A/N: I own nothing
Many thanks to all who have reviewed, and my apologies for not updating in such a long period of time. I saw the BDMovie, all I can say is WOW.
That is part of the reason took me so long to update, I was so blown away by the movie that I had to go and read the book all over again.
Mal ducked as another round flew over his head, risking a quick look over the top of the cargo he and Zoë were currently hiding behind, "Yup those idiots are still out there." Dropping back down he looked at his second in command, cool under fire as she ever was, "Zoë, why don't anything ever go smooth? All I wanted was to pick up the mail, I don't recall anywhere in that plan we were to get caught between moronic thieves and even stupider guards."
"I don't believe that is a word sir." Zoë replied as she peeked around the side of the cartons.
"What isn't a word? And how come your worried about my language usage, shouldn't you be worried about those idiots over there" Mal asked miffed, that once again Zoë had completely understated his wonderful rant.
Ignoring her ranting Captain, Zoë continued to scout out where everyone was, most of the civilians had dove for cover as soon as the guns had started shooting. Everyone seemed to be safe for the moment; a movement at the head of the alley caught her eye. Zoë did something she very rarely did, she cursed.
Walking toward the pinned down pair were Jayne and River, only not. River was done up in something that looked vaguely rich, and Jayne appeared to be wearing his best clothes as well.
River was waving her hands about, and gesticulating wildly, as the pair came to the head of the alley, River exclaimed, "Oh zhàngfu (husband) look the lovely quaint people are putting on a show for us." She peered around looking like a myopic owl, wearing an overlarge pair of glasses. "It appears to be some type of robbery," she exclaimed excitedly, turning to Jayne she slapped him on the arm. "And you didn't want to come, see I told you we would have a wonderful time."
As River spoke the pair moved farther into the road, Mal made a move to grab his wayward crew but Zoë stopped him with a hand on his arm, "Sir, I think she may have a plan."
As they moved past their hidden Captain River winked at them, and mouthed get ready. Releasing Jayne's arm she waddled toward the guards who were partially hidden behind partially built wall. "Excuse me, excuse me gentlemen" River waved a scarf in their direction, "Could you please tell me what exactly was stolen?"
The guards looked at each other, they were used to crazy tourists, but this lady definitely took the cake. "Ma'am, this is an actual robbery in progress, it is not safe for you to be here." The older guard tried to wave, River away and keep an eye on the thieves at the same time.
Continuing to move forward River started waving another scarf in her other hand, "Oh I will definitely tell James that you played your part wonderfully, you will hold off on any more action until I can get into place won't you?"
Ignoring the frantic gestures of the guards, she walked to the front of their barrier waving the scarves, blocking their view of Jayne and the thieves. In a move that was to swift for the eye to follow River had incapacitated both guards. Spinning around she saw that Jayne had played his part well and had managed to knock out both thieves, moving quickly she made her way across the street to the box that both parties were fighting over.
Dropping to her knees, she pulled a long thin metal chopstick from her up do, as half her hair fell down her back she expertly pulled the lock pick apart into its various pieces. Taking less time than you could say albatross she had the box open, cold hard cash glinted in the sunlight.
"Why can't we take the box girl?" Jayne grumbled, as he moved up behind her and reached under her skirt.
Mal rushed up, almost apoplectic with fury, he was so mad he couldn't even speak. Not only had two of his crew put themselves in the middle of a firefight, now one of them was trying to undress the other in the middle of the street.
Zoë glanced in the box and whistled, "Untraceable cash, Sir"
"You must not be angry Captain Daddy, it is not good for your brow." River finished shimmying out of her disguise, pulling it apart it showed to be a series of bags, which Jayne started to load the money into.
"Hold it, right there," Mal finally found his voice, "what in the gorram hell did you think you were doin?"
River rolled her eyes, "Doing crime the smart way," pushing at Mal, she insisted, "You must go run your errand, NOW."
"C'mon along sir, seems we aren't needed here." Zoë moved away from the unlikely pair that were quickly filling various bags with the loot. "River is right, we don't want to be seen around here."
Jayne tried to grab one more handful of coin, the lid slammed down on his fingers, cursing he glared at River. "Cannot carry more, we have enough. We go now."
Throwing the large duffle over one shoulder, Jayne grabbed the larger of the smaller bags, River slipped the two smaller bags over her head and followed in Jayne's wake back toward Serenity.
As per usual please hit the pretty purple button marked GO.