Spike's Series of Unfortunate Events II:

Whoof!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. blah blah blah Joss Whedon

As soon as Anya came through the door with me in tow Giles' eyes grew wide. He looked as though someone had just stuffed a pineapple up his pompous British channel. Anya was still bounding toward the register and Giles moved to cut her off at the pass.

"Anya, we can't have animals in here."

"Why not. He's cute, and could be good for business."

"Because, he could get into something and turn himself into some sort of weird creature, possibly even a demon, who knows. He's a puppy, and like a seven month old baby, everything in his reach will go straight to his mouth."

"Okay Giles, stop hyperventilating. If he's bad for business I won't bring him back again."

Giles took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Fine. Do whatever then. But he's got an odor."

"I'll just give him a quick bath then, before business picks up." Anya said in that annoying tone that can only be Anya and totally clueless. At least someone didn't want me there, which was a more familiar feeling, somewhat comforting.

But it was short lived. Soon I was locked in the bathroom and Anya was running the sink full of water. I started to whimper again, and she started trying to be soothing. Yea, soothing really helps when you've got her voice and your throwing cups of cold water over a puppy's back. Luckily, or at least I think it was luckily, the whole situation wasn't lucky, but at least the bath was over relatively quickly.

As soon as my paws hit the floor I began to shake water all over the bathroom and Anya's clothing. I had succeeded she was totally brassed off. For a moment I was glad every time I seemed to chuckle about something my tail would wag, and everyone thought it was cute. Because at this particular moment, if I were my actual vampire self, well one Anya wouldn't have given me the ice bath, but two, she'd be more inclined to try and beat me into a bloody pulp right now if she knew I was actually me.

When she opened the door to the restroom I took off tearing through the magic box, my paws still slick and wet. I just didn't want to be in that room anymore, not with her angry about her nice new clothing. I'm sure to take a hit from her and me being this size; it would have hurt… … a lot. Not that I'm afraid of the ex-demon. It's just being small and, okay whatever. I don't have to explain to you people: on with this humiliating story then.

So I'm tearing through the Magic box, not really watching where I'm going and I suddenly smash into Giles' shins. He had been reading and it caught him off guard. 'Today of all days she had to bring a dog into the shop' He muttered to himself, as I backed away slowly and took a seat. My tail still wagging, as I thought of Anya in the restroom trying to dry her shirt with those really annoying brown paper napkin things that never get anything dry. Giles just looked down at me and kind of sneered. 'Great he doesn't like me, and he doesn't like dogs either. Or maybe he just knows something is up with this pooch. Oo a ponce that can sense evil. Maybe Giles isn't so bad after all.' I thought to myself.

There was a sudden jingling of the bell from the front door. I turned to see who it was, and to my surprise it was Buffy. 'They're all so tall when you're walking around on all fours' I thought to myself, which was immediately followed up with the thought. 'Okay I know there's a bad pun in there somewhere.'

"Oh Giles! When did you get a puppy?" Buffy cooed as she picked me up and started petting me.

"I didn't. He belongs to Anya, and thus Xander I suppose as well." The doorbell jingled again and in came Willow.

"Oh, Xander and Anya's little pup. He seems to be friendlier today." Willow commented as she pet me. And well me, I couldn't resist, I had to start licking Buffy's face. Because, yea she didn't know it was me and I could get away with acting like a total sleaze. Buffy giggled that really cute giggle of hers and my tail wagged. Now if I were her pup I think it wouldn't be so unbearable. Just yea, I'd probably hump her leg a lot and she'd get me fi—Okay yea maybe being a dog is just bad all across the boards.

"Ew, I think it pee'd on me." Buffy said suddenly as she pulled me away from her chest. Anya was coming out of the bathroom and explained she'd just given me a bath not to long ago. Apparently my underside was still a little wet.

Anya moved to behind the counter and Buffy put me down as she walked over to the table, Willow following. They all sat at the table and I tried to hop up on the bench to sit beside Buffy. She picked me up again and sat me down beside her.

"Puppy is acting weird. He doesn't like for Xander or me to pick him up. But he apparently likes you Buffy. He's acting like Spike actually you know with the puppy eyes." Anya told Buffy to which Buffy peered down at me and I purposely made the little puppy dog eyes. I think looking back on it I was trying to clue them in. But what came next in conversation I wasn't expecting.

"Yea, maybe he is spike's alternate reality version. Uh oh Giles we don't have a leak dividing realities do we?" Buffy said looking at Giles in mock confusion. I was a little offended, okay very offended. I am no dog, okay maybe at the moment but, ah.. sod it.

"No Buffy I don't believe we do." Giles said chuckling a little.

"Oh yea, speaking of Spike. I think he decided to go either streaking or with the disappearing act last night." Buffy commented, to which my ears really perked up and my tail quit wagging.

"Why do you say that Buffy?" Giles asked with a confused look on his face.

"Well, I was outside of Willy's last night toward the end of my patrol and I found spike's duster, and other clothes. So he either got really drunk and went streaking, which wouldn't surprise me, or he just up and disappeared through some sort of mystical portal that wouldn't take his clothes." Willow laughed a little.

"Yea I can just see Spike showing up in an alternate dimension all with the nude-ness." To which they all gave a chuckle. I suddenly did not like the conversation. So I am a joke to them when I'm not around. I knew it but I wasn't sure. Now I was sure. So I hopped off the bench and started walking around the shop. They weren't paying attention and so I could probably make my get away. The conversation picked up my interest again though when Buffy mentioned she hadn't seen me when she went to my crypt at daybreak and she was actually somewhat worried. Granted she was trying to justify her worry with the fact that it could be an epidemic of some sort not just affecting the vampire populace, but I could tell she was actually worried about me.

I walked back over to the table and put my paws up and Buffy picked me up setting me in her lap. She petted me gently and slowly as she talked to Giles and Willow.

The day carried on. Buffy was in and out of the store, and Willow too. When it came time for Dawn to get out of school, Willow and Buffy were back at the store. Buffy was hogging me, and I liked it. I growled at Anya every time she tried to pick me up, just for the fun of it. Just to watch her pout about her dog not liking her.

The bell jingled again and in bounced Dawn.

"Oh Puppy!" Dawn said as she charged toward me. She started petting me as I sat on Buffy's lap. She went on about how her day went, how Janice had pissed her off, and what she did about it. I was just soaking up the attention from Buffy. I thought it wasn't going to be long before I was back at the stupid gits apartment and having to look at his ugly mug for another night.

Willow seemed to have a sudden fleeting thought and she allowed it to pass through her lips without hesitation.

"What if the dog is Spike?" Everyone started to laugh but suddenly, their eyes were fixed on me. I sort of felt self-conscious for a moment. Then the next thing I knew I saw my arm around Buffy's shoulder and she stood up really quickly and screeched. Everyone else was screeching. I had screeched at the same time Buffy did cause I saw my arm and knew I was human again. But the kicker was scrambling to my feet only to realize I had no clothes. Dawn's eyes had bulged and she was covering her mouth. Buffy quickly covered her eyes. Willow covered her own eyes and turned away. Giles couldn't stop laughing. I had covered myself as quick as possible and my back being to Anya all she could think to say was.

"Spike has a nice ass!"

"Oh balls." I said as I looked down at myself. "Has anyone got a towel or something I can wrap around myself." Giles still laughing motioned toward the training room and I took off into the training room looking for something, anything. Oh bloody hell how embarrassing. A sudden nude me in Buffy's lap, she's probably scarred for life. 'Now I'll never get her.' I thought to myself.