Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything on the OC although I plan to one day.
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"You broke me heart Marissa and I am never going to forgive you for that. We were perfect but you broke it and I will never love anyone else let alone you again!"
The words tore through Marissa's heart and sent shockwaves rippling through her body. Her mind processed the words slowly and her life seemed to depend on the words turning into lies. Her life depended on Ryan turning around and telling her that he wanted her and would forgive her.
But nothing in the world could stop Ryan now, he was broken and she had done it. He was broken and it was all her fault. If only she hadn't been so selfish, if only she had followed her heart and not her body, not her twisted mind.
The rain mixed with her tears, and her eyes strained to see Ryan's bent back through the rain but he was gone. Her ears strained for Ryan's soft voice that had lulled her to sleep in their bed in their home.
"I love you Ryan!" She screamed into the storm but the only response was the thunder and the waves crashing up onto the beach. "I love you am I am so sorry! I love you Ryan!"
But he was gone and it could have never been more real.
She stumbled through the rain back towards her car. Her mind was else where. Her heart had since disappeared, buried beneath the stain of guilt and the weight of sadness. It was her fault.
She drove back to her apartment not even aware herself of where she was going. All she knew was that it was her fault. All her fault.
She dropped her keys twice before she was able to open her front door, she could have just knocked but she didn't want to disturb Summer. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking.
"Oh my god Marissa your soaking." She should have just knocked.
"Marissa what happened sweetie?" And then it hit her for the second time that night. It was all her fault. He knew and he was gone now, forever.
"He knows," Marissa mumbled as Summer sat her down and brang her a warm cup of hot chocolate and a towel. She couldn't hold the cup because her hands shook so much. Summer had to put it down on the table.
"What does he know?" Summer's voice was warm and understanding, she had no idea what Marissa was talking about but she already knew it was bad. Marissa hadn't been like this since Trey had tried to rape her.
"He knews Summer. He knows about Trey."
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How could she do that to him? Just days after he asked her to be his wife and she goes and jumps into the arms of his brother. The same brother that had tried to rape her. The same one that had tried to kill him.
Ryan's mind was twisting and turning down corridors of confusion and thoughts that didn't make sense yet made all the sense in the world.
His heart was not just broken it was shattered into billions of pieces that were scattered over the wind that was blowing a gale out by the stormy sea. He had never love anyone like he loved Marissa. Through all that drama they had always come back together because it just made perfect sense. All the sense in the world.
Through the whole Oliver fiasco and then out the other side of Teresa's pregnancy and then Ryan had been there for her after Trey tried to rape her. After that nothing could have broken them. They had entered college and then after a few years apart. Her in New York and him here in Newport they came back together like nothing else had happened.
Then just days ago Ryan had asked Marissa to marry him and she had said yes with tears rolling down her face with happiness. It had made all the sense in the world. They were in love and nothing could break them.
Then today Ryan came home from work early to see his bride to be only to see her with another man. His brother to be more exact. His fucking brother. And at that point the world stopped making sense.
He had left instantly but not before making it obvious to them that he was there.
Ryan had instantly headed down to the beach, he had no idea why but he ended up at Marissa's old haunt. The life guard station. Maybe he was hoping that she would find him and give him a explanantion that justified what had happpened. Just so the world would make sense again and he wouldn't feel so lost.
Ryan stumbled on through the rain bone weary and lost. Nothing was making sense and yet it made all the sense in the world.
"Ryan. Oh my god Ryan." It was Seth standing in front of him with Sandy beside him. Father and son Ryan thought. I might have had a son if only.
"Summer just called me and told me what happened." Seth's voice was distant from the pain that surrounded Ryan everywhere. Nothing made sense.
"Ryan son we need to get you home." Sandy's voice was filled with worry. Well that definitely didn't make sense. Sandy shouldn't be worried about him. After all he could just live him whenever he wanted just like everyone else did. They always left him.
"No I want to stay here." Ryan tried to sound like he was okay although he couldn't help his voice beginning to shake and his body wasn't helping but trembling violently.
"Come on kid lets get you home. You can stay in the guest room tonight and Seth you can stay in your old room." Sandy's voice was commanding and Ryan was so lost he just obeyed him when Sandy led him to the car. His arms wrapped around Ryan in a fatherly manner and muttered words of comfort to Ryan. Nothing made sense but this small fatherly comfort did.
