(AN: I understand that many of the characters aren't exactly cannon, but lets take note that they are children, and what child doesn't like Christmas, even if they are Slytherin? This takes place in the Marauders Era. Based on a Charlie Brown Christmas)
A Severus Snape Christmas
It was the winter of 1972 in merry ol' England; on the grounds of the prestigious Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, on a bench under a great pine tree, sat Severus and Rosier.
"It's exactly one week till Christmas, Rosier, and I'm utterly depressed." Severus mumbled through the thickness of his green and silver striped scarf. "In fact, I believe I'm more miserable this year than any other year… I guess I just don't understand what the fuss is all about, the presents, the cards, the decorations and all that. I try and 'get into the spirit' and all that, but I always end up feeling… depressed…"
"Severus, you are the only person I know that could turn a season like Christmas into a problem. Bella is right, of all the Severus Snapes in the world, you are definitely the Snape-iest!" said Rosier. He stood up and brushed the snow off. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get out of here before you make me depressed."
Snape glared at his house-mates retreating form. Then his faithful barn owl landed on his shoulder.
"No mail for me?" he asked his owl disdainfully. The owl shook his head. "Not one card for me this year… who would write to me anyway…" His owl flew off to the Owlery as he got up and started walking along the snowy grounds.
As he walked, he noticed Narcissa who was looking though her pile of beautiful Christmas cards various people had sent her, mostly admirers. Snape approached her and said, "Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me Narcy."
She scoffed and said, "I didn't send you a Christmas card Severus Snape." then proceeded to walk past him.
"Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?" Snape shouted to her retreating form.
Snape continued to walk across the grounds and came to the grounds keeper's hut where the said grounds keeper was busy franticly stringing up lights and garland. On the ground was a flyer, which Snape picked up and read, "Celebrate the true meaning Christmas by wining money, money, money! Send in a picture of your most super spectacular mega-colossal Christmas display ever!" Then he put two and two together. "Looks like our own grounds keeper has gone commercial…" he sighed and let the flyer drop out of his hands and continued walking.
He stopped when his 'best friend' ran up to him.
"Severus, just the man I wanted to see," Luscius walked up to Severus, clipboard in hand. "I am in need of a temporary secretary; apparently my usual one disappeared on me."
"What a shame," Snape said sarcastically, but Lucius didn't appear to notice.
"Now," Lucius shoved the clipboard and quill into Snape's hands. "I need you to write my letter to Santa."
"You have got to be kidding me…" Snape said. "You don't honestly believe in that childish myth, do you? You'd be the laughing stock of the school."
"No one would dare to laugh at Lucius Malfoy," said Lucius, "And what is so childish about a fat man who goes around giving away free stuff?"
"Do you also believe that he lives in the uninhabitable North Pole, where he spends his life making toys and then delivers them all in one night with nothing but a sleigh and reindeer?" asked Snape.
"There's a slim chance of hope, now start writing," said Lucius as Snape sighed and started writing, "Dearest Mr. Claus, how have you been? I hope you had a good summer. And how is your darling wife? ("Oh brother…" sighed Severus) Please note that I have enclosed an itemized list, listing quantity and color of each item. However, due to growing demands and booming population I will make it easier for you by requesting that you just send money, Sickles and Galleons will suffice."
"Sickles and Galleons!" Snape was in shock. May be it was the cold weather or the lack of internal holiday cheer, but Snape then threw the clipboard in the air and said, "Even own best friend!" And he ran off.
Lucius raised an eyebrow, then picked up his fallen clipboard and said, "What's his problem? I only asked for what was already coming to me. I only want my fair share."
Snape ran up the stairs and through the great oak doors, and then stopped in the Entrance Hall to catch his breath. He began to wander down a random hallway. "Why do I suddenly care that everyone around me is becoming commercialist and materialistic? It happens every Christmas, but why now?" He stopped when he noticed a sign on the stone wall.
Have a Problem or Need to Talk?
Consult a Peer Counselor!
Counselors Available: Bellatrix Black and Lily Evans
"Maybe I should talk to Bella…" said Snape, "She's not the nicest person on earth, but maybe she'll tolerate me spilling my soul for a couple of minutes."
He approached the door the Peer Counselor office, where a sign hung, Closed, back in 5 minutes.
