TITLE: FROZEN
RATING: NC17
GENRE: Han/Leia Romance
SUMMARY: Sequel to Shattered Defences. Han tells his point of view from inside the carbonite.
FROZEN
You see, the thing most people fail to understand about carbonite, is that you stay awake.
Han was painfully aware inside his carbonite prison. His entire body was frozen, he could not move a muscle. He could not feel a thing. He could not speak.
Hybernation my ass.
He could still think. And emotionally speaking, he could still feel. Which was a strange thing, for a man who had tried very hard not to feel anything his entire life.
She had changed his life. He'd never been able to let anyone in before, never wanted to. Chewie was his only real friend.
Leia.
How in hell had he fallen in love? Han Solo didn't fall in love. Han Solo took care of himself, and aside from Chewie, stayed by himself.
Sure Han had had his share of relationships…if you could call them that. He never actually stuck around that long. He had his fun, then off to the next port.
He never left a note.
Han thought back on some of the women he'd known through the years. There'd been some real dynamites. Mischa from Coruscant, a blonde bombshell with legs till next week. Or Bon'na, the Twilek girl who taught him a few tricks.
She was really something.
Models, actresses, smugglers, waitresses…he'd been with all kinds.
So how the HELL did I end up falling for a bossy, hyper controlling, emotionally crippled, stuck up PRINCESS?
Han would have shaken his head, had it not been frozen.
Because that stuck up Princess is the greatest woman I've ever met, that's how.
She infuriated him. Tormented him. Drove him to insanity.
And he loved her.
It had been love at first sight. Han didn't even believe in love at first site. But when he met Leia…she was so beautiful it almost tore his heart from his chest. Those big brown doe eyes of hers. That sweet, round face. Even the Alderaanian ceremonial double bun hairstyle looked adorable on her.
But the thing that really got him was her attitude.
From the first second, Leia was firing off that smart mouth of hers. Barking orders, fighting for control. Not taking any of Han's crap. She irritated him immediately.
Han had what you might call a power over women, and he knew it full well. Most women turned to blushing, giggling girls when he turned his attention to them.
Not Leia.
She was immune to his powers. She had no qualms about telling Han where to go, and she did. Often.
He remembered one of the first things she had said to him. "Listen. I don't know who you are, or where you came from, but from now on, you do as I tell you. Okay?"
He smiled inwardly, as his face could not move. As he'd said to Luke upon meeting Leia; "Wonderful girl! Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her."
That pretty much summed it up. She drove him crazy, she made him so angry that he couldn't see straight. No woman would dare to speak to Han Solo the way she did.
And he loved her for it.
She was his equal, not the typical bit of fluff that Han usually associated with. She would keep him on his toes. She would demand nothing less than the best from him.
And he wanted to give it to her.
He remembered her as they made love, how he had been desperate to please her. He recalled her soft, smooth skin under his hands. The feeling of being inside her. Every cell in his dormant body screamed to be there again.
He couldn't forget the look on her face as she'd come. The intensity, the passion. And the…almost surprise, as though she didn't know what was happening to her. She'd almost certainly never had an orgasm before in her life.
If Han's face could have moved, he'd have smiled. Leia was such a tough character, bossy, hard and demanding. Yet she was so pure and untouched. It had genuinely surprised him to learn that she was a virgin. Yet, when he thought about it, she did have an innocence about her, hidden under the attitude.
Yet she wasn't so innocent, not really. She had been the one who initiated the lovemaking. Almost begged for it. She had responded to his touches. He had been stunned to find how hot and wet she was when he touched her intimately. For him. Because of him. It had shocked him to realize how much he had aroused her, how much she really wanted him.
He'd never believed Leia would ever be attracted to him. Sure, he knew he was good looking. Han wasn't modest about such things. He would describe himself as "ruggedly handsome." But not the kind of handsome that princesses go for. No, he would have thought Leia would be drawn to some long haired pretty boy.
You know the kind, boyish faces, huge muscles…
Like Luke, for example. Though Han supposed he was a little common and farmboy-ish for a Princess. But he sure was a pretty boy. If Han could have moved his mouth, he'd have made a scoffing sound.
Don't get me wrong, I love Luke like a brother. But he is a bit of a girly boy.
Han couldn't help the jealousy he felt towards Luke. There was an unmistakable bond between Luke and Leia that had been there from the beginning. They shared secret smiles, finished each others sentences, and often seemed to know what the other was thinking. Han hated it. He wished for that kind of connection with her.
God how it had ripped his heart out when she kissed Luke back there on Hoth.
Yet he couldn't take it out on the kid. Luke was the closest thing to a best friend he'd ever had, aside from Chewie of course. He was a little naïve, even goofy at times, but the boy was fiercely loyal and quite the fighter. Han hadn't thought twice about dashing off into the snow to rescue him. It wasn't even a question – Luke would do the same for him.
Time was going by. Han didn't know one day from the next, but it started to feel like months, maybe even years went past. Or maybe it was only weeks. He couldn't be sure. With nothing but his own mind to keep him company, it was hard to tell.
Han couldn't help but find himself wondering if Leia had moved on without him. If it had been as long as he felt it was, surely she had stopped looking for him by now.
