Disclaimer: I, LordHighCommanderOfTheUniverse, being of sound mind, do hereby give Lordy Duffano my collection of coconuts, Isis my phaser, Stephano my two rubber duckies, Bobert three pairs of my favorite socks, Bear my -

The line scribbles off there, and the paper is ripped. Gee, wonder why. Yet again, if Mister Bibbsley-Tibbsley-Mibbsley-Smacker-Dacker-Pootin could do an evil cackle, there would be one right here. However, he is only a sock puppet, and therefore can't. Let's take some time and think up all the things Mister Bibbsley-Tibbsley-Mibbsley-Smacker-Dacker-Pootin can't do or own. The story characters and what not, evil cackling, breathing, buy a replacement eye since one was ripped off in a vicious fight with Person, make facial expressions- okay that's enough pity for the sock puppet.

Harry Potter and the Baker's Batter

Chapter Three: Nearly Ominous Conversation

Parts unknown was actually a rather interesting pub that was called The Leaky Broiler. Hagrid had said that they were to get Harry's school supplies. Harry wasn't all that sure now, as he was in a pub being mobbed by many chefs. Something about having defeated Who-feeds-you. Harry, through some brilliance, had managed to link up Who-feeds-you and the death of his parents. Of course, then, somehow, Hagrid showed Harry this weird alley with many stores that was accesible through the back door of the kitchen at the pub. Bit of an odd spot to be putting an alley. However, this didn't bother anyone.

The alley was called Diagon Alley. The first stop was, of course, the bank, because you can't really buy anything without money, can you? Well, at the bank, Harry saw many strange sights, so strange that they can not even be described. Anyways, at the bank Harry discovered his parents left him a very good amount of money. Also, while at the bank, Hagrid emptied the small content of vault 713. But that doesn't matter at all. An almost empty vault emptied and ominous conversation. Means nothing at all.

Now, for the sake of wasting space, which in turn means a useless chapter, I shall state all that Harry bought. That is, up 'till a certain bit of interesting, nearly ominous, conversation. Well it's only nearly ominous depending on how you look at it, really. However, as promised, here is Harry's school supply list for clothing; three sets of white aprons, one very fluffy chef hat, one pair of oven mitts, and one really frilly apron. His set of books; Standard Cook Book for Beginners, The History of Cooking, Improvisational Cooking, Concepts of Food Design, Herbs: Tasty or deadly, The Art of Soups, The Meatier Meat, and The Dark Side of the Skillet. No one cares who the authors were, or are, not really sure on that. Last, but not least, his actual school supplies; one oven, a set of measuring cups, set of pots and pans, a thermometer, and an item that causes nearly ominous conversation.

After exiting the last store, Harry and Hagrid went into Ollivander's Whisk shop. A whisk is the most important tool a chef can ever have. So, Harry went to get his. Nearly, nearly ominous conversation time!

"Hello," suddenly said a man with a twitchy eye, appearing behind the counter in the shop which won't be described.

"Err, hi," said Harry, slightly afraid of the man with a twitchy eye.

"Care to have some nearly ominous conversation, Harry?"

"Alright, I haven't had some in a while so why not. Should I begin or you?"

"I'll start, thank you very much."

Dramatic pause and cough.

"Nice scar," commented the man with a twitchy eye, "right where Who-feeds-you got you, eh? He had a very nice whisk, you know. Ah Hagrid, how's your broken whisk, which is sticking out of your shoe, and I know you have been using illegally?"

"I don't know what your talking about," said Hagrid attempting to look inconspicuous and then left, suddenly.

"Now, for the fun part," stated the man with a twitchy eye while grabbing random boxes of random whisks and randomly shoving them at Harry. Needless to say, Harry was just a little freaked out by this. Just a little. By little, I mean the kind where he aimlessly runs around screaming till he runs out of breath, then complies. Odd that this bothers him when nothing else does. After several randomly thrown whisks, Harry found a whisk that was perfect for him. Now more nearly ominous conversation.

"Ominous…. Ominous…"

"Oh, so now we are at the ominous part?"

"Yes, now hush up and let me say it! The whisk you have bought, and no returns by the way, had a brother. Yes, whisks have brothers, don't act so surprised. Well, its brother gave you that nifty scar there. Do you know what I'm talking about, or was that too ominous rather than nearly ominous?"

"No, no I understand. It was perfectly nearly ominous, mind you. I'm going to go now, Mister Twitchy-Eye."

"That's Mister Ollivander-Twitchy-Eye to you, punk!" shouted out Mister Ollivander-Twitchy-Eye at a fleeing Harry.

"Suddenly Person, came running into the room and Mister Bibbsley-Tibbsley-Mibbsley-Smacker-Dacker-Pootin was so surprised he set the keyboard on fire. Thus, I, Pixie, the computer shall type up the events occurring," was suddenly typed on the monitor screen.

"Oh no," cried Mister Bibbsley-Tibbsley-Mibbsley-Smacker-Dacker-Pootin, despite the fact he can't speak.

"You! You evil rotten little … THING!" fumed Person, while ripping off duct tape.

"Err… lovely weather eh?" commented Mister Bibbsley-Tibbsley-Mibbsley-Smacker-Dacker-Pootin while aiming his head to hit a panic button he had recently installed.

"How dare you!" screeched Person as she launched herself at Mister Bibbsley-Tibbsley-Mibbsley-Smacker-Dacker-Pootin giving him - This part has been edited out due to violence. Please have a nice day.