Disclaimer-We own nothing you even vaguely recognize, including but not limited to JRR Tolkien's creations, the necromancy bells and the Abhorsen trilogy (who belong to Garth Nix), and the Keltiad to Patricia Kenneally-Morrison. Nor do we own the PPC, we just work there. The 'Sue and her story belong to LifeMistressGreenleaf.

Chapter 1

The two agents stepped through the portal and landed on... a floor. Surrounded by nothing. Actually, there were stairs leading sharply downward, but other than that it was just swirly gray mist.

"Where are we?" Myth asked.

"Look at your CAD." Isabel said absently.

"You have it."

Isabel looked up in surprise. "I didn't give you one?"

"No…"

"We'll get you one when we get back, but I think we're in her bedroom, since that bed that just popped up out of nowhere," Isabel replied.

"Ack! She'll notice us! Elves shouldn't be in her bedroom!" Myth cried.

"Nah." Isabel reached into her bag of nifty gadget-like thingamabobs and pulled out a blanket made of blue flannel, little red hearts sprinkled liberally over its length.

"What is that?" Myth appeared to be on the verge of laughter.

"It's the Ultimate Blend-in Invisibility Marquee. Or, UBIM."

Myth peered at her suspiciously. "That's rather long, and… well, I can't say redundant, exactly. But how can it blend-in, and be invisible? I mean, I guess I can see how that… No. I can't. I'm confused."

"I didn't name it, and it's probably best not to dwell on it for to long."

"Right." Both agents pulled the UBIM over their heads, just in time.
Megan, get up for school, appeared in front of them in large, glowing Times New Roman

Alright, alright, I'm up, appeared underneath it in a slightly smaller (but still glowing) Arial.
Myth flinched back, as both messages were a bright hot pink (pink being one of her phobias)
Isabel patted her on the shoulder sympathetically, and offered her a pair of sunglasses. She donned a set of her own as she muttered, "First person. I hate this author already, even without the lack of quotation marks."
"Pink." Myth muttered. "Almost as bad as urple, in its own way."

"I take it you had a bad run-in with pink?" Isabel asked as a vaguely female human-shaped entity arose from the bed. With a 'poof' it was clothed, and it floated down the stairs for breakfast as the agents continued their conversation

"No. I just detest pink, and shiver to think it was my favorite color 'til I was six."

The vague figure floated back up the stairs, put on LotR, and brushed its teeth.

"Somehow she manages to have enough time to watch the entire Lord of the Rings series before school. I wish I'd had that much time, I'd have gotten a lot more homework done." Isabel shook her head. The two agents watched the movies over the Sue's shoulder, each left to their own thoughts. They were shaken out of their mutual reveries when the back of Megan's head grew a mouth and began telling her,

"You don't belong here. You don't belong here." The (still) vaguely female Sue sighed and turned off the TV. She grabbed her bag and went downstairs, where a car was waiting.

"What's tto?" Myth asked, puzzled.

"...I dunno." Isabel watched as the still un-described main character arrived at her school. "You'd think she'd be late. After all, she did watch all of LotR before school"

"And 'Great, I first again?' It sounds like she's doing a bad imitation of Yoda."

The other agent snerked. She turned back to Megan and saw three other vaguely shaped girls... and what appeared to be a group of hip hop thugs all wearing red bandanas. "That must be the gang..." She moved in for a closer look and tripped over the Author Insert lying on the ground. Picking herself up from where she sprawled, Isabel looked to see what she'd tripped over. THIS IS TRUE was carved in a big stone that sat in the middle of the ground where anyone could trip on it.

She grimaced and turned back to the "action". Megan seemed to be... hitting one of the other girls over the head with a snake? 'What the - even for this author, that's ridiculous!' She focused on The Text and saw the problematic word - "smaked". 'Ahh.'

I do NOT drool over Legolas! Appeared in urple,

You do and you know it, came into being in bronze

Well...well... I heard you moaning over Frodo materialized in a color Myth could only call vomit, and very loopy cursive.

"A fine example of a Sue's 'witty banter'. And retorted back? Should we call in some people from the department of redundancies department?" Myth was listening (or, well, looking, since there were still no quotation marks) to the Sue and her friend.

"We could... but let's just focus on surviving this chapter and see if it happens again. They get very annoyed if you call them out for a one... time... thing..." Isabel's voice trailed off at the end as she squinted at the sight before her, trying to force it to make sense through sheer willpower. It didn't – the Sue appeared to be stepping into a very deep pool of rippling black. The sign by the pool said, "My Own Thoughts". Her skin appeared prune-y, as if she had been there for a while. Then came a random bell, which rang, scuttled over to the edge of the pool, and yanked her out. She walked inside the building towards her first class. Isabel blinked a few times, trying to think about what she had just seen, but giving up for the sake of her remaining brain cells.

Myth's A/N: Oh the horror… 'Sues, bad grammar, bad spelling, bad punctuation, author inserts in the middle of the narrative… Isabel and I may need intensive therapy in the Psych Ward after this. And this is just the first chapter. I wouldn't beg for reviews, but I do so love them. Please, make my ego even larger than it already is! Also, a shout out to one of our Betas, who knows exactly who she is, and will probably be mentioned later.

Isabel's A/N:I hope you enjoyed the story, and please! Review! Tell us what we did wrong/right/in between! Flames will be used in flame-throwers to further our annihilation of the 'Sue.