(a/n): I'm so sorry for such a delay. My classes are insane, and the teachers are even worse. Homework is not the right word for it anymore. It's more of like lifework.
Weekends are filled with essays, breaks are filled with research papers. By the time I'm done my eyes are burning and my head is spinning and begging me for rest. Fun has been cut down these last few days, and I feel like I have gone as far as I could.
But thankfully I have caught up with everything and have a little free time to type up my work. I've been writing, yes, I have. But now I need to revise it and type it all.
This chapter is not very long to satisfy your thirst, I know. But I wanted a strong impact and not add any extra scenes or just elongating this scene alone.
I'd like to thank all of those who reviewed: Poddy, Dynamis, and Slash the Ironman. Thanks guys for encouraging me and I hope I will never disappoint you again.
For now enjoy and I will try to post my next chapter soon.
Chapter 13 -Destroyed but Not Defeated-"A man can be destroyed but not defeated." -Ernest Hemingway
"Tanya, I believe Dessloch died a couple of weeks ago."
I froze, my lips parting, my eyes lifeless. "What?" I whispered. "What do you mean you believe?" My hands began to shake uncontrollably as my breath quickened.
"You asked me about Romulus, remember?" Remus wet his lips and looked very sorry. "Well, you see, I'm his twin brother. Not by birth, though." He walked towards the prison bars. "Romulus was a test subject for cloning. I'm the clone. After I exited the cloning tank, I was examined for all my strengths and weaknesses. So was Romulus. They wanted to see who was stronger, smarter, faster, better."
He took a deep breath in. "But we were not the only ones. God there were so many of them." His eyes didn't focus on anything as he looked around the cell. "There was a new test subject they were all so excited about. There was a mech with him. Said he wanted this man in the genetic experimentations. That man was named Dessloch."
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything. I thought I was going to die on the spot. "Well, why would he die?" My voice broke and my heart was going to follow it.
He looked at me. "A week later, the doctor said he wouldn't make it and the experiment was terminated. They send him off with the rest of the dead bodies. I'm sorry."
I shook my head in denial. "There must be a mistake! There's—He can't die!" I screamed with my lower lip trembling as tears ran down my face. I grabbed his arms and my nails clawed him. "He can't die!" I was shrieking. Uncontrollable fear screamed through me. There was so much pain that my knees gave in.
"He can't die! No he's alive. I don't believe you. You are lying. He just can't die! Dammit." Sobs broke my speech as I clawed him harder. "No. No." I barely made out the words. "No. He—" My throat was too dry for me to speak. "Can't die. Can't die."
I closed my eyes and began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't suppress it anymore. I let go of him and fell on my knees, sobbing uncontrollably. I covered my face with my hands and wished I would join him. Why? Why did you do this to me?
I screamed. I shrieked. And I cried. But none of it was enough. There was too much. He could not die. He promised me. We made a promise. "NO! He can't die!" I kept screaming and shrieking until my voice was hoarse, and still I tried. He can't die, he can't die, he can't die, he can't die, he can't die.
I felt as if I was shot into my heart. And there was no respawn defense system to bring me back to life.
I didn't know how long past, but soon I had no more tears left in me. My eyes were burning like someone spilled acid onto me. I couldn't breathe through my nose and breathing through my mouth caused knives to cut my throat. I was still mumbling with my thoughts racing.
I finally gathered the strength to look at Remus who was sitting on the cot.
"Are you alright?" He asked very quietly.
I couldn't say anything. I knew that it really didn't matter anymore. I came here to find him because I still believed that he was alive. Something inside of me always told me that he was alive and that he could not die. He promised and Dessloch never broke promises.
Why did this happen? How will I go on? I felt like dying. I wanted to die because the pain was just too much.
I lost my father at the age of four. I watched him die. His memories haunted me all my life until I met this one man. It was a bad start, I must admit. I nearly killed him when he found out my true identity. But we managed. We managed to solve all of our problems.
I fell in love with him. I guess because… When I was with him, I never thought of my father. I felt no pain, no remorse. It was like he healed me. He gave me a reason to survive, to live. And I did survive. All because of him. I told myself: I must live. For Dessloch if not for me.
But then…he disappeared. He left in the morning, as usual. To do his job that he got. The only difference this time was that he never came home. Two years passed since we heard anything about him. It was when Lostis Zacron arrived.
But now, there was no reason for me to live…to survive. I never wanted to live, I just wanted to avenge my father's death. But then I decided I need to live, for Dessloch. But now that he's dead, I no longer need to be alive. Everyone I loved was taken from me. Everyone I loved so much.
