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WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.
It's PARODY TIME!
GYRAX Presents…
s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 22: Martin Zigmar - "This May Be the Last of Me Being Boring"
INTRO
SCHERIS: Poor Zigmar. His episode is so lame. WHO CARES? MY EPISODE IS AFTER THIS ONE!
MIMORI: Way to show sympathy, Condom Top.
VILLAGE
SCHERIS: Yo, Asuka! You comin?
ASUKA: Nah, I think the villagers need me here, so I'll stay.
SCHERIS: ...Wuss.
COUGAR: Why does no one listen to me?
MIMORI: Cuz you sound too much like my mom.
SCHERIS: Same here, pal.
COUGAR: (Sighs) Whatever, but let me drive! I WANNA DRIVE!
SCHERIS: Crap!
CITY
KAZUMA: Hey Ryuho. We kicked their asses.
RYUHO: Heh-heh. Yeah we did.
(They end up staring at each other for quite an extended period of time.)
KAZUMA & RYUHO: AAAAAAAAAARGH! NO YAOI! NO YAOI! (They both BARF THEIR BRAINS OUT.)
ROAD TRIP TO CITY
STRAIGHT: Ilikespeed! Whenyoudothingsfastertheworldisabetterplacetolive! ThatswhyIlikespeed! Speedspeedspeedspeedspeedspeed!
MIMORI: I don't understand a thing you're saying. (She covers her mouth with a HANKERCHIEF.) Ugh! I'm sick! I wish I could vomit in your face!
SCHERIS: Same here!
HOLY HQ (NOW EVILFIED)
RYUHO: We must now part ways-
KAZUMA: -before anything weird happens. (They both SEPARATE. FANGIRLS cry in TOTAL OUTRAGE.)
INSIDE
ZIGMAR: It's go time. (He LEAVES.)
MEANWHILE
RYUHO: I must purify the sanctity of this series and eliminate the Mary Sue! To protect the sanctity of the series!
ZIGMAR: Heyas, Ryuho!
RYUHO: ...
ZIGMAR: You're a traitor! I kick your ass now! I must make you a man!
RYUHO ...
MEANWHILE
EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!
KAZUMA: No fair! He got into a fight first?
BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER!
KAZUMA: Even worse, I gotta go up against Timmy here!
BIG UGLY DUDE: Blagghbrrlaghlagh Hammer!
KAZUMA: It'll only take one shot!
IN THE MEANTIME
ZIGMAR: I want to see a magical comeback sequence now, because I'm a masochist!
RYUHO: In Hell!
ZIGMAR: Time for some motivation. What if I told you that I was using you to gain ultimate power from the Native Alter dude? What if I told you that the Native Alter dude was actually a being from the other side? WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT THE WHOLE TIME, WHEN YOU WERE MAKING EVERYONE ELSE YOUR BITCH, YOU WERE MY BITCH THE WHOLE TIME?
RYUHO: How ironic.
ZIGMAR: Yes, it is.
RYUHO: Ok. If you told me that, then I would totally open a cnha of Super Saiya-jin whoop-ass on you!
ZIGMAR: SWEET!
MUJO: Wow. He really does want to die.
GYRAX: I gotta stop using "bitch" for a while.
FNAS: YOU CAN'T!
GYRAX: CUT IT OUT!
MEANWHILE
KAZUMA: That would be 17 tries!
BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER! (BIG UGLY ROBOT respawns --- again.)
KAZUMA: Great.
IN THE MEANTIME
RYUHO: I'm afraid it's transformation time!
ZIGMAR: STOP BLUBBERING AND DO IT!
RYUHO: DON'T RUSH ME! (The Transformation begins.) Let me scream my lungs out first. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
92 HOURS LATER
RYUHO: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (The Transformation ends.)
ZIGMAR: Took you long enough.
RYUHO: HA! I'M SUPER SAIYA-JIN 4 NOW, MOTHAF---KA!
ZIGMAR: THAT'S SKIPPING A FEW LEVELS!
RYUHO: Have you forgotten? I am Ryuho! I am The One! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!
ZIGMAR: You got me there. (He gets his ASS KICKED.)
Enter ILYON: NOOOOOOOOOO! BANJO, I mean, FATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!
URIZANE: That's an interesting twist.
RYUHO: Well, Sunrise has a knack for this kind of stuff.
MEANWHILE
KAZUMA: Ok. That's 311 tries, now.
BIG UGLY DUDE: HAMMER! (BIG UGLY ROBOT respawns --- again.)
KAZUMA: WILL YOU STOP RESPAWNING?
(Ground underneath BIG UGLY ROBOT gives way, causing BIG UGLY DUDE to fall to the ground far, far below.)
KAZUMA: That's a lame-ass ending if you ask me. Oh yeah, obligatory mourning sequence.
AT THE HQ GATES
MIMORI: Well, we're here. It's like every villain's pad at every Disney movie ever made.
SCHERIS: Hold my hand.
MIMORI: Ok.
STRAIGHT: And what's going on here?
MIMORI: It's called "The Buddy System". Females are much more frail and delicate creatures, so we need to stick together. Besides, you always get my name wrong.
AT THE HQ ITSELF
KANAMI (Sleepily): I have a bad feeling about this...
The End, Bee-yotches!
Next Time…
s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 23: Condom Top Scheris