2 years earlier………..
"I don't fucking understand! Why do you have to leave! Why the fuck do you have to run away!"
"I'm not running away. I just have to leave. I can't………….stay. I just can't." Buffy replied, turning away from Faith and looking out at the lights of the city.
She always felt so comforted up here on the roof of the hotel. Even though Los Angeles no longer felt like home for her, she still seemed to be able to draw some strength from all the lights that twinkled beneath them. And strength was what she desperately needed right now. She hadn't wanted it to go this way. She hadn't actually wanted it to go any way at all to be quite honest. She had planned on slipping away without so much as a word to anyone. The letters to each of her friends had been carefully written that night, each one as individual as the person it was intended for. No apologies, just the honest truth. Well, almost. But of course, even the most simple plans can come apart at the seams when you let your guard drop for just a moment. She was just about to leave; her bag was packed, her room empty of all the things that had made it hers. The heels of her boots echoed through the bare space as she made her way to the door. As she bent to pick up her bag, she felt the need to go up to the roof one last time, for one last look, she thought to herself. And that was when her simple plan had started to fray. But in a funny way she wasn't surprised. Faith always seemed to know what her next move was going to be, what she was feeling. Sometimes it felt like she knew even before Buffy did.
So that was how Buffy now found herself in the aching position of having the other slayer shout at her. Faith had gone looking for Buffy and had found the packed bag in the middle of the empty room, and had then somehow knew that she would find her up here. When she had asked Buffy what was going on, why were her things packed, Buffy had replied that she was leaving LA, leaving California.
"But why B? I don't get it. Just outta the blue you decide to up and leave and by the looks of it, without saying a god damn word to any of us?"
The look of pain in Faith's eyes was almost too much for Buffy as she turned to look at her again. She truly was at a loss for what to say.
"I…….I left letters for everyone" she offered, feeling ashamed at how lame it sounded.
"Oh gee B. You left letters! Fuck me. That's wicked thoughtful of you" Faith shot back sarcastically. "So what exactly did you say in these letters? 'Hey Willow, By the time you read this I'll be long gone. I never said goodbye to you cos I couldn't be bothered. See you around, Buffy'. Do they go something like that huh B?"
"No…..…no they don't. It's nothing to do with not being bothered Faith! I love my friends and it's killing me to leave at all never mind like this. But it's just the way I have to do it so don't stand there and tell me this is easy for me!"
"So where's my letter then? Have you got it there? Were you just gonna slip it under my door on your way out or something cos I haven't seen anything in my room?" Faith asked accusingly, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.
Buffy cast her eyes down to the ground and silently wished she didn't have to have this conversation.
"I didn't write you one" she replied almost inaudibly.
When she looked up again she started to doubt everything about the decision she was making, as what she saw in Faith's face made her heart feel like it was splitting in two. The dark haired slayer's eyes had filled with tears but none had fallen yet. She looked so hurt.
So incredibly hurt, Buffy thought. How ironic that whenever I seem to hurt Faith the most we're on a fucking roof, she mused almost laughing to herself.
"Please listen though Faith, it's not what you think. I wanted to write you one, I wanted to tell you, but I….I, oh shit I don't know. I didn't have the right words I guess. I was planning on writing you eventually" As the words tumbled out of Buffy's mouth she felt like she was falling because everything she was saying was coming out completely wrong and clearly making things worse.
"Eventually? Eventually B?" Faith closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I have to go now" she said as she opened her eyes "And I guess so do you" she motioned towards Buffy. "I wouldn't want to hold you up" . She started to walk towards the roof door.
"Faith! Faith please! You don't understand. I know you're thinking it's because I don't care but I………." Buffy faltered as Faith turned towards her.
"What B? What is it then?" she shouted back at Buffy. "Yeah I think you don't give a shit cos if you did, you sure as hell wouldn't be running away without any explanation. And yeah, I'm big enough to admit that it fucking hurts that you've bothered to pen everyone else but me a sweet little parting note. So what is it then!"
