Chapter 12 – Back To The Beginning
Again.
He's in my apartment again and this time he's laying in my bed, like he has done about a billion times before, but this time he's actually wearing something – even if it is only a pair of silken blue boxers.
He had vowed so many times to stop this and never do this – never do me – again and he said it was all because he loved her yet somehow I doubt that he loves her as much as he says. I mean, for fuck's sake, the man has been with me – in my apartment, most of the time spent in my bed – for three fucking days without a mention of her name and he says that he loves her…he comes and sleeps with me yet each and every fucking time he goes crawling back to her.
He yawns and stretches his arms and his chest out, and I let out one of my infamous giggles as all of his bones created a large cracking sound all at once. He looks up at me with beautiful big baby blue eyes, giving me a sort-of half smile that I've never witnessed before and he throws velvety purple covers away from his body and bends down to pick up discarded blue jeans.
"Look Trish," his voice is soft, unusually so, "this whole thing was just a mistake – just a really big mistake – just a one-time thing that wasn't meant to happen an' that'll never happen again, I still love Lita, none of this shit changes that fact coz that one thing will always remain an' I didn't mean to break Lita's promises again, but you know that it wasn't meant to get this far but it was a mistake Trish, just a one-off an' it cant happen again coz I love her not you," he pauses for a moment, slipping his pants over his hips, "When are we gonna finally get it through our thick skulls that we cant go on hurting the people that we love like this? Are we gonna wait until it all explodes in our faces an' they hate us so much that they don't even wanna see us again? You gotta understand this Stratus, we have responsibilities an' lives apart, it would never work…I could never let it." By now his powder blue shirt had been pulled over his chest, and I had sauntered over towards him, swiveling my hips and twisting my body slightly with my movements.
He licks his lips and I trail my finger down his chest and lean forward. He leans down, I notice this immediately and one of my smirks falls in place as his head tilts at an angle. Our lips touch for a brief moment before I am pushed away, left gasping for air, "I love you John Cena," I said, completely breathless, completely meaning it.
He rakes a hand through his brown hair, "we're back at square one Trish," his beautiful head falls in his hands, "right back at the beginning." He sighs and he looks at me and I look at him and it feels as if it's a staring contest because really, it's all the truth.
I throw him out and have a little cry and suddenly things are real again. It's all okay because I lost my baby again a few days ago, turns out that it had to be terminated because it was growing wrong and now Jay asked me to marry him and start a family and he says he loves me so it's all okay again. I don't need John Cena anymore. Not now that I have the love of my life...none of it matters anymore...not even the fact that I may not really love Jay and that we're right back at the beginning...right now all that matters is that Jay loves me and it will all be okay again...