Seth sat in the passenger sit as he dad drove and Ryan sat in the back, Sandy's coat wrapped around his body. Then for the first time ever in front of Seth and Sandy, his brother and father he cried.
He cried for what might have been, for what could have been and for what was now taken from him. He cried because it was the only thing that made sense. And it made all the sense in the world.
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Sandy had always wanted Ryan to open up and show more emotion and even wanted him to cry just once but now he wished he had never had wanted such selfish things. The pain that was burrying Ryan was so deep and intense that Sandy could feel it jumping off him. And it affected Sandy so that he wanted to just kill Marissa for what had happened. Of course wishing she was dead might just come true and even then Ryan would be devastated.
He and Seth managed to get Ryan into the guest room and out of his soaking clothes with ease. To much ease even. It seemed that Ryan was so lost he just followed those simple instructions because it was the only thing he could do. Sandy wished he could take the pain away.
He said good night to his two boys who for the first time in a year were sleeping in his house at the same time. Sandy slipped into his bedroom and quietly climbed into bed trying not to wake Kirsten up.
It was no good because she was already awake. "What's wrong?" She asked not the slightest bit weary but awake and aware from worry.
"Something came up with Ryan and Seth had been drinking so I had to drive." He didn't know if he should tell his wife why. He knew she would fly off the handle if she knew. Somehow though he couldn't not tell her. It was to devastating for him as well as Ryan to be able to keep this burden of grief on Ryan's behalf.
"Why? Is Ryan okay? Did something happen to Marissa?"
Sandy nodded. "Ryan came home from work early today and when he got back he caught Marissa with... He caught Marissa with Trey." It was so unbelievable and at first he had been skeptical and wondered if Seth was so drunk that he had misheard Summer. Yet when he saw his Ryan's face and heard those cries of grief he believed it. He wished he could take all the pain away.
"My god no. What happened after that?"
"From what Summer got out of Marissa it seems that Ryan left and Marissa went looking for him instantly. She found him out at the life guard station where she used to hang out a lot and tried to explain it all to Ryan. He shouted at her and left. So Marissa went back to her apartment and told Summer who rang Seth to find Ryan before he did something stupid."
To Sandy it sounded like something from TV and yet it was happening right in front of them. To Ryan. It sounded all just like an over the top day time soap. He wanted to take all the pain away.
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Summer stared at her best friend who lay on their carpet sleeping. Marissa had cried her self to sleep with Summer rocking her in her arms but for some reason after all of the pain she had just watched Marissa go through she felt nothing for her friend.
Sure Marissa was guilty and grief stricken but the pain she would cause because of her actions was nothing to what Marissa would be feeling. There was no compassion for her best friend.
Summer had started to believe that Marissa and Ryan might be able to stick things out when Ryan asked her to marry him just days ago. They had been dating for years and built up their relationship through hardship but still they always seemed rocky, always seemed like something was going to break.
Summer got up slowly and tiptoed to her room and picked up the phone. She rang the Cohen's number and hoped that she wouldn't wake anyone up. It was just past one in the morning.
"Hello Seth speaking." He sounded tired and the fact that he was cracking some joke worried her.
"Hey Cohen it's me."
"Hi sweetie." Short but not so sweet. He sounded tired and there was something in his voice that hinted sad.
"Did you get Ryan?"
"Yeah dad and I found him at the pier. He was soaking and in a right state."
"And?"
"And he cried."
"What? Chino cried."
"Yeah I know. We got in the car and Ryan was kind of lost and a bit confused and then he just broke down. I almost started crying too."
"God this sucks doesn't it."
"It more then sucks hon. I mean Ryan and Marissa will never speak again and I don't know what Ryan's going to be like and I definitely don't give a damn about Marissa."
"I wish I could argue with you but I feel the same." Now that the words were said Summer believed them. She didn't give a damn about Marissa. She broke Ryan's heart and ended up like most other people in his life. Either betraying him or leaving him. There was no compassion for her friend.
"Seth."
"Um."
"Could I come round tonight?"
"Sure but hurry up I really need you."
"Me too."
I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it
So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can
What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong
But for now this is my song
And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love
"Goodbye to Love" The Carpenters