Littlesweetcupcake: Yeah, I know the last chapter was rushed but I didn't want to drag it out. This chapter is more detailed I think.

TVCowgurl: I meant she not whe, typo. And I didn't want to spend a whole couple of paragraphs about that. It was just to establish that she was raped before.

Tia-ballerina: And I know know one has seen Olivia as upset and sensitive as I have written her to be, but she was attacked and that changed her. So I hope that answered your review. And thanks for you review, it gave me something to work with for later on in this story.:)

Samness: Ihad Elliot call her 'Baby girl', because I saw in an episode that Fin called Olivia 'baby girl.' Sorry if you don't like it but don't worry. There is not going to be much of that name being usedanymore.

Thanks for everyone who reviewed.

Chapter7 Hospital Visits and Regrets.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine Dick Wolf owns it.

Pairings: Olivia and Elliot, kind of. Not completly.

A/N: Remember Brian Kent? He is going to be in this chapter. :)

BEEP...BEEP...BEEP. Olivia just got out of surgery. She was hooked up to a bunch of machines. Two of them was a heart monitor and breathing tube. She had an IV in her arm and around her nose.

"Oh my God, those sick bastards hurt her pretty bad." Elliot thought. He now saw her as a woman, a victim. Not as his partner like he has for so long. If only he could have been there. He could have prevent it. But now it was too late. Elliot knew he would do whatever to help her through this. She had to get through this. He did not know what he would do without his true love. He saw that Olivia was slightly awake.

Stabler was still shocked that this had happenened to her. But why? Just because she was a cop didn't give her some kind of safety shield from this kind of thing. After all she was a woman before cop. Elliot was seeing that for the first time in 6 years. How would he talk to her? Would she let him? Asking himself this over and over he stood at the room's beginning, contemplating what to do, if to do anything at all. But he already lost his wife, long before Kathy gave him that ultimatum. Neither of their hearts were into working it out. Yes, it was his fault but it Kathy shared some of the blame as well. She didn't and couldn't understand the pain and everything that came with his job. No one except Olivia knew. Olivia was his redemption. His last chance at truly living. His life began and ended with her, without her he was nothing.

Seeing a nurse for the first time. Realizing that she was in the room the whole time Elliot became slightly embarrased. Seeing this see gathered bandages she changed Olivia with among other things and started to leave the room. Coming back to reality, Elliot asked the nurse about Olivia. Knowing it would be a long while till he got the whole story from Olivia. And he accepted that.

"Excuse me nurse, I am detective Elliot Stabler, could you tell me who dialed 911?"

"Yes, it was one of her neighbors, Mrs. Thorton, found her apartment open. She said that she thought Miss. Benson might have been robbed so she went in to check if Miss Benson was okay. When she entered her bedroom she found her naked and tied to her bed posts."

"And did you call NYPD Special Victims Unit like your required?" "No, at the time we doubted her survival, and still do actually. We saw no rush was needed and that it could just wait till morning. And since we notified you we figured that you would just handle it."

"Okay, fine, but what exactly is wrong with her?" Elliot asked trying to hold back his anger.

"Well, she has a severe concussion. Her lung collapsed that's why we have her put the breathing tube down her throat. Her inner thigh bone is broken as is her wrist and two ribs. She has some vaginal trauma." The nurse finished.

"Vaginal Trauma?"

"Yeah, we did a rape kit but when she was first brought in her...attackers, thrusted a knife inside her. She suffered a lot of blood loss. She also had a stab wound but that was the easiest of the injuries. The surgery took about 5 hours."

With those last words, Olivia mumbled something.

"Well I will leave you alone with her,if you have anymore questions just page Dr. Mason."

"Okay thanks." Elliot spoke to the nurse as the door closed behind her. He was fighting like hell to not breakdown. Grabbing a desk chair, he sat beside the woman who became more than his partner. Softly touching her hand, she starting pulliong away, pulling away in pain, and fear. Elliot's heart bled for her. If only she could see how much he wanted to help her.

"It's ok Liv, you don't have to be scared its just me." He paused, seeing how much she was suffering.

"Uh...," she spit out,"...El?"

"Yeah, its me baby girl, don't worry your going to be okay now." Stable spoke trying to comfort her. Her eyes looked directing into Elliot's and he was grateful for that.

"Well, COUGH, at least I won't have to do any paperwork for a good while." Olivia said trying to remain strong. Strong like the Olivia everyone knew, even through the pain. But it was horrible. She thought about 'it' constantly, she tried to block out the images but everytime she closed her eyes, images came flooding back.

"No, no you won't.." Elliots' voice trailed off. Thinking to himself how she could possibly be talking this much. He has seen people with severe concussions and they all could barely talk. Being curious he stood up and picked up Olivia's clipboard that told of her injuries. Hm...he thought to himself, the nurse said severe but the docter sad minor. Must of been a mistake. Well that's better...a little anyway.

He couldn't believe he was at a loss of words, so for countless minutes, they both sat or layed there in complete silence. "Do you know what happened?" Elliot began.

"Yes of course I do El, unfortunately, the nurse told me the medical stuff." She said her voice wavering with each word. She was just trying to hold it all together for her, for Elliot. She couldn't bare Elliot thinking it was his fault. Olivia knew he would. She didn't blame him. She couldn't blame him. But she could blame herself. She was so vulnerable. But no one would ever know it. She wouldn't let anyone see her cry, she couldn't. If only she was more awake, more, more alert. She was a cop, she should have known better. Yet no one could see her cry. Because of her own selfish pride. Not even Elliot, the man she knew she loved. The man she knew she couldn't be the same around.

