Saying Goodbye a Second Time
She places her hand on the door handle and stops. She watches him as he moves about the room purposefully. The lump in her throat burns. How is it that this boy, a stranger to her just over two years ago, is now about to walk out of their lives for a second time and break her heart all overagain? Howis it that her own husband, the man that brought this boy into their lives, can let him go like this, with a quick flourish of a pen, as if signing for a delivery at the front door?
She takes a deep breath and opens the door.
"All set?" Her voice is too brittle, her eyes too bright.
He stops and turns, smiles at her shyly.
"Almost."
She walks over and presses a bag of oranges into his hand. She flushes mildly, embarrassed. He looks downat the gift, puzzled.
"Some healthy snacks for the high seas. Don't want you coming home with scurvy…"
He grins as he places them next to his clothes. "In three weeks?" he teases. "I think that was the sixteenth century, Kirsten, when sailors were away for months at a time."
Her eyes glisten and she folds her arms across herself protectively.
She hesitates.
"I'm sorry, Ryan... that you've had such a hard time lately. I wish I could turn back the clock, I wish I could have been there for you when you needed me, I wish..."
But he cuts her short, his voice gentle. "It's OK, really. None of this is your fault."
She shakes her head. "No, if I'd just…"
"Please…." His eyes beg her to stop and she does. It's almost too painful for her to say out loud and it's definitely too painful for him to hear.
"Won't you change your mind?"
"I can't. I can't carry on like this."
She hears the weariness in his response.
"You know I don't agree with Sandy, right? I don't think for one minute that he should have signed that paper. I think he's being irresponsible."
"Please don't be mad with Sandy. He's only giving me what I want. What I need." His heads drops and she can't see his face. She thinks she knows what he needs, and it's not this.
She reaches out to him, touching his shoulder lightly.
"Ryan, whatever it is, we can sort this out together, as a family…"
He draws away and shakes his head, still bowed.
She nods, knowing she's defeated. She brushes at her eyes irritably.
"Kirsten?" His voice is halting but he has raised his head to look directly at her.
"Thanks. I know the word Mom doesn't mean quite the same to me as it does Seth, but thanks, you know, for being one…"
She sniffs and smiles too brightly at him.
"I'm not ready to stop being your mom, Ryan."
The End