Chapter 1 – Piper :
I can tell by your eyes that you've probably been crying forever
And the stars in the sky don't mean nothing to you, they're only there
My dear husband, Leo;
It's been six months, I wonder if you'll ever come back to us. To me. I miss you terribly; at times I feel that if I missed you anymore my heart might just burst.
Little Melinda's growing up so fast, I can't believe it. She's just over eighteen months, and she's beginning to walk and talk properly. I'm not sure if she understands, she probably doesn't, maybe it's best that way. I think she perhaps just knows her daddy isn't around anymore. At first, I could hear her calling your name, she used to be such a 'daddy's girl'. It breaks my heart to think that she might grow up, never knowing you.
Wyatt will be 10 next week, I know he misses you. He told me the other day that he wished you could be there for his birthday party. All I could say was me too. What am I supposed to do when Mel starts asking about her father? I could sure use some help there. Wyatt's become so strong, he's had to. I think he feels that now you're gone he has to look after me, and his brother and sister. I try to tell him that he doesn't have to act so strong, but he won't believe me. I just hope he'll stop and relax soon. I don't want him to grow up to fast, and miss his childhood. I can see so much of Prue in him, it scares me sometimes Leo. I hope he doesn't die young too. Us Halliwells, have a habit of doing that. Oh Leo, my baby's growing up so fast. It won't be long before he's a teenager, and then off to High School, and eventually of to university. He looks more like you everyday that scares me too.
How come I always lose the people who mean the most to me? First mom, then dad, then Grams. You know how hard I took Prue's death, and then you left… At the moment I'll concentrate on just being there for our children, I really hope I don't crack like Dad did.
And Chris, my little Christopher. Part of me can't wait till he grows older, I do miss him. The grown up version, neurotic, but sweet. But at the same time, I want him to have the best childhood possible, please don't let this be a repeat of before; Wyatt may not be evil. But I trust that if I'm not a around and he really needs you, you'll be there for him. Just promise me that Leo. He'll be seven soon, and I can still remember seeing him for the last time, when he was aged 21, and then seeing him for the first time after birth. It was so strange.
I know you two had a special bond. Though I'm sure anyone would with someone they saw dying. I can't imagine how painful that must have been. I'm sorry for not telling you about him sooner.
For the first month Chris would come in from school and start saying "Where's Da…" It was easy to see the pain in his eyes as he realised you weren't around. It really hit him hard. Whilst Wyatt's like Prue, I can almost see myself mirrored in some of the things that Chris does and says. With time, I know Chris will overcome your 'moving on', but like me, he will do it slowly and will need help and time. I can see it in him, when he has stories to tell, and I know it's you he wants to talk to; things he would never have thought about coming to me, or even Wyatt with; but he does now, he has too.
The first few weeks were so hard, first couple of months. I cried so much, Phoebe and Paige were over here the whole time, looking after the kids, and me. When I'm alone the pain inside me swells, it scares me, Leo, it scares me. But I pull through, and I go on living, every day just for the children. I love them so much; I think we did something right there. No regrets on that front. Thank you for them, I'd be lost without them.
I miss you, I really do. Every time the door opens, or the telephone rings, I keep thinking it might be you, even when I know it's not. I wish…I wish…I wish…I wish things could go back, go back to the way they used to be. Before…before…well, you know. But I guess we've gone to far now, it would be almost impossible to turn back time. If I could just spend one more day with you…
I'm not okay, not at the moment. None of us really are, but we're trying, we really are. Forgive us for not moving on quickly, but you meant so much to all of us. We're pulling together, and possibly becoming closer each and everyday. It pains me that you may miss out so much of their lives. All those firsts…and even the lasts…though I'm sure you aren't completely clueless up there.
I don't know whether you'll even receive this letter, I've no means of getting it to you, as I don't know where you are, but there are some things I just had to say. And even if you don't read this, at least they're out there, my thoughts, my feelings. One day, I hope to see you again. And I'm sure, if you ever read this letter it means we've met, or found a way of communicating again.
But for know, these unread, undelivered letters, meant for your eyes only will remain in the bottom of my drawer. And I shall include in here, pictures of us all so far.
We've come so far, but we've got so much further to go, I may not be okay now. But I will be okay one day. Hopefully soon.
Until then, I'll go on, sleeping in a bed made for two, hoping you're lying next to me, but knowing you're not. I sure sometimes I can feel your presence, but I bet that's just wishful thinking.
With all my love,
Your wife, lover and friend
Piper xx