Vimes put on a pair of very rumpled pants, and returned to the window. He looked out, and was privy to a view of the faces of half of the watch.

"Corporal Nobbs," he said. "Sergeant Colon. Lieutenant Angua." He noticed that Angua was blushing, and avoiding his gaze. Served her right, peering into a man's bedroom like that. "Seventy-two-hour Ahmed." He kept a watchful eye on the last member of this quintet. "And is that… by the Gods, it's Cohen the barbarian."

"Aye," said the ancient hero.

"What are you all doing outside my bedroom window?"

"I am very sorry Mister Vimes, but it was an emergency," replied Seventy-two-hour Ahmed. "May we come in?"

Vimes turned to see Lady Sybil snoring loudly.

"No," he said . "Go around front and come in through the door. It's unlocked."

Vimes always left all of the entry-ways to his house unguarded in order to tempt in the would-be assassins. It was cruel world, Vimes concluded. But a man had to keep his reflexes sharp.

2

In the moment that Rincewind had touched the ring he knew he had made a grave mistake. His knees suddenly felt as though they were loaded with powerful springs. There was an explosive pop from within his own pelvis and most of all there was a click. Just a tiny little click…

… followed by a verybig KABOOM!

Rincewind shot a hundred feet in the air. But he clung to the ring (only because he was too scared to unlock his fist). He had just enough time to see his own luggage come skirting into the room before he was roughly ejected through the roof of the Unseen University…

3

Vimes woke Lady Sybil. He cringed to think what might have happened if she woke to find her bedroom full of watch-men, not to mention Cohen the barbarian, and Seventy-two-hour Ahmed. But when Sam told her what was happening she actually sounded rather pleased.

"Finally we'll have some company! Sam, put on a shirt," she said. It all worked out. Sam was happy because she wasn't upset, and she wasn't upset because she was happy to entertain. He'd never thought that keeping company away could be so useful. He just did it because he didn't like people very much.

By the time they all came marching up the stairs Lady Sybil was dressed in an elegant evening gown. Her hair and make up were done just right: not too flashy, but not to coy. Sam Vimes let out a sigh as he searched for the word that best described the way she looked…

…gracious. That was the word. She looked gracious, and Vimes had on a shirt.

Nobby and Colon were the first through the door.

"Good evening Corporal Nobbs, Sergeant Colon," said Lady Sybil. "By the way, how is Mrs. Colon?"

Fred tried to answer, but the words had gotten stuck in his throat, so he just stood there with his mouth open.

Nobby blinked. "Wasn't you asleep?"

"Ah, Lieutenant Angua, how nice of you to join us! But where is Captain Carrot?"

"He had some things to take care of down at the watch-house, but he won't be too long," Angua replied.

"Oh. Is that you Ahmed, you silly boy? And Cohen the barbarian!"

Seventy-two-hour Ahmed gave the Duchess a polite nod, and Cohen said, "Aye!"

In fact that was the last thing anybody said before it happened.

Suddenly something came crashing through the ceiling, and filled the room with the sound of a high-pitched scream. It landed on Vimes's bed, bringing down with it a huge cloud of dust, bramble, and debris from his roof. It struggled amongst the sheets like a drowning squirrel for a moment. Then it stopped. Rincewind looked around at all the pale, surprised faces in the room.

"Am I alive?" he said. Several vague nods confirmed that he was. "I'm alive! Yes, yes, yes. Ha ha."

"Sorry I'm late," said the voice of Captain Carrot, from the window. He climbed into Vimes's bedroom.

"Why didn't you come in through the front?" asked Vimes. Captain Carrot shrugged.

"There was a ladder. Oh. Hello Rincewind. I didn't know you were coming."

Rincewind shrugged, "I'm alive!"

Carrot just smiled, and sat down next to Angua.

It was seamless the way Lady Sybil carried on, as if a man had not just come crashing through her ceiling and another had not just climbed through her bedroom window.

"By the way, Cohen," she said. "I've been meaning to ask, whatever happened to that band of charming young heroes you used to lead?"

