It was time for the very first challenge, and Mimi walked in with a sly grin.
"Everyone ready?" She asked. Everyone was bright and happy... except Hoenhime, who was rubbing a huge ass bruise on his face, which Lust was still laughing about. Envy was holding a half done shell of a rag doll, in white cloth, and Kimblee had toast, which no one could figure out where he got, seeing as he blew up the toaster the day before. Hughes had a brand new digital camera, and was focusing on Elicia, who was picking her nose. Roy yawned, and scratched his privates, and Al was blushing, despite being inside a suit of armor.
"Now, the first challenge is to cook a meal without the use of Alchemy, you will be parted into three groups." Mimi pulled out of her pocket a scrap of paper. "The teams are;" Everyone froze, one thought on their minds, would they be stuck with Kimblee?
"Team one, Edward," Ed gave a wary smile. "Pinako, Hawkeye," Pinako gave Hawkeye a kind smile, and Hawkeye smiled back. "Envy and Greed," Envy growled and Greed made an obscene signal with one hand. "Pride," The fuehrer waved a hand idly. "Hughes, Law, and Archer." These three men looked each other over, and Law growled, holding more firmly to his hammer.
"Team two!" Mimi continued, "Alphonse, Winry" Al hugged Winry carefully, and they walked to stand beside the range labeled "TWO" "Havoc, Lust," Winry looked over, and was pleased to see a second woman on the team. "Wrath and Kimblee." Lust grimaced, as Kimblee, with his same half smile walked over, hand in his pockets, followed by Wrath, who was sucking on half a candy bar. "Glacia and Elicia Hughes, and Dorchette." Elicia waved happily at her father, as she and her mother went over to the range. Maes took a picture.
"Lastly, Team Three!" Mimi said.
"But we know who we are..." Roy said, scratching the back of his neck.
"Yes, But I must announce you anyways." Mimi said sweetly.
"Okay, Hoemhime, Roy, Fury, Gluttony, Sloth, Scar, Martel, and Armstrong" Mimi said quickly, and the team moved over to the last stove.
"Okay guys!" Mimi crowed, "Ready, Steady, GO!"
Immediately Team two was off, Kimblee grabbing a bowl of flour and putting handfuls into a mixing bowl, with milk, yeast and baking powder. The mix started to foam lightly as he stirred. Glacia looked over his shoulder for a moment.
"Pastry?" She asked, Kimblee nodded absently and handed her a pan.
"Meat rolls." he said, and she started to cut the slab of beef she found in the fridge into tiny pieces, dropping them into the pan, while she scanned the shelves for some sort of broth. The other team members stood by, watching.
"What... should we do?" Dorchette asked. "Oh, and Kimblee, where the hell'd you learn to cook?" He asked. Lust picked up a can of beef brother and handed it to Elicia, who had been hopping, trying to reach it.
"Start getting a baking pan greased..." Kimblee instructed. "And I don't cook, but I know a few recipes."
Dorchette started to grease the pan, and Lust used a fingernail to poke two holes in the brother, and then handed it to Elicia, who climbed onto a chair to pour it into the pan her mother was stirring.
Alphonse stood by for awhile, until he noticed another baking sheet, he started to rub butter onto it from a wrapped stick, and Winry started to cut lettuce and carrots for a salad. Meanwhile, Wrath was happily hanging off of Havoc's arm, the solder just sighed and pulled his arm in, lifting the kid off the ground.
Team One were not yet working, as Edward seemed more interested in bickering with Envy, and Greed was busy staring at the way Kimblee's back moved when he stirred the mix. Archer stood for a moment, looking at a scar on the back of his hand, and then sighed.
"Miss Pinako, what do YOU think we should make." he asked politely. She nodded.
"Stew... it'll get Edward to stop his bickering with the young palm tree there." Archer blinked, and then looked at Envy.
"Damn... he does look like a palm tree, doesn't he?" Archer said, and Hawkeye nodded.
"Like a palm tree in a skort." She said nodding as if she had said something meaningful and deep.
And it was about then that Envy grabbed a butcher knife, and Ed grabbed the first weapon he found... a turkey baster.
Envy nearly died laughing.
Team three was discovering just how mad one Homunculus with a grudge can be.
"Damn you, you cheating son of a whore and a taper!" Sloth yelled. Hoemhime took a step back.
