Dawn the fallen angel Chapter 6: Is what heard, really heard?, a harry potter fanfic

Authors note; Holy crappirony I updated… . it's been a while. I first off want to apologize, but I guess I had a little bit of writers block, and on top of that I had finals, which I still have, but I am suppose to be doing my English term paper right now…but this is a little more productive for me to get my 'creative juices' flowing. So again I apologize profoundly, but life got in the way. This summer it will be so much easier to update. The first year of high school is rather hard.

Also I would like to announce that I WILL be updating my other stories, sorry about those but I had a slight writers block on them, but have not given up on them.

Disclaimer; If you can recognize anything in this it is most likely owned by some one else. Harry Potter and co. is owned by J.K. Rowing.

Rating; PG-13 for now, it may change but I am not sure where I'm going with this, currently it is rated for this because of language (later on) and abuse… yadda yadda yadda…you get it.

Summery; 4th year. Coinciding with a plan of Voldemort's gone array James Potter is brought back from the dead. Currently at the Dursleys Harry is having one of the worst summers yet, how long can he hold on?

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REVIEW RESPONSES THANKS!

Amones of Magic- thanks for the complement…I think, but anyways the idea was great, I used the basic idea in this…but it was a lot of help THANK YOU SO MUCH :bows:

Eric2- interesting idea, I may just use that for the malnutrition thing…thanks

Inumaru12- Snape defending Harry would be a riot, love the idea, thanks

Fiona12690- The uncle thing is odd, it would be hard to do with James alive, but he could be something like an uncle figure….

ALSO THANKS TO;

JPotter (x2 )

Barby-Black

moonypadfoot

Inumaru12

Kryzt

lonlyheart

FroBoy

amrawo

Kilikapele

shazia)Riavera

Suicidal Bunnies

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A QUESTION by Robert Frost

A voice said, Look me in the stars

And tell me truly, men of earth,

If all the soul-and-body scars

Were not too much to pay for birth.

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DAWN THE FALLEN ANGEL

CHAPTER 6

"IS WHAT HEARD REALLY HEARD?"

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Snape had dropped Harry off inside the Gryffindor common room, quickly informing Harry that the password was 'The Griffin Rising' before hurriedly escaping the room. All along the way mumbling something about not wanting to be around when the group of 'Grimy Gryffindors' returned. Just proving that it doesn't matter how old you are, your insults never changed.

Knowing that his father and the rest of the 'gang' would be around to look for him any moment, Harry decided that he might as well be comfortable for his interrogation. Looking around the familiar common room he found his favorite chair, the one right next to the fire place. Often when he couldn't sleep and the nights were none too kind, he would come down here to think and just sit. He loved to bask in the light of the fire, and for once be alone in the large school.

The minutes began to grow longer and longer as Harry waited to be found. Not that he would really care because he had a lot to ponder over.

What did he think about his father?

Harry wanted desperately with all of his heart to just be able to accept his father, and then they can live happily ever after. Here Harry snorted. 'Yeah,' he thought with contempt, 'there will be a white stallion waiting just around the corner to carry us away into the sunset. Thinking happy thoughts like that was bull shit. Life would never give you a break like that, life is there to break you down and spit you out when there is nothing left. Harry wanted to think like that, but he knew from past experiences that thinking like that lead only to disappointment.

He had grown use to the way things were…he had grown use to not having a father- Nor needing one. Harry had seen how people like Ron or Hermione had become dependant on their parents, and this was not safe during a war. If- God forbid- one of them were to die, they wouldn't make it. Love was a weakness. Harry knew he loved Sirius, and even Remus, and they were a horrible weakness, but his father. The Gryffindor knew that he could grow to love him more then the rest….for him to become Harry's greatest weakness.

Weakness was not a good thing during a war.

Love is not, despite what every one told him, a good thing. Each time one of the people you love are hurt, it breaks you down a little bit. Pain, hurt, betrayals…love, they all break you down. But that is what makes you human. Feelings these things- feeling anything at all, makes you human. Because of our extremely short time on this earth, we have to feel everything with a great intensity, or we never really live….

Life is love- and love is life, the same goes for every emotion, they are a weakness- but they let us live.

Harry knew this; he could take the pain, the physical anyways. But when it comes to the mental ones, the ones that come with his weaknesses, and his family- he couldn't take it. Not anymore. He knew what all of this was, what it meant. He had known that life screws you over in your attempts to live. Since childhood he had known this. It kinda reminded him of something he had read in an old quote book in school, "And when he goes to heaven, to St. Peter he will tell, "Another marine reporting in, I've served my time in hell." On the road to paradise you have to go through hell first.

