Disclaimer: The characters of Inuyasha are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, but this story belongs to me

Chapter Fifteen: Fear

Day Twenty – Five

Please tell me that real babies aren't as fragile as these electronic ones. If so, I don't think that there is any way I could handle the stress of being a parent.

I may not be the most clumsy of people in the whole universe, but I drop things on a fairly regular basis. And those things aren't all squirmy like a baby. They also don't spit up surprises that might startle a person into dropping them. Would it help if I got the baby a suit of rubber to wear at all times?

There are no reset buttons on babies. How am I supposed to live being a paranoid mess every time I pick up my child? Thanks ever so much for another parental insecurity to add to my already growing list. Thanks a bunch.

For a change the camp was quiet. Kagome shivered. She had never believed that silence could be so unnerving before.

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Silence.

It was the loudest, most ominous silence that Kagome ever heard. It was so deafening that it woke the miko up with a start. Her heart was thundering in her chest as fear coursed through her veins.

Over the dying fire was the form of a man, turning quickly in her direction. A shadow. Even with her weak human eyesight Kagome knew that it was Inuyasha.

"What's wrong?" He was at her side before she could blink.

"Mikomi…" Struggling to get out of her sleeping bag, Kagome frantically searched the darkness where she knew that her electronic daughter was laying. "Something is wrong with her!" She hated that her voice was tight with panic, but she couldn't keep it from breaking and trembling.

Inuyasha left her only long enough to fetch the doll and bring her to Kagome. He took them both away from the group and sat down next to a tree, pulling Kagome into his lap while she held the baby.

Her eyes were tearing and she checked the doll for any signs of life. Her brain knew that Mikomi was a doll, but her heart… well… it wasn't listening to the brain. Since her hands were too shaky to press the buttons on the doll, Inuyasha followed her directions. But none of the buttons brought the doll to life.

"I've killed her," Kagome whispered hoarsely. "I killed Mikomi…"

"Shhhh… no Kagome… it's okay… you didn't kill anything…" Unconsciously the dog demon began rocking the sobbing girl. The doll clutched tightly to her chest. He rested his head on top of hers and willed her to stop crying.

Inuyasha was feeling panicked himself. Not because of the doll, but because of the heart wrenching sounds coming from the girl he swore to protect. He didn't know how to protect her from this. That's one reason why he hated her tears so much. It was something he couldn't destroy or kill to make everything better. He was never taught how to be comforting and felt useless and weak and was at a loss. He REALLY hated her tears.

"I wasn't good enough… and now she's dead…" Her body was shaking as badly as her voice.

Awkwardly Inuyasha rubbed shoulders and stroked her hair, the only things he could think of to do to comfort her while he tried to come up with an idea of how to fix this.

He couldn't believe that the doll had died. Of course he knew that it was possible. After all, Kagome had warned them plenty of times that the doll could be hurt or even 'die' if it wasn't taken care of properly. It was possible. With a heavy heart he dropped his forehead onto Kagome's head. He thought that they had been doing a pretty good job being parents. He was beginning to believe that he really could be responsible enough to be a father to a pup. He had failed. Worse… he failed Kagome.

"We did a good job taking care of her," he whispered. "We didn't do anything wrong."

Sniffling, Kagome turned her head a bit to look up into his eyes. They were shining a bit too brightly. It was then that she realized that he was feeling exactly what she was. A familiar sense of fear crept up her spine.

"You did good, Inuyasha. You did nothing wrong. You protected us and provided for us. You kept us warm and safe. You were careful with her. You made sure everyone else was careful with her too. You did everything you could possibly do."

He closed his eyes. "Are you sure it isn't working? Try again. Try something else."

Kagome wiped her tears from her face and began inspecting the doll. It made no sounds no matter how many times or what buttons she pushed. Biting her lip she tried everything she could think of to get the baby to make some sort of sign. Together they sat in the shadow of the tree pressing buttons and suggesting new things to try. Nothing worked. When dawn began to break they went back to camp and set Mikomi back on her warm pallet.

"What will we tell the others?" whispered Kagome as she tucked the baby under the covers. "Shippo was so attached to her."

"We tell them the truth."

Inuyasha sat in his usual spot, with his back against a tree so he could keep watch over camp. Looking at Kagome was difficult. She looked so tired and defeated. Drained. It hurt him in a way he didn't know was even possible.

"Get some sleep, Kagome."

She shook her head and gave a wobbly laugh. "I don't think I could if I tried." Her lip trembled, then her face crumbled as tears began trickling down her cheeks. When Inuyasha held his hand out to her she didn't hesitate taking it, finding comfort sitting in his lap and arms once more.

Every night Inuyasha dreamt of being able to hold her, but not like this. He didn't want it to happen like this. His arms tightened around her. Would she still want him to be the father of her pups if he couldn't even keep this one practice doll alive for a whole month? It wasn't until he saw the visions of Kagome and his children vanishing that he realized just how badly he wanted them. His family. And now… now he may just be losing them forever.

He tried to memorize the feeling of Kagome holding onto him so tightly. After this it may be the last time he had the chance. Surely she would hate him and hold him responsible once she had time to calm down and think about it. No amount of 'sit' commands would be enough.

"I'm sorry. So sorry," he told her over and over again. And he was. He was sorry that she was so upset. Sorry that she would fail her class and be held back another year. But most of all he was sorry that he had failed her so terribly. How could she have faith in him after this?

"It's not your fault," she told him again. "Please believe me." Please, she begged, please don't let him blame himself.

Together they sat Sometimes they tried to blame themselves while assuring the other that they were not at fault. Sometimes they just sat in silence, taking comfort in each other's presence. They waited quietly for the others to wake up.

An earsplitting wail shattered the quiet of the dawn.

"Can't someone figure out how to keep Mikomi quiet?" grumbled a sleepy Miroku as he rubbed his eyes and turned over away from the sound.

Kagome screeched in delight as she ran to the baby. It was screaming. Loudly. With a merry laugh she hugged the doll and twirled her in a circle. Smiling brightly she turned towards an equally thrilled hanyou then launched herself into his arms, kissing him on the cheek before bending down to kiss the baby. Laughing and giggling she rejoiced in the noise the baby was making.

"She's crying!" she shouted happily as she danced around the camp site.

Miroku yawned. "I think Lady Kagome has finally snapped." Sango nodded in agreement.

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I have never been so happy as when I heard Mikomi cry this morning. She was so quiet that I thought for sure she was broken! She has never gone so long without making a sound. EVER! So, in addition to a total lack of sleep because of the constant crying, it turns out that when the baby is silent I'm going to be too nervous and scared out of my wits to sleep.

Couldn't you give us any warning that something like this could happen? The stress level isn't good for my heart.

At least if it had been a real baby I could have checked to see if she was still breathing or if the heart was still beating. With the doll there was just. NOTHING! I thought I had killed her! This is going to scar me for life, I just know it. You will be to blame when I have children of my own and they wake up in the middle of the night to find me holding a mirror over their mouths checking to see if they are still breathing.

You do know that it is illegal to perform psychological experiments on people without their knowledge or consent. Especially on minors. Hope this was worth the time you'll be spending in the jailhouse when they catch you.

Kagome Higurashi

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Author's Note:

Yes, I know this chapter is short… but I can only handle angst in small amounts. I hope you will all forgive me.