Pickup Lines
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFULL REVIEWS! You don't know how happy I was to read each of them…
Summary: Naruto got a book filled with pickup lines. Soon, most of the guys in Konoha want to use it after seeing how successful Naruto was! Watch them use some of them in action, and watch each of the ladies and their response!
A/N: I don't own Naruto. This story came to me when my friends and me were doing a skit in school.
READERS: I forgot to mention, this story is only for guys doing the pickup lines. I don't have the knowledge with girls using them, as I'm a girl too, so for now, it's only our special guys. Maybe my next fic will be the girls going at it!
ALSO NOTE: Since this is rated K+ the swearing will be censored with a -BEEP-
Hope you enjoy!
The whole town was whispering about the two new couple, Naruto and Hinata. There were gossips and talks about how the demon boy can get such a beautiful and caring girl like Hinata.
Many believed it to be a trick, that somehow Naruto, the village idiot, managed to brainwash the poor and unsuspecting Hinata-chan because she was such a sweet girl.
Others believed it was because Hinata was in love with the demon boy, and somehow Naruto said something that made her swoon and take him into her life. As if!
Now, whilst all these rumours, there was one boy walking up and down the streets of Konoha, thinking about everything he was hearing.
'Naruto? Dating Hinata, the heir of the Hyuuga estate? Hn. It was to be expected. I can't believe these mindless idiots never saw that coming though.'
The young man brooding about these thoughts were none other than our lovely Ice Prince, Uchiha Sasuke.
Naruto had already laid out the details to the Uchiha, being they were 'best friends', from the moment he bought the book, the girls he flirted with, and Hinata-chan fainting and afterwards, agreed to go out with him. The boy was so happy and his smile was so wide it was as bright as the sun. Which, in Sasuke's opinion, was just too much, so he left right after the blonde finished talking.
It was just too bad he couldn't leave sooner, before the blonde idiot gave him the book "How to Pick Up Girls With Words and Charms!" as a gift, and wishing him luck to find the girl of his own dreams.
'As if. I say hello to any of these bimbos, and they squeal or faint. I will never find the right one. Unless…'
Sasuke decided that he WILL use the book, but under different circumstances. After all, if he were to go around town flirting with everyone, half the town will be after him, screaming his name in happiness, or believe he were sick in the head with some illness.
And so, the clever chunin decided to change his appearance. Making himself a little above Rock Lee's looks, but not completely average looking.
And so, the chunin hid in an alley, did the necessary hand movements, and started walking out in the streets of Konoha once again, but not as Uchiha Sasuke, but as Hideki Hisoka, if anyone asked.
This was his plan: he will become some below average looking guy, playing as a fool trying to find a girlfriend. The first girl to fall for him, or agree to go out with him in that form, he will date. Stupid, but worth a shot he supposed.
And so, the tall boy (at least for his age) was walking around garbed in a loose black t-shirt and blue jeans.
His hair was also black, but it was shorter. He had smaller eyes too; a semi-flat nose, and medium sized chapped lips. He was thin, sure, but lanky thin, as in no muscles.
He is your average, or better yet, BELOW average, kind of guy. But underneath it all is something perfect.
'Alright…lets see… who shall be my first victim…? I already memorized a few of these lines. Lets see how they work.'
Sasuke/Hisoka was in the market, when he spotted a girl with long blonde hair, wearing a sleeveless purple top, and a pair of black cargo pants. Nice.
And so, 'Hisoka' approached the young lady from behind, and tapped her on the shoulder. The girl looked behind her, giving him a dead look before asking, "What?"
"I can see you." Was the odd reply from the unattractive man.
The girl gives him the strangest look ever.
"Yes…?"
Hisoka smiles at the girl, making his eyes slightly smaller.
"Great! Then how about tomorrow?"
The girl caught on, and gave him a frosty smile.
"How about…no and nice try?" She flipped her hair at his direction, slapping his face with it, and walked away.
'Wow…what a -BEEP-… she's cute though, I'll giver her that…but wow…"
So Hisoka continued to walk around, to random areas, scanning for a pretty girl or two. He finally found another one, by the pond. She was as tall as Sasuke: dark red curly hair, light tanned skin, wearing a pretty sky blue Sunday dress, and a pair of sandals.
She looked very sweet, but then again, so did the other girl. She was with a friend who Sasuke couldn't see whether it was a guy or girl, talking at the moment before the friend left to do something, Hisoka supposed.
The young woman sat down by the pond, enjoying the view, when Sasuke decided to make the next move.
'I'm going to look like a fool doing this but…oh what the hell!'
Hisoka comes up to the girl, stops, and looks down at her. She looks up with a surprised look on her face, but nothing could've surprised her more than Hisoka's next move:
"Beww BEWWW Beww"
"What the heck?"
"Girl, that is the sound of the ambulance coming to pick me up because when I saw you my heart stopped!"
" Oh God... I hope they hurry faster…lame pickup lines always make me sick… or better yet, why don't you turn around, and leave right now…? I'm sure I'd feel much better once you've stopped talking"
Ouch. What a sharp tongue. Hisoka felt embarrassed and left before his ego felt more wounded than it did.
