Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: Enjoy!
Chapter Nineteen: Some Things Are Better Left Unseen
Tonks couldn't concentrate at work. Every five seconds, she laid down her quill, and began tapping impatiently on her desk. Every time she did that, Marcia Holland, whose cubicle was right beside her, would lean over and threaten Tonks, saying if she did that one more times, she would break all the bones in her body.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Right on cue, Marcia's blonde head immerged from nowhere.
"This is the last time," she shrieked, her dark brown eyes flashing with anger. "I swear, if you do not stop, I will beat you until you die."
Tonks gazed at her, her expression nonchalant. "Do you, by any chance, have some anger problems?"
"Don't push my buttons," Marcia growled, baring her pearly whites menacingly. "If anyone around here has issues, it's you."
Marcia flung around, and fell back into her own cubicle, disappearing from view.
Tonks rolled her eyes, and got back to her paperwork, keeping her eyes on the ever-so-slowly-turning clock.
At exactly five minutes to four, Tonks jumped to her feet and headed for the elevator, rushing past the slowly exiting people easily.
She arrived home, to a depressingly empty flat, at around six. She had walked home the long way, and her legs hurt like crazy. Tonks collapsed onto the couch and kicked off her knee high boots; suddenly wishing she hadn't bought them in the first place.
She clicked on the TV, and flipped through all the channels, wondering absently why Muggles made such boring shows. She finally settled on an American sitcom, about a group of friends that hung out at a local coffee shop.
After fifteen minutes of being a thoughtless, drooling TV zombie, Tonks forced herself onto her feet, and trudged into her kitchen, nearly tripping over a small duffel bag full of a few of Remus' possessions.
She peered at it peevishly for a moment, before her eyes widened realization and she let out an excited squeak.
He was coming back tonight.
"Oh, Merlin, Merlin, Merlin," she chanted turning around abruptly and headed towards the bathroom, absolutely jittering with anticipation. "How the hell could I have forgotten?" She murmured under her breath.
Hopefully the fight we had has blown over by now. He can't still be mad.
She took one look into the bathroom mirror and groaned. Her hair was a mess, and her mascara had rubbed off onto her face. Quickly she washed her face, combed her hair and ran back into the living room, unsure what next to do. Tonks looked back down at the duffel bag, and sighed. He really didn't have much.
She bent down slowly beside it, and carefully unzipped the top. Inside, lay a tattered pile of clothes, an extremely old book of werewolf laws, and a small, greenish-red crystal ball.
Tonks frowned at the crystal ball, and picked it out swiftly. It fit perfectly into the palm of her hand, and as it absorbed its new environment, it began to change quickly to a pale grey colour.
She had seen one of these things before, but place what it was exactly, or where she had seen it yet. Tonks ran her thumb across its smooth surface and frowned.
Suddenly, the cloud of grey swirling around in the ball stopped, and a picture of something undistinguishable began to immerge.
"What the…" Tonks squinted her eyes, and moved her head forward, trying to make out the image. As soon as her nose touched the edge of the glass, she felt a dizzying sensation, and realized immediately what this was. It was a cheaper version of a pensive. And, she was being thrown into it, and into Remus' memories.
She held her breath and shut her eyes tightly; not opening them until she felt her feet safely hit the ground. Tonks relaxed her body, and glanced around. She was in Hogwarts. A slightly older version of it than she remembered though, of course. The grass seemed greener, and Hagrid's hut was painfully smaller and the vegetable garden was non-existent.
"Oh, Merlin," she murmured, looking around in awe. "I've always wondered what it would be like in one these things."
She turned, and almost ran into a lanky, greasy-haired sixth year. Oh, Merlin, she thought, a shiver running down her spine. It's Snape.
Smiling deviously, she decided to follow him. He walked, to Tonks displeasure, in a never-ending circle for about ten minutes, before trudging off towards the castle, his long robe billowing behind him.
As they neared the castle, Tonks began to get excited. Would it be different than she remembered? The tales that Sirius told her of their time at Hogwarts always seemed more exciting and adventurous than hers. Perhaps having three mischievous best friends wasn't the reason why.
