She felt his hot lips on her mouth as his body pressed tightly against her. Draco found himself quite comfortable against her luscious body, while Hermione could barely breathe or move. His kiss paralyzed her and she became light headed. She felt his wet tongue slip in between her lips. Part of her was afraid, and whispered this wasn't right and that she should stop it. But the other half wasn't even listening and wasn't ready to stop yet. Subconsciously she must have made a compromise with herself, she didn't protest as Draco's tongue massaged hers deeply, but she didn't participate either. She just let her mouth be opened and enjoyed his warm slippery caress. It wasn't until she felt his hands grip her hips and his pelvis press aggressively against hers that she snapped out of it.

She was being held against her will to a stone wall by a person who has harassed her and her friends many, many times in the past. Her body no longer limp, she turned her face away from his and pushed him away by the shoulders with her hands.

"What the hell?" Hermione finally said after caught a breath of air.

Draco, still looming over her, keeping her to the wall smiled slyly. "Don't act like you don't like it Granger, you know I did." He tried pinning her again, this time letting her feel his hardening mound as he pressed his body against hers.

Hermione gasped as his arousal became blatantly obvious. Knowing she was the cause of it sent shivers through her body. What was he trying to do? This was so not like him, it made no sense. Hermione felt sick with uncertainty, confused at her own reactions to his advancements. She couldn't possibly be enjoying this could she? This was definitely not right.

"Stop it Draco," she said firmly.

"Neither of us wants me to stop Granger, your shaky knees and flushed face tell me so," he said and he tried to kiss her again.

Hermione turned her face away and pushed him away again harder this time.

Draco took a few steps back, he looked at her with an angry expression, then he softened.

"It's ok Hermione," he whispered, "I want you."

"Yeah, well, I don't want you," she said, trying to sound brave.

Draco looked at her through squinted eyes. "Sure you don't," he said sarcastically as he moved in again, this time taking a handful of her ass.

"Start believing it Malfoy!" she said with more conviction as she pushed him away much harder this time, only he wouldn't budge.

He was much stronger than her and Hermione became well aware of it. Her fighting and pushing was useless and he began kissing and sucking her neck. The sensation sent shocks through her body. Her squirming only made him grip her harder. Hermione felt him tightening around her and becoming more aggressive and she was filled with emotion.

"Stop it Malfoy! Hermione cried trying one more failed attempted at pushing him away. She had no choice; she kicked him right in the shin.

Surprised by the intense pain, Draco dropped his arms and cried out. He went to his good legs knee and clutched his shin as he grimaced in pain. Hermione slipped away and began running to Gryffindor's tower.

"HERMIONE!" she heard Draco yell after her. "Run all you want baby, I'll get you sooner or later!"

…Hermione didn't stop running until she was at the fat lady portrait. She stopped to catch her breathe, and organize her thoughts.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" she wondered. 'Why would he want to kiss me? He hates me! He must be trying to hurt me some how, he was being so aggressive.' She thought as she recalled his actions.

To be fair, he didn't really ever hurt her, his moves were smooth and forcefully, but never painful. Hermione's heart was pounding and she was hot all over. She felt all shaky. She was scared, she thought, and angry. Not excited. None of that was enjoyable. At first maybe it was…. After all he was an attractive boy, and a skilled kisser. And he was man-handling her like she was irresistible, like she was driving him wild and he couldn't control himself. Knowing she had that effect on him gave her such a rush. It felt so great, so exhilarating. But then, she thought about the absurdity of the situation.

Draco Malfoy making out with her in a dark hallway? It was insane. Completely unthinkable. Hermione hated the unpredictable. She needed everything to be practical and organized, if things weren't that way she frightens and panics. Her whole life she planned and organized everything that would happen to her. And she definitely didn't plan any late night make-out sessions with a notorious prick.