'Heh. What an interesting feeling. I wonder is this how Naruto felt when HE was rejected so many countless times. Oh wells. I'll give it a few more tries…"
Hisoka went to the park next; since it was a weekend, he knew there would be a lot of teenagers there. Or more precisely, pretty girls.
He spotted a group of them in the park. All were wearing tight, skimpy clothes. It was truly a disgusting sight, even if they WERE pretty in the face area.
'…Wrong…so very wrong…okay…next area…'
He spotted another girl near a bunch of flowers. She was just sitting there alone, reading a book. She had long brown hair tied in a low ponytail, wearing a cute green t-shirt with a Hawaii scene in it, and a pair of hip huggers that were rolled up at the legs. She only wore a pair of skater shoes and no socks.
'Hmmm…What an interesting looking girl. Alright. YOU will be my next victim.'
So Hisoka walks up to the girl, swiping a rose along the way, and finally stopping just in front of her. Waiting for her to look up.
When the guy in front of the girl wouldn't move, she looked up, decided to give him a piece of her mind when a single rose was pushed in front of her face. She heard the guy speak.
"I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!"
Girl gives him a blank look before looking back at her book.
Hisoka was about to say another line, when the girl said to him, "I'm sorry. Not interested."
Hisoka waited, expecting an explanation like all the other would, when she looked up at him again, angrily.
"What? Are you blind? Can't you tell I'm a guy?"
Hisoka said nothing. He threw the rose at him, and ran away as fast as he can.
'HOLY -BEEP-! THAT'S SO MESSED UP! I SWEAR HE WAS A GIRL!'
The guy back on the bench smirked, picked up the rose and placed it in his book as a bookmark and started laughing like a maniac.
'Well, first time for everything. Note to self: Cut hair.'
Sasuke, now, was a good couple of hundred meters away from the park.
'Thank god…'
He was in the forest, when he heard someone crying. He followed the noise, out of curiosity, and sees a girl in a light blue t-shirt, and a long skirt that reaches up to her calves, sitting on the forest floor crying. She had straight black hair that came up to her mid back, bangs that frames her almond shaped face, and super pale, healthy skin. She appeared delicate, like the simplest touch may cause her to shatter.
'What a lovely creature… I wonder what can be the cause of her distress…?'
Hisoka walks out of the shadow to the sad young woman. The girl noticed his presence and looked up at him, with startling blue-green eyes that made Hisoka catch his breath. Of course, doing that made him end up coughing, for some of the saliva went down the wrong tunnel when he gasped.
The sad girl noticed this, and chuckled a bit at the clumsiness that was of the young man.
Hisoka blushed, and turned away from the girl a bit, before deciding this will be the last girl, and he might as well give up finding a perfect soul mate. He will probably have to find a woman who was willing to carry his baby and giving birth to the child and giving it to Sasuke after it was born. He can see his future like that. Sigh.
'Oh wells. Here goes my last shot.'
"Hi. My name is Hideki Hisoka. I think you're really pretty, and I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no."
"Why should I do that? You seem very nice. My name is Takeshi Yukino. It's very nice to meet you."
Hisoka couldn't believe his ears. This angel of light was actually TALKING to him! Well, he can't waste this chance!
And so, Yukino and Hisoka talked in the forest for most of the day, about everything and anything that can come to mind. They talked about their lives, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, and sometimes-random stupid stuff. Hisoka also found out the reason Yukino was crying. It seemed that she missed church that day, and her parents were pissed at her for that. But then, she was happy after she met Hisoka, and vice versa.
Hisoka was enjoying himself a lot. 'This girl…may be the one…!'
"Ne, Yukino, would you go out with me?"
"Eh? What a silly question! Of course I will! I'd love to!"
'We actually get along so well… now, here's the ultimate test. Whether she'll still be like this in my true form.'
Hisoka smiles at Yukino, held one of her hands, and kissed it softly.
"I have something to show you then, Yukino…"
In a poof of smoke, Hisoka disappears; in his place was a god.
"You, Takeshi Yukino, had looked past my ugly exterior, and looked into my heart. You have accepted me as the person I am while others turn away. If you don't know, I am Uchiha Sasuke, and I want to know if you will like to have the honour of being my girlfriend."
Yukino was blushing like crazy. Somehow, she knew Hisoka wasn't really…well, real…something in her guts told her that. She was surprised, and a bit pleased to know that it was Sasuke himself who asked her out, but it didn't matter. Only his personality did. Nothing else.
'Oh my god... i just realized this reminds me EXACTLY like the frog prince... how ironic. I absolutely hated that story. Hah.'
And so, with a small smile on her beat red face, Yukino said, "Of course I accept, Sasuke. I never went for looks. It's all personality that I am attracted to."
Sasuke was so happy, he gave her a light peck on the lips, and that was all Yukino could take.
She had a sudden nosebleed, and fainted from the happiness, the kiss, and the loss of blood.
"OH MY GOD! YUKINO! Oh…crap! There's so much blood! Hang in there Yukino!"
Deep in Yukino'a unconscious state, she heard the yelling, but she didn't care. All she could think of was, 'God… you're totally awesome… I promise you I'll visit you in church if it's the first thing I do when I wake up…'
A/N: Heh. I think that was a good shot. Next chapter may be up in a while. Don't know when, but hopefully soon! Again, go ahead and decide who the next character will be! R&R!