A/N You're right about Snape not being thirty, to Agent, but for some reason I had Hermione think that he was. That was so long ago now that I can't remember why… maybe because he looks younger? Or because he's reading over her shoulder so she's trying to flatter him? Anyway, to set the record straight, Snape is somewhere between 36 and 42, assorted and sundry reasoning applied, and you may choose whichever age you like best. There's another 'squirmy' scene in this chapter, as I've decided to call them, so I hope you're okay with that. There'll be more to come, too, I assure you. And finally, this is unbeta'd because I thought you'd rather have my mistakes today than the final version of the chapter in mid-August, which is when I get back from Australia, so don't say you've not been warned. I'll repost it and fix anything Gem corrects, and anything you notice if you tell me in a review. And now for the chapter!

Chapter Five

It was a long day. Snape had a free period before lunch, so we spent it trying to figure out all the different possibilities of botched solventus that could have occurred given the ingredients Neville had access to, and then which ones would have caused the results that happened. We worked through lunch, too, listing combinations and bickering with one another. Dumbledore's command that Snape couldn't take points from me proved to be a blessing, because if he hadn't I'm fairly certain Gryffindor would have had negative points by the end of that lunch period. As it was, I was dangerously close to tears by the time the next, and the last, class streamed in. They were whispering and nudging one another, and beside me Snape sighed deeply.

"I'm standing up," Snape muttered to me, before doing so. I hurriedly stood too, glad of the warning but still feeling a little resentful. "Silence!" he snapped at the chattering class, and they all fell silent immediately. "I am well aware that you can all see my newfound attachment to Miss Granger, and you are equally aware of that fact, so there is absolutely no need to discuss the issue. You will – in silence –prepare today's potion. It is on the board. Begin."

The students fell to, and Snape touched my wrist to indicate that he was sitting, before doing so.

"It's easier," he explained shortly, and began marking once more. I sat back in the seat, my wrist still tingling a little from his touch. I wanted to touch it, maybe even to rub it off, but I knew that was ridiculous. And why did I even feel that, anyway? I asked myself. He's not repulsive, not really. He's not exactly pretty, but… and at the thought of anyone describing Snape as pretty, I fell into a silent fit of giggles. I imagined the look on Snape's face if he overheard someone calling him pretty, and I was shaking with laughter. Silent laughter. I'm not stupid. Anyway, my giggling earned a worried glance from Snape, and then an exasperated look.

"Are you quite all right, Miss Granger?" he asked in an undertone that was somewhere between annoyed and concerned.

"Yes. Sorry. How much longer will this class be here?"

"Twenty more minutes," he said. "And I've almost finished this, which means we can devote our evening to continuing work on a solution for this."

"Most of it," I agreed, "but I expect I'll have homework from the classes I missed today."

"I had forgotten," Snape said, frowning. His frown deepened, and he added, "There is also a staff meeting tonight which I, and by extension you, will need to attend. It is most inconvenient. Perhaps we would do better to start working on a solution tomorrow?"

"Probably," I agreed reluctantly.

The final class of the day filed out at last, and Snape and I sat back in our chairs simultaneously, breathing sighs of relief.

"What time's the staff meeting?" I asked.

"In about half an hour," Snape replied absently. "I, ah, have need of the lavatory again." He was avoiding my eyes, and I realised exactly how painful the next few days, or maybe even weeks, would be. "We should probably return to my rooms," he added.

"Yeah."

The trip to the toilet was only marginally less painful than it had been that morning, but this time all my attention seemed focussed on the shower. It was small. It would obviously be able to fit one person, but two? I had absolutely no desire to squash in there with Snape later tonight, which left the bathtub. It was certainly large enough for two, maybe even for four people, but… sharing a bath with Snape? The thought was terrifying. Still, I decided to terrify myself with that thought later; right now, we had a staff meeting to get to.

The meeting was boring. It addressed the usual teacher stuff, and I found myself zoning out, until I suddenly heard my own name. I came back to attention with a snap.

"… will have to miss her classes," Dumbledore was saying. "The professors can send a copy of the day's notes and homework down to Professor Snape's rooms each night, but I'm afraid you will not be able to attend classes while you are in this… situation."

I nodded mutely; Snape and I had already come to that conclusion by ourselves.

"Very well. Unless anybody else has anything to discuss, I suggest we close the meeting."

They did so, and then the teachers slowly filed out, most of them casting either sympathetic or curious glances at us. Snape's countenance blackened further, if it was possible. Finally we were the only two left in the room, along with the pile of papers my teachers had left for me.

"Back to your rooms, then?" I asked.

"Yes. Then to dinner. In the Great Hall, if you can stomach it."