"5 minutes, good thing I'm not suicidal, or I'd be dead." He said as he leaned against the wall.
At the end of the hall, Lupin was talking to Lily when suddenly he noticed someone standing by the office door. "I think you have a customer." He pointed out.
Lily was immediately at Severus's side. She flipped the sign over, which now read Counselor is In.
"Hold on, I want to talk to Bella," said Snape.
"She's out shopping, so you're stuck with me," said Lily as she ushered Snape into the office. She closed the door and the sign flipped again, reading Occupied.
"What ever we say here is confidential right?" Snape asked as he sat down.
"Of course," Lily sat behind the desk. Then she took out a can with a slot in it. "Before we begin, I'm going to have to ask you to pay in advance. Five Knuts please."
"Pay?" Snape questioned. "I thought this was a free service."
"The school cut off our funding, now we're asking for contributions," She shook the can. Snape sighed and placed the Knuts in the can. "Now, what's on your mind?"
"I feel depressed; everyone else in the school appears to be cheerful except for me." Snape confessed.
"Well, you my friend ("I'm not your friend," Snape growled) are not too far gone. First we need to pin-point the source of your fears. Once we find what you're afraid of, we can label it, and labels fix everything."
"Fears? But I'm not—"
"Are you afraid of spiders?" Lily asked. "If you are then you have arachnophobia."
"I don't think—"
"What about cats?" Lily asked. "If you are then you have ailurophobia."
"I'm only afraid of clowns, are you happy now?" Snape growled.
"Maybe you have Lupophobia," Lily stood up and pointed at him. "Do you have Lupophobia?"
"What's Lupophobia?"
"The fear of werewolves."
"THAT'S IT!" Snape cried out, causing Lily to fall back in surprise. Snape blushed and looked over the desk to see Lily sprawled on the floor. She quickly recovered and sat back in her seat.
"Okay, I got it, you have pantophobia!" Lily said in triumph.
"I'm afraid of pants?" Snape raised an eyebrow.
"No silly, you fear responsibility. The only cure for this is for you to get involved. I am prescribing that you be the director of this year's Christmas Play."
"But I don't know anything about directing!" Snape protested.
"Its simple, you stand around and give orders." Lily stood up. "This will fix your little problem Severus, no need to worry. Meet you at the Great Hall" Lily then walked around the desk and opened the door. She then flipped the sign over, which now said, Office Closed, and then continued down the hallway.
Snape on the other hand, was banging his head against the desk. "How did I get myself into this?"
In the Great Hall, which was now magically converted into an auditorium for the play, Sirius Black was playing jazz music on the piano and all the students there were dancing.
Soon Lily entered, "Alright everybody, quiet please! Our director will be here any minute and we'll start rehearsal."
"Director? What director?" Pettigrew asked.
"Severus Snape." Lily answered.
Sirius then hit a sour note on the piano. "What!"
"Oh, no! We're doomed." wailed Peter.
"This will be the worst Christmas Play ever." Bertha Jorkins moaned.
"Hey! Lay off Severus!" Radolphus said.
"Yeah," said Rastaban. "Snape may no be the best director in the history of Christmas Plays…" there was a pause. "Oh, who are we trying to kid brother? The Ravenclaw is right, we are doomed!"
"Drama queen…" Radolphus mumbled.
"How could you do this to us Lily?" James Potter moaned. "I know you feel sorry for the greasy rag, but now I'm starting to question your judgment of character."
"Did you say something Potter?" Lily said. "Because I could have sworn I heard you say 'please hurt me, for I wish to risk the safety of my family jewels',"
"Shutting up now…" James stepped away before she made good on that last statement.
"Here he comes!" Lily turned to everyone, "Attention everyone! Here's our director."
Snape stepped into the Great Hall, where everyone was applauding. That is, except for one howling "Booooooooo!" from Sirius.
Severus glared at Sirius, then walked over to the director's chair and addressed everyone. "O.k. everyone, let's get down to work. It's the spirit of the actors that counts, the interest they show in their director. Am I right? I said am I right?"
Sirius started playing jazz music again and the kids danced.
"Stop the music!" Snape shouted and the music and dancing stopped. "Alright everyone… we're going to do this play and we are going to it right! Lily, get those costumes and scripts and pass them out."
Lily retrieved the scripts and costumes and first walked over to Narcissa. "Narcissa, you'll be the innkeeper's wife."
