(a/n): Hi guys. Sorry for such a long delay. I had a little trouble writing this chapter; it was revised many times until I was finally satisfied with it. Hopefully you will enjoy this chapter and perhaps it will leave something to ponder about.
I'd like to thank all my reviewers and once again apologize for such a long absence.
Everyone enjoy.
Chapter 14: Reminiscence
"Study the past, if you would divine the future." —Confucius
The morning crawled its way from the night, a very long, dark and lonely night filled with endless nightmares. Ghostly shadows of whom I love, painted my tearful dreams. Over and over, he would stand in front of me and reach out, but I was always too far away to hold his hand. Dess...
When morning finally came, I was awoken by someone who pushed one of my bangs from my face. The light from the windows welcomed me. I stretched as far as I could, drifting away from yesterday. But the pain in the back suddenly sharpened my mood.
Never would I sleep on the darn couch again. Shockingly, I felt exhausted from the night and my back made it worse. I breathed out heavily and looked into the unexpected face of Wraith, which made me scream and fall off the couch.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you," Wraith said as he helped me up to my feet.
"What are you doing here?" I screamed, suddenly wide awake, as I pulled my arm back and backed away while tripping onto the couch. "No, no, no, no." I said quickly and jumped from the couch and away from him. "What are you doing in my teamquarters?"
"Your teamquarters?" Wraith asked. "Are you okay?"
"Of course I'm okay!" I screamed at him. What in the Hell is he doing here? I never ever wanted to see his face again. "Get out!" I screamed at him and pointed at the exit.
Wraith didn't twitch as he observed me. "Get out?" He asked me in a very serious tone. "These are not your quarters, Trinity. Nor are you my boss, nor my mother."
"What's going on here?" Boris asked as he entered the livingroom, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"Boris." I came up to him and glanced at Wraith. "What is he doing here?" I asked.
"Tanya, he's the leader." Boris' words shocked me.
"What?"
"He's the leader. He formed this team and you are part of it."
"I don't remember being part of his team." Nor am I going to be part of his team.
"You were on the team, Tanya." Boris put a hand on my shoulder. "There was a mistake. A technical error occurred. That is why you weren't called before."
Oh no. I still refused to be on this persistent bastard's team. What the hell? How could Boris ever agree to this.
"Disappointed. As per usual." Wraith breathed out and sat in one of the armchairs and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Hey!" I snapped as I turned to look at him. "You shouldn't even be talking! You know nothing about me! So for once stop pretending like you do!" I resisted the urge to punch him in the face.
"Know you?" Wraith leaned towards me. "Look at you." He waved a hand in my direction.
"Here we go..." Boris said behind me. I ignored him.
"You're never satisfied," Wraith continued, "You're always having a bad a day, you pick fights, punch out walls." He chuckled. "You think I need to know you to know that?"
"Wraith." I breathed through my teeth as I curled my fingers into fists. "You're playing with fire. You better shut that mouth of yours or—"
"Yeah, yeah." Wraith stood up. "Or else I'll be 'at the end of your Flak Cannon', I know, you told me plenty me of times." He slowly walked towards me. "Let's get something straight, Trinity. I am not afraid of you. Yeah, I may look like someone who swallows everything down my throat and nod in response." He was getting too close and I took a step back. "But to be quite honest I'm tired of it." He kept advancing and soon my back met the wall. "And I am your leader whether you like or not." I tried to escape to his right but he placed his hand on the wall next to me. "So we could just get along, professionally, or you could just give yourself a headache each morning and have a bad day everyday." I tried the other side and he placed his second hand on the wall and stared into my eyes. "You think you're better? Then prove it at today's match." Our noses almost touched. "We'll settle our score then." He leaned his face towards mine and I looked away in disgust. "Fair and square." He whispered into my ear. "See you at Phobos." He pulled back and walked out of the quarters as I didn't move.
"That—that—that—"
"—Trinity."
"What!" I looked at Boris. "What." I cooled.
"Calm down."
"What do you mean calm down? That moron was in my face!"
"Yeah, I know. But, a match is scheduled for today. Kick his ass then."
