A/N: WARNING Spoilers for the awesomeness that is SERENITY

This and following chapters take place after the movie

Standard Disclaimers apply

The news that the alliance had managed to wipe out 50 percent of a planets population had a much larger impact on the Core worlds than the fact that the remaining population had turned into ravenous cannibals.

Jayne had finally forgiven River for nearly unmanning him during the bar fight, though it had taken River many purchases of alcohol.

Sitting quietly in the mess Riverwas knitting, Mal walked in and squinted his eyes at the virulent colours she was using.

"Now I ain't no fashion mule, but it seems to me that those particular colours don't xactly go together."

Examining the bright purple and acid yellow yarn that she was using, River contemplated his words before speaking. "Wash would have liked them."

Focusing on her work River missed the wince of pain that filled Mal's face, at the mention of the pilot, however River could feel his grief.

Putting down her knitting, River focused on the Captain, "Not speaking of those who are gone will not stop the stages of grief, it will simply delay them. Love is needed to heal all family."

Rubbing an exhausted hand across his face Mal sat down at the table, taking a sip of his tea he nodded. "Yeah I guess your right."

"Genius, me" River concentrated on a most difficult stitch, Mal looked closer at what she was making, it looked like a very small shoe, a very ugly small shoe.

It reminded Mal of something, it took him a moment but as he remembered his stomach dropped to somewhere into Serenity's cargo hold. Hoping he was wrong, Mal managed to croak, "Who you making those for River?"

"Makin what?" Jayne asked as he strolled into the common room.

"Booties" River replied.

"Gorram it girl, think you coulda got any colours any more"

Mal cut Jayne off before he could finish, "Booties for who?"

River sighed, and lowered her knitting; she knew the Captain wouldn't stop asking until she answered his question. "Wash would like the colours."

Snorting Jayne sat down across from River, he picked up the finished knitting that was sitting on the table, it was a tiny jacket knitted in a bright green with a colourful parrot on the back, a look ofdisgust appeared on Jayne's face.

Snatching back the little jacket, River placed it in her knitting bag, "it is a gift, the receiver does not know it is needed yet, but will soon"

Understanding dawned on both Jayne and Mal's faces, "you mean Zoe, is, is" was all Mal managed to stutter.

Jayne recovered before Mal, "Shouldn't they be in more normal colours, Ma always makes em in, whatcha callim' pastels." Jayne rooted through River's bag, and pulled out pale yellow, pink and blue yarn, "Yup like these ones, that's what my ma uses."

He held them out to River, she shook her head, "No I will need all the blue for Kaylee and yours will all be pink Jayne." Finishing the final stitch, River admired her handiwork on the small booties.

Gathering up all her supplies she left the common room, moments before Zoë walked in, Mal noticed that Zoë moved as if every bone, muscle and ligament in her body ached.

It had been two months since Wash's death and Mal knew that Zoë was no where near ready to talk to him, though he knew that Zoë visited Inara, the companion wouldn't tell him what they spoke of. All Mal cared about was that his second in command and friend was recovering.

"Zoë, how, uh are you feeling?"

Zoë cast a glance at Jayne, at this unaccustomed behaviour, "I'm fine" Zoë looked at Mal wondering if he knew why Jayne was acting so strange, but Mal was looking at her in a strange way. Zoë knew that she had been avoiding the rest of the crew, only coming out of her bunk to do what was needed, she had gotten used to their looks of concern, but these looks were different.

"Your' not feelin sickly are ya? My ma always says ginger root works great." Jayne offered up.

"Jayne, bì zuî" (be quiet/shut up) Mal snapped and threw the 'I am the Captain, and you had better leave now before I shoot you look'

Muttering Jayne stomped out of the common room, he made his way down to where his weights were set up. Jayne felt the familiar feeling of loneliness come over him as he started his workout; Simon had joined in the workouts after Book had left Serenity to preach to the miners.

Jayne had missed Book, but there was a chance he would see Book again. But with his death at the hands of the Alliance Clean Up man, there was no one with whom Jayne could discuss the meaning of life.

Jayne's laugh snorted out with his deepening breath, since Simon and Kaylee were goin at it like bunnies since the reaver attack, he now had no one to work out with.

A soft footstep broke his concentration, "Gorram it River, ya all made me forget where I was at." Jayne glared at the young woman who walked toward him.

"Your numerical association was at 72" River stated as she moved to the head of the weight bench.

"Oh thanks" Jayne continued his workout, watching as River started her own.

He knew that she had been using his weights, but she had never worked out with him before. As much as River had been using him to block out the others voices, before the whole the Alliance Made the Reavers incident, she no longer needed him; River had even stopped speaking to him in twin. Jayne found he kind of missed it.

