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Chapter Ten: The Raging War Begins
Tonks stared back at her miserable reflection.
Her normally perky smile had vanished. Her small, usually cheery, heart-shaped face looked tired and ill. And, worst of all, her hair was a despicable mousy brown, which was her real hair colour.
She had lost her metamorphmaging powers.
Tonks scrunched up her face in concentration, trying to think about nothing but spiky, bubblegum pink hair.
Bubblegum pink, spiky bubblegum pink. Bubblegum pink…
Remus Lupin.
Bubblegum pink. Bright, cheery, lovely, wild, bubblegum pink.
Why won't he be with you?
Bubblegum pink.
Those stupid excuses he was using…'too old, too poor, too dangerous', what was that all about?
Bubblegum pink. Spiky, bubblegum pink.
You know -
BUBBLEGUM PINK DAMN IT!
Her hair flashed mauve for a moment, before it returned to an even more lanky, grotesque brown. Tonks felt sobs making their way to her eyes, but she shook her head firmly, fighting them off. She was not going to cry again. She'd already shed enough tears over him.
Why wouldn't he just come round…?
He must not love me, she thought sadly. But he's hardly handling this kindly. Why won't he just tell me the truth instead of all these false, idiotic reasons? I'm just so awful at mind games…
Tonks looked hopelessly at her watch. 5:59. She should be Apparating to the Burrow now. She turned quickly, and with a whirl of her cloaks she disappeared into thin air, reappearing five hundred miles away, in a small, gnome infested garden.
Sighing, she started towards the front door, moonlight splashing her robes. As she reached for the doorknob she straightened herself up, cleared her throat, and wiped away any traces that showed she had been crying.
She briskly knocked on the door. She heard a woman, presumably Molly, telling everyone to get off to bed.
"Who is it?" called Molly Weasleys' voice pleasantly from inside.
"Tonks," she answered calmly.
Molly didn't even bother with the security questions. She opened the door quickly and ushered Tonks inside.
"I'll make some tea," said Molly, once Tonks had taken a seat at the large dinner table. "Tonks, dear, you look absolutely terrible."
So much for being subtle, thought Tonks.
Tonks forced a smile. "Yeah, well…yeah," she said lamely, looking down at her hands with fake curiosity.
"Oh, dear, what's wrong? Please tell me, you'll feel better, I promise." Molly quickly poured the tea into two orange cups, set them down on the table, and drew up a chair beside Tonks.
"Oh, Molly, I shouldn't bother you," said Tonks, once again attempting a smile. "It's my problem, not yours."
"It's a man, isn't it?" asked Molly sternly.
Tonks sighed, "Yes, yes, it is. But look Molly, I'm fine," once again she plastered a false smile upon her face. "I'll just finish the cup of tea and be off."
"Nonsense, dear. I invited you round, and you will stay until I say you can go," said Molly crossly, her lips pursed.
Tonks sighed and took a sip of tea.
"Now, dear, please tell me about this man," continued Molly, "I promise it's no bother. Merlin knows I need a bit of drama around here."
Tonks looked up sadly at Molly. "It's just this…bloke. I love him, and…well, he just doesn't want me. It's like he's scared or something."
"Scared of what?"
Tonks bit her lip. "That's just the thing, I don't know. I don't know what he's afraid of! I wish he would just tell me. I…I love him so much." Tonks looked down at her tea, determined not to cry.
"Oh, Tonks…" Molly put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He'll come round. All men do. Once they figure out what they're missing. Why…why don't you pretend to move on, start talking to a few other men; get him jealous, then I'm sure - "
Tonks shook her head forcefully. "No, Molly, that won't work. He's not like that. He's so kind, and sensitive, he's just not the jealous type. And, judging by the way he's acting now, he'd be more than happy if I moved on."
Molly gave Tonks an understanding look, sighed, and moved over to the window. "Full moon tonight," she commented absently.
With that, Tonks burst into tears, unable to hold them back another second. Molly ran to her side and hugged her.