Buffy's mind was doing somersaults, screaming in her head what she wanted to say. But she couldn't, not now, not after everything.
"I don't want to leave it like this Faith" she replied calmly "I don't want………..I don't want any bad feeling between us"
Faith just stared at her. Not angrily, but with a sort of glazed expression of sadness.
"Hey don't worry, there's no bad feeling here. I've……..…gotta go. I've gotta meet Robin now" Faith spoke almost absentmindedly "He'll be waiting for me. Take care Buffy". Faith turned and walked slowly out the door and as she began to run down the stairs, heard Buffy screaming for her to wait, to come back. But the tears had started pouring down her face and she knew she just had to get away.
As Buffy watched Faith get in her car and speed off down the street, she felt the overwhelming need to drop to her knees and sob her heart out. But she knew if she did that then the little momentum she still had left would disappear and she would never leave. So she forced the lump in her throat back down and went to collect her bag.
Standing outside the house that they had all made a home together, she looked up at it and tried to fill her mind with happy thoughts about all the good times she'd had there. But she knew, deep down she knew, that she wasn't satisfied, wasn't able to be truly happy when the one thing she was good at was no longer the same and the one person she wanted was out of her grasp.
"And that's why I have to leave, Faith" she thought to herself as she put her things in the back of her car. "Cos I want to be happy".
Turning on the ignition Buffy realised she had no idea where she was going to go, but this thought was almost comforting in a way.
"Like endless possibilities" she said out loud to her reflection in the rear-view mirror and was surprised to see tears were streaming down her face.
She drove off, never looking back, trying to look forward to whatever that may be.
2 years later………..
A loud crack filled the night air as blonde hair tangled with brown……………….
"AAAAHHHHH!" Faith cried as she crashed into something at full speed. As she was knocked backwards by the force of the collision, she knocked her head off a nearby wall and fell to the ground.
"Fucking hell. Arrrggghhh that fucking hurts" she mumbled, rubbing her head and attempting to sit up.
As she focused her vision she saw a blonde girl lying facedown by the kerb a few feet away. Scrambling over to the lifeless body, Faith knew it was Buffy before she even turned her over. Blood was pooling around Buffy's head, spilling from a deep gash at her hairline.
"Oh my god, Buffy! Buffy, wake up!" Faith screamed, shaking Buffy for a response. She pressed her hand to the wound to try and stem the bleeding and pulled Buffy on to her lap.
"C'mon B, wake up, wake up". Faith was starting to panic. She hadn't come all this way to knock Buffy out. Or worse, her mind was saying.
"No no no. Not gonna happen. Come on B! Wake up, please wake up." Tears started streaming down Faith's face "Please wake up Buffy, please".
Just when she was realising that she should try to get Buffy to a hospital she felt her stir slightly in her arms.
"Oh my God Buffy! Are you ok? Try to stay awake Buffy" she said frantically, sobs wracking her body.
As Buffy slowly came to, she saw Faith's face peering down at her and couldn't for the life of her remember what had happened for her to get here.
"Hey, what's with the tears?" she asked Faith groggily, "And why are you calling me Buffy?"
At this Faith started crying even harder and gripping onto Buffy, "Oh my God, you can't remember your name!"
"What? What are you talking about? My name is Buffy Summers. I'm just wondering why you're calling me Buffy and not B"
Faith's eyes widened, "Oh thank fuck. I thought you'd lost your memory or something. And what do you mean why am I calling you Buffy? I was calling you that cos you just happened to be out cold and I was trying to get some response!" she said almost laughing.
"Okaaaaay……I may have a slight memory loss issue going on cos I have no idea why I was passed out" Buffy replied.
"That would be due to the frickin big hole in your head that you got from this nice sidewalk here Buffy, I mean B" Faith said motioning to the gash on her forehead.
Buffy raised her hand to her head and quickly withdrew it, making a gasping sound. It was as if she hadn't felt the pain before because she hadn't known it was there.
