VT: Minna-san konnichi wa! Or yoh! Man, I have been really busy; school just started, and I think I'm moving again soon. The fact I haven't abandoned this fic yet blows me away. I want to thank all my reviewers and the people who are actually reading this abomination. I'm surprised no one has flamed me for the grammatical errors Sanami-san and I don't notice until after I post. -.- But anyway, "Thanks!" It really means a lot. ::Blows kisses:: MUAH!
WARNING: The yaoi, the sheer yaoi. How I love it. Oh, and there will be a bit of everyone bashing, after all, it is Kaiba we're talking about.
DISCLAIMER: If you turn on the TV and realize, "Hey, Anzu is melting, and all the male characters are having hot gay sex with each other," then you'll know that VT owns Yuugi-ou. Until then, keep a look out.
Quote of the Hour: "Kaiba is stupid." -Bakura Raindance
Birthday Something or Other (Ch. 3)
First Person- Seto
This apartment complex gives me the creeps. The stairs are crooked, the door is falling in; and I'm not sure, but I think that plant really needs to be watered... God, I really hope that's a plant. And the fact that Mokuba is still giggling from inside the limo is rather unnerving.
"Do you want me to hold your hand 'Ni-sama?" he snickers.
"What?" I snap; I didn't mean to but I did. "What are you implying?"
"Oh, nothing." Damn that sing-song voice of his. "Anyway, have a good time!" He then coughs, and it sounds suspiciously like "With Jou," but I think I'll let that slide. After all, I'm in no mood to argue with my brother, arguing with Jounouchi is just so much more amusing. I ask him again if he'd like to accompany me, and thankfully he says no with the excuse that he needs to do his chores-- which is odd since we have a maid that makes weekly visits. But I'm not about to deny myself brother-less Mutt-pestering time and question his motives.
I clutch Jou's present tighter in my hand as I head up to apartment B12 (my favourite vitamin, I might add) as was indicated in Jou's quaint invitation.
-x-
Okay, here's the apartment... right here... B12... Before my very eyes... all I have to do is knock....
I turn around and begin walking away. There are plenty of reasons The Great Kaiba Seto couldn't make it to a belated birthday celebration at a small and dilapidated apartment building. Besides, it's not like any of them are going to miss me-
"Kaiba?"
Jou? Okay, don't turn around. Strong and steady, be the river Seto; BE THE RIVER!
"Jounochi." Dammit! Don't use his name!
"Uh, you're going in the wrong direction." Ah, leave it to the Mutt to state the absolutely obvious. I turn around to be greeted by confused blonde puppy holding a small bag labeled "Marik's Pointy Thingers." I'll do him a favour and not ask.
Ignoring the bag, I catch his gaze, "Well, I was following the scent of dog hair." Ha, two points for Seto.
He places the bag on the... carpet? outside his door. "Well, you've got a bad sense of smell." HA...! Wait, what? Isn't there that whole, 'I ain't a dog' thing? That was a new one. He glances down; what is it? "Blue and silver wrapping paper?" right, the present. "How original." He smirks. When did the Pup grow a brain or the ability to smirk? He's been around me too long (if there is such a thing). Well in that case, this could get interesting.
"Amazing, and here I thought dogs were colour blind." He sneers a bit and lets me in. Yes, very interesting indeed.
-x-
Who the hell let Malik near the radio?! Interesting was an understatement; who allows an Egyptian psycho sing "Like a Virgin" thirty-two times-- I'm sorry, now thirty-three times-- in a row?! This is MALIK! I highly doubt he's a virgin in the first place. (Lucky bastard.) And what the hell is he doing here anyway? Isn't he like, the bad guy? Why invite your enemy to your party? ...Well, I suppose I qualify as a "bad guy" and "enemy" too, but I'm different. I get special privileges. Like the fact that I'm rich and in love with the good guy's best friend. Oh yes, and you thought the special treatment stopped at Kaiba Corp. Oh great, now it's a duet; I can feel myself wincing at their "harmony."
And "duet" meaning: more than one tone deaf lunatic singing at one time; isn't this illegal? See, Malik has this freaky cousin that looks very familiar. However, I think that's only because they look so alike. His name is Marik (We were formally introduced, where he slapped my ass and called me cutie. That was when I informed him, "Kaiba" was fine.), and the guy can't sing for his life. I'm going to ground Mokuba for making me leave my gun at the mansion... not that I was going to shoot anyone. No, really, I don't have time for a lawsuit. Stop giving me that look. I'm going to go look for Jou; does that make you happy? Stupid, rabid, yaoi fangirls....
Where is Jou anyway? It's rather pathetic that I lost him in a three-room apartment. There are only two possible places he could be: bathroom or the kitchen. So, to the kitchen!
Let's see, cabinets, a petite kitchen nook, and a broken spice rack, I'm assuming this is the kitchen.
Found him. He's bent over; digging through the fridge, which gives me a lovely view of-
"What are you lookin' at, Kaiba?"
