A/N First of all, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm amazed and ecstatic to see that so many of you liked the first two chapters. To answer a few questions: firstly, Snape is on Hermione's left… they're joined at his right arm, her left arm. To duj, yes, she is being unreasonable, but she's angry and… well, unreasonable. She does the same thing to him, too. To Confused-Gal, I tried to email you with the challenge requirements and yahoo returned my email. I'll try again tonight, but if it doesn't work then I'm sorry. To BaYerrulz, you're right about the flat on their backs thing. I'll fix it in the final edit… thank you for pointing it out to me! And to everyone else, again, thank you! I really was surprised at how many of you like story so far. Here's the next chapter, and more will be up when I next get the chance to write, anywhere between one and six weeks, I'm afraid (it's the IB… I consider myself lucky to get 5 hours sleep a night). Now I'll shut up and let you read. Thanks loads to XxGemxX for betaing this!

Chapter Three

I woke with a start. Somebody was shaking my right shoulder.

"Who is it?" I asked sleepily. "What's wrong?" As Head Girl I have my own room. Nobody ought to have been there, and there should definitely not have been somebody waking me up when it was still pitch black.

"It is six o'clock, Miss Granger," was the hissed response. Ah. Professor Snape. The events of yesterday came back with a rush, and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep and pretend it had never happened. But the strong pressure on my bladder wouldn't let me do that. I needed the toilet. Badly.

"Okay, I'll get up."

"Good. I, ah, need to use the lavatory," he said uncomfortably. 'Why couldn't he just say "toilet?"' I thought grumpily, irrationally irritated, and with no sympathy for the man in the same situation as me.

"Me too," I admitted. "Um, let's get out my side of the bed." We sat up and then awkwardly slid so that we could both get up. I was about to ask if there were lights when Snape used our arm to get his wand, then cast a lumos. Candles around the room lit themselves immediately. Now we could see, at least.

Snape started walking, and I walked awkwardly along with him with absolutely no idea where we were going. I asked him, quite politely I thought, and he snapped that it was the only door in the room that didn't lead back to the living room. Today was going to be a bad day, I knew it already.

We made it to the bathroom, which was far larger than I had thought it would be. For some reason I'd had the impression that teachers' rooms were bare and stark, but Snape's certainly weren't. There was a large ornate bathtub that I was hugely envious of; I've always wanted a decent bathtub. The prefects' pool doesn't count, because you can't just lie back and relax in it. But then I realised that we would need the large bathtub if we were to… I didn't even want to think about that, so I continued looking around the room. But the sight of the loo I remembered exactly why we were coming here and I blushed all over again. I had a feeling that I would be doing a remarkable impression of a tomato for the rest of the day.

"So… uh… you first, Professor?" I asked shakily. It's normal, I told myself. It's a normal bodily function, nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. We'll just do it and get it over with and we'll be fine. Nothing to it. Really.

He nodded abruptly. We made the journey across to the toilet. At last he stood in front of it. It wasn't rational to be afraid of a toilet, I knew that. But I was. Terrified, in fact. Snape looked awkwardly at me and I turned away as much as I could, closing my eyes as tightly as possible.

"I'm not here," I muttered. "I'm not here, I'm not here, gods above why me?"

"I hardly wish to be in this situation any more than you do, Miss Granger," Snape hissed at me through what I was sure were clenched teeth.

"I know," I said softly. Why couldn't this all have been a bad dream? I heard splashing start, and then stop. Then there was movement to the left, using our arm so that my hand dangled uselessly again. 'He's probably doing up buttons,' I told myself. 'It's not a big deal. Really. I can cope with this.'

"You may open your eyes, Miss Granger," Snape told me.

"Thanks. Um… okay. I guess… we need to turn around." 'Was my face actually glowing?' I wondered. 'Snap out of it'! I told myself. "Professor?"

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Snape looked as uncomfortable as I felt. That reassured me a little.

"I'm… going to have to sit," I said eventually. Really not wanting to, I continued, "It's not going to work… you'll need a stool, or something. Otherwise we'll both end up on the floor again."

"And where exactly do you propose we get this stool from?" he snapped at me.

"I don't know…" I said. Then I saw the laundry basket. "Maybe we could transfigure that?" I asked him. He nodded his head, lips pinched together. "Shall I do it, sir, or would you…"

"I'll do it, Miss Granger," Snape said tiredly. "Accio basket." He transfigured it into a crude stool and we sat, awkwardly. I risked a glance at Snape. His eyes were as tightly closed as mine had been, and I was fairly certain I heard a muttered "My heart can't take this…" from his direction.