I slowly stood up; my legs didn't support my weight well. I sat on the lower bed and gave out a long breath through my mouth. Is this…the end? Is this really it?
"Function—communication." My voice broke as I said it. The built-in computer didn't respond. I repeated myself in a more controlled voice. "Command confirmed." It responded.
"Zack?" I whispered his name. "Zack, are you there?" I tried gritting my teeth to stop myself from sobbing.
"Tanya?" He sounded serious. "Is everything okay? You sound disturbed."
I couldn't hold it. I burst into tears again as I said two words that will haunt me for the rest of my life, "He's dead."
"Who?"
"Dessloch." I tried to speak as quietly as I could so my voice was even. "He's dead, Zack."
There was a long uneasy silence. I heard my own heartbeat and Zack's breath.
"You are sure?" Zack asked with his voice strained. "Did you see him die? You found his body or a record?" He stuttered.
"No, I was told." I said it without sobbing, as more tears poured down my face silently.
"By who?"
"Someone who was with him."
There was another long silence and I shivered from the uneasy stillness. "Listen, Zack. I want you to get out of here as far as you can." I broke the silence.
"No, Tanya. I am not leaving you. Listen. You don't know for sure if he's dead or not. There could have been a mistake. Hello, Tanya? Do you hear me? He still could be alive, don't give up. Lostis said—"
"Screw, Lostis." I interrupted him. "Why would you trust him?"
"He showed me a record of Dessloch being alive. He's supposed to be competing by now. He's there somewhere, Tanya. Just listen to me. Tanya? Tanya?Tanya, are you there? Are you listening?"
More tears broke loose and I couldn't hear his shouting. I terminated the signal and dropped my face into my hands.
Zack send plenty of signals afterwards to reach me, but I didn't want to talk to him. I turned off the device and I haven't heard from him for quite some time. I was glad because I needed time to collect myself, and yet I felt terrible for not answering back. I didn't know what was right anymore.
I fell asleep and dreamt of nothing but darkness. Remus didn't talk to me or approach me. He was so quiet like he was never there. It was then when I was awoken by a whisper. I thought I heard Dessloch, but it only happened to be a dream. I couldn't fall asleep after that; I couldn't stop thinking about his voice and how he called my name. I wanted to hear that voice again.
"You're going to catch a cold if you don't put a jacket on."
"Earth. It looks so beautiful." I said asI placed my chin on the railing.
"Don't tell me you want to go back." He came beside, placed a sweater over me and leaned against the railing.
"No. It's not that." I put the sweater on and placed my elbows on the metal. "But it has crossed my mind." I looked at him. "Don't you ever think about going back."
Dessloch looked back at the sky and sighed. "Yeah. Plenty of times. But then it really doesn't matter where we are, Trish." He looked at me and smiled. "Nothing matters but being with you. All that matters is to be with you." He took my chin and breathed lightly on my face. "You are the only one I need to survive in this world."
I smiled and cupped his face. "You know what? I feel the same about you." I saw him smile before I closed my eyes and felt him kiss my lips.
I was awoken by soft shove on my arm and I met the face of Lostis and two of his buddies behind him. "A team is waiting for you." He told me and pulled me up by my arm. He cuffed me lightly and lead me away from the cell.
We rode in the elevator to the upper floors. To my surprise, I recognized the curved hallways with a tint of blue from the lights in the corners of the ceiling and floors. This was a Blue Bunker. At least that's how my team called it. Nothing changed here.
So these floors were left untouched, just like the underground. But then, I didn't want to see it. I did not want to step foot on these floor tiles no longer. As we took a turn, my heart nearly stopped as I saw a name was lit up by one of the hidden neon-light projectors. It read 'BLOOD REAVERS.'
This was exactly where I met you, Dess. Do you remember this maze that you found me in? I was such a jerk back then, probably a bigger one today. I always did wonder what will be the first thing you would say when I would find you. Probably something like 'Hey, Trish. What took you so long?' or maybe something like 'We made a promise, Trish, remember?'
That felt like a knife was thrown into my already broken heart. As Lostis came up, a holographic scanner and keypad were projected. He placed his hand onto the scanner and 'override' was displayed. The door unlocked and slid open.
Inside was a very worried Boris, standing in front of the couch that was up against the wall opposite of the door. Lostis pushed me lightly and whispered, "He's alive, Tanya. He is also very close by. Open your eyes." The door closed behind me, and it was just Boris and I.
