Dear Santa Claus
As ridiculous as this practise is my associates have managed to talk me into writing this letter to you. It is more an exercise in humouring them then actually writing a serious letter in the childish belief that it will be answered.
Well as I am writing I shall make one request that would fulfil my deepest desire; please for the love of God, get me out of here. This place is an utter hell hole, a boil on the backside of the world. It is utterly uncivilised. Why just today I of all people had to delouse a group of soldiers. I'm sure you will agree this is not fitting of someone of my breeding and education.
That is all I ask, to be delivered for this retched place.
Yours Sincerely
Charles Emerson Winchester III