Why Won't You Let Me Hate You?
I really want to hate you. I really want to hate the way that the sun shimmers in your hair. I really want to hate the way your eyes, as dark as the sky your star shines in, shimmer in the light of the evil moon. Why won't you let me hate you?
Why won't you let me hate you in peace? Why do you have to smile that adorable smile that makes your eyes light up? I get lost in your eyes. I get lost in your eyes.
You betrayed me. You could have killed me. And you still won't let me hate you. But you scare me.
You said you heard a voice, a voice that told you to tell Snape how to get to me. You said you told it you couldn't do it, but you felt so blissfully happy that it didn't matter. And then, the next day, you didn't remember saying it, let alone thinking it. And that scared me more than you could know.
James remembered you saying it. Peter just flinched, like I was the monster again. He was never very keen on me being a werewolf, but there was something else in those eyes of pastel blue. It could have been vindictiveness, if it was anyone but Peter. Like he thought I was going to do something to him. Something that was beyond evil. And the scariest thing is … you're the only one I could tell. See I really do want to hate you; you just don't give me the chance.
I really, really don't want to care about you as more than a friend. I'm a gay, werewolf. Talk about your unrepresented minority. See, werewolves mate for life. The wolf thinks – no knows – you're its mate. I want to hate you. I want to think it's just the wolf that likes you. That I hate you as much as you did Snape.
You know what the worse thing is. You're still the same. You nearly killed someone, and yet you still make jokes with James, and tease the hell out of Peter. And I think, on some subconscious level, you're disappointed that I won't let myself forget. That I won't let you kiss my troubles away again. Maybe I never will.
You broke my trust.
You ruined our friendship.
You broke my heart.
And I still can't hate you.
A/N: Just an idea I had. My mind wouldn't let it rest till I had it on paper. By the way, just in case you didn't get the whole bit about Sirius' voices, that was because he was under the Imperious curse, but didn't recognise it, and was then given a complicated memory charm.
Oh, please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please with a cherry and whipped cream and sugar etc. review.