"I think you're gonna need stitches B. It looks pretty bad. I'll go try find a cab to take us to the hospital" Faith made a move to stand up but Buffy grabbed on to her arms.
"No. No hospitals Faith. I just need to get home. My apartment is just around the corner. Help me up and I'll be fine"
Her tone sounded quite desperate and Faith was confused as to why Buffy wouldn't want to go to the hospital.
"But you need stitches. It looks really deep. Plus you were out for quite a while; you could have concussion or something"
"I've been out for a lot longer than that before Faith, I'll be fine. But if it really does need stitches then I'll do them myself. I've got the stuff at home to do the job, just help me up"
"Uhh….if you're sure B. Come on then"
Faith gently lifted Buffy's small frame to her feet and found herself face to face with the other slayer. A strange but comfortable silence fell between the two as they just looked at each other, studying each other.
Buffy broke the silence "Ok, actually, I knew I was missing something. Like some fucking huge, gaping mother fucking hole in the proceedings! What the hell are you doing here!" She sort of cried through laughter.
Dizziness then washed over her and her knees went beneath her. Faith caught her round the waist before she could fall.
"I think explanations can wait till we get you back home B"
"I'm thinking you could be right. It's this way. Just give me a minute" Buffy said trying to gain her balance again.
"Ummm B? I could carry you, you know. I don't think you're in any fit state to walk right now" Faith ventured.
Buffy looked up at Faith and saw apprehension in her eyes.
"Could you manage it?" she asked.
"Hello? Slayer? Kinda like an elephant carrying an ant" Faith answered with a laugh. And with that she scooped Buffy up and started off in the direction of the apartment.
"Just keep me right ok B"
"Uh yeah, just head up here and turn left" Buffy replied with some difficulty. She felt so tired and her head was throbbing, but she felt so safe and comfortable in Faith's arms. Her head was resting on Faith's shoulder and she felt like her senses were being overwhelmed by how good the brunette smelled.
"So when did you learn language like that B?" Faith asked teasingly whilst walking.
"Like what?" Buffy asked, trying to focus on her face.
"Like back there when you said fucking, then mother fucking, rounded off with a nice hell at the end!"
"Yeah well, pretty momentous event calls for extreme language" Buffy laughed softly,"I've probably picked up a few bad habits since you saw me last" she said more seriously.
Faith didn't say anything but just continued walking, shifting Buffy's weight slightly.
"What number is it B?"
"Huh?" Buffy felt like she was dropping off to sleep.
"What street number?" Faith asked again gently.
"Oh right. It's 125. Top floor….sorry. I can probably just walk up the stairs"
"Haven't even broken a sweat yet B so you're not gonna be walking anywhere" Faith replied striding up to the main entry door and kicking it open.
When she started taking the stairs two at a time Buffy whispered in her ear "Still such a show off".
"Yeah well, some things never change" Faith replied, keeping her composure "Can you pass me your keys out?" she asked as they reached the top floor.
Faith would have described it as a kind of warehouse type place. Pretty raw looking, but somewhere that would probably be inhabited by trendy arty types. Not really B's style at all, she thought to herself. But as she pushed the door open and got a look at the inside there was no mistaking it was Buffy's place. It just fitted her. Everything was intrinsically B. It was pretty small and there appeared to only be one room, besides the bathroom which Faith assumed was through the door to the right. There was a double bed over to the left and a couch on the other wall. All Faith could see of a kitchen area was a microwave and a small fridge. It was pretty basic but had a nice feel to it. Of course it does, Faith thought to herself, B lives here. There was a nice throw over the couch and some cushions on the bed. Buffy had obviously tried her best to make it as homely as possible.
"Umm Faith? Are you ok? You can put me down now"
Faith realised that she'd been standing in the doorway, staring into Buffy's apartment and completely forgetting that she was still holding her.
"Uh yeah, shit. Sorry B, just kinda spaced there" She said placing Buffy gently down on her feet.