Suddenly, just as they were walking into the Entrance Hall, a loud cry broke the silence, and a jet of red light came zooming towards them. The next thing she knew, Snape was hanging in mid air from his ankle, and a group of four boys were crowded around him.
"Oh, that was bloody brilliant, Prongs," said one of the boys, between boughs of laughter.
Prongs…Tonks' heart started beating like mad and she ran towards the boys, not believing her luck. She had found the Marauders.
She let out an inaudible shriek as she examined all of them. James, the one who shot the spell, was smiling with pride, and twirling his wand through his long, pale hands. His hair was, like always, ruffled up at the back.
Tonks eyes next found Peter, whom she frowned upon and skillfully resisting the urge to punch him in the face, not that it would do anything anyways.
Sirius was beside James, and she felt suddenly saddened as she stared at his younger self. His long, mysterious face was devastatingly handsome, and his dark hair framed his face to perfection. He resembled almost nothing of his self after Azkaban.
Last, of course, she turned to Remus. She let out a laugh, and felt her heart begin to beat in her chest. The teenage Remus, in her opinion, was the most attractive of them all. What was funny was that he obviously had no idea of it. He was looking with near boredom at the floating mass in front, and the faraway expression in his eyes told Tonks that he would much rather be in his common room reading a book. His surprisingly long, tawny hair, fell to just below his chin, and hung just in front of his eyes, so every few moments he would reach up and brush it away. His eyes, however, were just the same, bluish grey, and sparkling beautifully. The scars on his face that she grown so used to were almost non-existent, and the lines that heavily marked his eyes and forehead were nowhere to be seen. His teenage face was lovely, really.
Her tightened as she thought that, and felt a tad of guilt fight its way into her system. You should love Remus as he is now, and not dream for the past.
I do, and I'm not, she thought absently, still slightly in awe of the Marauders.
A sudden cry from behind her awakened her back into the moment. She turned, and smiled, realizing at once whom it was.
Lily was running with anguish up the group, wand at the ready. "Put him down," she screeched, her red, angry face nearly matching her fiery hair. "What is wrong with you four? Well," she looked suddenly over at Remus, her arms crossed, "I do suppose you're different. But," she started, as James shot a death glare Remus' way, "Why didn't you do anything to stop them? You're a prefect, remember!"
Lily swirled around, muttered an incantation, which swiftly dropped Snape to the ground. He groaned, stood up, and brushed himself off. "I don't need your help, Mudblood," he hissed, already starting to walk off.
"Oi!" James began, waving his wand wildly. "Don't you -"
"It's fine, Potter," Lily frowned, her jaw tightening. "And, as long as you are done being idiots, I think I'm done here."
Lily turned and began to head for the marble staircases, leaving the Marauders in her wake.
"She hates me," moaned James, ruffling up his hair absentmindedly. "She absolutely loathes me."
"Yeah, she does," chirped Sirius, a satisfied smile spread across his bold face. "And she always will, mate."
"She can't," said James, straightening up and smiling. "Once she realizes how irresistible I am, she'll not reject me again. Don't you agree, Moony?"
Remus, who seemed to have been quite zoned out, looked up in surprise. "What? Oh…yeah, sure."
"Thanks for the support," James said dryly, turning back to Sirius. "So, now about the…"
But Tonks couldn't concentrate on what James was saying. Remus had slowly begun walking the same way as Lily, unnoticed by his fellow peers. Tonks quickly followed him, her eyes following his.
As they entered the Gryffindor common room, Remus stopped.
"Lily?" he called, his voice hushed and low.
A figure moved indistinguishably from the one of the couches. "Yes, Remus?"
"Er – could I talk to you for a moment?"
Lily stood up, her red hair and colourful face illuminated by the feisty fire behind her. "Sure." She gestured happily to the couch beside her.
"Thanks," replied Remus, walking over and sitting down. Tonks followed him exactly.
Lily smiled, her face glowing. She obviously didn't despise him as she did the other Marauders. "So, what is it?"
"It's about James," he replied simply, his face serious.
Lily groaned. "Oh, not him again. Look, Remus, I have enough of him and Sirius trying to convince me, I don't need you doing it as well."
"But Lily, look, he really does…"
"And, besides, I sort of…I sort of have feelings for someone else."
Remus froze, his bluish eyes wide. "You-you do?"
