Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: I hope you like this chapter…

Chapter 9: Confessions

Nymphadora Tonks stood as still, and as cold, as a stone, looking sorrowfully at the large, run-down mansion before her. Grimmauld Place.

Tonks shut her eyes tightly and shook her head, making the drips of water clinging to her drenched hair falling quickly onto the hard ground around her.

I can't do it, she thought tearfully, and felt a single tear fall down her already wet cheeks. I can't face this house again, not after…everything.

But he'll be there, a second voice consoled her. Besides, you can't just avoid this place forever.

Tonks wiped her cheeks and slowly opened her eyes, letting them blur for a moment, trying to focus. She put one hand wearily on the other, and started towards the grimy old house.

The door was already open, yet the front hall was absolutely deserted.

"Hello?" she called nervously, peering around a corner.

No answer.

She silkily made her way up the stairs, and somehow managed to not trip. When she reached the landing she let out a muffed groan, and felt tears begin to dig once more at the back of her eyes. This floor was all too familiar. Every doorway, every wall, every painting, reminded her overwhelming of her cousin. This had been the floor where they had shared many laughs, chats, and mortifying duels of teasing.

Tonks slumped against the nearest wall, her face in her hands.

I am not going to cry again, she told herself. Not again…

She turned slightly on the wall, so her ear was pressed firmly to it.

Suddenly, from inside the wall, she heard distinct shuffling movements. Someone was in that room.

She lifted herself from the wall, and moved towards the door.

It was Remus' room.

Her heart gave a jump and she felt signs of a smile begin to creep over her features.

Without another thought, she turned the handle and listlessly pushed the door open.

The room was bare, expect for a small cot in the very back, and the shabby man sitting upon it. The man started as the door opened, and his head flew to where Tonks stood. His face looked even more tired and beaten than usual, and his usual welcoming smile was nowhere to be seen.

They stared at each other silently, yet the silence was comfortable, like they didn't need to say anything, because they understood this moment so perfectly. Tonks started forwards, kneeling by his bed, and took his hand, proceeding to lovingly caress it with her thumb and forefinger.

"Tonks…" he spoke quietly, barely a whisper.

Tonks looked down, "Are you here to collect your stuff?"

Remus shook his head, "Hardly. I have no possessions to take. I just wanted to…stay here, just one last night. To…remember him…remember Sirius." His eyes showed signs of tears, but he hastily brushed them away.

Tonks nodded, not really in agreement, but in understanding, "I really miss him Remus," she choked.

"Me too," he murmured, his face now so close to Tonks' that she could feel his warm breath on her throat.

She shivered and looked up at him, "I bet you miss him more. You've known him almost forever and you two were so…close. I mean, I wish…I don't know. I really wish I knew him better. I only really got to know him for a year. And now, just like that, he's…gone."

She sniffed and hugged herself tightly, looking deep into his sparkling brown eyes.

Remus said nothing. He couldn't, really. He couldn't deny that he was closer to Sirius, and he couldn't say that anything else she stated was untrue. Instead, he pulled her close, rapping himself around her warm body.

Tonks responded to the gesture, wringing her arms around his neck, soaking in his scent. They were so close, almost cheek-to-cheek, and Tonks felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him, really kiss him.

Tell him now, a small voice coaxed in her head.

Tonks went cold. Should she? She backed out of the hug, and looked him square in the eye.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Remus got there first, "When did they release you?"

Tonks froze, stunned for a moment, before her mind processed what he had just asked. "Oh, um, what?" she spluttered.

"St. Mungo's. When did you get out?"

Tonks lifted her head in comprehension, "Oh, that. Just yesterday, actually. I was really glad; it's dead boring in there. You know, you were probably the only interesting person that visited me there. I'm really glad you did."

Remus managed a smile, "So am I," he said hoarsely, and looked at her, his brown eyes studying her carefully.

Tonks couldn't bear it anymore. She felt a stream of tears begin to fall down her face, wetting them once more. Remus lifted his hand, and gently wiped the tears away, his eyes still on hers.

"It'll be okay," he said soothingly, though Tonks knew he didn't mean it.

Suddenly he bent down, moving his face closer to hers, attempting to give her a comforting kiss on the cheek. Surprised by this, Tonks turned her head quickly, making their lips collide. Immediately both pulled away, Remus looking embarrassed and apologetic, Tonks' expression unreadable.

