Oh, by the way, it's now Friday in this story. School started on Wednesday Sept. 7, 2005. It's now Friday Sept. 16, 2005.

Love Ridden

Chapter Ten

Harder Everyday

Emma woke up alone in her bed. She slowly sat up. She looked around her room. Manny was sleeping on her bed, Sean was sleeping on a bed made on the floor and Alex was a few feet away from him sleeping. She looked at the clock, it said 5:30 a.m. She slowly got out of bed. She stood up and looked down at what she was wearing. She still had on Jay's jacket. Underneath she still only had on her panties from last night. She walked to the bathroom, well more like limped. Her side was killing her. She closed the door and walked over to the full length mirror. She took off Jay's jacket. She had a bruise on her right side. It looked like someone threw a basketball at her. She then examined her face. The right side had a cut on it from when he slapped her. Her left side had a black eye. She also had a fat lip. She wasn't sure which hit she received that from. She walked to the shower and turned it on. She slipped off her panties and climbed into the shower. Once the water hit her, she began to cry.

She mentally slapped herself, 'How could I have been so stupid? I should have never went in the van with a total stranger.'

She scrubbed herself just as hard as yesterday. She leaned against the shower wall and knocked a few things off their shelves. She leaned over to pick them up. She picked up the Dove soap bottle, the Sauve shampoo bottle and a face cloth. She looked around the shower flower to see if she picked up everything. She missed something. She looked at the drain. A razor saw moving with the water, trying to escape down the drain. She picked it up and stood up. She turned so the water was facing her back. She looked at the razor. Examined it. It began to pull out one of the blades. A few minutes later it was out. She put it aside and continued her shower. She washed her hair and finished cleaning her self. When she was down, she turned the shower head of and lit the faucet run. She sat on the shower floor and picked up the blade she pulled out. First she put it to her wrist. Then, decided against it.

'Jay will see...' She thought to herself.

She looked down at her leg. She picked a spot on her thigh that wouldn't show with skirts, but wouldn't get irritated if fabric rub against it. She held the blade against her thigh. She closed her eyes, and pressed down. She slowly glided the blade against her flesh. It hurt a little bit, but she liked this pain more than the emotional pain she was conflicted with. She picked up the blade, and put it down on fresh, uncut skin. She pulled it across her skin again. This time, it was deeper and longer. She dropped the blade and watched the blood trail down her leg and swirl around the drain. She stood up and got out of the shower. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself. She grabbed some toilet paper and pressed down on her new cuts. Once they stopped bleeding, she walked out of the bathroom, making sure her cuts weren't visible and back to her room. She noticed that her friends were no longing sleeping. They weren't even in her room.

Twenty minutes after her shower, Emma was ready for school. It was still early, almost 6 a.m. She headed upstairs in to the kitchen. Alex, Manny, Craig and Sean were sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal. Craig looked at her and jumped up. He walked over to her, "Emma! What the hell happened?"

Emma looked at Manny, "You didn't tell him?"

Manny shook her head, "I didn't think you wanted people to know."

"It's Craig. I don't mind."

Manny filled Craig in and Craig looked so angry, "You didn't call the cops? None of you?"

They all shook their heads, "We would have all been attacked if we did. We would have narked on over 30 people. That's not something you actually want to do." Alex said.

Craig sighed, "I guess. You should at least do something about the bruises, Em. Aren't your parents coming home soon?"

Emma jumped up, "Shit! I haven't checked the answering machine at all since they've been gone." Emma walked over to the answering machine in the living room. It flashed 5 NM, "I have 5 new messages." She hit play.

"This is a courtesy call...Please hold for -"

Emma hit delete.

"Emma or Manny if you're there pick up. -pause- Snake's mom doesn't look too good. We have to stay a little longer.A few more days or even over a week. Joey is going to be giving you money on Friday. I'll call again soon. Love you."

Emma hit delete again.

"Emma it's Mom again. Where are you? Don't forget about the money. Love you."

Delete.

"Snake wants to stay with his mother until she passes. The doctor said it's any day now. I would just come home, but Snake thinks Jack should spend as much time with her as possible. Talk to you soon. Love you."

Delete.

"Em, three calls, and still no answer? I'm calling school today so that I can talk to you. Go to Joey's after school. Love you."

Delete.

Emma felt bad for her dad. She never really met his mother, but she knew that it must hurt him to see her sick. "So, who wants to help me cover some bruises?"

Lunch

Emma walked out of the office. She just got off of the phone with her mom. They were staying for, the most, two weeks. Emma kind of liked being on her own. She liked the freedom. She walked outside and looked for her friends. When she finally spotted Manny, she walked over to her, "Hey, Manny."

"Hey, Em."

"Mom's going to be gone for close to two weeks."

"Wow. It sucks why, but it's kind of cool."

"Yeah."

Manny handed Emma a bag of ships, "Here. I grabbed a few. I thought everyone had our lunch today..."

"Jay's suppose to."

"Still haven't talked to him?"

"No. I want to know why he just left. Not a note or anything."

"Why's he being a dick?"