"Trish..." He tried, and she threw the frying pan.
"Don't you call me that?" Sloth yelled angrily. She picked up the rolling pin and started to aim. Hoenhime ducked, then stood again.
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." He stopped as Sloth suddenly was holding him against the wall.
"Didn't mean to WHAT?" She demanded. Gluttony shuffled over, and stuck his finger in his mouth as he stared at Hoemhime. "Didn't mean to leave me to DIE!" She was livid, and a slow puddle was forming around her. "Didn't mean to leave just enough informat6ion for our CHILDREN to attempt forbidden alchemy?" She threw him hard against the floor, shaking the room. Kimblee flipped her off, as he maneuvered his bowl under the spray of batter the shaking had sent into the air. "Didn't mean to completely break my heart? Tell me you ass, what is it you didn't mean to do?" She dropped him scornfully.
Gluttony looked from him, to Sloth, and back.
"Can I eat him?" He asked, after taking his finger out of his mouth. Sloth considered.
"Later."
Team Two was in the lead, but team one was just behind them, team three being busy watching the fight between Homunculus and faithless lover. Kimblee had moved to lean one knee against a kitchen chair to relieve some pressure off his standing leg. Wrath looked at him for a long time, and then gave a big grin. Envy, spying this look, looked at his team.
"Let's go... If we work fast, we'll beat Kimblee's team, Wrath is about to get annoying." Envy said, grabbing the knife and starting to cube vegetables to go into the stew. Pinako blinked.
"What does that have to do with anything?" She asked. Greed had already grabbed the milk and was pouring some into the broth, when he looked up with a grin.
"Kimmie doesn't get along with children, now let's do this, we can still win." Greed tossed a splash of milk into the pot and started tossing in Envy's veggies. "Dollars to doughnuts, Kimmie's going to go off and try to blow something up... and that's alchemy, so they'll be disqualified."
Lust, however, had also noticed this, and made a grab to pick up Wrath before he did what ever it was he was about to do. But fortune was not with team two, and Kimblee looked down just as Wrath lit the four matches he had wedged under Kimblee's supporting knee.
The next few moments were a blur to all involved, but the chair went boom. Wrath started laughing manalicly, and Mimi rushed in.
"Team Two disqualified, on account of illegal Alchemy!" She yelled, and there was much yelling, a lot of it coming from an angry Lust, and a screaming Kimblee, who was hopping and holding his knee.
Team Three had finally started, after tying Hoenhime securely with turkey twine to a gas main.
Armstrong, in a dubious use of his brass knuckles, was squashing potatoes right and left, as Scar eyed the oven left vacant by team two.
"Miss Mimi?" he asked politely. "May we have those rolls, since team two won't be needing them?" Mimi thought about it, and then shrugged.
"Yeah, sure." Scar grinned, as Kimblee started cursing again.
"Damnit! Not only did we lose... but I HELPED that damn Ishballian whelp!" He fumed, and then sat, crossing his arms sullenly. Lust patted him on top of the head, awkwardly.
It was close, but soon the competition came down to watching a pot, and Scar's frantic pacing outside of his teams oven. As Scar's timer went off, Pinako yelled, and it was a tie.
"Umm... who won?" Ed asked, a little worried. Mimi shrugged.
"Team three, because nothing is more fun than pissing off a short person." She said simply. There was much screaming.
Okay, time for our first vote! On day five, we will learn the (un)lucky winner for the vote to go home!
You may choose from...
Ed- "I don't want to leave... I want to get my hands on that damn Mimi"
Pinako "Ahem"
Hawkeye "Vote me off, and I shoot you"
Envy is too busy dancing to Bette Midler's 'I'm beautiful damnit' to talk
Greed "Aww, come on, you really want to vote me off before I cause some mayhem"
Pride wink
Hughes is too busy trying to tape Elicia's speech to talk
Law "Hmph"
Archer smirk
Al "Please don't send me away"
Winry "Boys are dumb, throw wrenches at them"
Havoc "Oh, umm... please don't." (Is sarcastic)
Lust "Ahem... I have just begun to seduce"
Wrath "Wow! A camera... Let's PLAY"
Kimblee "You can't vote me off, I'm your best chance at hot guy guy sex"
Glacia and Elicia "Hello!" (Together)
Dorchette scratchscratch
Mimi (we'll just get a new announcer)