"Hello!" I shot back, feeling like a thirteen-year-old but not caring much. "Like I asked for this…" Mercifully, he didn't reply, which let me get on with… what I was doing. Once I had finished, I told Snape so and we stood up again.

"Sink?" I asked him.

"There," he replied, pointing. We walked, perfectly in sync for the first time, towards the sink, and then proceeded to wash our hands.

"What now?" I asked.

"We should change," Snape said. "And wash properly, but perhaps that can be left for tonight."

"I don't even want to think about that now," I said fervently, and then blushed anew. "I need to get my stuff from my room," I told him hastily, "and I really need a toothbrush."

"We will summon an elf," Snape said decisively he took his wand from his pocket and said what I suppose must have been a kind of summoning spell. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but there was a house elf in front of us immediately.

"Miss Granger would like some things to be moved from her room, if you please," Snape told the creature.

"A few changes of clothes, and my toiletries, please. Oh and I guess I'll need all my books and things…"

"Pack all her belongings in her trunk and bring the lot down here. She can sort through what she wants later."

"He doesn't need to do that much work!" I protested.

"I is happy to help professor, Miss," the elf said, looking between Snape and me with worry. "I is doing it now." Snape nodded his head and the elf gave a sigh of relief and disappeared.

Snape changed robes while I waited for the elf to bring my things. It involved a lot of swearing and what sounded like a severing charm, but eventually I was given permission to open my eyes and Snape was standing there in clean, un-rumpled clothing.

"Neville is going to lose more points from Gryffindor than he even knew it had," Snape muttered furiously. "He will be serving detention until he graduates!"

"That's not fair!" I said. "He couldn't help… well, he could have done, but it was your fault too! If you hadn't scared him…"

"Miss Granger, the boy is a complete incompetent!"

"But you're supposed to teach him, not terrify him!" I snapped back.

"Are you criticising my teaching methods?" he asked icily. I decided that perhaps now wasn't the time to fight with him. Besides, potions accidents at Hogwarts had been at an all time low since Snape had started teaching, knowledge courtesy of (where else?) Hogwarts: A History.

"No sir," I replied. "I'm just tired and grumpy and stuck to you." Snape chuckled, shocking me to no end. I realised that within the space of a few hours I was unbending enough to be brutally honest with my professor. Choosing to forgo analysis of this strange behaviour, at least for the moment, I looked to where my trunk had suddenly appeared from nowhere, balancing precariously on the end of the bed.

"I think the elf was too scared of us to come back," I observed, walking towards the trunk. Of course, I forgot to tell Snape that I was about to walk, but he didn't comment. I eyed my clothes thoughtfully. Fresh underwear and skirt wouldn't be a problem, but I knew I would have serious issues with a clean bra and shirt. Deciding to follow Snape's example I opted for a severing charm, cutting through my bra strap and then down the whole side of my shirt and my school robes, and then using another charm to sew them back together. It wasn't exactly pretty, but not very noticeable either, and at this point I couldn't bring myself to care. Risking a glance at Snape, I saw that he was turned away from me. Assuming his eyes were closed, and not really wanting to further embarrass myself by asking whether they were or not, I began getting changed. He would figure it out when I moved the arm, anyway. Severus Snape was a very intelligent man.

It took a while to get changed, and I have a feeling that I swore more than Snape did, but eventually it was done and I felt that I was relatively presentable. Now for the hair.

"Miss Granger, what are you doing?" Snape bit out from my left. I realised I had forgotten to tell him that I had finished changing.

"Sorry, professor. You can open your eyes now. I'm brushing my hair." Snape turned to me as much as he was able, raising an eyebrow and sneering.

"So that's why your hair looks… as it does," he said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, bridling.

Snape shrugged. "Merely that you would have far less difficulty with the aid of a few charms. If you'll allow me?" I nodded uncertainly, wondering what he would do. A little awkwardly, he eventually had his wand in our hand and was pointing it at my head. I tried not to flinch as he cast three charms in quick succession. My hair was suddenly tied back and felt… strange.

"What did you do?" I asked suspiciously.

"See for yourself." We turned around and faced the floor-length mirror. My hair was untangled and straight and in a neat plait!

"Professor Snape," I said solemnly, "I think I love you." Snape looked at me as if I had sprouted an extra head. I blushed immediately. Again. This man did not take well to jokes. "I'm kidding, sir," I said. "But thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"You are welcome, Miss Granger," he said stiffly. Then, "I believe we must go. It is time for breakfast. With luck, Dumbledore will have a solution and we'll be out of this mess before classes."

"I doubt it," I muttered, but went along with him as he began walking to the door. It wasn't like I had much choice.