I looked at him with my folded hands. "Yeah, sure." I said and looked away. "But let me take a shower first." I walked towards the bathroom. "I don't feel comfortable with his breath on me."
Boris chuckled. "Okay. I'll wait."
Wraith has just stepped over the line. When that match comes, his ass will be mine.
When I came down with the rest of the team, I met faces I never knew; there was this guy with red head, wearing a similar armor to Wraith's, and a blond girl with a blue armor; Wraith's friends I presume. The Egyptian was there, too; her golden armor—if it could be called an armor—was nothing like ours; it was gold and barely covered her whole body, leaving parts of legs, abdomen, and arms open. Prism was there, too. Oh, I remember her, didn't like her and planned on fragging her. I was sure she had the same thing in mind. 'Training Day' was something no one forgot.
Finally there was Romulus. He waved to me when I arrived and said hi. I liked him, really liked him. But I never understood why would someone like him be here. Like a white crow, he seemed like he was out of place.
"Any audience?" I asked Boris as I checked my gloves while sitting on the benches inside the locker room.
"None. It's a private match. Wraith must prove himself as a leader." Boris tied his laces.
"Isn't it old?" I asked as I looked at his old Blood Reaver suit.
He smiled. "It's a classic." I smiled back and nodded in agreement.
"Get ready." Wraith called out as he slipped his respawn device into its slot. "The match starts soon." He swung the backpack over his shoulders and looked at me.
"Don't worry." I took the automatic rifle from its holding rack. "We'll be ready." I aimed at his pretty face and said 'bang'.
He smiled back as he took his rifle and loaded it. "Don't miss."
Haha. I was not planning to.
He hit the red switch on the wall and it blared green as the silver doors slid open to opposite sides. "Come on." He addressed the team. "Let's do this."
When he exited, Romulus came up to me and whispered as I grabbed a backpack, "I think he has his eyes on you."
I glared at him. "Romulus?"
"Sorry, sorry. Nevermind." And on that note he walked out.
A hand dropped on my shoulder and I looked at Boris. "Take it easy, Tanya."
"Right." I breathed out. "Taking it easy."
The two of us walked out of the locker room as I swung the backpack on my shoulders. "Let's rock." I whispered, and Boris echoed my words.
The place we walked into happened to be a small room with small chambers big enough for people to step in. The round room was chilling; its dark light barely illuminated the floor as the shadows slowly consumed the faces of my opponents who stepped into the dark tombs.
"Well." I breathed out as I looked at Boris. "Not what I expected."
I couldn't make out his expression when he slowly observed the small room from left to right. "Things did change over the years." His voice was as gloomy as the room.
"No lights, no announcer, no screaming fans, no posters." I walked to one of the empty chambers and touched the metallic wall that wrapped it.
Boris went inside and turned to look at me. "I'm sure it can't be that bad." He said as he smiled.
I frowned and carefully examined the inside of the chamber before slowly stepping in. "And no leg room." I added as I felt chills run down my spine when the chamber shut closed by a vertical descending glass. I shifted my head to my left and looked at Boris and shuddered when I watched him close his eyes. There was red light passed from bottom to top. Then from head to toe, it reflected off his face. I closed my eyes when the red light passed by them, and when I opened them I was in the old map I fought in two years ago. Phobos.
"The match will start in five, four, three, two, one." I spawned outside of the Phobos station with the empty space staring back at me. This place was huge compared to the Phobos I fought in two years ago. Phobos...
I ran around the wide opening in the middle, hearing a firefight break loose already, as I tried looking for some sort of a weapon. My search turned up nothing. Silently cursing myself for wasting time like this, I ran for the elevator. It should take me down to some familiar place. I remembered that there should be hallway that opens into the center of Phobos.
I made my way quickly, and jumped down and off the elevator before it took me back up again and was stunned. Either my memory didn't serve me correctly or the place was completely remodeled; a short narrow catwalk extended away from me with a drop at the end and an exit to my left.
I ducked the minute I heard the lightning gun zip over my head, and without thinking I ran down the catwalk and jump down, picking up the minigun I found at the bottom.