"I'm sorry," gushed Remus, "I had just meant to-"

But Tonks had swooped down and pressed her lips to his once more, cutting off his apology. The feeling of electricity once again flew down Tonks' spine, and she gasped despite herself. The kiss stayed tender and simple for only a moment, as Tonks rapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him even closer. She kissed him now with urgency, and with the passion that she had kept locked away for almost a year now. To her surprise he didn't draw away. He responded just as forcefully to her kiss, almost with more intensity. Tonks moved her lips over his, her fingers now entangling themselves in his hair. Remus put his arms around her waist, and swung her over onto the bed. Slowly, Tonks assembled herself on top of him, and began playing with the buttons of his shirt. Their kiss was still electrifying her, and Tonks could barely breathe. She moved her hands across his now bare chest, tracing every scar, tenderly touching every bruise.

Suddenly, Remus broke away from the kiss, and scattered up to a sitting position, almost throwing her off him.

He looked bewildered, and guilt was written all over his face. "What…why…w-why did you do that?" he said shakily, his breath heavy.

Tonks was dumbfounded. "I kissed you…well, I kissed you because I love you."

There, she had said it. She cringed slightly, waiting for his reply.

His face was blank, his eyes wide in surprise. "You…what? You…love me? Me?"

Tonks raised an eyebrow and said, almost bitterly, "Isn't this Remus Lupin? I'm sorry, have I got the wrong man? Damn it, I always do that…"

Remus made no response to her sarcasm. "Tonks, no, you can't love me. No…we can't…you can't…no."

"Don't you think I know my own feelings? I love you. More than anything in the world. Please, Remus, I don't know what…"

Remus shook his head, "Tonks we can never be together. We just-"

Tonks was beginning to grow angry, "Remus, why not? I love you, and…and maybe you don't love me, but you did kiss me back, there's no denying that, so you must…you must feel something…"

"No, Tonks, it's not that-"

"Remus, please! We would be great together…we could work it out, whatever-"

Remus interrupted her, "No! Tonks, it's not that! It's-I'm-we can't. I'm too old for you, and a werewolf, for Merlin's sake, I could never let anything happen to you."

Tonks looked at him with confusion. She noticed that he was now pulling on his shirt, buttoning it hastily. "Remus, I would think you would know me better than that by now. I don't care about your age, or your lycanthropy or anything else you think is wrong with you. In fact, I think I love you because of it…or despite it or…whatever. Please, Remus…" she paused and closed her eyes for a moment, "Do you love me?"

Remus abruptly stopped buttoning his shirt, and looked at his hands, sighing deeply, "Nymphadora, I can't answer that."

"If you love me, there's no reason we shouldn't be together. Please…do you love me?"
Tonks made a grab for his hands, but he quickly withdrew them, and backed away from her. Tonks felt her heart sink and a new batch of tears threaten to fall, but she pushed them away.

"I can't answer that," he repeated very hoarsely.

"Fine, you don't love," she spat, "But then what the hell was that kiss? Did you mean it? Or were you just playing around with my emotions?"

Tonks refused to let him move another inch, as she was know pinning him to the headboard, her face so close to his that the tips of their nose were touching.

Remus sighed once more, and Tonks loosened her hold on him slightly, her insides once again dissolving at the heat of his breath.

"Tonks," he started, his voice so quiet that Tonks had to strain her ears to hear him, "Me loving you is not what matters here. We just can't be together. We can't-"

"So you don't care about me? You just fooled around with me for a laugh. Well, laugh then. Haha. That does seem funny doesn't it? Playing around with a girl, making her think you care about her when you don't, and then, to finish it off, break her heart. Haha." Tonks moved so her mouth was directly above his ear and said hoarsely, as her voice was breaking up from the tears now streaming down her face. "At the very least, Remus, I thought you were my friend."

She moved up off him, and jumped off the bed, almost choking on her river of tears.
"Nymphadora, wait." Remus looked up at her, his eyes finally meeting hers. "I was not just fooling around with you. And you are my friend, probably the only real friend I've had after James and…" He bit his lip but continued without pausing, "Sirius. I really care about you, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. But we can't be together. We just can't."

"If you love me, we can," said Tonks forcefully, the tears still running silently down her pale face.

"No, Nymphadora, this is real life. Love can't conquer all. Like I said before, I'm too old for you, and I'm a werewolf. Not to mention poor. I could never support you."

