Chapter four- The tower of doom

The strange party followed the path for some large bit of time like a troop of lost gypsies. Soon it was the afternoon, then the evening and the bright, creamy moon was sitting in the sky, watching them progress, slowly towards the heart of the forest:

I am de moon. Look at me in de sky, I fly up and above. I can see down onto de forest. Forest know me - I say don't look up at me and er see my face until I know that de er constilation be over me like being my hair.

Presently, the dirt path became too thin and the trees too close for the donkeys. The shiney knight realised this when he was knee deep in donkey tears, which attacked his armour in a rusty frenzy. The branches that jutted out, all mangled and scratchy had touched a sensitive part of his donkey's toe and induced a session of uncontrollable crying.

"You! Zoo boy. Why do tears flow from the eye of my steed? Is its brain machine broken?"

Howard soothed his own donkey and stopped beside the knight, "It's called angular toe stress. Do you know anything about donkeys? Where did you even get these? These are rare central Nalootaiii donkeys."

"Hey, Howard. Fossil would love to get some of these naaittoppi donkeys."

"Well, fossils an idiot and he doesn't know that such donkeys don't fare well with captivity. They belong in the wild. Free to roam on Nalootaiii plains. Free to enjoy their life with their donkey companions. Spending every day, calmly contemplating the mysteries of life. The philosopher of the animal kingdom, Vince."

"We must leave our mighty horse friends at this station. Tie them to a tall bush. Come, commence walking. Wishton, carry my spork."

The journey that followed lacked the required excitement needed for me to bother writing it down but I can assure you that when they reached the heart of the forest, oh it was so magnificent yet so utterly terrifying that I couldn't possibly not write it down.

In the centre of a large clearing was a gigantic, hugh, long, looked-like-it-touched-the-sky tower. It was magical, but hollow and cold. Howard and Vince were in awe: "Wow, Howard, it's massive like a black liquorice twig. Why did I wear pink, it so doesn't go with this scene!" "Wooooah there little man. What you're wearing doesn't matter: I'm the hero of this scene. It calls me. It knows I'm a sort of jazz spiderman and I, only I can save the queen! Where did you get that mars bar?"

"I dunno, it's really weird. While you were talking this huge gust of wind came up and this mars bar just blew into my hand."

The knight took Howard by the arm. "You go. Climb up the wall and into the highest door."

Howard pointed to a door not to far up, "What that one."

"No, that one leads to Tesco express," He pointed to another door that was so high up it looked all small like a raisin.

"Wha? Why me? Vince is better at climbing; he had lessons."

"Yeah, for like one day. I cut the instructors hair when he wasn't looking, gave him a mohecan - it looked really stylish - and I was kicked off the course!"

"You go, jazz spy man."

"Don't you have your easy-pack, multipurpose action case, containing three types of action necessities, refills and tweed accessories for the not-so-stylish?"

"Of course I have my easy-pack, multipurpose action case, containing three types of action necessities, refills and tweed accessories for the not-so-stylish. When do I leave my house without it?"

"Once you were pissed and you went to Leyroy's without it. You left it in the oven remember?"

"I never left it in the oven."

"Yeah you did. You said, 'In the oven, little foxy box. I make pie! Action pie!"

"That never happened, you were dreaming. I'm a member of the PBAMS - prevention of box abuse and misuse society. I wouldn't do it."

The knight had been watching this conversation with one foot mounted on a rock and his chest pushed forward. A stance to show prowess in any situation. He raised his hand as his tolerance of time wasting came to an end. "ZOO BOY! Go up the tower now."

Howard braced himself and took out some suction pads from his easy-pack, multipurpose action case, containing three types of action necessities, refills and tweed accessories for the not-so-stylish. He attached them to his hands and walked over to the wall.