The Christmas Angel
It's Christmas once again in Mineral Town, holiday wreaths hung on every lamp post, candles lit in every window, and stockings hung on every mantle. It's a time of good cheer, of holiday fun, of snowy adventure. Above all, it's a time for winter love, something that I had once known.
I loved him, and he loved me, so where did things go so wrong?
I always think back to that moment, the falling snow, the cozy fire, and the small shape of a blue feather standing out amongst the white perfection. It was a simple question, only four small words, and yet my heart seemed to stop at the sound of them. He had bared his heart on his sleeve and what did I say?
Well… I said no. I told him I didn't love him.
I lied.
It haunts me, to think of what might have been now if I had told him the truth, told him yes, told him that I loved him. But the past is the past, and there is no way of going back now.
Or so I thought.
It was Christmas Eve yet again, a whole year since I had broken his heart and yet a smile he still held on his face. It was the big Christmas bash at the old Inn, and I was surprised to see that the old man Saibara had let him off his blacksmith duty. My soft pink hair hung in my face, but I could still see him out of the corner of my eye, smiling ever so slightly, his regular cap hanging in front of his eyes as he took his drink to his lips.
At the moment all I wanted for Christmas was to be in his arms, for him to hold me, for him to kiss me, for him to love me. But as I said, that was impossible for he was with another girl this wintry night, and I, was with another man. Things cannot be changed now, for the past is the past and we can't go back.
Or so I thought.
I picked up my glass of wine and exited the bar. I needed a breath of fresh air. I wrapped my coat tightly around my shoulders, shielding myself from the cold. As I walked down the cobblestone path the tears started to spill from my eyes. I needed someone to talk to, and hoped that the pastor was still at the church.
As I exited the town square something strange happened. Right in front of the church there was a great light shining out in all directions. So simple, and yet so mysterious. As I took a step closer, the light grew a little dimmer, and seemed to whisper to me.
"What is troubling you on this eve of Christmas day?"
I didn't respond. Too awe stricken to move my lips.
"You do not need to respond child, for I already know what troubles you. The past. It troubles us all does it not? Is it not true that you wonder what could have been if you had changed your ways?"
I nodded slowly, my head spinning with confusion. I felt as though I was going to pass out.
"Yes… many think this as well. Is it not possible that all of this happened for a reason, and you were just not meant to be?"
I couldn't answer, I didn't feel it was true, but I couldn't seem to argue with a thing that seemed so powerful in front of my eyes.
"You do not believe it is so… I see it in your eyes. Maybe this Christmas all you need is to see what could have been if you had a second chance. Come closer child."
I took a step closer. From within the light in front of me and figure stepped out. She was draped in glowing clothes, ribbons twining her arms. Flowing wings engulfed the area behind her and a gold halo hung above her head. I was only to guess that this was a Christmas Angel.
"Take my hand, and I will show you what might have been."
I placed my hand on her soft white palm, and everything went black.
As I opened my eyes again, a scene I knew quite well lay in front of my eyes. I was in the forest clearing, then snow covered tree hanging over my head. I was not alone though. On the other side of the tree I noticed a familiar face, a young blacksmith, his cap hanging over his eyes, a blue feather in his hands.
"Gray…" I whispered. I ran out from behind the tree, hoping to wrap my arms around him and kiss him and tell him I loved him. But I found this to be impossible. As I reached out to touch him my hand went right through him. I gasped. A hand came down on my shoulder gently.
"You are just a spirit now. He cannot feel you or hear you. Tonight you are just here to observe," said the angel. I couldn't accept it at first as I reached my fingers out again to touch his soft face, but once again I could not feel his warmth.
As I stood beside the angel I watched my young love, twirling the blue feather nervously between his fingers. I listened to him as he rehearsed the lines he was going to say. I giggled at the sight of his anxiety. Then just as it happened one year ago, and small pink haired girl came strolling up the path. I watched Gray stash the feather behind his back as the girl approached… it was me.
"Hey Popuri," Gray said nervously. My past self placed a kiss on his cheek, and placed herself next to him, snuggling his arm in hers.
"It sure is pretty out here, the snow falling and all. Why did you ask me out here, it surely wasn't just to watch the snowflakes," she stated.
"No, there's something I want to ask you," Gray replied. He took her hand in his free one and pulled the feather from behind his back.
"Will you marry me?"
There they were. The small four words that had scared me so. The four small words that I had responded no to one year ago. I didn't want to watch it again, so instead I turned my eyes. But I was surprised when I heard something quite different.
"Of course I'll marry you Gray, I love you…" she said, wrapping her arms around Gray's neck and placing a kiss on his lips. My jaw dropped. I looked to the Angel besides me.
"I didn't say yes one year ago…" I said.
