Credit to Nintendo and to Coca-Cola for their Sprite soda. The songs featured are actually in medly form. The songs parodied are "O Holy Night", "Silent Night", and "O Come all ye faithful". This fic features Shinon, Gatrie, and Janaff. All three quite sober and unhappy about it.
It was a cold winter night when sadness had struck the Crimean Army. Actually, most of the army was quite pleased, save for a handful of drunks. Ike had come to a decision that the selling of alcohol in the saloon tent was becoming way too expensive, so he cut out alllll the alcohol and decided to serve only sodie pop instead. This was MUCH cheaper and he hoped less people would be hung over during battle.
The saloon was empty that night except for the barkeep, a few serving girls, and three sad and depressants regulars. Janaff, Gatrie, and Shinon were all seated at the bar, each with a glass full of a white flavorless soda in front of them.
"Man, I don't think I've been this depressed since…" Janaff began, but Shinon finished for him.
"Never?"
"When you put it that way, yeah." Janaff clicked his tongue and pouted.
"HEY! BARKEEP! Gimme another!" Gatrie called out. The barkeep put the broom down, poured Gatrie some more white soda, then went back to sweeping.
"Gatrie, this stuff is alcohol FREE." Shinon snapped.
"I know, but if I drink it long enough, maybe my mind will THINK its alcohol!" Gatrie pointed out. Janaff seemed to believe him but Shinon wasn't amused.
"He's done this before and it doesn't work. Not even with Ilian rum." Shinon muttered.
"Ha… I guess we're doomed to be sober until this war ends. No alcohol, no nothing." Janaff shook his head. Together, the three of them let out a big sigh and went back to stirring the soda with straws in silence as the holiday background music took over instead.
It may have been to break the silence, or just completely out of depression, but Janaff began to sing to the current song playing from above.
"Oh lowly sprite, your sparks are brightly shining, this is the night of your dear flavor's birth." He looked over at Gatrie, who set down his own glass and joined in.
"Long lay our world, we'll be forever pining. Without our beer, our souls have no worth.""No thrill of hope, my weary soul remorses," Shinon chimed in, "For yonder breaks a blue and sober morn."
"Fall on your knees. O hear our sober voices, our rights denied on the night when Sprite was born." All three of them began to sway back and forth, singing loudly, and then dying off when the next tune came on. "Silent night, lowly night. All beer gone, all is Sprite. Round this bar we're so dull and so mild. Never again we'll be wasted and wild." The three of them raised their glasses to toast and nodded towards the empty shelves that once held the bottles of the liquors they loved so much. "Sleep in heavenly peace, Sleep in heavenly peace."
"Fall on your knees," They all chimed, as loudly as ever. "O hear our sober voices
our rights denied on the night when Sprite was born."
"O come all ye hateful." Janaff grunted and scowled as he looked down at his glass of sprite. As if on an imaginary cue, the others joined in again as they scowled at their own glasses.
"Tasteless and Repugnant! O must we oh must we drink Sprite again. Come and absorb this, scorned by rum and ale. O come let us absorb this. O come let us absorb this.
O come let us absorb this for Beer is no more!"
"Fall on your knees!" Their voices rang out chorally throughout the bar. Even the barkeep and his wenches had to stop and listen. "O hear our sober voices our rights denied on the night when Sprite was born!
"Oh lowly sprite…" Janaff, Shinon, and Gatrie finished a capella, and then all three slammed their faces down on the bar and sobbed.