Did she look for me at all? Han found himself wondering. He doubted for a moment, but caught himself. Of course she did. You saw the look on her face when they pulled you away. You heard what she said.
She was probably crushed for a while. But…it's been awhile, I'm sure she's over it.
Probably Luke was there to break her fall, Han thought bitterly. He wondered if he'd get out one day, and when he finally found her she'd be married to Luke with three children.
I should have told her I loved her.
The regret welled slowly in his hibernating body. Why didn't I tell her? Why'd I have to give her a smart ass answer like 'I know?' Now she thinks I don't care. That I used her for one of my…what did she call it? Oh yeah, conquests.
I should have told her.
Han had never actually used the L word in his life. The words didn't come out because he'd never had to say them before. He'd known for quite a while that he loved Leia – but admitting it was harder than he'd thought. It was hard enough to tell her that he cared about her, and even then he'd only gotten the words out because she was crying, and it broke his heart to see her that way.
He'd known Leia three years and never seen her cry. When they'd first met, he'd learned shortly afterwards that she had been brutally tortured on the Death Star just before Luke had found her. And she'd witnessed the destruction of her entire home planet. Yet, you'd never know it. When asked about Alderaan, she'd always give a short, blunt response such as "There's no time for our sorrows." Or "There's more important matters that concern us right now." Then she'd go on as though nothing had happened.
Leia rarely showed a moment of weakness. The only time she did, was when Han got too close to her. It amused him, to see her become flustered and frustrated by him. So he pushed her buttons as much as he could, to fire her up. He'd sit back and watch the fireworks, only angering her even more. He loved it. Anything was better than her icy coolness.
He wondered if Leia knew everyone in the Rebellion called her Ice Princess behind her back. He knew some had tried to get close to her, to get past that frozen wall of hers. But nobody ever could.
Except Luke.
Leia had a special place in her heart for him, that much was obvious. Luke could make her smile when nobody else could.
Han tried, boy had he tried, to crack that shell. But his jokes always bounced off her and he was met with her cool reserve. She was always polite, courteous – but painfully distant and reclusive.
So he settled instead for tormenting her. At least her eyes shone when she was angry, instead of the flat, lifeless pools they usually were. Sometimes the screaming back and forth almost felt like a lovemaking session. Hot and powerful.
It was the only time she acted like a human and not a droid.
Han had often wondered through the years, what happened to her to make her that way. Had she always been so walled up? Or was it only after what happened on the Death Star?
After her revelation in the cell on Bespin, Han finally understood. Darth Vader was her father. Her father! It was almost impossible to believe that something so pure and beautiful could have come from something so monstrous and wicked.
She pushed us all away because she believed she was evil.
A shudder would have rippled through him if not for the carbonite. He couldn't wipe the image of her in the cell, rocking back and forth with that horrified stare.
How long has she known? he wondered. Has she carried this all her life? What a thing for a kid to deal with.
He wanted to kill Vader for everything he had done. Yet Vader had unwittingly given him the greatest gift he'd ever received in his life. He owed him, in a sick kind of way.
If only Leia understood that she didn't have to be like her father. That she was nothing like him now. If only he could tell her once again, to make sure she really knew it.
Leia!
He wished he could get out. He wished he could change the past, say the things that needed to be said.
Will I ever get a second chance?
He feared for her. The last time he saw her, she was in Vader's clutches. What had happened to her? What had he DONE to her? What if the reason she hadn't come for him was that she was…
NO NO NO!
If he hadn't been frozen, he might have cried. Han never cried. He couldn't even remember crying a day in his life. Even as a child he'd been tough.
Now he finally wanted to, he couldn't.
He must have been asleep, or at least not thinking anything in particular. Suddenly he realized he could feel his fingers. He moved them, just slightly. The carbonite was melting.
What's happening?
He fell forward and felt himself being caught.
"Just relax for a moment. You're free of the carbonite," a strange, raspy voice told him.
Han shook all over, moving around frantically and moaning.
"Shhh. You have hibernation sickness," the unfamiliar voice said.
"I can't see!" he realized."Your eyesight will return in time." "Where am I?" he asked, disoriented.
"Jabba's palace."
Han reached a shaky hand up towards his rescuer. His hand encountered a full face mask. "Who are you?" he asked, his tone suddenly concerned. Was this a friend or enemy?
He heard the shuffle of something being removed.
"Someone who loves you." The voice was no longer disguised by the mask.
"Leia!" He felt her soft lips press against his.
"I gotta get you out of here," she told him, pulling him up. Han's head was spinning, not just from the carbonite. She's ALIVE! She came for me! She didn't forget me!
She….she still loves me.
Han was about to tell her, to say he loved her too, but he was interrupted by a booming laugh.
"What's that? I know that laugh…" he said.
The curtain on the far side of the alcove opened, revealing Jabba the Hutt, surrounded his various cronies.
Oh no oh no, I have to talk my way out of this one…I must save Leia…
Han tried to explain. Tried cut a deal with Jabba. Offered him triple. But Jabba would have none of it. He had his guards dragged Han away.
No, no, Leia, he's got Leia!
Han felt sick. Leia had come to rescue him and now she was in Jabba's clutches. He knew what Jabba did to beautiful women.
How did this happen? What have I done?