A/N I finally did it! Sorry to everyone who's been waiting months for this, but at least it's out now, right? I'm going away next month, so there won't be any updates for a while… sorry. Umm… next chapter of WUBD should be out soon, if anyone's interested; it's being beta'd right now. As to that, thanks to Gem to betaing this for me! And now I'll shut up and stop boring you and let you read.

Chapter Four

The hallways were completely empty as we slowly made our way to the Great Hall, something for which I was eternally grateful. Being stuck to Professor Snape was a bad enough situation for the moment; I didn't want to have to deal with gossiping teenagers just yet. I wouldn't be able to avoid them forever, of course, but I wouldn't mind a reprieve on the first morning. 'The first morning!'I nagged myself, 'You mean the only morning! There aren't going to be any more of these, we're going to get out of this mess today!' I don't know why I bothered, though. I've never been any good at lying to myself.

We made it to the Great Hall without major mishap, and far too soon we were standing before the doors. I didn't want to go in… we would have to walk through the whole room, amongst all the students in the school, and I knew that every eye in the hall would be fixed on us. I gulped.

"Shall we, Miss Granger?" Snape asked.

"I… I suppose so," I said softly.

"Very well then."

I had been right, of course. Every eye in the place was on us. The room was completely silent. Then I heard a snicker, and another, and before I knew it students all around me had erupted into laughter. I wasn't sure whether to join them or to burst into tears. I did know that I wanted to wake up from what I felt sure was nothing but a terrible dream. It wasn't a bad dream, though, and we continued walking, slowly so we wouldn't trip on one another, up to the head table. Dumbledore greeted us cheerfully when we arrived.

"Hermione, Severus! Good to see you at breakfast. How are you coping?"

"I have turned into a hysterical lunatic and Miss Granger here has committed suicide," Snape said, his face expressionless. I would have found it extremely funny in any other situation, but I couldn't quite appreciate the humour just then.

"Good, good, glad to see you're in top shape, then," Dumbledore replied. I wondered, not for the first time, if the man really was crazy, most powerful wizard in the world or not. "Don't mind Severus," he confided in me, "He'll be like that most of the time. You just have to get to know him."

"Have you quite finished discussing my personality quirks, Headmaster?" Snape asked icily.

"Yes, yes, dear boy," he replied, smiling anew. "But I must be off now. Tell me if you can find a solution to your… ah… problem. I shall speak with you at lunch. Good day." And with that he left! I was speechless. Snape stared after him, mouth agape. I realised that I was doing the same, and shut my mouth with a snap. He'd just… left the problem with us! He was the headmaster; he was supposed to be able to fix anything!

"Did he… just…?" I finally stammered.

"It appears so," Snape said, rubbing his temple with the hand on the arm we didn't share. He shook his head, murmuring, "Astounding. I do believe he has finally lost the remainder of his sanity." Shaking his head, Snape glanced at his watch. "If we hurry, Miss Granger, we will have half an hour of lab time before I must teach the first class of the day." I nodded, and we hurriedly ate our food, avoiding the looks coming from the rest of the school.

When we had finished the meal, we moved our chairs back and stood at the same time. "We're getting a little better at this," I commented.

"Indeed. Come along, Miss Granger, I don't want to stand here all day."

"Of course, sir," I muttered, and we walked off together. We really were beginning to get into the pace now; outside legs, then inside legs. I suddenly remembered the sack races we used to do at sports day in primary school. Distracted from the pace, I fell out of sync with Snape, and then we both stumbled until we righted our balance once more.

"Concentrate, Miss Granger," he growled.

"Sorry, professor," I mumbled. Perhaps it would be easier to actually tie our legs together, so I did forget all the time that I was connected to him. I sighed.

By the time we reached the dungeons we only had fifteen minutes left before class, which Snape informed me would be Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw second years. There wasn't much point in getting started on anything to find out what on earth we'd been doused with and how to fix it, so instead we went inside and Snape explained the day's lessons to me. I didn't have to do much, I soon found out; all Snape wanted was that I keep an eye on the students to make sure they didn't blow anything up. That way, he rationalised, he would be able to concentrate on marking rather than protecting his classroom and we could work on a cure to our predicament in the evenings when he would usually be doing marking. I was surprised he thought me capable of preventing catastrophes, but (very wisely, I thought) said nothing.