I ran forward and rolled down the ramp, facing the catwalk above me. Someone in an orange armor ran into view. I opened fire. The minigun shook in my hands as holes appeared in his armor and his face, catching him in mid-air. He fell retired to the floor, and his lightning gun clattered next to him. I glanced to see it wasn't Wraith but instead his buddy with red hair. Dammit.
Bullets screamed through the air, scraping off the walls with a screech. I readied my aim, steadying the heavy gun. Boris ran into view as he leaped down the inclined ramp towards me and twisted his body back to the pursuer. A man in an orange armor ran into view. Wraith! I let it rip, the barrel spun as the bullets shot out. Wraith's eyes widened as he dropped to the floor and rolled out of view.
I let go of the trigger and ran as quickly as I could up the ramp and towards Wraith to finish him off. I saw him regaining his balance when suddenly he looked at me. I pressed the trigger hard, aiming for his head but he rolled right towards the stairs, leaving his minigun behind. Without wasting time, I ran after him and turned the corner. He made his escape to the right, leaving behind a metallic canister that kicked off the stairs. I leaped back towards the inclined ramp and the grenade exploded when I reached the floor.
That coward. I gritted my teeth as I stood on my knee, grasping the minigun's handle hard that my hand shook from pressure.
"Let him go." Boris said. "He could have gone to many places. Best to regroup, gather equipment, and so on." He walked down the ramp and ran out of sight.
I know that, I thought as I looked back at the corner that led towards the stairs. Don't worry, Wraith. Next time. I walked towards the lightning gun Torch left behind, thinking that he wouldn't be needing this, and followed Boris out the hallway. The passage branched out in three ways—forward, left, and right. Boris took left without hesitation into the heart of Phobos, and I decided to take right.
The room I entered was huge with a glass covering the floor and wall, extending all the way to the part of the ceiling on the right. A jumping pad in front of me gave access to the pathways above it. I couldn't help but look out into the empty space outside. Stars filled the empty dark sky. And burning bright in a high corner was a blue star that caught my attention. Space. Lived in the Lunar Colonies for two years and yet still found it mystifying. But thinking of the Lunar Colonies brought the good and bad memories and the reason why I was here. Space, I hated it.
Footsteps above brought me back to reality. I shot my head up but only saw the ceiling of this open room. Running to the jump pad, I was pulled against gravity to the next pad. In matter of seconds I was on the upper floor and heard more footsteps to my right. The hallway was clear, and so was the slot for some type of weapon. I tightened my grip on the minigun and slowly made my way to the right towards the two small steps that welcomed a sharp turn to the left.
Thundering, a rocket roared somewhere close by. Just a few more steps, and I'll be there. The minute my foot touched the upper step I spun towards the left and readied my aim at—Romulus. My aim dropped. Before I was able to scream out his name, a screech filled the hallway as a beam of death burned through the core of Phobos, and a cloud of purple light burned through the entire center of the great structure. Boris!
Suddenly, Romulus jumped into me with surprise in his eyes when he stared back at me. Taking a deep breath out, he patted his left side of his armor and said, "Don't do that again."
Ignoring him, I told myself that Boris was alright. It wasn't like him to stay in one area for too long. There was enough of time for him to pass right through it. Boris was smart enough to know how dangerous the center of Phobos could get. Seeing me compete in this hellhole was enough to know that.
"Are you okay? I turned to Romulus and studied him. In an instant, his wide eyes narrowed with a grim expression on his face.
"Yeah." He breathed out while nodding.
"Okay." I looked around. "Is there any other way out of here except for the lift and back out the hallway?"
"Yeah." His voice was even. "Over there is a small opening that will take you down to the lower level." Extending his hand, he pointed at the end of the corridor.
"Thanks." I ran towards the dead-end and almost immediately saw the square hole in the ground.
Hesitating to check the environment below, I watched a girl in blue pass by with Torch following her. They teamed up, I see. I aimed at his head and fired. His death was instant. And when the girl turned, I already landed with a thud and fragged her before she had a chance to react. Doing wonderfully, I quietly complimented myself as I turned towards the sliding doors and proceeded.