"28, Daddy didn't like it"

Jayne continued his work out, what the hell was the girl saying now, oh right, "Mal didn't like the fact we spoke twin? 99"

"97" River corrected, "No, felt left out. Liked having a secret, 45"

Jayne rose up off the weight bench and made his way to his pull up bars, "Huh, so that's why you stopped talkin' ta me"

"Never stopped talking silly," River changed the large weights to ones she could easier handle, as she lay down on her back she continued, "You just stopped listening"

Jayne walked over to spot for River, "Whatcha mean, I never stopped listenin," without conscious thought the two had slipped into twin.

"I am getting better, thought you would not want me to hang around so much." River through Jayne a mischievous grin, "Specially not when you were trying to check up on that redhead."

"Redhead, what redhead?" Jayne demanded, at River's raised eyebrow, he started to chuckle, "ya mean that whore at the last stop, she weren't no redhead."

Placing the weights back into the sockets, River waved a hand, "TMI, Too Much Information Jayne"

"Huh, ain't like you can't see inta my head anytime you wanna" Jayne rubbed the towel across his face and neck. Glancing up Jayne caught the hurt look on River's face, "Huh, what I say?"

River sat down on a crate, twisting her fingers together she started to speak, "I do not like seeing things I shouldn't. I was a normal girl, before I went to the academy. I was so excited to be going, and it wasn't only because I could learn things that I couldn't learn anywhere else."

Jayne frowned; this was the first time since the twins that River had spoken voluntarily about the academy, or what led up to her going, the part about her learning things he had heard from Simon. "What were the other things?" He asked as he sat down beside her.

River continued to study her hands; "I had discovered boys the previous year, completely within acceptable limits of adolescence, however I was light years ahead of them in schooling so they teased me unmercifully." River, glanced sideways at the big man who sat beside her, wondering how much she was going to have to explain before he got the picture.

"The first year at the academy was, interesting, the children were segregated into dormitories, though we did eat all our meals together. I was the only non multiple birth person there, so once again I was subjected to ridicule."

River felt Jayne stiffen at her side, in anger at how she was treated; she took heart in this unconscious action, though she did realize that it was more of a brotherly anger than any other type.

"So once again I was unable to fully comprehend or engage in the practice that all young female adolescents engage in, starting the second year the testing started and you know the results of that. I do not foresee any chances for me to grow in appropriate ways that most young women do, I am restricted by the availability of eligible males and the timelines we are planet side."

Jayne scratched his head, thinking about what she said, "Tamade" he looked at River in horror, he moved away from River quickly, once he had put a safe distance between them, he asked suspiciously "So who you gonna ask?"

River looked at Jayne in feigned confusion, "Ask what, ask who?"

Jayne waved his hands in the air, "What you were just talking about"

"I was speaking of growing as a normal girl, like Kaylee grew or Zoë."

"You was talkin' bout getting' sexed!" Jayne yelled at the top of his voice.

River canted her head to the side, "That is a normal part of growing up, yes"

"Well you can't" Jayne yelled.

"I believe that is what I said, I am unable to experience the normal stages of growth due to the lack of suitable males available to me." River watched as Jayne reacted in his typical fashion, with a small secret smile on her face.

"What Mal and I ain't suitable?"

River simply hopped down off the crate, and moved across the cargo bay. "I am going to speak with Inara, perhaps she would know some suitable males."

River ignored Jayne as he demanded she come back to finish the conversation.

Jayne stomped into the common area; Mal and Simon watched the large man grumble as he grabbed himself a cup of coffee.

"Mal, you and me we're suitable, right?" Jayne asked as he sat himself down, he continued as though Mal had spoken. "Damn right we are we are perfectly suitable specimens of manhood right here at this here table."

Mal knew he would hate himself but couldn't resist asking, "Suitable for what Jayne?"

"Huh, oh that gorram girl was goin on how there were no suitable males."

Simon's voice squeaked, "Suitable males"

Mal put a restraining arm on Simon's forearm, "Doc I'm sure that Jayne here will explain what we would be suitable for."

Jayne looked at Mal and Simon in confusion, "Jayne, what does River mean when she said 'suitable males'" Mal asked his patience wearing thin, but used to Jayne's thought processes.

"She was talkin' bout getting' sexed, told her she couldn't" Jayne was proud of himself for letting River know in no uncertain terms that she would not be allowed to go out and get pawed by some no good dirt side scum.

Taking a deep breath and a firmer grip on Simon's arm Mal asked, "Did you tell River that you and I were suitable males Jayne?"

Simon and Mal watched as a look of horror slowly crawled across Jayne's face, "Oh go se" Jayne held up his hands, "I didn't mean it that way, told her she couldn't. Then she went to see 'Nara"

Simon, who had over his time on Serenity had learned to take a deeper look where his sister and Jayne were concerned started laughing.

Mal and Jayne looked at Simon as if he had grown another head, this was not the reaction they were expecting.

"Doc, I know you are all happy with Kaylee and all, but this is your sister who was talkin' bout getting sexed, and Jayne here put himself up as a suitable match."

