Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
"Heart over Mind"
By Chiisana Anisa
...o0o...
Sakura is not as smart as she seems. Anyone as smart as she should be, just like everybody thinks she is - unbelievingly smart and clever, top of her class; so bright - wouldn't do such a stupid thing like loving Sasuke Uchiha.
No, this little fact she knows for sure, she knows it better then history or geology or chakra learning, it's rooted in the deepest corners of her mind - yes, just there, barely visible but achingly painful - planted firmly and forever. Her mind might be the next best thing on the earth, but the truth is...
Heart always rules over mind.
...o0o...
One lonely cold night she stumbles.
He's there, beside the door, across the universe, just two feet away from her and breathing. Pale, ghost like hands stuffed into his pockets and an expression on his handsome face as bitter as his heart must be. His eyes tell her something and she stumbles again.
It's barely midnight, and yet she feels that the night is already too fast gone to ever be reached and he stands too near for her to handle.
And kisses.
And licks.
And pretends to love.
Sakura, poor, poor smart and bright Sakura falls right into his trap.
...o0o...
They always play it this way.
There are no words, just bodies and their movement. Sometimes fast and furious, both eager for flesh and feelings - that rush - and nothing more; sometimes they are both bleeding outside and inside with the sheer force they use while their chakra's mix together, while their skin glistens in covered in sweat on the hallow moonlight and they ache all over in the morning.
Once, then twice and then more times then she can count, he comes in the shadows, bleached and empty and seeks from her more than she thinks she is capable of giving. But tries to anyway. On those times, in those fearful nights he holds her gently, like she might break if he grabs her in the wrong way and he always hides the emotions in his mouth rather then in his eyes and to her it seems he almost loves her.
And on those mornings, lone tears - she's not sure if they are hers or not - fill the breaking of dawn.
...o0o...
Dark blue, no, black hair stands out in the crowd and she roams over it to follow his path. She sneaks around, as quietly she can - she uses all her teaching and all of her knowing him - and traces his footsteps.
Across the town, here and there, he stops, she stops and breathes and enjoys thinking she is still unnoticed. He goes and walks, and sidesteps her every time and she's fooled into thinking she's smarter than him.
But only until he stops in front of her house, in front of her doors, in front of the gates of her fluttering heart and she knows once again she's not as smart as she seems.
...o0o...
And so it goes.
They breathe together and they kill together. He takes her and she gives, he tries to give and she steals it from him much too soon to gain something real or touchable, and she stumbles and falls every time. He knows she will, but never smiles and she knows she will and hopes he will smile.
And she doesn't even try to hate him anymore - for becoming this - or even to hate herself because it's just not the same old, same old pattern they used to have, before. She watches him in a vain attempt to catch the lines and traces of something that never was, never is, never will be.
And he lies behind her and beside her, gently and heavily in the same time and there's an arm around her waist that seems to her far too real to be anything else but just his hand - and still she questions herself it this is a dream - and there are puffs of warm breath on her neck and she wishes them to be cold.
They both suffer, because she loves him and he doesn't love her even when they both aren't quite sure if that's the real truth anymore. They suffer and hurt each other because to them it seems that they are the only two people on the world allowed to do that. They suffer because they both lost before the fight even started.
She chokes back a sob that has been building in her chest from the beginning and her eyes moisten beyond the point of no return.
"Forgive me." He speaks, his voice deep and strong in the silence of her room. She turns around and looks at him, trying to find him from before in the person he is now and fails terribly.
"Why?" She asks because she must know, although she knows it already, knows it too much and too little in the same time.
"For not loving you." He answers, too quickly for it to be honest, but too carefully said to be a lie.
The quietness surrounds them like a vast blanket of fog, with dark clouds signaling doom. Two lone tears leaves their places at the corner of her eyes to slowly glide down her checks. He lies still, unmoving and observes with dying grief their falling paths.
"You know I can't." He speaks again, his tone now a little more apologetic - who could imagine that? - words flowing to her ears and she knows what he means by that. He's already too dead to be alive enough to love her, or to even try.
And she knows that he can't love her the way she wants him to love her - because he can't really love anything or anyone at all - and she finds herself too lost in this love that is just hers, so sick and so ruined that it suits her perfectly to live in it for the rest of her life.
"Yes, I know." She finally says back, with a smile on her face full of sorrow and traces of acceptance, but with her eyes so empty that she's just as dead as he is. "I know." She starts and stops; pauses and breaks all over again.
Because in truth, Sakura is clever and bright and very, very smart and knows very well that even when her mind tells her no, her heart stumbles and falls and chooses Sasuke all over again.
...o0o...
Fin
...o0o...
AN: Another short drabble. I'm trying to play my way with Naruto characters until I get to know them as good as I want them to.. Meh.
Next pairing will probably be Naruto/Sakura, but I have no idea when. Hope you liked this one, and don't kill me for mixing the pairing over too much - but there is so much potential! However I do admit I'm more Sas/Sak shipper..