"The silver horde?" said Cohen. "The last I saw of 'em they was lookin' real jolly and such at the seamstresses' guild."

"I love the seamstresses' guild!" said Carrot who actually took them his worn-out socks to be repaired. Cohen glanced briefly at Angua whose face had suddenly gone flush. Lately she'd become very interested in her own shoes.

But Cohen did her a favor and replied simply, "As many o' good young lads do."

Carrot nodded happily.

"Ahem. I think we're all here," said Sergeant Colon. "Shall we proceed?"

"Wait," said Angua. "Don't we need a wizard for this sort of thing?"

Rincewind puffed up his chest and was about to declare that he was in fact a wizard, but his better judgment had finally caught up with him and this time it told him to shut up. However that was only before Cohen cleared his throat and said, "Rincewind's a wizard."

"Not technically speaking…" Rincewind began to say, but he was thrown off by an explosion of laughter that was coming from Vimes. There were tears streaming down his face.

"No, he's not!" said Vimes, catching his breath.

"But I"

"Sure he is. Says so on his hat," said Cohen. Rincewind's cheeks flushed a deep crimson. The word W I Z Z A R D was clearly spelled out on the front of his hat.

"I've never seen him do any magic," said Angua.

"Well that's just because"

"Come to think of it, me neither," said Carrot.

"I know a few"

"Real shifty sort of fellow," said Nobby, speaking as if Rincewind had just gone out.

"Shifty? I'll have you know"

"Shifty yes," said Sergeant Colon. "But a wizard? I have my doubts."

"Everyone calm down," said Lady Sybil. "Let's get to the bottom of this. Rincewind, are you or are you not a wizard?"

Rincewind looked suddenly flustered. Caught up in the heat of the moment he shouted, "You're darn right I'm a wizard!"

"Sure is," said Cohen, flashing him a ruby-filled grin….

Several minutes later Seventy-two-hour Ahmed was walking them through the initial logistics of his plan to destroy the ring.

"My original idea was to intercept Dibbler before he had gotten so far, but somehow," Ahmed shook his head, "the man eluded me. Then I thought we'd have to storm the Unseen University and take the ring by force, but now that we have Rincewind that won't be necessary either. We'll just send him in for it."

"You know," said Nobby, with a reminiscent look in his eye, "when I was little me Dad took me to see the circus. There was this wizard. He could just pull gold coins, and rings, and wossnames, and stuff out of thin air."

"How would he do it?" said Captain Carrot. Rincewind gulped. Fate seemed to enjoy making a fool out of him.

"Well… he'd just go over to you kind of like this…" Nobby said, coming toward Rincewind.

"Don't make me hurt you, Mr. Nobbs," said Rincewind. "Just step away."

"Then he'd pat your pockets, kind of like this…" said Nobby, completely ignoring Rincewind and proceeding to pat down his pockets.

"I'm warning you," said Rincewind, without the slightest trace of conviction in his voice.

"Then he'd put his hand deep down in 'em." Nobby dug around in the bottom of Rincewind's pockets.

"This is your last chance," said Rincewind

"And then he'd pull out something like this." Nobby pulled the ring out of Rincewind's robe-pocket, "and he'd say, 'Voila,' and that would be the end."

Rincewind snatched the ring out of Nobby's grasp. He looked around at all the blank faces in the room… and gulped. Rincewind closed his eyes and waited for the explosion.

Clap. Clap. Clap. "Pretty good!" said Ahmed.

"I beg your pardon?" said Rincewind.

"I told ye'," said Cohen, joining in on the clapter.

"I never knew he had it in him," said Sergeant Colon, with a thoroughly amazed expression on his face.

"I did," said Nobby, with an atrocious grin. "Never doubted you for a second, ol' Rincewind."

Rincewind grinned cautiously. "Yes... ahem… voila?"

After that obvious display of magic almost everyone in the room agreed that Rincewind was indeed a wizard, a force to be reckoned with, a mountain among men… and then they stopped right there, because Rincewind suggested that they didn't get too carried away.

Only Vimes seemed unconvinced….