A/N: I GOT REVEIWS!! YEAH!! Me very happy. So, any who, here's the disclaimer.

The characters, setting and other such like it belong to the writing goddess (me!! jk,) J.K. Rowling. The minor plot was inspired by Mugglenet's 101 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse or Generally Scare Lord Voldemort. (Thank you Alexa, I completely forgot to put that in the disclaimer.) And now, I continue the insanity.

How Harry Vanquished the Dark Side

Chapter 1-Death Eater Count: 146 humans and 1 snake

When we last left our crazed hero, he was standing with his hands on his hips, staring off into space with a goofy smile on his face (hereafter known as the hero stance) on top of his bed. Well he had fallen asleep and after waking, he then directly proceeded to spend all his waking hours plotting ways to make Voldemort kill himself. He had his schoolbooks delivered by owl order (which took up five minutes of his precious time), didn't eat for two weeks when he thought he was onto something. He thought wrong. For the entire summer after thinking of his initial plan, he plotted and came up with ideas like

-He could avada kedavra himself for no apparent reason. (Like when would he do that?)

-I could stand behind him while he's standing in front of a mirror then he could avada kedavra into the mirror and end up killing himself. (Or it would hit me…never mind!)

-I could Imperio him into killing himself. (Yeah, when I can finally do an unforgivable curse. NEVER.)

-I CANT THINK OF ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Voldemort buddy o'le pal, don't take me up on that offer.

So, as you can see, our scarred hero who gives us hints that all those anti-depressants as given him slight brain damage was a bit desperate for a plan. That's why he hit his head so hard against the wall that he was knocked out.

When he next woke up, Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Hermione and Ron were sitting on either side of him with Ginny across the table.

"Woah, how did I get here?" Harry asked in shock. "One minute I was banging my head against the wall because I couldn't think of a plan and now I'm here, what happened??"

"Shaeoi lkshdo oshgo rgoh hhho" said Ron, whose mouth was full of who knows what.

"What he means is," replied Hermione, glaring at Ron for attempting to speak with his mouth full, "That the writer of this absurd fan fiction, which shouldn't even be considered writing at all, couldn't think of anything for you to do during that entire train ride so she developed a pathetic excuse-"

"Ok, ok, we get the point," said Ron hurriedly, after swallowing his food. Harry, however, was deep in thought.

"So, our lives are controlled by a single person who finds mental torture amusing? Interesting…" He muttered. Ginny spoke for the first time that evening.

"What do you mean, mental torture?" She asked fearfully. "I don't want to be tortured!!"

"Oh, I doubt you'll be," replied Harry. "I'm pretty sure this writer only likes to torture me and Voldemort… THAT'S IT!!!" Harry leapt up from the table, hitting his knee very hard in the process. "Ow!!!"

"What's it, Harry?" asked the two Weasley's and the long term future Mrs. Weasley to be. All four Gryffindors leaned into each other.

"I know how to kill Voldemort!" Harry whispered. When his friends gasped, a mad glint appeared in his eye and he leapt up (without hitting his knee) and did something very predictable. He jumped onto the table and attained his hero stance.

Petunia's Story

A/N: I do not think that Toby Maguire (the actor who plays Spiderman) is sexy. I do not find him at all attractive. I just think Petunia should.

(When she next saw Spiderman, she-) –swooned. The man was so incredibly attractive! How could she, the one and only SuperSpiderGirl, think that he was her enemy? He was muscular; he was…KISSING KIRSTEN DUNST!! All of a sudden she knew who her REAL arch enemy was.

"Spiderman is mine, you evil American fake!! I'll get you my pretty, if it's the last thing I do!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

SuperSpiderGirl's maniacal laughing that the director of Spiderman 3 had to cut the kissing scene and have someone throw a large rock the superhero formerly known as Petunia Dursley. It knocked her out. How convenient for the writer who is out of ideas.

Teehee.

A/N: Hope you liked it! Thanks to all my reviewers, this time my requirement is, umm, how about, 7 reviews! That's one more than I got last time. (Flames, though welcome and funny to read, don't count.) Oh! Speaking of flames…

DEFINITION OF MORTAL- a human who is subject to death.

Harry can die and he has magical powers…

May I also remind you that this is fantasy, and in fantasy, anything can happen, even making mortals have super powers. So far out, I know…

Now that that's done, press the little review button in the left hand corner of your screen. You know what to do from there!!