-his angry face. It's a good thing that annoyed is a nice look on him, otherwise, I'd never pester him. "Just surprised you're getting a drink from the fridge instead of the toilet." And Seto is in the lead with a total of six points. I should do a victory dance or something.
"Oh, you're so funny, Kaiba. Tell another one." He rolls his eyes, clearly not amused. Like I care anyway. He returns to the refrigerator and tells me something. I'm not sure what; I wasn't listening. It's not my fault he thought it was a good idea to wear tight denim jeans. So here I am, respected duelist and owner of Kaiba Corporations, staring at the butt of an idiot who's probably already gotten his hair tangled in the back of the refrigerator. Oh how the mighty have fallen. "Are you even listening?" And back to reality, which is a shame; I was really enjoying Jou's Jean-clad Ass World.
"Not at all, but I'm sure it was something along the lines of 'I want some Kibbles 'n' Bits'."
"NO." Close but no cigar. "I... uh, I kinda got my hair tangled in the back of this thing." Wow, stupid and predictable, you sure know how to pick 'em Seto.
"Are you serious?" I try to sound annoyed and incredulous. You have to love these unnecessary questions. You see, I know he's caught, because he has that stupid blonde hair that is way too long and brings out his eyes and makes him look that much more like a cute little puppy. I mean, really.
"No, Seto. I enjoy making an ass of myself in front of you, so you can throw it in my face later. It's what I wake up in the morning for." I would tell him that it's the reason I get up in the morning too, had it not been for the obvious sarcasm dripping from his voice. "You gonna help me or what?" Of course I- wait. Heh, I think I'm smirking again. If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was MY birthday with all these presents I seem to be getting.
"Sure, I'll help you."
"I don't like how evil you're sounding there, Kaiba."
I clear my throat for no reason at all. "As I was saying, I will help you, but you have to do a little dare for me." Yes, be afraid little puppy.
"Uh..."
"It's a simple task, really. All I want you to do is bark every time I say your name." Easy enough right?
"WHAT?!" He over-exerts himself and bumps his head against the shelf closest to his head, the idiot. "Owie," he says miserably. Aw, I think he got a boo-boo; I should probably kiss it and make it all better. And rolling my eyes now; God, I love sarcasm. "Kaiba, I don't know what you're thinking, but there is no way I'm doing that!"
"Too bad. I hope it's a comfortable fifty-six degrees in there." Cue snickering.
"Nah, it's not that. It's just... there's something covered in foil back here, and I think it's starting to move." Must... resist... laughter... "Seto, I'm serious; are you there?"
"All I'm asking is for that little dare, Pup."
"I'm NOT doing it!"
"Fine. Have fun with the furry Jell-O."
"Uh, 'furry Jell-O'?" Heh, 3... 2... 1... "FINE! Fine, I'll do it. Just get me the hell out of here!" That was almost too easy. Now, to actually get him out....
Wow. Upon further inspection, he really is stuck in there. He has his hair completely tangled about the wired shelves. It's almost a requirement to ask how the hell this came about. "How on earth did you manage this?" What am I doing? I should be calling Ripley's.
"Well, it's not like I did it on purpose!" Could have fooled me. "I kept trying to reach for the Coke back here, and my hair kept rubbing up against this shelf thingy. So, I guess that's how it happened."
"Well, did you get this magical soft drink that was worth all this?"
"Um, actually, I found out it a jar of mayo." He starts laughing nervously.
"It's a freaking jar of MAYONAISSE?!" Okay, breathe. Malik and Marik have stopped "singing," so you can think now. It's not like you didn't expect this kind of idiocy, right? Okay, as long as he doesn't get any bright ideas, this will end up fine.
"Hey Kaiba! I got an brilliant idea." The word 'brilliant' is said with a flourish. We're screwed. "Just grab my ass and pull me out."
I nod in agreement and leisurely place my hands on either side of his waist. "Mmm Seto," he practically moans. I press closer to him for better... leverage... I run my hands further down his sides, closer to his thighs. I light gasp escapes his lips. It seems he likes this.
I press myself further into him; I'm really enjoying those noises he's making, but something in the refrigerator catches my eye. Almonds... "Mmm, can I taste your nuts?" (couldn't help that on) Even from my current position, I can see the visible blush spreading across his cheeks...(the ones on his face!). I unscrew the lid, never moving from my location, and help myself to a few; licking at my fingers when I'm done. "Salty." His blush reddens further.
"Don't tease Seto. Please Seto? Seto... SETO!"
"What?!" What happened? I'm still right here, and he's still all the way over there; neither of us have moved... I should have known that wasn't really happening when I noticed it was in Italics! I hate reality.
"You there or what?" Why yes, Jou. Though I was physically present, my mind was elsewhere-- meaning in an extremely hackneyed porno involving you and myself, why?
"Yes, where else would I be?"
"I don't know. You just kind of drifted away. So, yank me out already!"