He's alive, Tanya. He is also very close by. Open your eyes. Somehow Lostis is an expert at getting his words to echo in my mind. The problem was I did not know who to trust anymore. One says this the other says that. But the thought of him still being alive made me tear again.
Boris quickly came up to me and asked, "Tanya, are you alright?" I shook my head miserably and flung my hands around his neck. I just cried. Dessloch…where are you?
I felt Boris' arms around me and he swayed me gently back and forth. He did not say a word. Out of all people, he knew that the times I cried are not good ones. And this certainly wasn't a good time I was having.
As time passed, I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "What happened?" He asked, too serious to kid around with. I didn't want to tell him about Dessloch and my confusion. No, I wouldn't dare. Dess was like a brother to Boris.
"I thought you left me." I said in a broken tone, remembering how everyone left that rat hole but me. "The way you walked away. I thought you were fed up with me." I lied as I wiped my tears away.
"Tanya, you know I'll never leave you." He said as he walked me over to the couch. I sat down and looked towards the floor. "I know Boris, it's just that I never saw it coming." This time it was the truth.
His hands cleared my face from hair and he looked carefully into my eyes. "It's more than that." He suddenly said and cupped my face. "Something is wrong. I've never seen you like this." He wiped off my tears with his thumb. "Tell me." He searched my eyes. "What is bothering you?"
I took a deep breath and hugged him. "Someone told me Dessloch is dead." Damn tears started to pour from my eyes again. I sobbed again and held onto him tighter. "He said that he was sent with the rest of the corpses." I took a deep breath and sobbed louder. "But then here comes Lostis, saying he is alive. I don't know who to believe, Boris. I don't know what to do anymore."
Boris just held me. Probably thinking over what I just said. He'll probably blame me, too. For letting Dessloch go like that when we were on the moon. I was stupid enough to allow him to work on that damn job.
"But we need the creds." Dessloch said to me one evening as we were eating canned foods. "I can no longer feed on these." He threw his into the garbage and paced around the kitchen.
"It's too dangerous. With the Alien Government, the League is everywhere. Including here on the moon. I'd rather take my chances leaving this galaxy." I said as I was eating mine, hiding my disgusted face that was caused from the awful taste.
"Isn't that more dangerous?" He asked me in his perfect tone and sat opposite of me at the table.
"The resistance is getting crushed and its people are getting killed. They will get to us sooner or later."His voice sounded serious. He took my can from me and threw it out, too. "I can't watch you eat like that." He added.
"It really gets better with each day." I said, smiling sweetly. I reached for his hand when I saw him frown.
"You are not supposed to get used to it." He said disgustingly and pulled his other hand over mine. "I feel like a dog eating these cans."
I just had to laugh at his remark. "Relax. Everything is going to be fine." I pulled back my hand and came over to him to sit on his lap. "We do need the money, but can't you find another job." I placed a hand on his face. "I don't want to see you leave, beloved."
He sighed and took my hand. "If we want to survive we need to make sacrifices."
Those words are still inside of me today. Yeah, he made a sacrifice. I just don't know for how much longer I can survive.
"Tell me Boris. Is he alive?" I asked, feeling like a little child who needs to hear specific words to calm me. "I mean. He won't die, knowing that I will be waiting for him, right?"
"That's right." Boris' voice was bitter. His hand brushed my hair slowly. "Everything will be alright, you hear?"
I nodded.
"You should get some sleep. It's past midnight. In fact the sun should be rising in a few hours. Everyone's asleep by now." Boris slowly pulled back and studied my face. "Everything is going to be just fine. You'll see."
I smiled. "Thank you."
"You're going to stay here?" He asked.
"Yeah, I don't want to bother my roommate. And I'm not up for a welcoming committee, either." I wiped my eyes and let out a depressed sigh.
Dessloch. Remus said you were dead, Lostis said you were alive. Who should I trust? Should I trust no one and just find out the truth on my own like Zack had said to me before.
That is the wisest choice. Since when do I ever listen to anyone outside my family and friends? I should find out on my own. It is the best way. Dessloch is not dead until I say so, and that is never going to happen. You hear me Dess? You are alive and I don't care what others might say about it. And I will find you. Alive. Yes, I will find you alive.
It will be hard. I believe it will be very hard in fact, but I will manage. I'm still alive, Dess, and so are you. We both are strong. I know we both are fighting to stay alive for that one day where we will see each other again. I'm looking forward to that day. And we will see each other, and we will both be alive.