Chapter 15

He picked up the blouse, soaked from the rain and ruined by the mold. Even if he had not found it, something would have reminded him of her. Hell, everything reminded him of her. He could have been in the middle of the arctic, stranded on a bed of pure ice with nothing but the blue sky and white reflections to keep him company, and still it would have been the blue of her eyes and the white of her pale skin that came to his senses.

Joseph threw the single piece of clothing in the pile being made to destroy. He covered his face with both his hands, trying to maintain some sort of sanity within himself. Nothing seemed to be right. The lies plagued his soul. Being without her, even for the past several hours, had already taken its toll. Hell, he shouldn't even be here. His men could handle this alone. He should have been beside her in that limo, and even now...whatever she may be doing.

By just being home, she should have felt some relief. She had been aided by the best, and catered to with all the affection her ladies' maids could have possibly given her. Yet, just by coming home, everything seemed to have been made worse.

At least her tea was soothing. Clarisse sipped it slowly, relishing the smoothness, hoping it would melt away some of her pain. Her head indeed throbbed, and just thinking of the whole mess seemed to make it worse.

"Clarisse?" A light sounding knock came from the door.

"Sebastian, please come in." Clarisse was relieved to finally see her friend and Prime Minister. "I'm sorry you had to come to me..."

"Nonsense. It's best this way, at least until I fill you in." Sebastian accepted the cup of tea offered by Olivia and sit across from Clarisse in her sitting room, adjacent to her bedroom. "How are you, really?"

"I...I'm not really sure. All this seems to have happened so quickly, and sometimes I think it's not real, and other times it seems too real."

"To be expected, really. Don't worry Clarisse. Your physician says you'll heal nicely, in time. I've taken the liberty of informing only those who absolutely need to know, like Olivia here." He motioned to the maid who nodded in acknowledgement. "Only she and Priscilla, the security staff, and myself know of the ordeal. Oh, and a few others who's help we needed with the plane...but they can be trusted. I made sure of it."

"And Parliament?" She broke in.

"I told them you had an accident, horse-back riding." Clarisse nodded in approval, seeing how easily her afflictions would fit into the story. "Amanda," she quietly whispered, wondering how that was handled.

"That was more difficult to handle, what with her family and all. I made the announcement that she was in a car crash, Clarisse. Her family agreed it would be best, after all...they did not want any public harassing at a time like this. With your injuries and grieving, it's been relatively easy to keep you hid from the public. I'm just happy to see you," he added.

She took a moment to finish her tea, taking in all the excuses and lies. That's what this has been, all of it. Just a bunch of excuses and lies. Why would he have been any different?

"Joseph asked to wait until he returned to replace your pilots." Clarisse looked up, straight into his eyes. "You didn't know? Of course not. Joseph would not have told you." Sebastian nodded to himself, knowing the head of security all too well. He would have protected her from anything and everything until she was safe and sound, and able to cope more clearly. "I'm sure they were killed instantly, Clarisse. Amanda as well. They didn't suffer any. The pilots will be easy to replace. Amanda, well, that ball is in your court. I'm sure whenever you're ready...the Attache Corps will assist you." Sebastian did more speaking with his arms and hands than he did his mouth. He knew what Clarisse had been through in her lifetime, and now this. None of it had been easy. He could see the pain in her eyes, and the gloom looming in her heart.

"Thank you, for everything. I'll try and catch up as soon as possible."

"Nonsense. I'm as able to sign your name as you are," he laughed. "I've done it on more than one occasion...and vice-versa, I'm sure. If I need you, I'll let you know, don't worry. For now, just rest Clarisse. You've been in a plane crash, in case you missed that part." He gave her a stern look as he rose from his seat. "I'll be in touch. Oh, I'll send Sheila by to keep you company. She was terribly worried." Clarisse mouthed a simple 'thank you' and leaned back against the chair arm as he left.

When exactly she had begun to cry, Clarisse couldn't remember. It was Priscilla who had bought her the tissues, and covered her in a light throw. She had everything to cry about, though it was all rambled together in her mind. She couldn't stop the tears, nor could she suppress the sobs that escaped from deep inside. They came nonstop, hard, and loud.

Watching the steel being shredded and molded into shapes quite unimaginable, Joseph felt like it was his heart being tore to pieces. Just when had his job become so complicated? Just when did Clarisse become just a job? 'I should be with her' kept running through his mind, but he knew it was difficult. What if he were there? Could he really just be with her? More importantly, would she want him there now?

Surly by now she knew how bad the crash had been. Yes, by now she would have heard of the three deaths, she would have known that Shades had been injured badly, and she would have literally beaten him up in her mind. By now she would have had her tea, and refused anything else, waiting for the warmth to soothe her. It wouldn't. He could only do that. By now she would have denied it all. By now she would have broken down, accepting the real truth to the situation.

"Just make sure it's unrecognizable." Joseph gave his last order before he took off on foot. He couldn't watch it anymore. He didn't want company. No, he couldn't handle anyone bothering him now. The need to just go overwhelmed him. He needed to walk. He missed walking with her. That was one thought that made him smile a bit. They had found heaven in the midst of a hell storm. Who else could have done that?

It may have been the same path he took before, but the scenery looked different without her. It all seemed to be dying before him, or was that just the way he was seeing everything now?

The sky above him grew darker as Joseph kept a steady pace, following the stream back up through the gap in the hills. He didn't mind the dark, and nothing could be scarier to him than being without her; and he was already in that position, he was afraid. Seeing the stones gathered and the steam rising, Joseph headed to their haven.

Slumping against the heated rock, Joseph leaned forward a little to relish the warmth. It had gotten cooler on his hike back up with the setting of the sun. He had been right to come here though. This is where he needed to be right now, but only if he could not be with her. Part of her still seemed to linger here. It was as if this place had been formed from them, for them, or even with them.

Tomorrow he would soak his aching body. Tonight he just wanted to sit here and think of her. He rested his heavy head on a slab of granite and listened to the water bubble as he closed his eyes.