The metallic doors swung in opposite directions quickly. A woman in green dropped to the ground and faced me. The pulse gun looked deadly in her hands. Green ball of plasma burned through the air past me as I ducked, and followed it a beam, whipping and slashing its way towards me. I rolled sideways, holding out my right arm over my head as my shoulder made impact with the floor. With my left hand I pressed the trigger and the minigun let out a shrill. Turning and spinning, the barrel spit out the bullets through the air and into the direction of the woman.
Before the trail of bullets against the floor reached her, she jumped off the edge behind her. I cursed silently as I let go of the trigger. Following her was not a wise idea. Dammit.
"Wraith is on Killing Spree!" The announcer shouted through my earpiece.
"Shit." This time I said it out loud. Quickly, I looked at my left and saw a gap separating the platforms. I jumped across it and aimed down through the gap. Where was she? I scanned the area slowly.
Suddenly, to my left, Prism jumped through the air and slammed right into me. The two of us groaned when we hit the cold metallic floor. Without thinking, I raised my minigun into her face only for it to be kicked away by a well placed kick. I mirrored her and slammed her own weapon away from her hands.
"Not this this time!" She yelled as she grabbed for my neck with both hands and rammed me up against the wall behind my back. Guess this was payback for the match down at 'Training Day.' Instinctively, I grabbed for her shoulders and drove my knee into her lower abdomen followed by an elbow into her pained faced and another strike at the abdomen with my knee. Before she was able to spit out blood, I tripped her to the floor. Face against the floor, her moan was muffled. I took her own weapon and stepped on her back with my foot. Without a word I pressed the trigger.
Then I turned towards the catwalk. When I made my way towards the entrance, lightning clawed the wall of the entry with a thunderous roar. I spun, readying the pulse rifle to fire, and—my aim found Prism. Standing across the room, she looked through the screen of the lightning gun, probably aiming at my head.
I wouldn't want to underestimate her skill. Turning to run off the platform, I felt something slap onto my armor. As if on contact, an electric arc rooted through the air and shocked me through the armor, forcing me down to the chilling floor with force.
With my heart beating out of my chest, I felt my breath quicken as pain through my body raced to my fingers and legs. The burning sensation gave me the feeling as if I was being electrocuted alive.
My body shook uncontrollably as I slowly stood on one knee and looked up at Prism who had a wicked grin on her face. "Fry like a pig, Trinity!" She yelled while aiming her lightning gun at my head.
Hoping that she would miss, I fell towards the floor as the electric claws teared above my head, striking into the wall above me. Before her lightning gun recharged, I pushed myself from the floor and whipped the Plasma rifle in her direction and pressed the trigger. The hot plasma spit out of the rifle, burning through the air and into Prism's running body. Her efforts to escape were futile; her corpse on the floor proved so.
"Killing Spree!" I was informed, glad to know that I wasn't that far behind.
I slowly stood on my feet. Taking a deep breath, I proceeded. Jumping the gap once more, I grabbed her weapon, slipping the strap of the link gun on my shoulder, and then taking the elevator to a familiar tower. Ah...sniping time, I thought as I looked down at the small insects below me.
"Headhunter!" Theannouncerinformed me when I blew off Asp's head off her shoulder in mid-air. Not that this wasn't fun, but I was getting frustrated that Wraith was nowhere to be seen. That punk was not only avoiding open space, but his score was tied with mine. And I needed one more frag to end this match. Bastard. I caught up to his score quickly, but the problem with this spot was that there was no ammo. I only had enough for two shot, more than enough for one kill. But there was another thing about this tower; you got unwanted visitors via the lift behind me. And there were times when I wouldn't hear the damn lift. In the previous Phobos—no matter that the competition with mechs was much worse—the tower was, how would you say it, more 'sniper friendly'; the lift would actually beam to life and specifically state that lift 1 was activated. Life was so much easier back in those days. Sigh.
Someone spawned on the open platform of the station and was my target in an instant. Steady, Steady. As Torch made his way towards the lift in front of him, my aim followed his red head at his pace. Steady, steady, steady. I held my breath, still holding the cursor on him. Now! I squeezed the trigger and instantaneously my rifle jerked up. The arc of lightning missed my target.