"I am, uh, so sorry Liv. This should have never happened to you.I swear I am gonna kill those bastards who did this to you. Its all my fault." Elliot spoke with such anger and such passion in his eyes. Olivia had never seen Elliot in this light.

"How El? How is this you fault? Remember Cragen said we don't pic the vic. And Elliot, it shouldn't happen to anybody but it does everyday. I am not any better that it shouldn't happen to me. And what could you have done to prevent this? Nothing." Olivia finished closing her eyes for a moment trying to hold it together.

"I could of and should have given you a protective detail when the Hayes Brothers threatened you." Elliot told her, beginning to get upset himself.

"Come here hold my hand." Liv told him. Surprised that when she did she kind of cringed, Olivia knew why but still grabbed Elliot's hand.

"Look I am thankful you are here now. I am not saying I am all peachy and great. Actually I am very far from it. Saying otherwise would be complete bullshit! Now its going to take a long while for me to return to my tough normal self. If I ever do. I can't just go through this by myself and I refuse to. And that's where I need you. Your my partner El, and my best friend. I am mentally broken and I need my best friend to help me mend. It hurts just being so open to you Elliot but its high time that I am. I know all our cases' victims would have brokedown and cried by now. But I can't and won't to bring myself to that level, to being that...that weak. And what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." As Liv finished she chocked down her upset feelings.

"You know I am going to be here for you Liv, but crying doesn't make you weak Olivia. I already know how strong you are and can be. You don't have to keep trying to prove yourself. We have been together for six years and you should not be afraid to let me in. I would hope you would know I could never hurt you and that I care so much for you." Elliot said to Olivia. As he did he saw her starting to silently cry.

"I..know that El, God, I don't know what I would do with out you. For the longest I have felt so much pain. Each of the cases takes its own toll on me and now this. But I just gotta keep going. It hurted to know that I never had someone I could pour my soul out to. You had Kathy and I had the bartender. Everyone I try to get close to are so afraid of what I do for a living and just shrieks away...I am so sick and tired of going on dates that continuously fail. I just don't know if I could do this job anymore El, everytime we are in a dangerous situation I could careless if I got shot. I am just so sick of living from day to day like this. No one understands what I have been through or what I am going through now. And if you tell and of this to our wonderful shrink George Huang, I will kill you! I am just so insecure of everything Elliot and now even more so. I need someone to help me." She finished. Elliot just at there all wide eyed with astonishment. He knew she was strong but the way she was talking, well let's just say Dr. Huang wouldn't have liked it.

Trying to place what she was going through he sat there in silence. Was it denial? Was it just her stubborness. He didn't know but what he did was that she couldn't just stay bottled up like this. It was bound to make her worse off.

What am I saying? Olivia thought. All the things I have said, all the lies, why? Just to make Elliot feel better, feel more calm with what happened? I am the one who got raped, I am the one who was to deal with it, I am the one who always deals with it internally.Truth is, I am a woman before cop, no matter how tough I try to be. And Elliot will just have to understand that.

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Just then Brian Kent came in leaving Olivia with a shocked expression. Shooting a quick glance over to Elliot, she knew he told him. But how did Elliot know him? She gave no name nor number.

"Um, do you want to be alone with Brian Olivia?"

"No.I hardly know him." She replied wondering what Brian was thinking.

"Uh..woah, ok Elliot told me you were in an accident but didn't say all this! There isn't any way in hell I am going with a cripple! Forget this I am out of here.Standing up to grab him, Elliot became furious at Brian's insensitivity.

"Elliot! Please stop, just let him go. If that's who he is, I don't want to know him." Olivia spoke. Thinking about what just happened she broke down.

"Oh El...I can't handle this anymore...I don't know what I am going to do." She said now sobbing completly unashamed. "I mean, why should I be trying to act unaffected? I...I can't believe this happened...Elliot, I am in so much pain. I need you so much." Crying at full force, there was nothing Elliot could do now except hold her to try and comfort her.

"That's okay Olivia, you don't have to handle this, not alone anyway. You go ahead and cry. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't." He said now leaning her against his chest, stroking her chestnut colored haired.

Him holding her like he did, did hurt but she needed him with her so much.Olivia's tough exterior was finally broken. But Elliot never wanted to see Olivia's soul like this. Torn and damaged. He vowed he'd always protect her. With his life if need be. Noticing Olivia's crys turned into painful sleeping sounds. He decided he should leave and let her rest as well as possible. Bending down, Elliot kissed Olivia's forehead.

"Good night baby girl." Elliot picked up his coat and grabbed his car keys. Driving down the street, he didn't know where to go. He could not possibly go home to Kathy and be forced to explain this. Glancing down to read his watch's time it was 6:30 am, he was already 30 minutes late for work. He decided he would catch a few winks of sleep in the crib before working. And when he told Munch Fin and Cragen what happened, they'd surely let him be able to sleep. Arriving at the station at 6:40, Elliot was surprised to see everyone working already. That meant another case. Well better go tell Cragen first, but it probably be best to tell everyone at once. That is what I will do. Elliot thought. When he walked into the svu unit's doors, Cragen was out of his office with his detectives.

Its not finished yet. Far from it. I just thought I would post half of it anyway. Any suggestions thought? or ideas? Tell me. I don't want to rush into the whole EO thing yet, even though it looks like that is what I am doing. But I don't know what else to add. So tell me! Anyways. Glad you guys seem to like this story. Its morphing into something new everytime I put 'pen to paper.' :)

CoryS