Snape conjured up a second chair, placing it next to his behind the desk. I frowned and opened my mouth, but Snape spoke before I could.

"Yes, Miss Granger, I realise it won't work, thank you." With another flick of his wand he vanished the chair he had conjured and instead lengthened his desk chair so that it would now seat two. I nodded in appreciation.

"Let us sit, then, Miss Granger, while we await the second years. Are you hungry, or thirsty, at all?"

"Not really," I said, feeling the butterflies in my stomach, for some odd reason. "I am thirsty, though," I added.

"Very well. Coffee?"

"I… yes, thank you." I wondered where chivalrous Snape had come from, apparently replacing sarcastic Snape, but didn't venture a comment.

He snapped his fingers, and a house elf appeared with a pop. "Professor privileges," he replied with a smirk at my astonished look. "We will have two coffees, please," he told the house elf, who bowed and disappeared with another pop.

I opened my mouth to speak, but once again Snape jumped in before I could do so. "I do not care how you feel about elf welfare. I have no intention of not using them. Indeed, that would be completely illogical," he said, and then, on afterthought, added, "And inhumane."

I was about to argue when the second years began streaming in, so once more I shut my mouth. It was pointless arguing with Snape anyway. He always had to have the last word, and no mere eighteen-year-old girl could possibly change the habits of thirty-year-old man.

"Settle down, class," Snape snapped. "The potion you are to brew and its ingredients are on the board. You know where the supplies and equipment are. No talking is necessary. You may begin."

Thus began the class. My coffee materialised a few minutes after that, accompanied by a small jug of milk and a sugar bowl. I added milk and sipped slowly, enjoying the taste as I glanced around the classroom. No disasters seemed to be about to occur, so I sat back with a sigh and resigned myself to boredom for the next hour. Boredom is far preferable to the alternative, I told myself sharply. Would you rather be back in the bathroom again? Then I groaned. Coffee always made me need to use said bathroom. Attempting to be discreet, I placed my almost-full cup back on the desk.

Snape, attention attracted by my groan and constant movement, raised an eyebrow at me, but said nothing and soon returned to his work. I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing, not for the first time, that this had all been a bad dream. Then I opened them and looked around the classroom again. It would be a very long day.

The second year class finally left without incident, and then came my favourite class of the day, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw seventh years. I knew these students, even had friends among them, and this class would be horrible.

"You will continue to brew the solventus," Snape said softly as they took their seats. "Use extreme caution, as I am certain you have heard by now the consequences of your peers' class yesterday." The all looked anywhere but at us, and I cringed. Trust Snape to bring it up. Not, of course, that any of them were thinking of anything but our predicament, but even so.

"Very well, you may begin." Snape settled back in his chair, and began marking once again.

After that, the morning pretty much passed in a blur. Nothing happened in any of the classes, thankfully, because I doubt I would have seen or prevented it if it had. I was too immersed in my own thoughts, trying to find a way out of our predicament, to pay anything more than superficial attention to the class.

Pomfrey and Dumbledore had tried all the potions and the charms they could think of, so we would probably have to come up with something very rare or unorthodox, or brew and antidote to Neville's discovery ourselves. Well, that can be done, I thought resignedly. It'll take a hell of a long time, but it can be done. Unless… blanching, I looked up at Snape.

"We did keep samples of Neville's potion, didn't we?" I asked him in an undertone.

He looked up at me in alarm and said, with feeling, "Oh bugger."

I groaned, eliciting the attention of Padma Patil in the front row. She quickly looked back down at her cauldron at Snape's glare, and began stirring vigorously.

"We didn't return to the lab to clean up last night," I said softly.

"The house elves must have done it," Snape continued. "They will have scourgified the whole room and left it at that. Well, there's nothing to be done about it now," he continued, sounding uncannily like McGonagall, "We'll just have to see what we can come up with tonight. Now, Miss Granger, if you don't object I shall get back to my marking."

"Be my guest," I muttered grumpily. Today was going to be a long day.