"No idea. I think he's just scared."

"He's one confusing guy."

Emma nodded and ate her chips. They ate in silence until Alex walked over, "Hey, ladies."

Emma smiled, "You might ruin your rep by sitting with us you know?"

Manny laughed throwing a bag of chips at her, "Yeah. Gotta protect the bag girl gangsta image."

Alex opened her chips and threw some at Manny, "Well, sometimes, people have to protect something other than image. Like a certain, candy bandit we all know and loathe,"

Emma laughed, "No, he's still definitely protecting his image."

"And what was he doing last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"He rescued you from the horny goat boy. He wasn't protecting his image then."

"He would have done the same thing to any other girl."

"Well, yeah. But would he give the girl his jacket, carry her to his car, get her in the car, get her in to her own bed safe and then lay with her?"

Emma sighed, "No."

"Alright then."

Manny rolled her eyes, "Sometimes, life is too full of drama."

After school, The Ravine

Emma sat on the picnic table she met Jay at so many months ago. No one was here. It was, after all, still daylight. School had just let out but Emma had been sitting there since she left Alex and Manny after lunch. She wasn't sure why she left school. She wasn't even sure why she went to the Ravine. She held Jay's jacket in her hands. The jacket he hardly ever was seen without. It was his third Jay trademark. The first being his smirk and the second his hat. She decided she would stop contact with Jay. She didn't know what was going on with him. She wasn't sure she cared. It was more of a longing to know of what he was doing when he wasn't with her. She also decided what she felt for him was only lust. Lust for a care free life. Lust for something she knew she would never have with him. Lust for...

"Jay..." Emma saw Jay walk towards her.

"What are you doing?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Just thinking. I knew no one would be here during the day."

"No one will be coming here for a while."

"Why?"

"The cops came after we left."

"Who called?"

"Don't know. Someone heard the fighting. Everyone ratted Jeff out. He's in jail. Non one would give the cops your name though."

"Do you think they should have?"

"I don't know. That's up to you. If you want to report him, do it today, rather than tomorrow."

Emma sighed and stood up. She held out Jay's jacket, "Thanks for helping me last night, Jay. You left this at my house last night. We should leave each other alone for a while. Wait for things to cool down. I don't know what's going on. I don't even think you know. It's best for us to just stay out of each other's ways."

Jay sighed, "Keep the jacket. For now. Give it back when you think we're ready to be around each other again." He walked over to her and gave her a hug. She hugged him back. They separated and she walked towards the school. He just stood there and didn't say a word."

Emma walked back to the school and saw her friends waiting for her. She walked over towards, "Waiting for me?"

Craig laughed, "You getting old, Em?"

"What do you mean?"

"Remember the message from your mom...She told you Joey has money for you."

"Oh yeah."

Manny and Alex laughed.

"Well, then let's get going."

One Week Later, Saturday Night, the mall

Emma walked from store to store at the mall, looking for nothing at all. She was just bored. Manny and Craig were at some fancy restaurant. Alex was working and so was Sean. She had nothing else to do. She was wearing light blue hip huggers and a black baby tee. Over it, she wore Jay's jacket. She loved the smell of it. It smelt like him. She never wore it in school, though. People might think they were together. Which they weren't. She walked passed a record store, and decided to skip it. She was almost passed, when she felt the urge to go in. She walked in the store and began to look around.

She walked over to the listening section and put on a pair of headphones. Supergarage poured into her ears.

You were so innocent, a model citizen, in a world of your own

All your feelings dreams and thoughts were disciplined

Now you're curious, you want experience

You taste the flavor the thrill and for one fine moment be so free

In 30 seconds you'll be checking in emergency,

You'll see, guilty ridden, self addicted

Once it starts it starts

I'll pay the penalty, nothing good can come for free,

I'll spend a lifetime alone, just to know what makes me feel, so real

Half alive still we drive,

Arriving on one wheel, I will, push the button, gimme something

Once it starts it starts

Emma took off the headphones and sighed. She walked towards the CD section and searched for the S's. She found them and grabbed Supergarge's Elvis Was Bigger Than The Beatles CD. She walked to the front of the store and to the counter. She looked behind the counter and saw a disc man.

A worker walked behind the counter, "How can I help you today?"

"I'll take this," Emma put the CD on the counter, "And that disc man."

"Which color?"

"Um...Purple."

The worker scanned the items, "That'll be $40."

Emma handed him the money, "Are batteries included?"

"Yes they are."

"Thanks." Emma walked out of the store and to a bench. She took the disc man out of the bag and then out of the packaging. She put the batteries and plugged in the headphones. She took the CD out of the bad and unwrapped it from it's package. She put it in her new disc man. She turned it on.

You ask for forgiveness, cause you had a quick change of heart

I'm all about business, I'm sorry to say you've been fired

Too Late, Tonite, You're wrong, I'm right

You're all explanations and I got no accusations on file

I make my decisions, I think that I'll leave here in style

Too late, Tonite, so long, goodbye.

The next song was about to start when she walked into someone. She pulled off her headphones and looked up at the person, "I am so sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

"It's ok."