She freaked out, and when he wouldn't do as she said, she became very scared. Especially when she thought she wouldn't be able to get away since he was so powerful. She shuddered when she imagined what might have happened then, and then decided not to think about it.

Her breathing had calmed but her heart was still pumping. 'Just left over adrenaline,' she told herself.

And what was with what he yelled at her? "I'll get you sooner or later"? Was that a threat? She was still terrified. He could easily hurt her, even though he didn't just then. Just what was it he wanted? She couldn't go back to her room, surely he'd be there. Which is what brought her to Gryffindor's front step. She ran to there out of instinct, the closest safe place she could think of at the time

"Are you alright child?" said the fat lady finally.

Spooked Hermione looked up, "Oh yes," she said, "Just tired."

"Very well, coming in are you?" Asked the painting.

"Yes please…uh 'phoenix tears'" Hermione said giving the universal password only heads knew to get into any house.

"Hermione! How nice of you to visit!" squealed Ginny, "...are you ok? You look a little pale…."

Hermione laughed oddly and gave Ginny a big smile, "Oh I'm fine Ginny, just little worn out, not to worn out for a sleep over though! what do you say?"

… … …

Hermione listened to Ginny talk and talk and talk about the boys in her grade for a good 2 hours. Hermione put on a very convincing charade of being calm and bubbly. But Hermione had lots of practice; she was a very good actress.

Hermione doubted that there was anyone in the world who knew how she truly felt. So afraid of failure, so terrified of screwing up, especially when everyone grew accustomed to her being so good at everything. She didn't think people's expectations of her were fair, but she didn't want to let anyone down. Her teachers, her friends, and her parents were all used to her being so successful and smart.

It wasn't surprising then, when in just her 2nd year she began suffering from intense anxiety. This is why after her 3rd year she began stealing prescription pills from her parent's medical office whenever she was there.

She remembered her first time. She was visiting for Christmas. She went in with them to their dentistry office one day. She ended up wandering around the building into a hospital storage office. She saw the pill inventory there and has been taking them ever since. She had so much grueling homework and she was taking all those classes not to mention the time-turner complicated everything!. And all that business with Sirius being on the loose, not knowing if he was going to do harm to Harry or not. Not to mention the physiological damage of 2 encounters with the Dark Lord himself within 2 years. She hadn't slept in months, and she could barely keep down a meal she was so stressed. So many things were out of her control; her beloved friends' safety, the security of the school, the wizarding world potentially in the beginning of a dark arts overtake.

But the pills, they helped her control her own emotions. Hermione had to control all she could. She was so afraid of what losing control could mean. It was so risky, so many bad things could happen if not every thought and action was planned out and controlled. The white pills were Valium. They calmed her down at night and let her get her much needed sleep when she couldn't make herself calm down, when she couldn't sleep at all. The little blue ones were Ateral. They countered the drowsy effects of the Valium brilliantly, and they helped her stay totally focused during class when her mind just couldn't concentrate on its own anymore. No one had any idea she was taking them almost daily.

Right now, as the hyper redhead in the bed next to her finally drifted off to sleep, Hermione was shaking and sweating profusely. All she could think about was the sweet calming effects of the substance she had become so dependent on. She hated herself for it, but they made her feel so good.

She couldn't believe the irony of the situation. Her pills that had been there for her so many times in the past were now out of her reach. She was far too scared to go get her Valiums because Draco was there. And yet the reason she wanted them was to stop feeling so scared. They let her down. Her pills couldn't help her. She knew then, that she would have to help herself. Her dependency had left her more scared and nervous than she would have been in the same situation had she never started taking them. She couldn't believe she was ever stupid enough to believe drugs would help her more than they hurt her. So much for being the smart girl with common sense everyone thought she was.

'That's it,' she thought as she lay wide awake in physical and emotional pain, 'Fuck the pills. I'm done with them. I've got to conquer things on my own!'

It was really too bad that when she finally decided she was honestly going to quit taking them that someone would soon find out about them.