This is the fourth drabble in my series, Crisis Conversations, set during The Perfect Storm. This is Seth/Ryan. Many thanks to my beta, Loracj.

Lost On Land

"So, you're really going?" Seth stands awkwardly at the door to the poolhouse, his hands thrust into his pockets, watching the pile of clothes on Ryan's bed grow bigger.

Ryan looks across at him. "I know you're mad at me, Seth."

"No, not mad. I'm trying to be mature this time Ryan."

Ryan eyes him skeptically. Seth relents.

"OK, maybe a little mad. But, more disappointed I guess."

Ryan frowns. Seth shrugs.

"You know, you didn't have much longer to go. You could have graduated."

"It's not about that, Seth." Ryan's answer is curt.

"I know that." Seth responds.

Ryan raises his eyebrows questioningly.

"But do you really think running away to sea is going to be any less lonely?"

Ryan stops shoving a pair of jeans into his bag. Sometimes Seth takes his breath away.

"Can't be any worse can it?" His look is stony.

Seth is hesitant. He doesn't want to sound like he's pleading.

"What about if I ask Dad if I can do the home tutoring thing too?"

Ryan's eyes soften.

"I can't ask you to do that Seth."

"Yeah, because Harbor and I mean so much to each other."

Ryan takes a deep breath and sits down.

"It's not just school. I don't fit in, not anywhere. Not with you guys at Harbor, not with Marissa and her friends. Hell, I didn't even fit with my own brother when he was here."

"Trey's definitely different to you."

"Different to me now yeah. I don't think he knew who I was any more. I don't think I know myself."

Seth is serious.

"So, be whoever you want to be."

Ryan can't help smiling at this. He knows what other people want him to be. He's just not sure himself.

"And what if I don't know?"

Seth shrugs. "Take your time. There's no hurry."

"There kind of is. Another couple of months and you'll have all decided which colleges you want to go to, what you want to do with your lives. I don't know if I can do that. "

"Then don't. Wait a while. Going to college isn't cast in stone."

"I don't think your parents think that."

"They're parents. They're trained to think like that. It's that whole 'protect your young' syndrome. They just want us to get the best out of our lives."

Seth is suddenly curious.

"What is it you DO want Ryan?"

Ryan hesitates and thinks for a moment. Seth is hisclosest friend, the person he confides in the most, the one constant in the ebb and flow ofthe relationships he's made in Newport, the person who gave up his only child status to share his parents with a stranger. But Ryan knows thathe above all people won't get it. Because how can he understand what Ryan wants when all he wants is the opposite?

tbc