Snape didn't look like he was particularly excited at the prospect, and I felt myself agreeing with that sentiment. Dinner in the Great Hall would be horrible. But, I thought, brightening a little, at least I'll get to see Harry and Ron. I'd missed them over the past two days, and I knew that this attachment to Snape meant that I'd not see much of them until we found a solution to the problem. Snape and my friends mixed about as well as oil and water, and I couldn't in all conscience expect them to tolerate one another for the sake of providing myself with a little comfort, much as I would have liked to.

I did see Harry and Ron after dinner, but only in passing. We ate quickly, because both of us hated being in the spotlight, and returned to Snape's rooms once more. Seeing that it was almost eight o'clock, I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and broach the subject of personal hygiene.

"Professor?" I said tentatively. "How are we going to wash, exactly?"

Snape groaned. "Would it be too terrible if we just used cleansing charms until we're through this?" he asked, more to himself than to me. We both knew the problems that happened when cleansing charms were used on people. "Who needs skin, anyway?"

"Too much blood for the house-elves to clean up," I said facetiously, eliciting a startled bark of laughter from Snape. We looked at one another, and not for the first time the strangeness of our position struck me. We were turned at right angles to one another, because if I tried to face him straight on my nose would end up in his mouth again. It made for strange conversation, and he was extremely close to me; but then again, he had been for the last twenty-eight or so hours now and my discomfort with any physical proximity was slowly dissipating, probably because I was getting used to it.

"A bath, then?" Snape asked in the silence that had suddenly become awkward. "The shower is probably not a viable option."

"How much better will the bath be?" I asked him bitterly. "How are we going to do this?"

"Let's just get to the bathroom first," Snape said grimly. "We'll decide how later."

We made our way to the dreaded room, and I eyed the bathtub nervously. Then I laughed. At Snape's enquiring eyebrow, I explained, "I just realised that the only part of your bathroom that I've not feared at some point today is your sink."

Snape laughed, without much humour. "I have felt the same way," he admitted.

"Okay," I said at last, after we'd stared at the bath uncomfortably for a few minutes. "I think the way to go is bubbles. Lots of bubbles. We can't bathe with our eyes closed, and there's no way we can go one at a time."

"This is ridiculous," Snape muttered.

"You have a better plan?" I challenged him.

"Not particularly," he said grumpily. "Very well. Undress with our eyes closed, step into the bathtub, immerse ourselves in bubbles, and then wash?"

"Repeat until desired results are achieved," I mumbled. "Sounds like a bloody instruction book."

"You'd prefer to improvise?" Snape asked archly.

"Shut up." Snape's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he didn't comment. I said, "Come on, then," and began walking towards the dreaded bathtub.

Snape turned on the water, and then summoned a house-elf like he had that morning. "We need bubbles," he told the elf.

"Bubble bath," I supplemented.

"Yes sir, miss," the elf said, bowed, and disappeared with a pop. It returned moments later with a collection of bottles.

"What are these?" Snape asked suspiciously.

"They… they is bubbles, sir. And shampoo and soap and conditioner. I is getting everything from the prefect bathroom, sir."

"Thank you," I interjected hastily. "That's great."

The elf bowed nervously again and disappeared once more.

"I have soap," Snape muttered.

"It was very thoughtful of him," I said. "Shall we add the bubbles now, before there's too much water?"

He frowned at me but didn't comment, instead pouring about a quarter of the bottle of bubble bath into the water. My eyes widened slightly at the excess, instinctively about to protest, but then I decided that extra bubbles would mean I was less likely to see my professor naked, so I didn't comment.

"Let's get this over with, then," Snape growled, shutting of the water as he did so. "Perhaps if we turn as far away from one another as possible?"

We did so, and I struggled out of my robes. Unclasping them was no problem, but manoeuvring them over the joint arm was a rather large problem. I tugged, rather ineffectually, at them, wishing I hadn't left my wand in the other room and not at all sure what to do now.

"Bloody hell," Snape growled, "just cut it off."

"Exactly how to you propose I do that?" I snarled at him.

"With your wand, you silly girl."

"I don't have it! Don't you think I'd have done that already if I had it with me?"

Muttering about brainless Gryffindors Snape turned and severed the material with his own wand. That still left the shirt and bra, though, and so, steeling myself, I asked him to cut through those too. Because he was right-handed he was holding his wand at a ridiculous angle, and I was afraid he would cut through my skin, too. He didn't, though, and the material slid off me to the floor. I was uncomfortably aware that I was standing next to Snape in only a half-cut bra and knickers. He had to have been looking, too, to cut the straps, and though he was turned away now, fiddling with his own shirt, I knew that he would have seen me. Snape was using our joint arm to remove what I supposed was his shirt, so I stood waiting patiently until he finished.