Mal ignored, Jayne's sputtered "I did not, don't want to sex something that skinny" neither man noticed the look of speculation that dawned on Jayne's face, before he left the common room.

Simon stopped laughing, "Captain River pulled a standard River type prank. She knows that she will never have a normal life of getting courted, then married and having children. We have spoke of this River is resigned to that fact; she knows there is no one suitable on board. Good night Captain."

Mal scratched his chin, sitting back in the chair, thinking back to what the monk had said a few months back, "Rivers will flow where they wont indeed" he muttered to himself.

Laughing Mal left the common area and headed for his bunk, he knew that the Doc was in for a shock if their resident genius had anything to say about it.

Knocking on the corner of the door River stuck her head into Inara's room; she smiled as she saw Kaylee getting her hair brushed by Nara and Zoë sitting in the chair in the corner.

"Hey River," Kaylee called out reaching out a hand toward the younger girl. Smiling in delight River stepped over the threshold and slid the door shut behind her. She sat down in front of Kaylee on the bed, she felt Kaylee immediately start to brush out her hair.

"So what were you and Jayne arguing about?" Kaylee asked

"Jayne then informed me that I will never be having sex and I informed him there were no suitable males aboard Serenity." River paused and thought for a moment, "Something Simon also informed me of."

All four women rolled their eyes; "Then Jayne offered himself and Captain Daddy as suitable males."

Kaylee started to giggle, "I wonder how the Cap'n will take being offered up like a sacrificial lamb?"

Nara and Zoë exchanged a glance, "River, I know how hard it is for you mèimei, you never have had the chance to laugh and flirt with a young man." Nara said softly.

Kaylee's eyes immediately filled with tears, "Oh, River, you'll never get chased into the barn and fall into the warm hay and get kissed."

Zoë's voice broke across the sound of Kaylee's weeping, "I think River already has her man picked out, I think she is looking for help in catching him."

River's shocked eyes flew to Zoë; River immediately relaxed when she realized the older woman did not condemn her choice of partner.

"Yes, need to move from status of girl who is thought of as sister to woman. It is very difficult, have tried many ways but am always told no, must stay in designated spot." River looked back over her shoulder at Kaylee who was staring at her in shock.

"Even Simon does not want me to grow up, I must stay a girl, locked up forever in one stage, never to grow, to experience" River almost shouted the last, turning she looked imploring at the three women. "I wish to have a normal life," with a bitter laugh River continued, "As normal as a scarred, psychic genius on the run can have."

River looked down, she plucked at the shiny satin squares that made up the quilt covering Inara's bed, "He does not care that I am smart, he likes that I can take a man down faster than he can." River looked up into Inara's face; "He accepts me" she finished simply.

Inara studied the young girl 'no woman' she corrected herself. "River are you sure this is what you want? Once started there is no going back."

"Yes I have examined all variables and all outcomes," with a smile that lit up her whole face River continued, "He was not what I pictured as a prince charming, I do not need a prince I need a man who will fight by my side, who will put me above all others, who is strong enough to catch me when I fall. He is what I need, Jayne is my other half."

"Oh that is so mêilì (beautiful/pretty)" Kaylee breathed, leaning forward she hugged River, "I am so happy for you" she squealed, ever the romantic she wanted everyone to be as happy as her.

"Sweetie have you thought what will happen if Jayne does not go along?" Inara paused, "He is much older than you and he is culturally very different than what you grew up with." She stated delicately.

River laughed, a light bell like sound, "Nara, you mean I grew up with wealth and privilege and Jayne grew up dirt poor." River looked at the older woman, "I would much rather have a mother who knits me hats to keep me warm than one who forgot my natal day."

Kaylee's eyes filled with tears, "Your ma forgot your birthday? That's terrible."

River shrugged, "Simon remembered and it was enough."

The women still saw the pain that reflected in River's eyes at the memory; the Tams hardly ever spoke of their lives before Serenity, Simon would mention the hospital occasionally, and tell stories about things that he and River had done, but neither sibling ever spoke of their fondly parents.

Inara persisted, "River what are you going to do if Jayne says no?"

River thought for a moment, "Continue on as we are now," At Inara's look of scepticism, "I will go back to being a sisterly nun, it will be difficult, many tears will be involved but I will do it."

Zoë spoke up for the second time that evening, "Why don't we cross that particular if we come to it. River have you thought how you are going to change your, status?"

River nodded, "I must first change my clothing, then I will have to learn how a young woman interacts with a man she is interested in."

"Oh ya mean flirtin," Kaylee grinned, "River you are one lucky girl, here you have the most excellent example of womanhood to teach you that. But your right first we have to do something about your clothes, ya'll can't keep wearin my hand me downs. We'll be landin' tomorrow on Jonquil we can try to find something for you there."

Satisfied with the start of the plans, Kaylee, River and Zoë said their good nights to Inara and left for their bunks.