"I know it's not much to look at but considering the wages I get, this is like the Hilton compared with some of the places I saw" Buffy said, slowly making her way over to the bathroom door.
"No. I mean no, that wasn't what I was thinking. It's a pretty cool little place actually B. You've made it look nice" Faith replied quickly, realising that her staring must have seemed rude.
"Hey, what you doing in there B?" Faith could see Buffy wincing in pain as she attempted to bend down.
"Just getting the stitchy stuff" Buffy replied grabbing the side of the sink as a wave of nausea took hold. "Jesus, I really did a number on myself. Haven't felt this sort of pain for a long time".
Faith entered the small bathroom. "Here, let me. Sit down before you fall down" she said to Buffy in a commanding tone as she put the toilet seat down and gently guided Buffy to sit on it. The older girl leant back and closed her eyes trying to focus on the cool tile against the back of her head.
"There should be a first aid box of sorts in the cabinet under the sink" she said almost dreamily, still with her eyes closed.
"Yeah I got it B"
Buffy was startled at how close Faith's voice was, and was surprised to see her kneeling in front of her when she opened her eyes.
"How's your stitching cos I don't think double vision is compatible with minor surgical procedures on your own face" Buffy asked with a smile.
"You're the one that didn't wanna go to the hospital so you'll just have to make do with me. Don't worry, I won't make you look like the Bride of Frankenstein or anything" Faith replied, smiling up into Buffy's eyes despite herself.
The wound had stopped gushing and the blood had caked in places, so Faith cleaned it the best she could with some antiseptic liquid before she got to work on the stitches.
She was trying her very best to concentrate on the work at hand and not look at Buffy. Well that's a lie because she was looking at Buffy's head the whole time, but she was avoiding anything below the eyebrows.
"You've changed your hair" Buffy said softly.
Faith jumped a little as she had actually thought Buffy had maybe been sleeping because she'd been so quiet. She adjusted the needle in her hand and continued.
"Uh, yeah. I just got some highlights put through it" Faith replied staying composed.
"It looks nice" Buffy said and closed her eyes again. She had to close her eyes because not only did her head hurt like hell, but she was having a hard time being this close to Faith after two years and keeping her cool.
"Thanks" said Faith softly as she briefly stopped to look at Buffy with her eyes closed before shaking her head slightly and continuing with the task.
All both slayers could think was how in the hell did they start the conversation that was inevitably to come. So many questions and explanations would be wanted, thought Buffy.
Two years had passed. What had Buffy been doing in all this time, thought Faith. Would she still be the same person? Would she even want to talk to her, the person that she wasn't even going to bother saying goodbye to?
As Faith tied off the last stitch she realised that Buffy had drifted off to sleep with her head against the wall. She knew that it wasn't a good idea to let her sleep after such a heavy knock to the head but decided to lift her through to the bed anyway.
As she lay her down she whispered in Buffy's ear, "B, I don't know whether you should sleep or not. I'm scared that it's the wrong thing to do"
Buffy stirred and opened her eyes "I'll be ok Faith, I promise. I just have to sleep for a while, I'm so tired"
"Ok. But maybe I should stay. Then that way I could keep an eye on you while you sleep. Don't want you running off again after I've come all this way" Faith replied smiling.
"I seem to remember it was you running last night" said Buffy returning the smile.
"We'll talk about it in the morning B. You should get some rest now. I'll be right over here on the couch"
"Sorry, can't keep my eyes open. Need to sleep……." And with that Buffy had drifted off into a deep sleep.
Faith turned off the overhead light leaving the room in darkness and sat herself on the small couch. She made a decision to stay awake as she was still weary of whether Buffy should be sleeping or not. In the quietness of the room she could hear the steady breathing of the other girl and was comforted. As her mind wondered to past times with the other slayer, her eyes eventually became heavy, until finally she succumbed to sleep.
The only sound that could be heard was the occasional passing car, and that of the two slayers breathing quietly in perfect unison.