Lily nodded, her big green eyes looking deeply into his. "I do."
Tonks felt her insides twist uncomfortably. She had a nagging feeling she knew where this was going.
"C-could I ask who?" choked Remus, obviously very uncomfortable.
"You could," Lily replied smoothly. "But I might not tell you."
Remus remained silent, his breath heavy.
"Or I might," she continued, putting her hand silkily onto his. "You never know."
"I think I do," whispered Remus.
"I think you do," she replied. And, suddenly, to Tonks disdain, she leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.
Remus' breath caught, and his eyelids fluttered. Tonks felt her heart slip slowly down into her stomach and explode into a tiny million pieces. Suddenly disgusted by this, she shook her head. Stop being so silly, she told herself. This is all in the past.
The next second, Remus' eyes flickered open, and he pulled away hastily, his hand over his mouth. "Lily, we can't – we can't do this!"
Lily folded her arms and narrowed her green eyes. "And why not?"
"James!" Remus exclaimed, his voice choppy. "I can't believe – he'd kill me! Lily, he loves you! And he's my best mate!"
Lily sighed, and dropped her arms. "That's one thing I've always hated about you, Remus. You're too mature, too logical. We're in sixth year. You should deserve to have a little fun."
Remus looked down at his shoes. "I'm sorry."
Lily managed a smile, and comfortingly grasped her hand onto his. "Don't be, Remus. Someday that logic will pay off. And I swear, werewolf or no werewolf, you'll live the longest out of all of us. You're too smart, too safe."
Remus let out a strangled laugh and stood up. "Thank-you," he said quietly, his eyes shining.
Tonks put a head to her forehead and tightly shut her eyes. She'd had enough. She needed to get out of here. Now.
As if by magic, when she opened her eyes, she was sitting back in her flat, in the present day and age.
"Whoa," she whispered, looking at the small crystal ball in awe. Remus would kill her if he found out she had been in there.
A sudden cough behind her startled her out of her senses, and to her feet. She turned quickly, wand out. "Hey, I'm an Auror and –"
She stopped dead and dropped her wand. "Hi, Remus," she whispered, to the modern day thirty seven year old werewolf standing in front of her.
But Remus' eyes were glued to the crystal ball that lay in front of her. He looked up suddenly, his eyes stricken with worry. "Did you –?"
"Yes," Tonks squeaked. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to, I just –"
"Why are you apologizing?" he questioned, his brow wrinkled. "If you saw what I think you just saw, you should be…fuming."
Tonks just stood there, totally taken aback. "But…but…I just invaded your personal thoughts. You should be…wanting to chop off my head and feed to a herd of wild cattle or something!"
To her surprise, Remus let out a laugh. "You know, feeding severed head to raging cattle isn't really my thing."
Tonks shook her head, still in disbelief. "You are so amazing, you know that? I can't believe you aren't mad." She looked at him sharply. "Aren't you even the tiniest bit mad?"
Remus observed her carefully, his grey eyes filled with honesty. "No. And aren't you just even the tiniest bit mad at the fact that I…well, you know."
Tonks smiled. "It's all in the past. But," she added, her glare penetrating. "I see I wasn't your first girl to give lame excuses to."
Remus rolled his eyes. "I hardly think saying I didn't want to cheat on my best friend is a lame excuse."
"Yeah, but they weren't together," she whispered, rapping her arms around his neck.
"Yeah, but, in fact, they got together the very next year. And besides, if I had said yes to Lily, think how the course of history would have changed." At that thought, Remus' eyes darkened, and his jaw tightened.
"Don't dwell on the past, Remus," Tonks whispered into his ear. "If do, you'll never fully move on to the future."
Sighing, Remus nodded, swooped over and kissed her lovingly on the lips.
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A/N: THE END. Perhaps, anyways. I'm not sure. Right now, I'm putting most of the ideas I had for this story, into another Remus/Tonks fic (but it is NOT a sequel), which I will post...soon. If I get anymore ideas for this story, I'll make a new chapter, or create an epilogue. But, for right now, it's 'the end' :'( . And yes, I really am terrible at endings. Anyways, I hope you and enjoyed and thanks, SO, SO much for the reviews, you people rock!
Silver.Moon.Shining.