Someone pulled me by my waist to the floor and slipped off the Pulse Gun from my shoulder. My hands pulled me from the floor, and I spun my head towards my pursuer. My eyes met Wraith's. I growled as I swept him off the floor with my legs, and gave him a good kick in his chest when he fell to the floor. The armor prevented me from doing any real damage. Quickly, I rolled for my pulse rifle in his hands. I grabbed it away from him, turned, and fired, barely aiming at his head as he jumped to his feet in seconds.
The sizzling substance rammed into his own lightning gun instead of his head, and his weapon melted right in his hands as he hit the floor. I took a step forward and aimed down at my enemy. On impulse, Wraith tripped me, and my shoulder rammed into the floor mercilessly. With the pulse gun still in hand, I rolled backwards to allow me some space. When I was on my feet, he was in my face and swung my arms above my head, holding onto my plasma rifle. Without hesitation, I let him have the weapon and dived passed him for the lightning gun near the lift. One shot. Headshot.
But I never reached the weapon; Wraith painfully caught my left arm with his right hand and reeled me back. I had to grip my teeth from the pain. Furiously, I rammed my palm into his face with my free hand and tore my arm free. With a burning sensation, I ignored the pain in my arm as I kicked his weapon away with a scream. When he backed away, I could clearly see that he was bleeding. Who cared? I wasn't about to go easy on him.
I spun and whipped out my foot into his face. Ducking, Wraith advanced towards me and pushed me toward the triangular support behind me. My back barely touched the two bars between the metallic frame I twined my hands around the upper bar and I pulled my feet off the ground and hit him in the chest. The hit connected like a shock, and Wraith staggered back. Slipping my hands from the bar, I dived at him, hands first. When my fists met his abdomen, he fell to the floor with a groan with me on top for a split second.
I jumped to my feet, and I raised my heel into the air. With tremendous force, I pulled my heel into his face. In an instance, he caught my foot and twisted it, forcing me to the floor fast and hard. I met the concrete with a gasp. Glancing back, I drove my second foot into his face. He stumbled and quickly rolled sideways, rubbing his cheek.
Slowly, I stood and met his gaze, watching him spit out blood and wipe his mouth. It was in a matter of seconds when his eyes bore into mine. A smile grew on my lips and a frown on his.
"You're enjoying this." It was more of a statement than a question.
Grinning wickedly, I asked, "Who wouldn't," making sure my voice sound pleased.
"You really do hate me, huh? And to think that I haven't done anything to you." Despite him looking calm, I felt his tension and nervousness through his eyes.
"I never liked to be stabbed in the back. I'm taking care of the problem before it gets out of control." I kept my voice cool.
"A problem? That's what I am to you?"
"It's dangerous to get to know me. You knew that the first day you met me."
"Right." He chuckled pleasantly...Bastard. "It's about that whole spy business, isn't it? I don't know how many times you had your heartbroken by these people to make you paranoid enough to think that everyone is a spy."
"I don't make mistakes twice."
"So one time was enough for you to hate the entire human race?" He scoffed. "Well, you definitely made one mistake more than once. That's shutting people out. You could have met many trustworthy people, but no. You are forcing yourself to live through this torture on your own. I see it in your eyes. You are in daily pain that's tearing and ripping you apart to a point when you are ready to scream. But you don't. You suppress it all and let it slowly build up your anger for humanity."
"I endure all of this because I am strong and because I can." I said it in a firm voice. "I refuse to bend down and and give in to the pain. And I do not let out my hatred for humanity. I do not let people in because I am strong enough to carry on my own. Everyone I love are there for me, already. Those are the ones I trust with all my life. I do not need anyone else."
"You think that way because you are paranoid. You are afraid that you will let in someone who is not on your side, and you are afraid that that person will be capable of destroying your circle. You say you are not weak? You are very weak!" He said firmly as he raised his voice.
"What did you say?" I gritted my teeth as my eyes narrowed.
"You are not strong enough, Trinity. You are too weak to carry on! You are crippled, and you never recovered because you are too weak! You say you are strong enough to continue? I say that's your excuse for not letting anyone in. You are afraid, Trinity, because you are still scared. And your fear is destroying the very inner part of you."