The Slytherin started to run her fingers through her hair. "Did the innkeeper's wife have naturally blond hair?"
Lily rolled her eyes and moved on to Lucius, "Lucius, you'll be the innkeeper."
"Can't we change it to a luxury hotel? I want to run a successful business you know."
Lily ignored him and walked over Sirius, "Black, off the piano, you're going to be all the animals in the play. Can you do a sheep?"
"Baa!"
"How about a cow?"
"Mooo!"
"A penguin?"
Sirius started waddling around like a penguin
"Wow, he could even be a penguin." said Lily. Then he started roaring like a lion, dancing like a poodle, and walking like a monkey. "No-no-no!" Then she turned to everyone. "Listen all of you! You got to take direction! You've got to have disciple! You've got to have respect for your director!" Then she noticed Sirius was mimicking her. "I ought to slug you!" Suddenly Sirius kisses her full on the lips. "Ugh! Sirius kissed me! Someone quick, get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
"All right! All right! Script girl, continue please." Snape said through the megaphone.
Lily then made her way over to James Potter and handed him his script. "James, you're a Shepard, memorize these lines."
James's eyes widened at the thickness of the script. "I can't memorize all this, this is ridiculous! I'm a Quidditch star, not an actor! Give me one good reason why should I be put through the agony of performance?"
"How about I give you five reasons?" Lily then made a fist, one finger at a time, "One, two, three, four, five!"
James backed away, "Those are good reasons." He grabbed his broom, which he magically turned into a Shepard's crook. "You wouldn't hurt an innocent Shepard would you?"
Lily then walked up to Snape, "That's it Mr. Director, the cast is set. Take over!"
"Okay, let's get started!" Snape looked around; everyone was wandering around in confusion. He sighed, "Stage crew! Set up the stage! Everyone get in their places! Where's our musician?"
"Right here boss," Davey Gudgeon sat at the piano.
"Good, set the mood for the first scene." Snape said.
Davey began playing 'Linus and Lucy', which set the kids off dancing again.
"Cut! Cut! No, no, no!" Snape yelled and the music and dancing ceased. He then walked over to Narcissa and Lucius, "Let's skip the music and go right to the scene at the inn."
"This can't go on. His blondness is overpowering my naturally blond hair!" Narcissa fussed with her hair.
"Don't think of it as overpowering. Think of it as complementing your blondness, making your hair look even blonder." Snape reasoned.
"Kind of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn't it?" Lucius sneered.
"Okay everyone, lunch break! Lunch break!" Lily shouted.
"Lunch break?" Snape asked.
Food suddenly appeared on one of the tables, which everyone dived for. Snape stood there with his head in his hands.
"Hey Snape," Bellatrix Black stepped up next to Severus. "Now that everyone is busy, you can give me my part." She batted her eyelashes at him.
"Your part?"
"Yes my part. I will be playing the Christmas Queen! Every Christmas play must have a beautiful Christmas Queen." Bella continued.
"I don't see it in the cast listing…" Snape paged through the script.
"Are you going to let all this beauty go to waste!" Bellatrix yelled, which startled him and he dropped the script. "You do think that I am beautiful, don't you Severus?" she batted her eyelashes once more." When he didn't answer, she yelled, "That's it! If you really thought that I was beautiful, you would have answered me right away!" She then turned and marched off, fuming.
"Good grief…" he then picked up the script and the megaphone. "Ok everyone, it's time to get back to work!" when everyone came back from the table, he continued, "Alright everyone, as you can see we have everything that we'll need for our play. But I can't help but feel as if something important is missing…"
"Hey, what about a tree?" Lupin asked.
"Of course! That's what's missing! All we need is a big, beautiful Christmas tree and then everything will start to work." said Lily, she then turned to Severus, "You and Lupin go to Hogsmeade and find a great, big, shiny aluminum Christmas tree and I'll make sure that everyone learns their parts."
"With Lupin!" Snape asked.
"Yes, it was his idea." Lily said as she ushered the two of them out of the Great Hall. "Here's the money from the play fund, hurry before the stores close!"
Later, Snape and Lupin walked down from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade and went to the Christmas Tree Lot.
"Well, this is the place," said Snape.