"Oh, Tonks…dear…" she backed away from the hug and looked Tonks sadly in the eye. "It's Remus, isn't it?"
Tonks let out a moan, and nodded.
Molly sighed, and rubbed her back comfortingly. "Tell me everything, dear."
Tonks hiccoughed and began explaining to Molly everything that had happened that night.
"Why won't he just say he doesn't love me?" Tonks sobbed. "Why does he have to keep making up these stupid excuses?"
"He does love you," said Molly firmly. "If he didn't, he wouldn't be doing what he's doing. He thinks this would be easier than just saying he loves you back. Easier for you; easier for him."
Tonks blinked, and wiped her cheeks. "Then why is he saying we can't be together? If…if we love each other, nothing else matters!"
Molly gave her a wry smile. "Try telling him that."
Tonks sighed and stood up. "I should be going Molly, it's late and I have to go in work early tomorrow."
"OK, dear." Molly nodded and cleared up her tea. "But just remember this: don't give up on him. He'll come round eventually. Just don't give up."
Tonks nodded glumly, when a three loud knocks came from the door.
"Who's there?" called Molly nervously. "Declare yourselves!"
"It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry," came Dumbledores' calming voice.
Molly rushed over and opened the door. "Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning!"
"We were lucky," said Dumbledore, ushering Harry over the threshold. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I had expected. Harry's doing, of course. Ah, hello Nymphadora!"
Tonks fought to contain a sigh. She had wanted to slip out the back door before anyone noticed her. "Hello, Professor," she said. "Wotcher, Harry."
"Hi, Tonks," answered the eager-looking teenager, now frowning slightly at the sight of her looking so miserable.
"I'd better be off," said Tonks quickly, standing up and pulling her cloak around her shoulders. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."
Damn, she thought, as she watched Dumbledore's lined face frown slightly. I shouldn't have said that.
"Please don't leave on my account," said Dumbledore courteously. "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."
Oh, Merlin, thought Tonks. He knows, I know he knows.
"No, no, I need to get going," said Tonks, not meeting Dumbledore's eyes. "'Night - "
Molly jumped up, her eyes suddenly shining. "Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad-Eye are coming -?"
Dumbledore looked at Tonks comfortingly, his bright blue eyes full of understanding.
I cannot take anymore of this, thought Tonks. I have to get out. Now.
"No, really, Molly…thanks anyways…goodnight, everyone."
Tonks hurried past Dumbledore, not meeting his eyes and walked out the door, feeling perhaps just a little less miserable than when she came.
She looked sadly up at the full moon and took a deep breath. Molly was right on one point, however. If he really loved her, than Tonks wasn't about to let him get away this easily.
----
"…And on a different note, Grimmauld Place has now been cleared, and the Order will be resuming to meet there in a month or two, because, from what I've heard, Kreacher-er-created a bit of a mess there after we left, so I will need a few volunteers to go and…clean up" finished Dumbledore, clasping his wrinkled hands together, and smiling pleasantly.
Everyone stood up, pushing their chairs in with a loud screeching noise.
Remus exited the room quickly, not wanting to talk to anyone, and judging by the looks Tonks was giving him throughout the meeting, she was going to try and convince him again. Which was just what he needed, especially with the full moon tomorrow…
Then why don't you just let yourself by with her?
To his dismay, he felt sharp nails dig into his right arm and forcefully began to drag him down a long hallway.
Tonks turned on him, her sad eyes and mousy brown hair very prominent. Remus felt a twinge of guilt when he saw this.
Look how much she's suffering…all thanks to you, he thought bitterly.
"Tonks, please, I can't-" but before he could get another word out, she pinned him against the wall, and softly pressed her lips against his.
Remus let the kiss linger for a moment, before breaking away.
"How could you say no to that?" she asked harshly, her voice quiet but strong. "How can you say no to me when you love me back? We would be great together, Remus."
Remus sighed, and let his words slip out without thinking, "I never said I loved you."
Tonks froze, and Remus could have hit himself. "Maybe not…" she said coolly, her voice rising dramatically, "But you must feel something, Remus, please…"
"Tonks, we can't be together. I'm a werewolf, and outcast, you don't want that," Remus said quietly, avoiding her eyes.
