Title: This Is Your Life (2/2)
Author: Miaka Kennyuuki
Rated: PG-13
Pairing: pre-Wincest, suggestion of Dean/Sam feelings
Summary: Songfic. Switchfoot's "This Is Your Life". Two-parts so far. Dean and Sam reflect on what they have become over the years.
Note: Made a lot of stuff up to fit this story, including the hospitality at Stanford, Dean's meeting Jess before John Winchester disappeared, etc.
Sequel to: This Is Your Life Part 1
blah song
"blah" past
"blah" present
Sam Winchester lay in his bed at Stanford Law School, pillow clutched to his chest, engaged in his favorite past time. Thinking about Dean. About the day Sam had allowed Jessica to blow Dean off, and like a coward, had done nothing.
Yesterday is a kid in a corner
Sam could regret all he wanted. He could regret the ruined reunion he had been enjoying far too much. He could regret Jessica's interruption and subsequent rudeness. He could regret not defending Dean, not calling him back. But in the end, his regrets would change nothing. Dean would still be gone.
Yesterday is dead and over
Two years. It had been two years since Sam had last seen Dean, and in one moment it had all been ruined. He remembered the exact moment he caught sight of Dean. His older brother was covered in dirt and other things, his clothes worn and wrinkled, his eyes red. Sam hadn't seen a more welcome sight in a long time.
If it hadn't been for Jessica's presence, not more than a foot away chatting with Amber, Sam would have taken off towards his brother as Dean had toward him. When they met, the hug was tight, painful, rushed and perfect. Dean had breathed his name into his hair, and all Sam could do was sigh happily. Big Brother Dean was there with him, not God-knows-where fighting God-knows-what.
This is your life
Are you who you want to be?
"Hi, Dean," Sam said as they separated. He couldn't help the wide smile he released when he could finally see Dean's face. Dean. Here at Stanford to see him. Sam couldn't help but be embarrassingly happy.
Secretly, he'd thought that maybe Dean and Dad hated him. He never did get into hunting like they did. Couldn't even remember their mother. And despite hardly ever being in school, he tried his hardest to get every scholarship imaginable, and applied to Stanford.
This is your life
Are you who you want to be?
The look on Dean's face when Sam had told him was a cross between proud, shocked, and some unidentifiable, fragile emotion that made Sam's heart ache. Dad was simply a seething mass of betrayal and anger, but Dean stood by him the entire time. It was only now that Sam realized Dean didn't want him to leave either.
"I got into Stanford Law School," eighteen year old Sam announced at breakfast. John Winchester continued cleaning his Beretta, taking a large bite of his egg sandwich. Beside the fridge, Dean froze, milk halfway off the counter.
"What's that, Sammy?" the older Winchester boy asked, voice soft.
"I got into college," Sam said firmly, defiance lacing his voice. "I'm leaving for Stanford in a few days."
The look on Dean's face was heart breaking.
This is your life
Is it everything you dreamed it would be?
When the news had finally sunk in, John Winchester had gone into a rage much like the one after his wife's funeral. He'd yelled and broken things and even tried to hit Sam. Dean had put a stop to that soon enough.
When the world was younger
"Enough!" Dean yelled, grabbing John's fist before he could really start hurting Sam. He pulled his Dad away to the other side of the room. "How are you getting there, Sammy?"
"Bus," Sam whispered, watching his father wearily.
"I'll take you," Dean said decisively, twisting his father's arm slightly.
"Dean," John began angrily.
"I'll take him," Dean growled back. He looked up at Sam, his expression solemn. "Someone in this family deserves the chance to be normal."
And you had everything to lose
Normal. Dean had always been one for over dramatization. But at the time there was actually hope in Dean, and to a lesser extent, Dad, for someone in the Winchester family to come out of the tragedy a better person. They knew no way to make it happen, though.
Until Sam.
Don't close your eyes
"Dean, do you think these look like college clothes?" Sam asked, holding up a blue polo shirt and cream slacks.
Dean snickered. "Makes me glad it ain't me goin' to college," he said, laughing. Sam's face fell and Dean smiled softly. "Go ahead and grab it, squirt." Sam's smile could have powered an entire block.
"You're the best, bro."
Don't close your eyes
Sam closed his eyes and sighed. Dean really was the best brother. Like the time he had used the last of his money to buy Sam a Christmas present (a holiday the Winchesters rarely had time to celebrate), when they needed the money for gas to get them to the next town. Dean had also taken the fall for the lack of funds.
"Merry Christmas, Sammy," Dean said, pushing a box toward the younger Winchester boy. Sam looked up at his fourteen year old brother with adoration, before ripping into the box. He soon revealed a complete set of GI Joes.
"Wow, Deano, these are great!' Sam cried, throwing himself at Dean. He had always wanted GI Joes, but John felt they were inappropriate considering the circumstance. Plus, of course, toys were an unnecessary commodity in their lifestyle.
"No problem, Sammy," Dean said with a smile. "Anything for my little bro."
Don't close your eyes (Don't close your eyes)
Sam opened his yes and glanced at the phone. Dean had called over and over again for a few days after the incident. And Sam, like the idiot he was more often than not, listened to Jessica pleadings for attention and ignored each and everyone. He allowed Jessica to convince him that Dean didn't really care. That his real friends, his real family were his friends at Stanford.
Don't close your eyes
This is your life
Are you who you want to be?
Sam was such a fucking idiot.
"This is it, Sammy," Dean said, pulling up to Stanford's main gate. "Stay sharp, eh, squirt?"
Sam's eyes filled with tears and he threw himself across the Impala's seat at Dean. "I'm sorry, Dean. I don't want to leave you alone with Dad, but…"
Dean covered Sam's mouth with a calloused finger. "S'okay, Sammy. I can handle Dad," he said, carefree smile strained. "Now go in there and teach those college nerds a thing or two, eh? I'll be needing a lawyer in a few anyway."
Sam gave a watery laugh as he got out of the car. Leaning back into the window, his green eyes grew determined. "I'll make you proud, Dean. I promise." Dean nodded and Sam smiled. Straightening, the younger Winchester grabbed his duffle bag and started for the gate.
"Sammy!" Dean called. Sam stopped and turned around, a question in his eyes. Dean smiled. "It's always been you, Sammy."
Sam started, and took a step toward the black Impala. Before he could get any closer, Dean waved at him and took off, soon nothing more than a cloud of dust in the distance.
It's always been you, Sammy.
Sam turned over and buried his face in his pillow. The lavender flower smell of Jessica rose up and he rolled over and sat up. Once again the phone was in clear view.
It's always been you, Sammy.
Sam allowed himself a smile. He picked up the phone and quickly dialed a familiar number. After a few moments, a tired, slightly irritated voice answered.
Sam smiled.
"It's always been you too, Dean."
End Part 2
Look out for the Epilogue!