The Mighty Boosh-venture!
Chapter 1 - A stranger in the zoo
"Welcome to the Zooniverse where animals urinate on people who stare at them for too long and stuff…Today at 3.00pm Joey Moose will be making animal noises in the Chameleon Boudoir and later at 5.00pm as a special treat, the famous Goudie Trust will be reciting his poem, 'Where would we be without quantum physics?' Over and out."
Howard Moon and Vince Noir were seated on a bench by the Osalot pit, shaded from the blazing, mid-day sun by a newly planted Jabuba tree.
Howard is a tall man with a tangle of brown hair and a sort of coffee stain on his filtrim which he claims is a moustache. Some say he looks like two rulers and a beanbag.
The slightly younger, Vince, is a mod who likes Mick Jagger and all things shiny. I couldn't describe his appearance because every time I look at him all I see is his shiny, silky soft, feather-cut hair which perfectly compliments his face shape and encompasses his head grandly like an uber-trendy hat…
Anyway! I digress!
They were arguing about Jazz when a guy dressed head to toe in glimmering armour approached them, "I'm looking for castle Obble Urlie. Have you seen it with your eye? Do you know its whereabouts?"
Howard frowned, "There's no castles round here, Sir shine-a-lot, this is a zoo…"
"Yeah, the zooniverse," Vince chimed.
"…so if you'd like to make your way to the exit. You're scaring the other visitors."
The knight might have looked confused, but you couldn't see because he was wearing a helmet, "What is zoo?"
"It's a place where people come to see animals from all around the world. But could you please leave."
The knight stared at him.
"Now."
The knight turned to Vince, "Can you help me find the castle fair maiden?"
Smiling, the knight reached out to Vince who consequently slapped his hand away, "Oi! Don't touch the hair, pie boy! Keep one metre away at all times."
A small, chubby man approached the odd looking group, "Moon! Vincy! What are you guys doing - oh my God! Invasion of the metal people! Run! Head for the hills…"
"Guess he's never seen a knight before," Vince chuckled.
"You wait here little man," said Howard, "I'm gonna go calm fossil down. Weave my psychology magic…"
"What psychology magic?"
"What by doing a dance in little blue pants?"
"Shu' up," Howard straightened out his shirt, stood up and ran off in persuit of Bob Fossil.
The knight shook his head, "Peasants. What are you going to do?"
Vince looked uncertain, "Feed them bird seeds?"
"It was a rhetorical question, oh cheesy one! You do not answer. Now let us go in search of Obble Urlie. Pack your equipment. Seize a fish. Now we are off."
"What about Howard? I can't go without him. We're like Flanigan and Tucker."
"Leave him now. My squire Wishton will collect him later."