he went back to Ashley as soon as she decided she would take him. In a way she was fortunate that she wasn't going to be stuck raising a baby for eighteen years with a minimum wage. She also couldn't help but be a little bit happy when she found out that Ashley was staying in London. She bet he was happy about Pete's little "video." It proved that she was a whore. He probably never said it, but he was probably always thinking about it. It made him feel good to know that he had done the right thing for going to back Ashley.
All she did was hope that he understood what she had done. Liberty and JT's life was never going to be the same again. They had to share the responsibility of having a child for the rest of their lives, whether they stay together or not. After that kid grows up grandkids will come next and so on. Liberty and JT were going to do something special, but now they had to put all of their dreams on hold. By the time they're able to do something again they will feel like it's too late.
She did give her and Craig a chance at life, and every time she felt guilty she'd think about that. Of course she was starting to think about it less and less. It was like a nightmare or something that seemed like it happened, but she wasn't too sure. It hasn't stopped guys from being attracted to her, but having a kid probably would. There weren't many guys who'd take care of another man's baby. Guys were babies themselves.
What if?
She couldn't stop wondering what if. What if she did have that baby? Would her life really be as bad as she was imagining? Who would the baby look like? How would the baby act? Babysitting Jack was just a one-time thing. Babies could sense whether they were with their mother or not. If he were really with his Momma then he wouldn't have felt so bad. Her own baby probably would've immediately stopped crying when she walked into a room.
Maybe it wouldn't matter if Craig were still in her and the baby's life or not. Spike had survived without Shane, or any kind of man, until Emma was about fourteen years old. As time went by and Emma got older things did get easier. A lot of women survived without men, and some didn't even have to apply for welfare. There were schools that had daycares so she could've finished and then gone off to college. Spike was going to school up until Emma was born, in fact she went into labor at the dance, and then she started school the same time as her class did again.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Soon the little boy's face began to turn red and he started squirming and whimpering. Manny's heart began to beat faster and she glanced up at Liberty. She was practically dead to the world. She didn't want him to start crying, she didn't know what to do. This was basically the most time she spent with any baby after terminating her pregnancy. "Where is your Dad?" she asked him as if he could respond.
Finally the baby's whimpers turned into loud cries as if he was begging for someone to take him from this girl that he didn't even know. Manny tried rocking him a little bit so that he would fall back asleep and that didn't work. There weren't any bottles around because Liberty decided that she was going to breastfeed her son.
Soon Manny began to sing him a lullaby to calm him down. "Rock-a-bye, don't you cry. Go to sleep a little baby." The sound of her refreshing voice turned his cries back into whimpers until he fell back asleep. He probably just had a nightmare. She smiled at her quick maternal skills, wondering if something as simple lullaby would've calmed her own baby down.
She hated thinking about babies, and yet she was so mesmerized by them. She remembered the moment she had asked Craig if he had wore a condom when they had sex. He had said that when she said it was okay that she was saying she was on the pill. She was just trying to calm him down. Then he just got up and walked off. After that she didn't know what she was going to do. She was so confused. After all, she had just started high school and she was only fourteen.
He surprised her at school, talking about how happy he was that she was pregnant and that he was going to be a dad. He kept saying that they were going to be a family and although it sort of surprised her it did make her happy. Everything felt so good. He had even bought a baby name book so that they could look through names.
It was like suffering from taste aversion.
Things went from sunlight to darkness when Ashley approached the table. The way she announced it to everyone in the cafeteria was sickening, and it made Manny think even harder about her choice. She ran out of the school and was ever so thankful for running into Spike. She was the only person that Manny could talk to who knew how it felt to be in her shoes. Spike wasn't going to be judgmental because Spike was about Manny's age when Emma was conceived. Spike was the one who convinced Manny that this decision wasn't about anyone but herself. She couldn't rely on Craig because he was a guy, and it was easy for guys to deny a baby.
I barely felt a thing.
Most of the pain that Manny was experiencing was because of her own conscience. She hadn't really given Craig a choice. She knew that she could've given the baby up for adoption, but walking around the halls of school pregnant wasn't something that would've felt really good either. It wasn't like experiencing that hadn't changed her. She was definitely a little more withdrawn from guys for a while, and when the topic was brought up it hurt her. Emma was supposed to be her best friend, but she practically threw it up in her face every time Manny said something to her.
And then the breakup with JT. Did he really think she didn't like him because of the size of his penis? Did he really think she was like that? That made it just seem like going out with Manny made him think about sex. He knew that she had an abortion, so why would he even think sex or something so trivial as the size of his penis really mattered to her? She wasn't going to be sleeping with him, or anyone else for that matter. That whole situation made it positive that he was too immature, and that was why she dumped him.
Of course I wouldn't be that mature if I hadn't had to grow up so fast. If I hadn't had to handle my own.
I hope you guys liked it. It really didn't turn out as good as I expected it to be, but I guess it's okay. Tune in for the next chapter. I think I'll do three chapters of this story before ending it. Thanks so much for reading a please review.