Emma realized who it was, "Jay."

"Nice jacket."

Emma laughed, "Thanks."

"What were you listening to?"

"Supergarge."

"Good band."

Emma smiled slightly, "They remind me of someone."

Jay bit his bottom lip, "Well, uh. I should go."

Emma sighed, "Yeah, me too." Emma started to walk away.

"Wait, Em. Did you go to the cops?"

Emma nodded, "I did. I went that day."

"What did they say?"

"They can't get him on rape. Only for abuse."

"That's better than nothing."

"I guess."

"Be careful. How are you getting home?"

"Joey let me use a car."

"Didn't know you could drive."

"There's a lot of things we don't know about each other, Jay."

Jay sighed, "I'm going now, Emma."

"Bye, Jay."

They walked away from each other.

Same night, Emma's house

Emma sat alone in her living room, watching T.V. Manny called her after she left the mall. Craig and her were staying at some cheap motel to have some alone time. A paranoid Emma locked all the windows and doors to the house. She flipped through the channels, trying to find something to watch. Nothing looked interesting. She got up and walked to the kitchen. She put some popcorn in the microwave. She sat on the counter waiting for it to finish.

Two weeks ago, she was at a hotel with Jay. She almost got raped that night, too. Not as close as it once the other night, though. Jay saved her from those guys. Jay saved her from Jeff. Emma heard the microwave go beep and she jumped off the counter to take it out. She grabbed a bowl and carefully dumped the contents of the popcorn bag into it. She walked back to the couch. She kept flipping through the channels, and eating her popcorn. Still not able to find anything to watch, she put her shoes on and left.

Emma climbed into the car Joey let her borrow until her parents came home. It was a copper red Mazda MX-5 Miata. Joey told her it was only a year old. She loved it. She was planning on asking Joey if she could buy it, but pay in small payments.

Emma wasn't sure where she was going. She just wanted to get out of her house. She drove past the mall, past the school, past the park. She finally stopped. She was drove around in one giant circle just to get here. She was at the Ravine. She hadn't gone there since her and Jay's talk. She didn't even get out of the car now. She just sat there staring. Emma couldn't believe that the same place she helped clean, was the same place that held the old her. The Emma that cared about every living thing. The Emma that would have never got into the van with Jay Hogart. The Emma who would rather be skinned alive, than ever do the things she did in that van, with Jay.

Emma laughed to herself, "I am so in love with him."

Emma could feel her cell phone vibrating in her pocket, she pulled it out and looked to see who it was, Sexy Lex, flashed on the screen. She pushed talk, "Hey."

"Emma! Where are you?"

Emma sighed, "Driving around. What's wrong?"

"It's Jay. I got a call...I guess he never changed his emergencies thing on his license when we broke up..."

"Emergency?"

"He was in a fight."

"When isn't he?"

"Jeff got a few of his friends after him. Jeff wouldn't tell his friends why. He only told his friends that Jay smashed the windows to the van, and that Jay interrupted his friends."

"And?"

"They found him. They hurt him pretty bad."

"Where is he?"

"Hospital. I'm in the waiting room."

"Does he want me there?"

"I'm sure he would."

"I'll be there in 5 minutes."

Well its 9pm and you still haven't called me back
And if I try again I think you'll feel like you under attack
I dont think I can take it I dont think I can make it
I just want this to go away

Trying to be someone that you know your not It gets harder everyday
All the lonely days
There's no one left to love
You wish life would go away

Now its 2am and im pacing around on the floor
I wait for you to come home but you never come walk through that door
Now im trying to fake it I just cant seem to shake it
I just want this to go away

Trying to be someone that you know your not
It gets harder everyday
All the lonely days
There's no one left to love
You wish life would go away
You wish life would go away

I know one day ill get through this
I know one day we'll be done
I know one day ill find a way
To see you

Now its 6am and I smashed all the you left behind
I gotta throw this away these things that'll never be mine

Trying to be someone that you know your not
It gets harder everyday
All the lonely days
There's no one left to love
You wish life would go away

Trying to be someone that you know your not
It gets harder everyday
It gets harder everyday

Song: Harder Everyday

Owned by: Ashlee Simpson

A/N: This chapter took like 2 days. No clue why. Anyways, Supergarge is a good band. I found them through the Secret episode. Jay has it playing in his car when he and Emma are sitting in front of her house. First song is "Once It Starts It Starts", which is the song from the episode. Second is, shit I can't remember...Oh well.

The date for this story is now, Sunday Sept. 25, 2005. It's only like 1 a.m.

Possible Previews

Emma cuts again. Manny and Craig break up. Alex dates Sean. Jay tells Emma how he feels.

Poll: How many of you picked up on the fact the Jay and Emma didn't use a condom while in the Janitor's closet? I'm leaving this up to you..."How many of you want Emma pregnant?" If more of you want her to be, I'm not promising a succesful pregnancy...if you catch my drift. I just don't want to put something in the story that you, the readers, won't like. Let me know in the reviews. I won't do the next chapter until I have at the least 6 reviews telling me what you all think should happen with that.