Tonks' features suddenly sharpened, as did her words, "Remus, don't you dare-don't you dare- go and say that I shouldn't be with you because you're different. Don't you think I know what it's like to be an outcast? Maybe I don't turn into a bloodthirsty monster once a month, but I know rejection. Being a clumsy metamorphmagus isn't all fun and games, you know. And, at least you had friends in Hogwarts. I was a total loner, except for the occasional prank or two I pulled with Bill Weasley, but we all know that ended up. So, don't you even think about using that excuse on me. Remus, I love you and I don't care about anything else…"
Tonks' words hit Remus hard, but he refused to back down. "Tonks, you can't love me. You'll soon realize that. I'm just too old, too poor, too dangerous…"
"So you're afraid of me hurting you?" Tonks half-shouted. "I would never hurt you Remus. And you say you would never hurt me. But you are now though; you know that? You're hurting me more than I knew I could ever hurt before. You're killing me, Remus Lupin."
Remus felt a chill run through his body. He knew he was hurting her. He knew it, and that fact alone was hurting him.
So stop the hurt. Be with her, whispered the voice.
"Shut up," he muttered aloud.
Tonks looked shocked. "Wh-what?" she spluttered, her eyes filling with tears.
Remus was horrified. "No, not you," he hurriedly tried to explain, "It's me, I mean, I was talking to me, there's this voice and - "
Tonks turned away from him. "Whatever, Remus," she said, her voice muffled, but Remus could still hear the hurt in it. "I'm going. Just…please."
She gave him a long, passionate kiss before hurrying off down the hallway, her light brown hair bouncing along behind her.
Remus sighed and fell back against the wall. He didn't know much more he could take of this.
Just then, Molly walked past.
"Hmmph," she commented, giving him an extremely cold stare. "Remus, I can hardly approve of-"
Remus sighed. "Molly, I just can't. I'm sorry, but I can't." He didn't know if he was saying that he wasn't up for talking to her about this, or the same thing he was telling Tonks.
Molly gave him another stare, "Well, in that case, I'll ask you to keep your lovers quarrels to a shouting minimum. Unless, of course, you want the whole Order hearing about it."
Remus groaned and closed his eyes. This was perfect. Just perfect.
Tonks collapsed onto her messy bed in her flat, her eyes red and her eyelids puffy from crying. She had just, once again, confronted Remus and tried to convince him to give them a chance. And, once again, he had said no in the absolutely worst way possible, though still being as polite as ever.
But, the thing that got to her the most wasn't the rejection, and it wasn't the fact that he was being so annoying daft and polite at the same time. It was something that she thought she had hated, but now that he had stopped saying it, she realized she could barely go on without hearing it, just once, just his soft lips forming the syllables…
He had stopped calling her Nymphadora.
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A/N: I know, I know, cheesy. Sorry!
PiaMcKinnon: Glad you liked it :) Thanks, I wasn' t sure about the shattered pieces thing...I'm glad it wasn't too corny. I know I love the Remus/Tonks thing! hmmm..
tigerflesh: Wow, thanks for all the reviews...glad you liked it!
BexyLou: Hehe, I know, I know...but I'm trying to keep with canon so...
But don't worry, when they finally get together...:)
smash: thank-you! i apperciate your reviews...hope u liked this chapter!
Windedspirit: I know...I couldn't take it any longer, hehe! I know, Tonks kinda did, didn't she? Oh, well, caught up in the moment, I'll say...lol. Thanks that really means alot...-feeling special-. Hope you liked this chappie...
eyeshadow5746: Yeah, I think (most romance) fan fics are quite alot like soap operas. Always dramatic. But they would be kinda boring w/o. Thanks so much for the reviews!
DramaQueen04: Oh, i missed you last chapter (I sent it in and about a few moments later your review came in)! I know, once I think about it, leading up to that kiss was quite like miss congenlity. hehe. Thanks alot for the review!