"Remus, none of that stuff matters. I'm an Auror, and I make a pretty good amount from that, even if all I do is bloody paperwork. You're not old, I mean, you're barely thirty-seven! As for being a werewolf, Remus, I. Don't. Care. There are ways of getting around that. With the Wolfsbane Potion, you are completely harmless. And I know this first hand, if you remember." Tonks couldn't resist adding the last bit.

"Nymphadora, no. I'm not going to change my mind. It just won't work." Remus put his face in his hands and let out another sigh.

Tonks felt her face harden, then felt the tears spill again, "I love you Remus. And love does conquer all."

With that she turned quickly on her heel and left his room, slamming the door behind her.

Remus felt himself collapse on his bed, his face still in his hands. He couldn't believe what had just happened. Nymphadora Tonks had not only just kissed him, but had also confessed she was in love with him. But, that was hardly the most surprising thing.
He had just realized that he was in love with her too.

Remus couldn't believe it. He, of course, found her very attractive and suspected that he maybe, maybe, even fancied her. But love? No way. And this wasn't like anything he had ever felt before. He had the overwhelming urge to kiss her, talk to her, and just be with her all the time. Forever.

Yet what had he done? He had rejected her. And he had hardly done it kindly; he had practically thrown her out.

He groaned and turned over on his bed. This was eating him up inside. How he wished he could just have her there beside him…just tell her that maybe…

No, he told himself firmly, I am too old, too poor, and too dangerous for her. I could never let her be hurt.

You're hurting her now, came a second voice.

I'm protecting her.

Keep telling yourself that.


It's true. If I hurt her, I would never ever forgive myself. Ever.

Well, what do you think you've done to her now? Made her happy?


No! It's just…emotional pain isn't as bad as physical pain.

Hah. That's not true and you know it, you've experienced just how bad emotional pain

can be.


She doesn't really want to be with me. I'm sure of it. What could she see in me?

Everything.


She'll realize eventually that I'm too old, too poor, and too dangerous for her.

Will you give it a rest with that line?

But it's true!

No, it's not. You're being ridiculous.


I am not.

Yes, you are. She loves you and you love her. There should be nothing more to it.


Will you shut up?

Not until you realize you're being an idiot.

Fine, I'm being an idiot. But that doesn't mean I'm changing my mind.

Remus wrenched himself from his thoughts and sighed, probably for the millionth time this evening. He brushed a hand through his graying hair and felt anger rumble within him.

He just wanted to yell. And curse. And just…throw something! Why did he always have to be the sensible one? And why did terrible things always happen to him? Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone?

Because you don't want them to, came the small voice once more.

That was it. Remus jumped up and grabbed the closest thing he could, which happened to be his beside lamp, and chucked it as hard as he could against the far wall.

Crash.


Remus crumpled to the floor and looked thoughtlessly at the shattered pieces on glass and plastic. He spotted a random piece and felt his heart fall. He put his face in his arms once more and groaned.

The shattered piece of glass was coloured an extraordinary bubble-gum pink.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone. I'd just like to say, that I appreciate all reviews. So, if you find something that you don't agree with, or think I could improve on, if you tell me about it in your reviews, that would be great. This is my first fan fic, and I'm just getting used to it, so I'll be happy for suggestions etc., that will help me improve. Thanks!

Also, if you want to send in a review, but you don't want it posted and replied to (like you can see below) just let me know, and I won't.

eyeshadow5746: Thank-you. I hope you liked this chapter!

smash: Yeah, you're probably right :( that's not really like him. I was kinda trying to show how much he cared about her...but, thanks for letting me know though, and I'll keep that in mind later, although there is one part that Ican't really get around that involves Remus acting similar to that.And thanks SO much for the reviews, they're awesome!

Griffendorgal: Yeah, I like H/G and J/L too. Thanks for the review and I'll have the next chapter upsoon (though possibly longer than it took with this one cause I'm doing some work on a later chapter right now)!

Windedspirit: They admitted it a bit, yes. Well, Tonks gave some not-so-subtle hints, hehe. Ooooooh, so are you happy about what happened with Tonks and Remus after she got out of St.Mungo's, lol? Hehe. Is it really your favourite? Yay! Keep the reviews coming, lol, hope u liked this chappie!

BexyLou: Thank-you! I know, he is...sigh.