Dalamar Nightson: Thanks! I really enjoyed writing those parts. The prayer came down to that I was too lazy to go look up the proper prayer, then I realized Zack would be too... so, improvization!
DISCLAIMER: We laughed and cried and then we said, "Nine doesn't own Dragonlance".
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Dalamar was dragging Raistlin by the arm through the middle of nowhere.
Well, actually, it was the replacement Dalamar, Xan the chick from Kalamazoo, and the replacement Raistlin, some schmuck named Zack.
"When do we get to the edge of nowhere?" Xan whined. "I left the tower so I could study physics! Not keep you under control!"
"It was your spell that brought us to the middle of nowhere!" Zack snapped.
"Well, all you did was dump tubs of custard on Solamnic Knights!" Xan snapped back. "Who's been more effective so far?"
"I'm the Master of Past and Present!"
"No, you're his understudy!"
"Shir-"
"No! Don't do it!"
"ak."
"I am not amused." Lord Soth wiped the custard from his armor with what looked like a piece of a rotting shroud.
"I told you not to do it!" Xan insisted. "Run!"
"Wait. Who are you?" The death knight asked.
"Oh, I'm the replacement Raistlin."
"Then… where's the real Raistlin?"
"I'm trying to find out while dragging him behind me!" Xan exclaimed.
"And who are you?"
"She's Dalamar's replacement." Zack said. "Would you like some soda?" He pulled out a can of soda from inside a pocket of his generic khakis.
"Where'd you get that from?" Xan asked.
"Don't you keep emergency cans of soda in your pockets in case you're called off of your plane to replace a fictional character?"
"Why are you acting like this is completely normal?" Xan dropped to her knees in frustration.
Lord Soth drank some of the root beer.
"He's distracted! Run!" Xan leapt to her feet and ran.
"Huh?" Zack said.
Xan ran back and grabbed his wrist. "etgay usay arfay awayay omfray erehay!"
They reappeared in the middle of the army of custard-covered Solamnics. "Oops."
"Who are they?" Derek Crownguard demanded.
"You're supposed to be dead!" Xan exclaimed.
"Oh. Right." Derek died.
"Zack! Stop resurrecting Solamnic Knights and dumping tubs of custard on their heads!" Xan ordered.
"I'm confused…" A random Knight of the Sword said.
"Hi!" Zack waved cheerily. "I'm Raistlin Majere, and this is Dalamar Nightson!"
"They're black-robed mages!"
"As much should have been obvious… I'm wearing black robes." Xan said.
"But he's wearing generic khakis and a t-shirt that says 'Duke' on it!"
"That's because fangirls tore my robes to shreds last chapter!" Zack said. "Um… fear my wrath?"
The first line of Solamnics drew their swords.
"RUN!" Xan grabbed Zack's wrist.
"Goodbye! See you later!" Zack waved to the custard-covered Solamnics.
"Good, we lost them." Xan breathed a sigh of relief.
"Lost who?" Zack asked.
"For God's sake, you're oblivi-" Xan stopped speaking and suddenly began to shake.
"Xan? I'm oblivi-what?"
For the first time in a long time, Realization snuck up behind Zack and hit him with a brick. (Realization may be to blame for most of his mental problems, but that's irrelevant…)
"Holy Jimmy Hoffa, Dalamar!" he exclaimed. "We've crossed the picket lines!"
"Why aren't you afraid?" the first undead guardian waved his sign- it read "End Undead Discrimination!"- at Zack.
"He's… oblivious…" Xan was curled up in the fetal position on the ground, quivering. "Doesn't… understand… fear…"
"Fear me!" The guardian bellowed. Xan continued to quiver, but Zack only raised an eyebrow.
"So, um, proletariat undead, why are you on strike?" Zack asked nonchalantly. "Do you want a soda?"
"What's a soda?"
"Oh, I thought the undead liked soda. At least Lord Soth did." Zack shrugged. "So, about that labor dispute?"
"In our negotiations, Raistlin Majere was discriminating against the undead! He refused to give us chiropractic."
"Undead… need… chiropractic?" Xan lifted her head slightly, then dropped back down into the fetal position.
"Well, I'm the replacement Raistlin, so I guess I'm qualified to settle his labor disputes." Zack said. "You can have the Northwest mechanic's chiropractic. I took it away from him in the second chapter."
"Does that mean we have to go back to the Grove?" one of the spirits whined.
"Who's complaining? We get chiropractic!" The undead threw down their signs and stampeded back into the Shoikan Grove.
Xan stood up. "OK, I suppose you've redeemed yourself, replacement Raistlin."
"I wonder if Dalamar and Raistlin are incapacitated, or just missing?"
"We're in Palanthas! We can go to the library and ask Astinus!"
This day, as above Afterwatch hour falling 30, Bertrem entered my study.
"Haven't I written this before? Astinus frowned.
"Master…"
This day, as above Restful Hour climbing 29, Bertrem spoke.
"Raistlin Majere and Dalamar Nightson are here… but they are changed."
"Send them in."
This day, as above Restful Hour climbing 27, Raistlin Majere and Dalamar Nightson entered my study.
"Yes, I know you broke the undead strike!" Xan snapped, dragging Zack into the room. "But for God's sake, it was nothing impressive!"
"You were the one curled up in the fetal position quivering before them in fear!"
"Excuse me, Raistlin, Dalamar, if you have anything to discuss with me, volumes are passing by-"
"In a nutshell, I went to sleep in my bed, in Kalamazoo, and woke up in the Tower, and everyone's calling me Dalamar!" Xan said. "I have no idea what's going on, and even worse, my best friend-" she gestured to Zack- "is being called Raistlin, and he's so incompetent that every time he tries to use that staff of his, a random Solamnic knight gets a tub of custard dumped on their head!"
"I'd wondered why he was suddenly blond, blue-eyed, and wearing generic khakis."
On this day as above Restful Hour climbing 22, I explained the principle of replacement to-
"I'd forgotten to get your normal names."
"Xan Johansen." She said. "He's Zack Tyler."
"Thank you."
On this day as above Restful Hour climbing 20, I explained the principle of replacement to Xan Johansen of Kalamazoo, replacement Dalamar, and Zack Tyler, replacement Raistlin.
"You see, Raistlin and Dalamar are two nexus points in the universe of Krynn. Without these nexus points, the very fabric of reality falls apart. So, when these nexus points leave the plane, we have to replace them, or… well, really bad things happen. I'm sorry you weren't notified beforehand, but…"
"Thanks… do you have any idea where the real Raistlin and Dalamar are? I have a physics class to study for."
On this day as above Restful Hour climbing 15, I lied to Xan Johansen and Zack Tyler.
"They disappeared without notice." Astinus said. "That's why we had to settle for you… although you do seem suited in personality to the roles."
"Except for the three-pound box of screws Zack's got loose…"
"Let's conquer something!" Zack suddenly said.
"My advice is to humor him."
Xan sighed. "Yes, shalafi…"
On this day as above Restful Hour climbing 13, Raistlin Majere and Dalamar Nightson left my study.