Lupin walked up to one of the metal trees and knocked on it, making a loud metallic sound, "This really brings Christmas close to a person,"
"No way am I getting one of these metal monstrosities." said Snape, "Keep looking until you find a real tree."
"You mean a wooden tree; do they even make them anymore?" Lupin asked as he followed Snape through the lot.
"You better hope so, we're not leaving till I find one," said Snape, "I'm going to make this a wholesome Christmas even if it kills me."
"Wow Severus, I never knew you were so passionate about Christmas," said Lupin.
"Just don't expect it every year," said Snape.
The two boys stopped when they found a small skinny sorry-looking natural tree.
"Looks like this is the only one," said Severus. "And it's the one we're going to take,"
"I don't know…" said Lupin. "Remember what Lily said? I don't think this is what she had in mind."
"Once its decorated, it will be perfect," Snape held up the tree, "I'll make sure of it." As if on cue, a flurry of needles fell off the tree, making it look even more pathetic.
Meanwhile at the Great Hall, Bellatrix was leaning against the piano as Davey was choosing the music.
"This is the music I chose for the Christmas play," And he began playing Beethoven's Fur Elise.
Bellatrix grimaced, "What kind of Christmas music is that?"
"Beethoven Christmas music."
Bella scoffed, "Everyone thinks he was so wonderful. Beethoven wasn't so great."
Davey hit the wrong note, "What do you mean 'Beethoven wasn't so great'!"
"He never had his face on a Famous Witches and Wizards Card has he? Has he? Hmm? How can you say someone is great if he's never had his face on a Famous Witches and Wizards Card?"
"Oh brother…"
Then Lupin and Snape entered the Hall.
"We're back!" said Snape. He placed the small tree on top of the piano. Again, the tree lost more needles.
The kids all took one look at the tree, and then glared at Snape.
"Boy, are you an idiot Snivellus." said Sirius.
"You were supposed to buy a Christmas Tree Snape, not a Christmas Twig!" James Potter jeered.
"You are hopeless Snape," said Radolphus.
"Completely hopeless," added Rastaban.
Then the whole room burst out in cruel laughter.
"Good grief…" sighed Severus, "I guess you were right Lupin, I shouldn't have picked this pathetic stick of a tree. I guess I really don't understand what Christmas is all about." He paused and then shouted, "Is there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about!"
Lupin then put his hand on Severus's shoulder, "Sure Severus, I can tell you what Christmas is all about." He then walked up onto the stage. "Lights please…" The lights dimmed and a spotlight shown on Lupin. "And there were in the same country Shepards abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and said "Fear not: for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy. For unto you is born this day a Savior, which is Christ the Lord." And there was with the angel a multitude of heavenly hosts praising God and saying, "Glory to God; peace on Earth, good will to all." Lights came up again and Lupin walked back to Severus. "That's what Christmas is all about, Severus."
Snape thought for a moment, and then he picked up the small tree, and walked out the door. Curious as to where he was going, the others followed him.
"I hate to say it, but Lupin is right." said Snape. "Christmas is about celebrating love, peace, and hope. I'm going to take this little tree and decorate it and I'll show them it really will work in our play."
He continued out of the school and walked across the snowy grounds until he came to the crazily decorated grounds-keepers hut, which had a giant golden 1st place ribbon on the front door. Snape sighed and took a large red ornament off the house, "He probably won't miss this," He placed it on the tree, which slumped over and cracked under the weight. "I… I killed it…" then he shouted with disgust. "Why must everything I touch get ruined!" He then marched off through the snow drifts, leaving the tree behind.
The students then caught up to the spot where the tree was laying.
"I didn't think it was such a bad little tree," Lupin magically fixed the tree. "It just needs a little love."
The rest of the kids then took the decorations off the hut and decorated the tree, which was now beautiful.
"Snape maybe an idiot," said Sirius, "But did get a nice tree,"
Then all the kids started to hum 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing'.
"What's going on here?" Snape came back. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the tree, astonished at its remarkable transformation.
"Merry Christmas Severus Snape!" the kids cheered, then they began to sing, and Snape joined in. "Hark the Herald Angels sings, glory to the new born king! Peace on earth and mercy mild! Gods and sinners reconcile…"
AN: Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukah! Joyous Kwanzaa! Eid Greetings! Wondrous Boxing Day! … And Happy New Year!