"You know nothing!" I screamed back, angrily.
"Oh, but I do, Trinity. You are not the only one who goes through this everyday! There are billions of people on this planet who go through the same pain as you. Betrayal, death, parting, love, helplessness, pain both physical and mental that everyone goes through. The whole race would have become insane if everyone reacted like you!
Even through all the misery, life goes on. Because there are more things to life than your past. There are memories, new roads, new people, and those people that are still in your life. And most importantly the future. Everyone experiences death! Which is the more the reason to stay strong and accomplish as much as you can for the next generation. Life was not given to the living to throw away! Death will come one way or another. So embrace the life that is still inside of you. If you are truly strong, you will recover from the damages and continue on living. Because with every breath and heartbeat in your body are the very moments you still have to contribute to this world.
So you feel betrayed. But not everyone are seeking to rip open another wound inside of you. Everyone wants someone in their lives to give them comfort. Maybe the reason they talk to you is because they see something in you that they can relate to. If everyone would have just pushed others away there would be no society. There would be no families, nor friends. Everyone would be an enemy. Is that how you want to live? If you are truly strong, you will overcome you fear and then you will carry on. Strong enough to accept others."
Pain ripped through me. Suddenly, I felt a heavy presence in my heart. The uneasiness was murdering me, tearing at me. It was not that I was betrayed. It was I who betrayed those I loved. Dess, my lover, my tormentor, my life, my heart. The misunderstandings, the breaking of his heart, the breaking of mine, and yet the kisses at night, the sweet words in the morning, the Lunar Colonies, the whispers of love still won over the pain and sadness. Dess. Where are you?
I looked straight into Wraith's eyes. "You will never understand the pain in my heart, Wraith. You are not me, nor will you ever be." I kept my voice firm. There was so many things he didn't understand. I was right all along; he knew nothing. What would he know? I'm not afraid of spies. I'm afraid of letting go. I broke Dess' heart once, and I let him go the second time. I allowed this to happen.
Perhaps Wraith's right. I am weak. But my weakness is also my strength. I can never accept anyone other than Dessloch. Because Dess is my strength, my heart, my other half, my soul, my pillar. I don't want other friends. I don't need other friends. Dess takes everyone's place: he is like my father, my mother, my brother, my friend, and my lover. All I need is Dess and no one else. If only I can have Dess, only then can I go on.
I looked at Wraith. "You're wrong, Wraith. I am not weak. Perhaps, I don't let people in. But one thing is for certain. No matter how weak I appear to be, I'm still strong enough to wait for him."
"Him?" Wraith's eyes looked dubious.
"You are a righteous leader, Wraith." I ignored his question. "And I am glad that someone still has sense in this tournament. You are strong, and able to put your past behind you." I paused. "But for me, my past is all I have. At least for now. And if for a second I would say there is something more important, I would have no purpose of being here. My past is my present. Nothing has changed so far. I am here, to make sure my past will become my future. Because my past is fruitful. And I want my future to be so too."
"You say this is how you want it to be? This is your past, your present? Full of pain and torture?"
"No, Wraith. As one person taught me once two years ago, I hope that all the good things I had in my past would come back to me sometime in my near future. That is the past I live in. A past one day that will return to me. You are right. There are more things to life than past. But past is the building foundation of the future and hence life. Past is our roots, past is our birth, our seed, our fruit."
I turned to walk towards the edge and looked down at the Space Station below me. The memories were too strong to hold back. This is who I am, and nothing will ever change that. I enjoy thinking back and remembering the joys I had. Sorrow was inevitable. I knew that well. But it was the good moments, the pleasant minutes we spent together, was what still kept me going.
I glanced at Wraith. With his eyes still following me, he hasn't moved since "Oh, and one more thing." I knelt down to pick up the pulse rifle. After checking the ammo and slipping the strap onto my shoulder, I looked at him. "You are wrong. I was never betrayed." I jumped off, letting the the low gravity slowly pull me towards the Phobos Station.
And so there was silence.