"A voice sad, look me in the stars and tell me truly, men of earth. If all the soul-and-body scars were not too much to pay for birth." Harry whispered this softly, something he had picked up as a young child, being neglected and not aloud out to play aloud him a lot of reading time. Any one would answer that yes it is the proper price, but Harry was not so rash to say yes. True all those scars were the proof of how much you have lived, but living too much is not healthy. Or living as much as Harry have, is the more proper thing to say.

Letting some one else into his life was not something that Harry was ready for. Giving his heart, most of it, to some one who could break it instantly, intentionally or not, was not wise.

He craved love like a damn addiction, but he was not ready to give some on his life like that. And it was true, handing some one his heart was more then giving them his life. To top it off, though he loath to admit it, he had not given his father his full trust, not yet. He had been given no reason not to. But the hurts from the past had never quite healed over.

Pulling out of his reverie, he turned to look around the common room; he was slightly surprised that his father had not found him yet. Pondering the thought that he didn't care, but he quickly through that away. The fire by now was dimming and was slightly more then a glow in the hearth. It was almost hypnotizing. Slowly Harry felt his eyes closing on their own accord. His head falling. All too soon he was lost to Morpheus and Hynos.

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James, Sirius, and Remus had taken a break from finding Harry, assuming that he needed some time. They could understand and relate, normally people don't come back to life…Harry had every right to need some time, they themselves did.

James knew that Harry was not as content around him as he seemed, he was rather blank back when he hugged him in the hospital wing. The child did not seem normal… more broken then anything, and it was painful as a father to watch. After being filled in on the life his child had lived, he felt horrible. What kind of father was he to not be here for his son? He knew it couldn't have been prevented, but the quilt still flowed to him.

Dumbledore had told them that until the school year began they would be spending their nights in the Gryffindor common room. So that's were they decided to head at the moment.

He was still very happy that Harry was alive. But he still had Lily to morn for. Sirius, being his best friend, told him all about Peter. Sirius had also apologized about 60 times during the re-telling. It saddened James that Sirius had been blaming himself all this time for his and his wife's death. He had given Sirius one of those LONG talks about how the guilt did not fall with him. And again as they were walking Sirius was ONCE AGAIN apologizing.

"Sirius," he sighed quite heavily, a sound not fight for his old age, "if you say that it is your fault just one more time, I am going to knock you upside that extremely dense head of yours. When you switch secret keepers, you had your best interest in mind. It's Peter- that rat- that I drop all of the blame. That little worm, used me-us, I would kill him my self and you know it…It is his fault that Lily died!"

They had reached the common room and while James was ranting Remus whispered the password, and they walked in, both Sirius and James took no notice of Harry.

"She shouldn't have died- And you know it! Lily need not have died, Voldemort never wanted her! But she died any ways, I would have died anyways- but it is because of him that Lily died. If it weren't for that- that monstrosity she would still be here! He should be in the ground instead of her. I was brought back, but what about her? She was an innocent; I'm ashamed to have associations with that bastard. It- it's all his fault-"

Remus decided to intervene seeing Harry sleeping on the chair.

"You two had better shut up! If you had noticed or not the child that we have been looking for is sleeping. And unless you would have him wake up to your incessant bickering, it may just be in your best interests to shut your traps." Remus' voice though was being whispered, demanded respect.

Both now noticed the presence of Harry, eyes roaming over the sprawled body of the child. Eyes softened, and all three turned toward the stair well, and began walking. All wanting the child who had had so much difficulty in his life to sleep peacefully. Slowly they walked up, trying to be as quiet as possible. Walking up to the spare guest room where they would be taking residence- and retired for the night.

If they were to look closely they would have seen that Harry had been awoken by their yelling- and had heard what they had to say.

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Harry had been in a light sleep, something he had learned to do because of Vernon, and had indeed been woken from his father's rants outside the common room. He had kept his eyes close so as to not alert them of him being awake. His father's voice intensified when they walked in, and now he could hear what they were saying.

Harry could hardly believe his ears; at some point he had believed that he was responsible for his parent's death. But to actually be told strait out that it was his fault- was kind of a crack to his defenses.

The more Harry thought about it, the more he believed it was true…Maybe he should have died instead. Maybe he was better off dead right now…

Harry had been wrong; he had already given his father apart of his heart. Whether he wanted to or not he had. But he had not been wrong in the fact that with in less then a moment, those who held his heart could take it away, and send him down. They had done just that, his father had held his heart, and he had walked all over it. Now, Harry knew what had to be done.

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Author's Note- I think that counts as a cliff hanger . But that was an okay chapter…I would make it longer but I have to get back to work on my paper…Most of this chapter was just how Harry felt about everything, and I guess that it was needed…

Anyways, Please review and all that jazz, give comments please help me out with pranks and all that stuff.