'Yank me out'? I can't do this. I allow me head to drop down as a collect a breath. I don't need to worry; none of that salty nuts crap is actually going to happen. It was just a terrible scene from a bad teen movie or something. Okay, open your eyes- oh my God. Oh how nice it is to be so happily greeted my your... shall we say 'excitement'? This is just like Yuugi's pool party last year, when Jou and I played Twister and Jou was underneath me, and "right hand red" was called, and he couldn't reach, so he fell, panting and flushed beneath me-- and this isn't helping my situation at all! I despise social events.
"That wouldn't happen to be the doorbell...?"
"We have a doorbell? Stop trying to change the subject! Get me out of here or our deal's off! Whoa, when did this yogurt expire?" Perhaps I should inform him that it would probably be more to my benefit if I just called off our deal and leave him stranded in the bottom shelf for all his little friends to see. However, for one reason or another, I just can't get myself to leave him. I sigh; sometimes I really hate myself.
"Fine, let's just do this." I just need a moment to calm down. Wait... "If I 'yank' you out, what about your hair?"
"I know." I better do this before he starts sobbing. I place my hands on his waist and pause. No moan of delight, no "Mmm Seto." I'm almost disappointed. So I'm just going to pull him out... are those footsteps? "Kaiba?"
"We're going to do this on the count of three, got it?" He tries to nod but realizes his predicament and stops. "Ready?" I don't wait for an answer. "1... 2..." And then I pull as hard as I can.
It was rather surprising how far tangled he was. It took a very severe tug from he to actually remove him. The only problem was that the force of the "tug" caused us both to fly backward and land on our asses. But, because Fate has it out for me, guess where Jounouchi landed? Yes, that's right-- sitting in my lap.
"You jerk! That wasn't 'til the count of three!" He's practically two steps away from crying at this point, rubbing the sore and now practically bald spot on his head. He turns to glare at me sideways. I'm not sure if anyone's noticed before, but Jou has amazing eyes: dark, deep, and always burning with a certain passion. Seeing those eyes alight with a flame for me only serves my only purpose for being. Those now glassy and fiery eyes of his can make or break you. And for me, they've done both.
"I suppose I lost count." His hand still hasn't budged from its dwelling atop his head. "Is it really that bad?" I removed his hand to see "ground zero", as it were, when an annoying cough interrupted me.
"I'm sorry; were you two in the middle of something?" Yami-- I even growl his name in my head. He's an arrogant, game-playing, hypocrite. He tells me that one's past makes their future and some such nonsense, when he's not even completely sure about his own. The bastard drives me crazy. Then there's everything else about him-- everything from his hair to his boots just rubs me the wrong way. "Because if you are, I'm sure we can come back later." Is my eye twitching? Wait, 'we'? I take a moment to glance around. Yes, 'we' indeed.
Everyone has the amazing timing to show up right now. And I mean everyone. Yuugi, the eternally naïve, and his cousin Yami, the eternally irritating, are standing (or posing perhaps) next to the prison/refrigerator; Malik and Marik have dropped their "singing" for staring and giggling to my immediate right, on the kitchen nook; Toyota is trying to fix the spice rack with a fork and is unaware of the current situation; and finally Ryou and his... brother, I suppose, are trying to assemble the drinks while the elder keeps trying to wrap his arms around him. Ryou and his brother are... close, for lack of a better word. If there is to be staring, it should be at them. Though now that I think about it, the owner of Kaiba Corporations is in the middle of a lower-class kitchen, on his ass, with a dumb mutt sitting on his lap; and not to mention, that now this CEO is also holding the said mutt's right hand within his own. ...And neither of them have made a motion to move in the past seven minutes.
No... this isn't conspicuous at all....
I clear my throat. "No," I begin, trying to give Jounouchi a clue, "you didn't interrupt anything. The puppy just got caught, and I removed him." Jou finally gets off me, and I stand up, a whole foot or so above Yami. "However, you may want to consider training him better." Even though that was a direct insult to Jou, Yami seems to have taken it worse. He glares and opens his mouth to say something, when Yuugi places his hand on his and calms him down. Yuugi smiles at me and begins to leave the kitchen.
"Come on, Jou. Where should I put your present?" he asks. Jou tries to rearrange his hair so that it looks normal once again, a "comb-over", if you will. That's rather amusing.
"Yes, Mutt, where do you want your presents?" I pause a moment; isn't he supposed to bark now? That was our agreement. Jou stops in his tracks and leisurely turns around.
He slowly wags his finger at me, as opposed to his tail I suppose. "Heh, sorry Seto." He smiles slyly. "'Mutt' is not my name." He turns back around and reverts his attention back to his friends.
Hmm, looks like the game is now tied at ten points each.
-x-
VT: BWAHAHAHA! Behold part 1 of the actual party thinger! I'm going to post part 2 relatively soon. ::sweatdrop:: I'm so glad people are actually enjoying this fic. I only wrote it because I was tired of "Bastard Kaiba". It's good to see others that hold this same viewpoint. Oh, and one other thing, if you are reading these little "author's notes" and you want to review, please put the words "banana pudding" in your review. I'm just trying to see how many people are actually reading these things. It's a bet I'm holding with Sanami-san (she's an idiot). X3 Anyway, tell me what you thought!