"No… no you didn't. But this is a story of what would have happened if you had done things differently. Do you want to see you life after marriage?" I nodded my head, and a flash of white light engulfed me.
When my eyes opened once again we were standing outside a small house across from the poultry farm where I lived. I was guessing that this small cottage was my home. Mine and Gray's home.
We stepped into the house, the stockings were hung on the mantle, not two… but three. My former self was seated on the bed, a small bundle wrapped in her arms. It was a baby, my baby. Gray walked in from the cold outside, firewood in his arms. He dropped it immediately and walked over to his wife and child. He kissed his daughters head lovingly.
"Sorry Popuri, I won't be home for Christmas Eve tonight. Saibara wants me to go collect some gems from the winter mine. I promise I'll be here tomorrow morning though. I promise," he said. "Make sure to tuck Emily in tight, and give her an extra kiss from daddy."
I smiled… I always knew that Gray would have been an amazing father. Gray exited again, and Popuri placed the baby in the crib, giving her two kisses, and rocking her gently to sleep. The clock struck twelve, and there Popuri was still knitting, a soft knock coming from the door. I watched as Popuri rose from her chair and answered the door.
"Is he out?" A voice came from outside. A dark figure walked inside the room, his bandana covering his shaved head. I knew the face, quite well in fact, but couldn't help but wonder why he was here in the winter time.
"He's working. Do you want to come in?" Popuri asked. Kai stepped inside the small house, removing his coat and shoes.
"I missed you," he said. I gasped. What was going on? She… I mean I was married. I watched as Kai kissed her, me… and I watched Popuri didn't even refuse the kiss. Me! This couldn't be right. I would never do that to Gray… I loved him.
I continued to watch as Kai kissed her neck, slipping his hand under her shirt and removing it, and she didn't even try to stop him. I watched them as they moved to the bed.
"No… no… I don't want to watch this. It isn't true, I wouldn't do this," I cried to the angel. She looked at me and shook her head.
"This is what would have happened… if you had said yes. You must continue to watch."
Suddenly the door swung open as Gray reentered his home. He carried piles of presents in his arms, but as his eyes came to rest upon the bed, he dropped them, a small snow globe shattering on the wooden floor.
Once again I was suddenly engulfed by a bright light.
As I was yet once again surrounded by a scene, I found it hard to open my eyes, for the tears blurred my vision. It was yet another wintry scene, this time, we stood outside the bar.
"It's been a year since the last scene you saw. You and Gray are still married, but not happy. I don't think he ever forgave you for that night." I shook my head… I couldn't accept this.
"Come, there is yet once more thing I want you to see," she said as she pulled me inside the bar. Inside there was a huge gathering of people, everyone sharing a glass of wine. I watched as "I" walked to the bar and got a another glass of wine, and looked to the corner to see Gray sitting by himself, more than a dozen empty bottle surrounding him.
"Where is my, I mean, her daughter Emily?" I asked the Angel.
"She passed away not long after the last scene. She died of pneumonia."
My head dropped, but I continued to watch as Popuri walked back to Gray's side. I walked a little slower so I could hear what the two were saying.
"After having his heart broken, Gray started to drink. A lot actually." The angel said. The tears started to swell in my eyes. I watched as Gray gulped down another swig of rum. He was not the happy-go-lucky guy that I once knew. As Gray finished off his thirteenth glass, he thumped his head down on the table.
"Come on hunnie… let's get you to bed," Popuri said, pulling on his arm. He pushed her off.
"Don't call me hunnie. I don't need your God damned help getting home, and I am sure Kai will help you find your way to bed," he growled. I watched as Popuri, I… broken down right there. She dropped to the floor, the tears spilling from her eyes. She was miserable… he was miserable… I was miserable.
I couldn't bear to watch it any longer. I pushed the door of the inn open and walked out to the cobble stone path and cried. The Angel rubbed my back.
"Don't cry… things will not stay like this, but I think you needed to realize that things happen for a reason. When you open your eyes, you will be back at the Inn, and none of this will have ever happened." I nodded my head and closed my eyes, and once again a bright light blinded me.
She was right. As I opened my eyes, I was once again faced with the cheerful atmosphere of the Christmas bash at the Inn. I sit here now, swirling my finger over the top of a crystal glass filled with blood red wine. Red… the color of lust.
He kisses my neck and runs his fingers down my back. I giggle and lay a kiss on his lips, and tell him I love him. All lies… and fake.
This is not Love, but Lust. Blood red like the color of my wine.
As I look across my eyes come to rest on Gray, chatting away happily with the shy librarian. He is happy.
I love him.
I still love him.
But now… I realize that all things happen for a reason, and fate has a funny way of working things out for the best… not everything can be perfect.