"You're not moving, Miss Granger," he said after I heard the sound of his shirt hitting the floor.

"Please don't do that," I told him.

"Do what?" he asked irritably.

"Call me 'Miss Granger.' It makes it worse. It reminds me that you're my Professor. Not that I can forget, because I'm bloody well attached to you, but…"

"Of course."

"Thank you. I'm not moving because I need my left arm."

Snape didn't reply, but he took his trousers off, almost sending me stumbling at the unexpected movement until I regained my balance and bent down with him.

"Sorry, Mi…. sorry," he said hastily.

"That's okay," I said shakily. "Have you… are you done yet?"

"Yes."

So I took off my underwear, trying not to think of the fact that I was standing naked next to my equally undressed Potions Professor.

"Shut your eyes," he said softly. "and inch to your left. I'll get in first." We moved slowly, and I felt him move slightly, accompanied by splashing. "Your turn," he said unnecessarily.

"Right," I replied unsteadily. I stepped to the left a little, and my foot encountered the cold porcelain of the bathtub. I raised it, moved it over, and it collided with Snape's leg. I flinched and moved it away and down into the water. It was scalding.

I yelped and jerked back out of the water, my eyes flying open.

"It's hot!" I shouted, somehow managing to land next to the bathtub without falling over.

"It's a bloody bath, of course it's hot! What am I, your nanny? I can't help-" but he was cut off because my movement caused him to sprawl forward, and his knees collided with the side of the bath, his head with my left breast. I gasped and pulled away. His eyes were open, too, staring at the part of me he'd collided with.

I yelped and clapped my right hand over his eyes, shocked and self-conscious, and really, really thankful that the bathwater covered all the bits of Snape that I didn't want to see even as my brain kept repeating, over and over again, 'Professor Snape saw me naked, Professor Snape saw me naked!'

Snape meanwhile was trying to pry my hand from his face with his left hand, crying "My eyes, my eyes!"

"Keep them closed!" I snapped, and then, "And don't act like it was a painful sight, or anything. They're not… abnormal… or anything." I was fairly certain my face was bright red. But how dare he act like that?

"No…" he said, gasping as I finally took my hand away and he brought his own hand to his firmly closed eyelids. "You jabbed them and it hurt."

"Oh… sorry," I said, a trifle lamely.

"Forget it," he said, still rubbing at his eyes. "If you would care to get in the bathtub now?"

"Yes," I said. I got into the tub, ignoring the heat of the water, and keeping my eyes open because I didn't want to step on Snape and he was immersed anyway. Finally I was in. Making sure that nothing but my head was showing above the bubbles, I said,

"You can open your eyes, if you want to."

We began the tedious process of bathing. With not a little trepidation I began to wash my hair. It was its usual frizzy self, which stopped me short.

"Didn't you… defrizz my hair this morning?" I asked Snape. He looked at it, frowning.

"I did. It should not have worn off."

"It figures," I said morosely. "I knew the charms were too good to be true. Oh well."

The rest of the bath went fairly well. By 'fairly well,' of course, I mean it was embarrassing and uncomfortable, but there was no more exposure of body parts that I really didn't want exposed, and we were eventually dry. I put pyjamas on, blue flannel ones, but Snape didn't comment at all other than a quirk of his eyebrow. He dressed fully.

"I need to do my homework tonight," I told him. "Can we sit at a desk?"

"Yes," he said, sighing.

"Thank you."

The evening passed better than the one before had. I worked on the pile of homework I had been given at the staff meeting and Snape sat, reading a book of some sort. When I finally finished, at half past eleven, I sat back and stretched, unintentionally pulling Snape's arm up with mine, causing him to drop his book and scowl at me.

"Sorry," I said hastily. "Um, I've finished now."

"How nice for you." He went back to him book, and I glared.

"Could we go to bed, d'you think?" I asked, quite politely, I thought.

"It's barely past eleven," he said, not looking up from his book.

"Please?" I asked, and added, "I'm exhausted." I yawned in demonstration.

"If we must," he said nastily.

"I'm sorry," she said, not particularly sorry, "but I'm one of those people who need lots of sleep. Otherwise I'll be really grumpy all day tomorrow and we'll just end up fighting all day."

"Very well," he said, sighing, and put the book down on the desk. "Let's go."

Before long, I was lying next to Snape in the dark.

"You're not going to change, or anything?" I whispered to him.

"I usually sleep naked," he replied flatly.

"Oh."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed but grateful he was keeping his clothes on. A short while after that, I was asleep.